Write a Note to the Person Above You III

Dear Glen,

Cockroaches have often demonstrated more intelligence than humans... as such, they are entitled to rights surpassing that of base humans, at the least. It is worth noting that your claim of them having rights outside of the home is defunct on two points... one, that cockroaches are currently killed wherever they are found, regardless of whether they are in buildings or not. And two, that human dwellings are not, in fact, exclusively righted to humans... the elegant cockroach has as much a right to live in comfort and safety as the inferior homo sapiens.

Please understand. I have nothing but your best interests at heart... but I cannot bear to see you deceived into believing humanity to be the superior species.

And Carthage MUST be destroyed.

Your servant,
Grim
 
Dear Grim,

I am not sure whether the animals will understand and accept your philosophy of equal rights. They might not return the favor of respecting your rights, because those things require the ability to suppress and delay impulses which is currently difficult for them - especially cockroaches.

Secondly, Carthage has been destroyed. Try to keep up.You can choose different city for whose destruction you can plead. It's likely that this will be of equal annoyance to Glen. She's easy to annoy, but I promise you it's always worth it.

Sincerely,
Freckles
 
Dear Freckles,

Carthage is also a town in Missouri, so I guess PuddleGrim can destroy that one.

Also, I am not easy to annoy. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Glen.
 
Glenburne said:
Dear Freckles,

Carthage is also a town in Missouri, so I guess PuddleGrim can destroy that one.

Also, I am not easy to annoy. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Burne.
Click to expand...

Dear Burn,
Your emojis dictate otherwise:). The assumption that I am attempting to annoy your person is a misnomer however... I'm quite serious about the need for the acquisition of equal rights for cockroaches [at the very least]. I actually watched a youngling get brutally murdered on the sidewalk this morning while on my way to the library... unfortunately, I wasn't able to intervene in time. And this travesty is commonplace across the globe.
This practice of walking all over the rights of cockroaches is an absolutely inhumane tragedy. And the fact that it's actually encouraged makes it that much worse.

Your Servant,
Puddle










And Carthage must be destroyed.
 
Dear PuddleGrim:

Killing a particularly gigantic cockroach when I was eleven is one of my proudest memories, and nothing you say can take that away from me.

Also, should I inform the U.S. government about your designs on Carthage? I think they might want to know.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Burn,
That is exactly the sort of shameful behavior I'm talking about! And I imagine your parents even encouraged it...

I own the government.

Your Servant,
Grim







































































































































And Carthage must be destroyed.
 
Dear PuddleGrim,

Please be reasonable. You don't own the government unless you, yourself, comprise the entire people of the United States.

In any case, Carthage includes one of the most important sites in North America, the Precious Moments Chapel. To destroy this priceless monument to the creative genius of man would be monstrous. I expect better of you.

Sincerely,
Glen
 

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Dear Glen,

You don't know what I comprise. Judge not, lest ye be judged, for with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged.

The Tower of Babel was also a priceless monument to the creative genius of man. The arrogance of man was in both cases monstrous. Marshmallows are more creative, and considerably more humble.

Your Servant,
Grim






And Carthage must be destroyed.
 
Dear Glen,

Actually, cannibalism isn't illegal in the United States... it's completely legal to eat people. What IS illegal is desecrating corpses, or killing people, or being in possession of human tissue without permission from the relevant person or organization.

So basically, if you get the munchies for Fred, you can eat him as long as you don't kill him [and by extension, as long as you don't desecrate his corpse], and as long as you have his permission.

Your legal counsel and servant,
Puddle





















































And Carthage must be destroyed.
 
Dear PuddleGrim,

You know that giving legal advice without a license isn't legal, right? And that even if you were a lawyer I wouldn't consider hiring you? Extreme bloodymindedness does not a good attorney make.

Sincerely,
Glen

P.S. Leave the Precious Moments Museum alone.
 
Dear Burne,

As a practicing professional, I have given legal advice for over a decade. While I understand that you can't afford my counsel, I DO accept pro bono cases. And, strictly speaking, it is not my mind that is bloody, but that of my clients. That said, I should be clear that one should exercise extreme caution when partaking in cannibalism, as the main course can often be contaminated with prions.

Your servant,
Grimm

















































Ceterum autem censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
 
Dear Grimm,

Stop reading about the eccentricities of life in Papua New Guinea and actually do some legal work for a change. Pretty sure your clients are mostly not cannibals and do not need information on why it's a bad idea to eat someone else's central nervous system.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Glen,

Does hearing about the nervous system get on your nerves? I have some really sensational nerves--the senses of sight, sound, touch, taste, smell, and impending disaster.

That said, have you ever heard of the Chronicles of Narnia? A friend of mine suggested it for people looking to update their wardrobe. :D

EveningStar
 
Dear Burne,

But if you're not punny, what can be funny? And I'll have you know that I have quite a few high profile clients who regularly come to me for advice on these matters.


Your servant,
Grimm





























And Carthage must be destroyed.
 
Dear Benisse,

Let's face it, some people are in Seine before their feet ever touch the water.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
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