Fidgeting: An Art Neglected
Parents down through the ages have attempted to squelch the propagation of a highly illustrious art form while its young prodigies were practically still in the cradle. Many such youthful artists, however, survived childhood with their craft intact: the grand art of fidgeting. "I was one of those squelched prodigies," you say. "How can I regain my knowledge of art, of life, of the way to braid tablecloth fringes when the hostess isn't looking?" That, dear friends, is the purpose of this essay.
The first principle for all potential devotees of fidgeting is one that all elementary school health teachers repeatedly lecture on: exercise. Running is better for the limbs than walking. Walking is better for the limbs than standing. Standing is better for the limbs than sitting. But sometimes, a person finds that he must sit (for example, while he is in the movie theatre watching Cinderella and the Muddy Flop-Flop Ball or while reading a newspaper column, such as "Is It Asparaguses or Asparagi?" by Dr. Lucretius Bumpp). The health-conscious person will remember his need for exercise even in such situations--leading to his acceptance of Principle #2.
Principle #2 states, "For one to be healthy, one must exercise at all possible times. For one to exercise at all possible times, one must learn to fidget." And what, you ask, is fidgeting? Fidgeting is, according to Webster's Slightly Re-revised Collegiate Dictionary,
Ignore the second definition.
"But," you say, "I still don't know how to fidget. It was lectured out of me. What if I never make it to the level of the truly health-conscious?" For those of you who struggle with practical knowledge of fidgeting, here are a few tips on ways to put your desire for healthful exercise to good use.
1. Be aware of your surroundings. There is always something nearby you to fidget with--the edge of a pillow, the ribbon on your bookmark, or even the tail of your cat (after it has been sufficiently caged). Use your imagination.
2. Realize that, even if you are in a bare room (with padded walls or not), you can use your body to fidget. Experiment with various ways of folding your hands. Jiggle one knee, or both. Roll your shoulders back and forth. Play with your hair, ears, nose--anything to keep your body moving and yourself engaged in healthful exercise.
3. Be discreet when necessary. Proselytize if you can convince others about their need for constant exercise, but otherwise avoid allowing others (specifically members of Ardent Adults Anonymous) to see how well you are caring for the needs of your body. They might get jealous, join to create an angry mob, and...well. Especially avoid fidgeting around most mods; if you convert them, then their fidgeting fingers may accidentally hit the BAN button (and if you fail to convert them, they will hit it anyway).
4. Encourage the next generation to enjoy the pleasures of constant exercise. Are you holding your sister's baby in your lap? Teach it to jiggle. Jiggle with it. If the cat sits on your foot while you and the baby jiggle, jiggle the cat, too. If everybody jiggled together, the world would be a better place.
Today we have seen the both the elevated principles behind the concept of fidgeting. We have also learned ways to put fidgeting into practice in our personal lives. This author recommends all health-conscious citizens to implement this illustrious behavior immediately, for the sake of their own and future generations. One might even say, "Fidgeting is the last best hope of mankind."
~written by Original Self, with the occasional contributions of Glen
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Gondor Knight of Narnia
New member
o ya, im so awsome...sittin in teh non-mod thread...no mods around 
*dances teh krazy loop*
o ya, mai dance moves are so secksy, the hobbits are all jealous
they WISH they kould move it lyke I do
*dances teh krazy loop*
o ya, mai dance moves are so secksy, the hobbits are all jealous
they WISH they kould move it lyke I do
Thanks, Lossy.
Glen: *duct tapes self to fridge*
Dr. Byrne: Exactly how did you manage that?
Glen: Virtual reality can do a lot of things, Doc.
Dr. Byrne: I always knew you were borderline.
Glen: Like some of the mods... Waldo, I kidnapped you! Get back to where I put you before MF finds you!
Glen: *duct tapes self to fridge*
Dr. Byrne: Exactly how did you manage that?
Glen: Virtual reality can do a lot of things, Doc.
Dr. Byrne: I always knew you were borderline.
Glen: Like some of the mods...
Waldo, I kidnapped you! Get back to where I put you before MF finds you!
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I suppose he's gotten out again...frankly, he's very bad at being a good captive.... He decided we were supposed to vacation in Antarctica. I think Waldo needs to go back to school. I don't like sharing a tent with him...he hogs the cookstove.
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Awfully busy tonight, aren't you, Lossëndil?