Peter Pevensie- a poem

[Aslan's Child_1996]

Hey everybody! Sorry that I haven't done anything in a long time. I wrote a poem for my school work earlier today and I wanted to share it with you all and know what you guys thought about it! Please read it and then leave me your thoughts. Whether you like the poem or not! :^1



Peter Pevensie


Peter Pevensie was a brave young Brit
Who used all his strength, skill, and wit.
He led the narnians into battle
And rode his unicorn without a saddle.

Removing sword from sheath made a
Beautifully glorious noise;
While Father Christmas explained,
These are tools - not toys.

One night while he lay in bed,
A dryad brought news that Aslan was dead.
Sadly he realized that it was true,
But Jesus died the same for you.

We all know how this story does end,
Aslan came back to life and was a dear friend.
Narnia won the battle, Peter was High King,
And this is the reason for which I sing.



So, what do you all think? Please be honest with me. If you don't like it, let me know. If you do like it great! Let me know your thoughts please. I love getting on the computer to see that someone has left a comment on a poem of mine. It really helps me become a better poet. Thanks!

[Frodosgurl]

Three Words: Amazing! Wonderful! Awesome!

[Copperfox]

I was pleased with this poem for NOT showing Peter as the useless idiot the makers of "Prince NON-Caspian" wanted us to think he was.

[Glenburne]

From a picky standpoint, the rhyme scheme in stanza 2 is different than in the other 4 stanzas, which could be a little distracting for somebody reading the poem.

I like the line "rode his unicorn without a saddle"--kind of hearkens back to a lot of heroic ballads.

Keep working on your writing skills!

[Copperfox]

As for improvement of writing skills: AC-1996, have you ever visited the "Marketplace of Technique" thread? Its whole reason for existing is to give advice to new writers.

[EveningStar]

It needs work on technique but your creativity is first rate. Some people have great technique but no imagination and there's not much they can do about it. But for people who have great imagination and holes in their technique, WOW, you can get better! You have promise. Keep that promise by working hard and writing often.

Oh, and yes, it was beautifully reverent and I'm sure God smiled.

[Aslan's Child_1996]

Thank you all so much for your replies so far! I will totally keep writing!

[Gondorgirl]

That was a very sweet poem, a good description of Peter

[Mozart the Meerkitten]

Cool, I liked it, sounded like a song to me though.

[Aslan's Child_1996]

Thank You! Thank You! Please keep the opinions coming!