United Smilers Protest Discrimination
DUFFERLAND (DP)--A recent protest by the United Smilers of Cliffton has begun to disrupt part of Dufferland. Smilies (as the union members call themselves) have threatened to go on strike if authorities fail to take measures toward boosting Smilie self-respect and personal identity. "It is pathetic," Mr. Green, the union president, told the Duffer Journal, "that, while the humans that frequent Dufferland have three real names, a username, and often nicknames proceeding from both sources, so many of our members have no name to speak of."
Mr. Green went on to say that namelessness has caused severe depression in numbers of Smilies. "Purplie in particular," he informed the press, "has undergone much internal stress from being nameless for so many years after his birth. He now questions whether his new name is even appropriate for someone so obviously inferior to the humans who routinely discriminate against him."
A Duffer, who requested to remain anonymous, told reporters that some of the discrimination against the Smilies was probably intentional. "I mean, who's going to take somebody seriously who just sits and, well, smiles? The Butter Knife has needed polishing for years, and we haven't even gotten around to that. There's a work overload. We're completely occupied just trying to keep GG fed, and then when we've got hazards like the DLF to worry about--we can't just spend all our time bothering about naming a bunch of Smilies. Not that we want them to get depressed or anything. I'd be willing to name them, maybe, if they're getting too down about it. But frankly I think they're overreacting."
The Duffer Journal began doing research into the matter of names and discovered that various names have been suggested by members, but remain unconfirmed by the Duffer community. As a result, the editorial staff decided that the choice ought to be placed openly before those who frequent Dufferland. The multiple choice poll is now open for all those who would like to help comfort the depressed and downhearted among us. In order to find a second poll in the interests of aiding said Smilies, click here.
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