My first (short) story EVER! In celebration of Narnia Day.

The brave mouse's name should be...

  • Rhendelmir

    Votes: 12 63.2%
  • Rainart

    Votes: 2 10.5%
  • Chiblik

    Votes: 2 10.5%
  • Arion

    Votes: 5 26.3%
  • Tybalt

    Votes: 3 15.8%
  • Whisperpaw

    Votes: 4 21.1%
  • Pinbeeblin

    Votes: 1 5.3%
  • Kentral

    Votes: 1 5.3%
  • Glewcydio

    Votes: 1 5.3%
  • Kenway

    Votes: 5 26.3%

  • Total voters
    19
  • Poll closed .

BarbarianKing

Knight of Narnia
Staff member
Knight of the Noble Order
Noble Blood Line

A story in two posts


On the day that he died, the little mouse woke up earlier than usual, came out of his hole almost at once, and began sniffing here and there in the grass for any signs of food. It was well into spring, the first one this particular mouse had ever seen. He had never known that his world could turn into so many shades of green, blues, violets, yellows, and other beautiful colors. He had only known white, and felt cold. It had always been winter for him.

A few weeks ago, the mouse noticed that the white stuff the world was made of was slowly disappearing and turning into water. He had been watching this transformation and he liked it. Of course not being a talking mouse he had done and felt everything by instinct. He began to emerge from his hole when dry warm air suddenly began to blow. It was a delicious air.

One night, nearly dawn but not quite, he woke up instinctively and went out of his little hole. Everything was still dark and it was cold outside. The mouse felt the urge to travel to that one place made out of stone because his instinct was telling him to go there. Of course he was scared because at that hour he would be very vulnerable to night predators. But this urge to go to that stone place was greater than his fears. Years of surviving had taught him to always travel in group, so he went to his neighbor’s holes and woke many of them also. They did not understand what was happening but deep down their own instinct told them they had to follow this one mouse. And so they all did.

When they arrived to the stone place, they saw two humans crying over some dead animal. They had never seen an animal like this before, huge and majestic looking, even in death, but the mice somehow understood that this dead animal was the key to their survival. At first the mouse leader did not know what to do, but was at least intelligent enough to observe the two humans trying to “gnaw” (as he saw it) at the cords which this dead animal had been tied with. And so he and the other mice decided to help. When the last cord was cut, they all scurried back to their little holes as fast as they could.

Now weeks later, the one time leader of the gnawers was taking his walk down the meadow and, somehow, in his own mouse way, was thinking about that one scary night. And he got careless. By the time he saw the bird-shaped shadow suddenly appear where he was, it was too late. His world went black.

******************
The blackness however didn’t last too long. It seemed a momentary thing, as if he had merely blinked his eyes. Then he found himself in what appeared to be his country, with the greens and violets and all the other colors as before, except now they seemed pure and impossibly bright, almost alive.

But the wonder of wonders was that all of a sudden, the mouse understood. He knew. At this moment, he even realized that he had a name. Somehow he had become a sentient being, a talking animal. But the wonders didn’t cease there, because as he was marveling at his new understanding, a bright creature, more beautiful than the shining sun, was approaching him. He immediately recognized this creature as the “dead animal” he had helped untie long ago. He tried to do or say something but he couldn’t because at that moment he also knew who this animal was. It was his King, His Saviour and the Maker of his world and this world. He lowered his head and a torrent of thoughts and a myriad of words came to his new mind. Of those words, he could only utter two:

“Dear Aslan.”
 
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“Welcome, beloved.”

The most delicious voice, filled with pure love suddenly washed over this little mouse and tears of joy began to flow from his little eyes.

“Dear Alsan,” repeated the mouse, “where am I? And how is it that I understand and can talk?”

“My dear son,” Aslan said, “it is because you are home.”

“Home?”

“Yes, love, you are home.”

“But I’ve never seen it. Well, I think I have but it wasn’t as beautiful as it looks now. “ The mouse looked around for miles and miles of beautiful meadows, hills, valleys, and in the distance, huge mountains with dazzling shades of blue. The colors were still beautiful but not as much as the Lion standing next to him. In fact, it seemed to the mouse that all those colors somehow emanated from Aslan. All the life, and the beauty around him had one single source, and the mouse was sure that he was standing next to that source.

“I can talk, Aslan. I understand. “

“Yes.”

“And I remember.”

“And what do you remember, my son?”

“I remember snow. Yes, that’s what it’s called. Snow, and cold. I never knew anything else until one day it began to turn into water, to melt. Yes, that’s what it was, it melted.

“It did.”

“The place was called Narnia.”

“This place IS Narnia,” Aslan told him, looking around the entire country.

The mouse looked around once again and appeared to recognize some of the places he had wandered about when he was still in that other Narnia.

“Yes, I suppose it is,” he said. He was about to say something else but stopped.

“Ask anything you want, my son.”

“Aslan, how come we mice could not talk in Narnia, the other Narnia?”

“Because you were part of special plan.”

“What plan, Aslan?”

“The plan of redemption.”

“Redemption? Do you mean salvation?”

“Yes, the story is beautiful but it will take long to tell it. We have all the time to listen to it later. Right now there is something I need you to do for the mice of Narnia.”

“Anything, Aslan.”

“You need to go back.”

A look of consternation came into the mouse’s face, but he managed to say, “yes, Aslan.” Then he asked: “right now?”

“In a minute, but don’t worry, you just need to take a message to someone there and come back. After all, you don’t belong there now.”

“A message for whom?”

“For one of your children.”

“MY CHILDREN? You mean for one of my offspring? I have to give the message to him or her?”

“Well, the message is for one of your children, but he hasn’t been born in that country yet.”

“He hasn’t?”

“No. This one child of yours will not be born in that country for many generations.”


“We are not talking mice, us Narnian mice. In the other Narnia, I mean. How will my offspring be able to hear and understand this message?”

“I have chosen your descendants, your lineage, to be talking mice in Narnia.”

The mouse smiled and grand grateful smile at Aslan. But then he thought a little more and said, “Aslan, I need to ask you.”

“Ask, my son.”

“Why me? Why my lineage and my child?”

“I’ll answer your first why. Because you followed you instincts despite your fears that night when you and the others gnawed lose the cords which I was bound with. You were not a talking mouse, but you followed the voice of my spirit and the cries of broken hearts. You braved the dangers. Because of your example, the other mice followed you. And because of that, your blood carries bravery and nobility. That is why I chose you and your lineage.”

“And my child?”

“Because he will be the bravest and most noble of all the talking mice in that Narnia.”

“He will?” Tears of joy began to flow from the mouse’s eyes once more.

“And why does that qualify him for this message?”

“There is one more thing about that child of yours. Actually two more things: First, apart from being brave and noble, he will seek me with his whole heart and mind. From the moment he begins to understand, he will love me as I love him. Second, because of that, he will never see death in that Narnia.”

“He won’t die?”

“No.”

“Then how…”

“He will be transformed.”

“Transformed?”

Aslan didn't answer and instead began to walk towards another part of the valley. “Come, I’ll show you something.”

The mouse saw they were approaching a group of humans, sitting in a semicircle. They were facing another human who was talking to them. This human looked the same as the others in the semicircle, yet somehow he also looked different.

“Do you see that Son of Adam talking to the others?”

“Yes, I remember seeing two of the females crying over you the night we untied you.”

“They were the Queens of Narnia. But look at that Son of Adam. What do you see?”

“He looks the same as the others, but he looks different.”

“You see well. He is still a human, but unlike the others, he did not die in his world.”

“He didn’t? What do you mean his world? Do humans have another world?

“He did not die in his world,” repeated Aslan. “And yes, humans live in another world apart from Narnia. All the humans in Narnia come from that world; from the world of Lord Adam and the Lady Eve.

“Is there a way into your country from their world also?”

“There is a way into my country from all the worlds, my son,” Aslan said with a smile because he knew that someone else would ask him that very same question one day.

“What is the transformed Son of Adam’s name, Aslan? Am I allowed to know it?”

“You are allowed everything in my country because here you cannot want wrong things. His name is Enoch.”

“Enoch,” repeated the mouse. “It is a good name.”

“It is.”

“I am ready to take the message. Whom shall I give it to, as my child has not been born yet?”

“You will bring the message to an old Dryiad who lives in the woods south of the Stone Table.”

“A Dryad?”

“She and her descendants will make sure the message reaches your son.”

“And what is the message, Aslan?”

“The message is this:

Where the sky and water meet,
Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
To find all you seek,
There is the utter East.”

“I am not sure what it means.”

“Your child will understand.”

“His name is Reepicheep," said the mouse in a happy, sort of dreamy whisper.

“Yes,” Aslan reassured him.

“It is a good name,” the mouse said for the second time.

Aslan smiled. “It is indeed.”

“Very well ,” said the mouse “I’m ready to go.”

It never occurred to him to ask how he was going to get there. He just sort of knew that Aslan could make it happen.

“Will you be here when I return?”

“I’ll be standing right here.”

“Just one more thing, Aslan.”

“Yes.”

“Why do I know everything about me and see myself as I have never seen myself before?”

“Because now you see yourself as I see you, my love.”

“Thank you, My Lord.”

“Go in Peace, Rhendelmir."


Thank you for reading, and thanks for voting for the name of the mouse.
 
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Mike! You had me captivated from the very first paragraph! I salute you!--with the sword of a Paladin of the Palinite Underground. I loved it! And in a way, Enoch is more of a fitting "associate" to Reepicheep than Elijah, since it can't really be said that Reepicheep followed a full-time prophet's calling as Elijah did.

As for names, let me suggest a few options which DON'T end in "--EEP" or "--EEK."

Chiblik, Dwindwik, Feekfeeno, Heektiptin, Jikseeplik, Pinbeeblin, Shapchipkin.
 
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*tear* OMG, I loved it! *cries* I' m literally crying, I always loved Reepicheep and this story is very fresh and original. Mike you're a genious. I'm not one of those that are captivated by fan fics though I love writing lots of them. However, this one is so beautiful ^_^ I loved it, I mean it.
A name?

The Noble Narnian Mouse Rhendelmir ;)
 
Thanks for the comments. I am glad you all liked it.

CF: Yes. I thought Enoch was more fitting because of that very same reason. At the beginning I struggled with fitting both Enoch and Elijah somehow, but I decided to just leave Enoch, as Elijah has his own history and prophecy and it would seem to much to include him also.

And thanks for the suggestions for a name.

I like Chiblik and Rhendermir
 
KING MICHAEL That was a very good story! I liked it very much! It is just fantastic, the detail, storyline, everything in it is great!

Your Princess Tiara
 
“Welcome, beloved.”

The most delicious voice, filled with pure love suddenly washed over this little mouse and tears of joy began to flow from his little eyes.

“Dear Alsan,” repeated the mouse, “where am I? And how is it that I understand and can talk?”

“My dear son,” Aslan said, “it is because you are home.”

“Home?”

“Yes, love, you are home.”

“But I’ve never seen it. Well, I think I have but it wasn’t as beautiful as it looks now. “ The mouse looked around for miles and miles of beautiful meadows, hills, valleys, and in the distance, huge mountains with dazzling shades of blue. The colors were still beautiful but not as much as the Lion standing next to him. In fact, it seemed to the mouse that all those colors somehow emanated from Aslan. All the life, and the beauty around him had one single source, and the mouse felt that he was standing next to that source.

“I can talk, Aslan. I understand. “

“Yes.”

“And I remember.”

“And what do you remember, my son?”

“I remember snow. Yes, that’s what it’s called. Snow, and cold. I never knew anything else until one day it began to turn into water, to melt. Yes, that’s what it was, it melted.

“Yes, it did.”

“The place was called Narnia.”

“This place IS Narnia,” Aslan told him, looking around the entire country.

The mouse looked around once again and appeared to recognize some of the places he had wandered about when he was still in that other Narnia.

“Yes, I suppose it is,” he said. He was about to say something else but stopped.

“Ask anything you want, my son.”

“Aslan, how come we mice could not talk in Narnia, the other Narnia?”

“Because you were part of special plan.”

“What plan, Aslan?”

“The plan of redemption.”

“Redemption? Do you mean salvation?”

“Yes, the story is beautiful but it will take long to tell it. We have all the time to listen to it later. Right now there is something I need you to do for the mice of Narnia.”

“Anything, Aslan.”

“You need to go back.”

A look of consternation came into the mouse’s face, but he managed to say, “yes, Aslan.” Then he asked: “right now?”

“In a minute, but don’t worry, you just need to take a message to someone there and come back. After all, you don’t belong there now.”

“A message for whom?”

“For one of your children.”

“MY CHILDREN? You mean for one of my offspring? I have to give the message to him or her?”

“Well, the message is for one of your children, but he hasn’t been born in that country yet.”

“He hasn’t?”

“No. This one child of yours will not be born in that country for many generations.”


“We are not talking mice, us Narnian mice. In the other Narnia, I mean. How will my offspring be able to take and understand this message?”

“I have chosen your descendants, your lineage, to be talking mice in Narnia.”

The mouse smiled and grand grateful smile at Aslan. But then he thought a little more. “Aslan, I need to ask you.”

“Ask, my son.”

“Why me? Why my lineage? Why my child?”

“I’ll answer your first why. Because you followed you instincts despite your fears that night when you woke up the others and gnawed lose the cords which I was bound with. You were not a talking mouse, but you followed the voice of my spirit. You braved the dangers. Because of your example, the other mice followed you. And because of that, your blood carries bravery and nobility. That is why I chose you and your lineage.”

“And my child?”

“Because he will be the bravest and most noble of all the talking mice in that Narnia.”

“He will?” Tears of joy began to flow from the mouse’s eyes once more.

“And why does that qualify him for this message.”

“There is one more thing about that child of yours. Actually two more things: First, apart from being brave and noble, he will seek me with his whole heart and mind. From the moment he begins to understand, he will love me as I love him. Second, because of that, he will never see death in that Narnia.”

“He won’t die?”

“No.”

“Then how…”

“He will be transformed.”

“Transformed?”

“Yes.” Aslan began to walk towards another part of the valley. “Come, I’ll show you something.”

The mouse saw they were approaching a group of humans, sitting in a semicircle. They were facing another human who was talking to them. This human looked the same as the others in the semicircle, yet somehow he also looked different.

“Do you see that Son of Adam talking to the others?”

“Yes, I remember seeing two of the females crying over you the night we untied you.”

“Yes, they were the Queens of Narnia. But look at that Son of Adam. What do you see?”

“He looks the same as the others, but he looks different.”

“You see well. He is still a human, but unlike the others, he did not die in his world.”

“He didn’t? What do you mean his world? Do humans have another world?

“He did not die in his world,” repeated Aslan. “And yes, humans live in another world apart from Narnia. All the humans in Narnia come from that world; from the world of Lord Adam and the Lady Eve.

“Is there a way into your country from their world also?”

“There is a way into my country from all the worlds, my son,” Aslan said with a smile because he knew that someone else will ask him that very same question some day.

“What is the transformed Son of Adam’s name, Aslan? Am I allowed to know it?”

“You are allowed everything in my country, my son, because here you cannot want wrong things. His name is Enoch.”

“Enoch,” repeated the mouse. “It is a good name, Aslan.”

“It is.”

“I am ready to take the message. Whom shall I give it to, as my child has not been born yet.”

“Yes. You will bring the message to an old Dryiad who lives in the woods south of the Stone Table.”

“A Dryad?”

“Yes, she and her descendants will make sure the message reaches your son.”

“And what is the message, Aslan?”

“The message is this:

Where the sky and water meet,
Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
To find all you seek,
There is the utter East.”

“I am not sure what it means, Aslan.”

“Your child will understand.”

“His name is Reepicheep," said the mouse in a happy, sort of dreamy whisper.

“Yes,” Aslan reassured him.

“It is a good name, Aslan,” the mouse said for the second time.

Aslan smiled. “It is indeed.”

“Very well ,” said the mouse “I’m ready to go.” It never occurred to him to ask how he was going to get there. He just sort of knew that Aslan could make it happen. “Will you be here when I return?”

“I’ll be standing right here.”

“Just one more thing, Aslan.”

“Yes.”

“Why do I know everything about me and see myself as I have never seen myself before?”

“Because now you see yourself as I see you, my love.”

“Thank you, My Lord.”

“Go in Peace, .”



Thank you for reading.
The contest is to suggest a name for this one mouse. I guess I'll have to start another thread or add a poll to vote for the name if various good suggestions are given.
Bravo Goose Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I loved it.......as for a name for the brave little mouse??????????????????? Reep [or something where Reepicheep can get his name from] or ...hmmmmmmm I'm thinking
 
Thanks for the comments. I am glad you all liked it.

CF: Yes. I thought Enoch was more fitting because of that very same reason. At the beginning I struggled with fitting both Enoch and Elijah somehow, but I decided to just leave Enoch, as Elijah has his own history and prophecy and it would seem to much to include him also.

And thanks for the suggestions for a name.

I like Chiblik and Rhendermir
YAY!! You like the name I suggested!!! :p lol, u like it more as Rhendermir? I had said Rhendelmir, but if you like it that way, i guess it's okay ^_^
 
Rhendelmir it is Ginny. I made a mistake I guess. I am waiting to see what other names are suggested then we can have a vote. Thanks!

Mozart: Braveheart is a good name, but I'm afraid it's already taken by a somewhat popular movie and may not work out here in an original story. But thanks anyway. I am still open for new suggestions. I want the mouse to have a name.

Candi: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I am sure you'll come up with a cool name for the mouse.
 
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