The Duffer Encyclopedia, 2nd Edition

Lossëndil

Lossëndil

Well-known member
Foreword to 2nd Edition:
It seems to be a tradition for great duffers to disappear, either slowly fading away, or suddenly going *puff.* (I personally believe Queen Derny's blackhole has something to do with it, but I haven't been able to prove it yet. Others think that it is an occasional an outbreak of some mysterious disease called "life" which has taken away so many of our noble members.) Anyway, Olórin the Wise, though he hasn't quite completely left us, seems to be busy with other things. As some of you may know, I am a duffer awfully obsessed with what little order we have here, both in the addiction threads and other areas, so it dismays me to see many new postings not being included in the Encyclopdia. So, to restore order to this orderless land, I have decided to offer a 2nd edition of the Encyclopedia. And here it is.
*Original thread may be found here.
-Lossëndil​

Foreword to 1st Edition:
After long deliberation (lasting about 100 milliseconds), I have determined that in order to facilitate the entrance of new members into Dufferland, an Encyclopedia is required for the interpretation of all references made by Duffers and quasi-Duffers to Dufferish things. This reference post will contain links to Encyclopedia entries.* Credit for the original germ of this idea goes to Miss Freckles.
-Olórin the Wise​



Numerals

100,000 Post Game, The
42
10 Thingy

A

Angry Mob, The
Anti-user Characterism
Antisnurfflism

B

Ban Button, The: entries I, II, III, and image.
Banana, The Lonely
Beard, The
Beep
Black Hole, Dernhelm's
Box, Fred The
Bowl of Petunias
Bruiser
Bufferduffin (and Dufferbuffin)
Butterflies
Butter Knife, The
Button

C

Cactus
Can, The
Can's Fax Machine, The
Caps Lock
Cats
Cheese
Cheese Whiz
Cliff
Clone Machine, GKoN's
Coffee Poisoning
Commune, The
Count, The
Cookie, Stan The
Copperfox
Corpus Delicti
Cran, Dr.

D

Dead Note
Death, the Red Flaming Badger of
deNile
D.I.A.P.
Dinosaur
DLF
Doctor, The
Double Posting
Duct Tape
Duct Tape Shenanigans, Various
Duffer
Dufferbuffin (and Bufferduffin)
Duffer Sun
Duffersynthesis

E

Editing
Egg, Ben The
Encyclopedia, The Duffer
ETPOD

F

Falling (off of cliffs)
Frown of the Mod, the
Frying Pan of Doom

G

Gift
Great Known/Unknown, The

H

Habeas Corpus
Hallucinations
Hatchet
Headache
Health
Heroism

I

Iambic Hexameter
Iambic Kilometer
IDAR
Impossibility
Indigestible
Insane Asylum, The: part 1 and part 2

J

Joking
Justice

K

Kennel

L

Law Duffer of Book, the
Life, A
Line, the Fine
Loner Late Night Jam, A
Lonny's Notes
Lunge
 
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Origins and Bibliography

Origins of the Encyclopedia: link


Bibliography

The Duffer Dictionary

The Duffer Journal

History of Dufferland.

Scientific Duffer.

Dr. Cran, Handbook of Dufferland.

---, A Brief Geography of deNile: On Why Lady Dernhelm is Queen of Duffers; Why The Beard is Pink; and Why Maid Lossëndil Is No Tree.

Duffers and other NF members, Duffer Encyclopedia.

Goodhill, John, and Wilhelm Batzendorf, Luminous Locks - Legends and Tales Around the Beard.

Dr. Dipl. O. Rable-Lloonie, The Insane Asylum: A Sketch in Cheese Whiz.

---, Marsh of the Moustache.

Rable-Lloonie Publisher Inc., A.C.W., Death in Dufferland - Its Causes and Notable Impermanence.

---, Dufferish Tales of Whoa.

---, Whales and Waterhogs: Famous Creatures of Dufferland [essay].

William Shakespeare, As You Hate It, or How the Duffer Dernhelm Reacteth Upon Being Splatted by a Whale.
 
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Appendix: What is a Duffer?

Every once in a while there crops up a thread concerning the nature of the duffer. There have been many claims that dufferness is something that cannot be explained, and yet there have been even more attempts to do so. Many good philosophical essays have been written on the topic, on whether one is, or is not a duffer, on how to be a duffer, on why people duffer. I thought it might be a good idea to collect them in one place for the convenience of future duffers and researchers.


Threads:

Me, a DUFFER?!? -Dernhelm
This thread does not delve into any deep discussion on the nature of the duffer. But being the first thread questioning one's dufferhood (even though Queen Dernhelm's ought never to be questioned!), and having such a great status among duffers, it deserves mention.

The Duffer FAQ - holyboy
As the title says. Perhaps the best, brief guide to Dufferland, written by the king himself.

Duffers? - Lossëndil
An attempt by a young apprentice to understand dufferdom. There are many good links on the first page of the discussion, and thoughtful, yet concise answers continue into the second post.

Am I a Duffer or Not? - MissReepicheep
Another member who wondering if she was a duffer (she went on to be a wonderful one). A handful of personal experiences of duffers in the first two pages.

The Roles of Duffers and Coriakins - Sopespian
Musings on the wholesomeness of broccoli and the differences of duffers and non-duffers, with the consensus that everybody is probably a bit of both.

All duffers... - ahyperdude
A thread which considers the "inside joke" and other natures of dufferdom. Largely meaningful discussion continues for several pages, with many long posts, most notably Prolixity on the Subject of Duffers, a wonderful essay by Celebrilomiel on how one learns to duffer.



Other writings (mostly quotes)

Commonly accepted Definition of Duffering - Waterhogboy

True Duffering - Lady of Lorien
True Duffering - Olórin the Wise

*grins* Duffering - blog entry by Lieke
Among the oldest and most valued writings on duffering, with an abundance of examples, and addresses some of the most common questions.




(I haven't been quite as active the past year or two, so I apologize for the somewhat dated quotes. If you come across something suitable, PM me!)


And yet, after reading all this duffer-related material, and learning the entries of the Encyclopedia by heart, let us remember what the notable duffer Miss Freckles once said:
"let us not glorify too much the whole "duffer culture" because if we try to stuff dufferism into it, once the duffer objects die, dufferism dies with them."
 
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Mr. Green :D

A smilie who apparently had a difficult childhood, as he went for many long years without a name. He was discovered and christened by Sopespian, who decided that he had passed the year of his majority and therefore should be called Mr. Green. Sopespian also promoted him to the position of Telmarine Secretary of Smile.

Due to his troubled youth, Mr. Green has always been possessed of certain behavioral problems, but his christening and subsequent promotion resulted in his becoming frankly obnoxious. He persuaded Sopespian to form a fan club in his name, as well as to make him into Sopespian's personal avatar. Mr. Green has increased in vanity as well, reportedly brushing his teeth 25 times a day toward the end of having them "glisten in the moonlight."

Opponents of Mr. Green, notably Victorian Lady, have been attempting to bring the shameless smilie to his senses, but so far, their most strenuous efforts have failed. Only the ghost of another smilie :)mad:, who is apparently Miraz) have been able to remind Mr. Green that, while he may wield great power in Telmar, his power is not secure so long as the mighty Telmarines of the past are being blinded by his teeth.
 
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Sushi

A large male buffalo, occasionally tame and friendly, but frequently suffering from an impulse control disorder. His scientific classification can be named all the way to the subfamily Bovinae (Animalia Chordata Mammalia Artiodactyla Bovidae Bovinae), but beyond that it is unclear whether he is of the genus Bison, Bubalus, or Syncerus.

Earliest uses of the word "Sushi" appear to have referred to a Japanese food, sometimes made with raw fish and sometimes with vegetables. This usage was reasonably consistent--with the exception of a brief reference to a pet goldfish of that name--until September of 2010, when the buffalo made his first appearance. The earliest records indicate that he was discovered in a field of cacti by Victorian Lady, and there christened by her,"Sushi." The authenticity of this record is questionable, however, as Victorian Lady unequivocally denies the story. Current scholarship has determined that both the actual discovery and the fictitious record should correctly be attributed to Glenburne. As a pet, Sushi has often changed hands, but he consistently returns to Glenburne.

Sushi's mental capacity represents a fascinating field for further scientific research. Eyewitness reports claim that he has mastered both Greek and Suomi, has written a well-received paper on Gilgamesh, and in spite of having no college education, he has been awarded an honorary degree. Since that time, he has also received a degree in medicine. Investigation of these reports could potentially lead to a reevaluation of the evolutionary progression of animal development.

Sushi's mind is also of significant interest to psychologists. While he has occasionally been known to interact positively with humans, he has an alarming tendency toward sudden acts of extreme violence, giving rise to the suspicion that he suffers from a complexity of disorders. Although he has been known to perform many acts of kindness such as hugging, helping with homework, caring for grave sites, and performing prison rescues; these acts are frequently followed by displays of his dangerous temperament: goring people, destroying the world and the moon, giving zeros on papers, breaking down doors, and wrecking TDL's wardrobe and lamppost. He has also demonstrated kleptomania, when faced with Miss Freckles' cookies.

Despite concerns about his mental stability, Sushi remains a vital part of Dufferland. He has survived an arrow wound, a great flood, a car accident, an attempt at suicide off a cliff, and a duel. He has also been eaten by both Lossëndil and Gondorgirl, but has suffered no harmful effects from the experience. Experts predict that the cult of Sushi admirers will continue well into the 21st century.
 
Telmarines

Some argue that this entry should be singular, as there is only one Telmarine in Dufferland, namely Sopespian. However, as Sopespian has previously claimed nearly all the smilies (even Waldo) as Telmarines, most believe that Telmarines should be plural.

Originally Posted by Sopespian
Here's Winky ;), The Original Smiley :), Ms. Blush :eek:, and Pinky :p. They are all Telmarine dukes.
Click to expand...

Apparently Telmarines believe themselves to be superior to others in many areas, namely thinking:

Originally Posted by Sopespian
THOUGHT? You THOUGHT? You're a mod! Mods are supposed to leave the thinking to the Telmarines! It's too hard on a mod's brain to think, so we just leave the thread-locking and member-banning to them.
Click to expand...

Oddly, Telmarines are unfortunately addicted to the American version of football, which, apparently unbeknownst to C.S. Lewis, was once very popular in Narnia:

Originally Posted by Sopespian
You're banned because you need to watch the TFL (Telmarine Football League)! It's exciting! Currently the Lantern Waste Lamplighters are beating the Beaversdam Beaver Dams (original, I know) 10-7.
Click to expand...

Telmarines apparently have deluded themselves into believing that they are the defenders of all that is good.

Originally Posted by Sopespian
Telmarine nobles must be very protective of their Dr. Pepper and sweater-vests.
Click to expand...

The great flaws of the Telmarines are evidently pride...

Originally Posted by Sopespian
I don't belong here either. I'm a dignified Telmarine lord. Hmph.
Click to expand...

Would you like to know who I am? I am the mighty Telmarine Noble, who could wipe you out with one finger, but I am much too honorable for that. However, if you so much as taunt me, I would be forced to slaughter you in self-defense.
Click to expand...

...laziness...

Originally Posted by Sopespian
Being a Telmarine Lord, I have a servant for all that crummy menial labor.
Click to expand...

You're banned because you are not the servant of a Telmarine Lord.
Click to expand...

...and violence.

Originally Posted by Sopespian
Did you forget that I'm a Telmarine? We demolish dwarfs.
Click to expand...

[If a wolf started talking to me I would] command my servant to, ahem, pass a sword through its throat. I despise talking animals.
Click to expand...

The Telmarine Lords could not care less who wins this war! Wipe them all out! Crush them all! Dwarf, elf, talking animal, you're all going down because it's always the Telmarine Lord who wins the war.
Click to expand...

They are also notoriously bad at naming their children.

Originally Posted by Sopespian
You ain't seen nothin' yet. What about my good friend Oceanophobic, the Telmarine Secretary of the Navy? (Actually, we don't have a navy. It's more or less an honorary position. He's not real bright, but he bribes... er... tips well, so we had to give him some kind of position.)

Then there's Glopespian, a combination of my name and my best friend's.

Cor and Aravis' son, other than Ram, of course, would be Coravis.

Then when Ram married a lady named Dodgelina, the result would be DodgeRam.
Click to expand...

Telmarines are considered the scourge of the forum by some (namely those with Narnian sympathies) and merely irritating by others. However, despite the widespread dislike for such a proud and difficult people, they have apparently not been whale-splatted, cliff-splattted, squirted with cheese whiz, forced into the Insane Asylum, locked in the mod lounge, or duct-taped to a train. Perhaps these unfortunate oversights will be corrected in the future.
_______________________________

Additional Reading
1. The "Ask a Telmarine" thread, by Sopespian (warning: inordinate pro-Telmarine bias)
2. "The Prophecy of Sopes" by Miss Freckles (written after he entered a romantic relationship with Taylor Swift and Freckles unwisely nominated him Duffer poet laureate)
 
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Bufferduffin and Dufferbuffin

Bufferduffin is the mysterious man in a black robe on the corner of a dark alley who sells rather interesting potions hard to get anywhere else, not to be confused with Dufferbuffin, the man in a black robe on the corner of a dark alley who has a big sign hung around his neck with Bufferduffin's name on it.

The two are conpletely unrelated, but look awfully similar. To tell them apart one must remember that Bufferduffin has a big bushy white beard and an evil gleam in his eyes, unlike Dufferbuffin, who has a bushy gray beard and a wicked gleam in his eyes.

Neither sell trustworthy products. Bufferduffin once sold somene a cookie which was to make the eater to sprout wings and fly, but instead set the poor girl to flame. And Dufferbuffin once sold someone what he claimed to be iocane, but instead of being ordorless, it had a distinct smell.

[original discussion]

-Lossëndil
 
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I must say, I am not ashamed of any of this. It's just who I am!:D

However, I believe you forgot to mention that we Telmarines post in Book Antiqua font all the time.
 
Book Antiqua and Garamond look basically the same; how was I supposed to know which you like posting in? And no, I don't think quoting you constantly is a valid solution.
 
Oh, my, this is all very amusing. The entry on Sushi explained a lot of things for me. He seems to be an awfully intriguing creature. So is Mr. Green, of course. Glenburne's entry about him reminded me of the Epic Odyssey of Phil, which my sister wrote with some friends from another forum. It was about the :eek: smilie, who was self-concious about his teeth. Mr. Green showed him how to brush teeth nicely and have a good smile. (At least I think that's right... my sister never let me read it, she just told me the basic plot.)
 
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