Moorstone

MrsMcGinty

New member
Staring another fanfiction. ^^' I have 5 in the works right now haha
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Reina was on a mission. It was more of a calling than a mission, really. Being aristocracy in London during her time, it was expected of her to own slaves. She despised slavery with her very being. So she took it upon herself to buy as many slaves as possible. She tried to get them safe passage back to their homeland, but some had denied her of that, saying they had nothing left and wanted to continue their lives in London. She would give them a safe haven where they could recuperate and live without fear. They did slave work, but much less harsh, and they were treated fairly, even paid for their services. To anyone outside the household, they looked like normal slaves. But all of Reina’s “slaves” saw her as a friend.

Earlier this week, Reina had sent a few small slave families back to Africa, and was in real need of more house workers. The slave ship had just docked and she was waiting. She had brought her favorite servant, Phillip, to help her bring the newcomers home.

Phillip had been a young slave in her household when she was growing up. He cleaned the bedrooms every day. Reina had convinced him that when she gained control of the estate, he and the other slaves would be freed from their inhumane treatment. He was the only slave who believed her. He was about ten years older than her, she assumed. He didn’t know his age. Reina allotted him a birth date and they celebrated every year. She celebrated everyone’s birthday in her house.

Reina gathered her skirts as the slaves began filing off the ship. She approached the seller.

“Where are these slaves from?” she inquired.

“Ireland,” the scruffy man replied. He reeked of ale and pitch. Reina tried to breathe minimally. “I think we got a few Scots as well.” Reina curtsied and went to inspect the line of people before her.

She longed to bring them all with her. She scanned the women first. She knew she wouldn’t be buying a woman. The work she was needing was suitable only for men. She gave an apologetic and longing smile to everyone. She stopped in front of one woman.

She was beautiful underneath all the muck that had built up on her face and hair from the voyage. Her dark hair still seemed to shimmer in the morning light. Her lips were full and she had high cheek bones. Her eyes proclaimed respect. This woman did not belong here.

“I’m sorry,” Reina whispered to her and continued past towards the men. She contemplated them from afar to begin with. She noticed a group of six of them sticking close together. She walked to the one on the end of the group.

He had rather short hair and a longer beard. An ear was pierced with a silver hoop that was tarnished like him. His beady eyes had laugh lines around them and spoke only of passion and hope. She nodded to Phillip and the man was pulled out of the line.

The next man in line had brown, curly hair and blue-grey eyes. With the scruff off his face, he would have looked charming. She inspected his hands. They were dirty and looked like they had never done a day’s work in their life. He would surely be miserable if taken by someone else. He seemed sharp, and she believed he would be capable of the work she needed. She nodded to Phillip.

The next man in the huddle was tall and bald. His eyes were gentle and he even managed to smile at Reina. She would never have believed it was possible of a victim of such wrong-doing. He was older, possibly forty, and was definitely capable of manual labor. She noticed the last man in the huddle was watching her every move, almost anxiously. The bald man joined Phillip and the others.

Next was a man who was slightly shorter than his comrades. His hair was jet black and he had minimal scruff on his face. His ice cold eyes drilled right through her and Reina sent him to join Phillip without another thought.

Reina skipped to the man on the end who had been watching her. His eyes were now on his dirty feet. His longish brown hair curled over his head and seemed more beautiful than the woman’s. She reached a finger under his chin and brought his eyes to meet hers. She gasped. He was only a boy. He looked around fifteen years old, though he could have been older, considering how tall he was. His crystal blue eyes shone with sorrow and fear. She grabbed his hands. They were soft, yet he had calluses on one hand.

Reina nodded to Phillip and Phillip reached for the boy’s arm. Reina began to turn away. She didn’t need more than five slaves. The boy saw she was leaving and put up a fight. Reina watched with wonder as the boy tried to get away from Phillip’s calming, yet firm hold. Was he simply refusing slavery? She would have to explain—

Then she saw why he was fighting. The other man from the huddle. He was tall and lean and had long blonde hair.

“No,” the boy whispered, tears cleaning a trail down his face. Reina gave Phillip a look, and he released the boy. The boy went straight to the blonde man and threw his arms around his neck. Reina saw the blonde whisper hurriedly in the boy’s ear and try to push him off.

“No!” the boy sobbed. Reina heard a very thick accent. “I won’t leave you alone!”

“Day, you have to,” the blonde said in the same accent, managing to pry the boy off of him. “We don’t have a say no more.” Reina would have intervened here, but she couldn’t move. Her throat was tight and her eyes were moist. The boy openly sobbed and fell into the blonde man’s embrace. The blonde simply looked at Reina and raised the boy up, giving him a swift kiss on the forehead before shoving him toward Phillip.

The boy looked at her on his way to the group. It pained Reina to see hatred in those pretty eyes. She looked at the blonde. He simply looked like he no longer had a reason to breathe. She looked at Phillip, asking for advice. She would let him decide the fate of the blonde.

It seemed Reina would be taking six men with her. She was settling in to pay for the slaves when she noticed something. One man, the second one she had chosen, the one with the baby hands, was staring at the line of women. She followed his gaze. The woman she had apologized to was speaking to him with her hands. A sort of code language they had made for each other, Reina assumed. She had done things like that with her sisters when they were little.

There was one gesture she could easily decipher. The woman was trying desperately to tell the man something without anyone else finding out. She laid a gentle hand on her stomach. The man realized what it meant the same time Reina did.

“And I’ll take that woman as well,” Reina said to the seller as the man broke rank and ran to the woman. Neither of them heard her change her “order”. Reina paid and Phillip began ushering the group away as fast as possible. Reina went to the man and woman. His hands framed her face and he was giving her quick little kisses and talking at the same time.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t want to leave you with this. I’m so sorry…”

Reina put a hand on the man’s arm, making him jump away from his lover.

“You’re both coming,” she said and led the couple to the rest of the group. Reina rode a small horse while the others walked. Once they were well on their way and no one was on the path, Reina began to explain.

“I am against slavery,” she said.

“Well, that’s a bit hypocritical then, considering what’s on your grocery list,” said the blonde. Reina shot him a look that said “hold your tongue”. His eyes dropped to the ground and he put an arm around the boy’s shoulders.

“I would like to send you all back to your homeland,” she announced. All the eyes were on her. “If you’d like. If not, you will work in my house, live in my house, be paid for your work, and live comfortably under my roof. You have until we arrive to make your decision. I would like to know your names.” They looked startled. The woman spoke first.

“Zara,” she said.

“Paul,” said her lover.

“George,” said the bald man.

“Neil,” said the man with the earring.

“Ryan,” said the man with black hair.

“Keith,” said the blonde. She just noticed that he had an earring as well.

“Damian,” said the boy.

“Nice to meet you all,” she said. They didn’t know how to take her kindness. She turned away from them and faced the road. She would let them discuss their decision amongst themselves.

A few moments later, Reina caught the first sight of home on the next hill.

“Zara, Paul, George, Neil, Ryan, Keith, and Damian,” she said. “Welcome to Moorstone Manor.”

She saw seven pairs of eyes widen in awe and smiled.
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Just to clarify, someone got confused about this, Damian and Keith are NOT like in love or anything. XD hahaha! they've just grown up together and are like brothers and Damian didn't want to leave him. He was scared. Give him a break. :p lol Hope you guys like it. Lots of mysteries surrounding Reina will unfold shortly. *wiggles eyebrows*
 
Is this partially a fantasy story, since slaves from Africa and slaves from Ireland would not have been sold in England during the same time period?
 
I like the very fact that you DO truthfully indicate that black people are not the only ones to have suffered enslavement. Note that short of repatriation, Reina can also manumit her slaves where they are.
 
manumit?... haha I'm no English or History major. And I know that blacks weren't the only ones enslaved. Kinda how this idea popped into my head actually... Anyways. :) This story isn't technically correct. I know nothing about History or how things went. I'm currently getting a low D in Western Civ. Haha. :p I'm writing this purely for the storyline. And because I want to XD haha!

Thanks for reading guys. :) I really appreciate it.
 
hahaha ah yes, bugging. :) unfortunately, i have 5 stories going right now and I don't want to give any one story too much attention and neglect the rest, so I have a cycle. :D and this story is now at the bottom haha you'll have to wait a while
 
I approve this bugging.
BugBugBugBugBugBugBugBugBugBugBugBugBugBugBugBug.
The bugging has now ended :)
I do like this story as well I am curious to see what romance sparks in the group with Rina.
 
thanks, everyone. :) i'm afraid i'm very good at ignoring bugging. XD hahaha! i have other stories to work on. i will NOT deviate from my list. ^_^

as far as romance goes.... oh you'll find out eventually! XD rofl!
 
I have to say this.

This is the way I pick the stories to read in here:

I open The Professor's Writing Club and see all the story threads. Usually I run the mouse over the threads and read whatever that little window says. It if sounds interesting, I might open the thread to read more. If not, I don't bother.

So when I did that with this story, this is what the little window showed:

Staring another fanfiction. ^^' I have 5 in the works right now haha
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Reina was on a mission. It was more of a calling than a mission, really. Being aristocracy in London during her time, it was expected of her to own slaves. She despised slavery with her very being. So she took it upon...


So I open the thread to see why this writer would make such a bold statement as: Being aristocracy in London during her time, it was expected of her to own slaves. So I said, really? why?

Turns out, the writer of this story made that statement just because. What's up with that? :confused:

MrsMcGinty: What time period are we talking about here? I think that if you know nothing about the technical stuff or historic period, you should not start a story making a bold statement like that just because.
I was expecting a passable story with a good plot and an accurate historical background. Turns out you have no idea why you're writing what you're writing. So needless to say, I didn't read the rest of it.

This section of the forum really needs a little streamlining, if anyone knows what I mean.
 
I have to say this.

This is the way I pick the stories to read in here:

I open The Professor's Writing Club and see all the story threads. Usually I run the mouse over the threads and read whatever that little window says. It if sounds interesting, I might open the thread to read more. If not, I don't bother.

So when I did that with this story, this is what the little window showed:

Staring another fanfiction. ^^' I have 5 in the works right now haha
---
Reina was on a mission. It was more of a calling than a mission, really. Being aristocracy in London during her time, it was expected of her to own slaves. She despised slavery with her very being. So she took it upon...


So I open the thread to see why this writer would make such a bold statement as: Being aristocracy in London during her time, it was expected of her to own slaves. So I said, really? why?

Turns out, the writer of this story made that statement just because. What's up with that? :confused:

MrsMcGinty: What time period are we talking about here? I think that if you know nothing about the technical stuff or historic period, you should not start a story making a bold statement like that just because.
I was expecting a passable story with a good plot and an accurate historical background. Turns out you have no idea why you're writing what you're writing. So needless to say, I didn't read the rest of it.

This section of the forum really needs a little streamlining, if anyone knows what I mean.

Okay, this is a fanFICTION. I don't have to have things technically correct. I am actually failing my History class, if you must know. This isn't meant to be technically accurate, simply entertaining. And I had to make that bold statement because it sets up the whole background of why Reina was there. God... get a grip on yourself. This isn't a place for English or History majors! I write purely because I get ideas and some people actually like to read them! If i was sending this in for publishing or something, I certainly would do the necessary research and make sure I had every detail correct. This is purely for fun. Please do not criticize me on things like this again. I know full well that it's not correct. And quite frankly, I like it the way it is.
 
I wasn't going to comment on this story (because I really am tired of all the CT fanfics), but then I saw this comment:

Okay, this is a fanFICTION. I don't have to have things technically correct. I am actually failing my History class, if you must know. This isn't meant to be technically accurate, simply entertaining. And I had to make that bold statement because it sets up the whole background of why Reina was there. God... get a grip on yourself. This isn't a place for English or History majors! I write purely because I get ideas and some people actually like to read them! If i was sending this in for publishing or something, I certainly would do the necessary research and make sure I had every detail correct. This is purely for fun. Please do not criticize me on things like this again. I know full well that it's not correct. And quite frankly, I like it the way it is.

No, you don't need to be a History major. But you need to be logical.

You don't need to be very nitpicky about every little detail, but it has to make sense.

Also, if she had grown up in a society where slavery is normal, she probably wouldn't hate it. I know you're trying to make her sympathetic and the "good guy", but it doesn't work that way. Unless, of course, she was taught from an early age that it was wrong.


Also, flipping out when someone says something you don't like about your story is not cool. Chill, dude.
 
I wasn't going to comment on this story (because I really am tired of all the CT fanfics), but then I saw this comment:



No, you don't need to be a History major. But you need to be logical.

You don't need to be very nitpicky about every little detail, but it has to make sense.

Also, if she had grown up in a society where slavery is normal, she probably wouldn't hate it. I know you're trying to make her sympathetic and the "good guy", but it doesn't work that way. Unless, of course, she was taught from an early age that it was wrong.


Also, flipping out when someone says something you don't like about your story is not cool. Chill, dude.

I just don't see why someone went through all that trouble to leave a long criticism when they don't like the story. And it can make sense just like it is. If it's not historically correct, then you can imagine that it's a fantasy world. And about her hating slavery when she probably wouldn't have, that comes up in later chapters. Eventually, you know everything about her.

and I blame the "flipping out" on PMS. though I don't think I flipped out. the way the person worded their comment made me really angry. they went about their criticism in the wrong way.

and i'm not a dude. :p
 
I just don't see why someone went through all that trouble to leave a long criticism when they don't like the story. And it can make sense just like it is. If it's not historically correct, then you can imagine that it's a fantasy world. And about her hating slavery when she probably wouldn't have, that comes up in later chapters. Eventually, you know everything about her.

and I blame the "flipping out" on PMS. though I don't think I flipped out. the way the person worded their comment made me really angry. they went about their criticism in the wrong way.

and i'm not a dude. :p

Because criticizing stories is fun! Or at least, it is to me. And it generally helps the writer become better.

PMS sucks, so I understand the flipping out. ;)
 
Because criticizing stories is fun! Or at least, it is to me. And it generally helps the writer become better.

PMS sucks, so I understand the flipping out. ;)

well the way the criticising was done didn't seem to help at all. Considering I wasn't even really trying to be accurate on all accounts. I just had an idea and wrote it down.
 
Ok then. A writer must be ready to accept harsh criticism. You may not submit your story for publication, but it is here, on a public forum for all the world to see. Not all criticism has to be about "I love it, post more." If that is what you're looking for, you are in for disappointments (this discussion for example). That is the way it works

When you make a bold statement that can be construed as fact on your opening line be ready to back it up with factual information. Saying that you don't want to bother about the "technical stuff" in your story is very rude to the readers in my opinion.
 
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Ok then. A writer must be ready to accept harsh criticism. You may not submit your story for publication, but it is here, on a public forum for all the world to see. Not all criticism has to be about "I love it, post more." If that is what you're looking for, you are in for disappointments (this discussion for example). That is the way it works

When you make a bold statement that can be construed as fact on your opening line be ready to back it up with factual information. Saying that you don't want to bother about the "technical stuff" in you're story is very rude to the readers in my opinion.

how many times do i have to say that it's a fanfiction? *rubs bridge of nose* i'm allowed to make statements in fiction. and what you said didn't sound like constructive criticism, it sounded like a complaint against a lot of writers who like to write for fun. I know the whole world can see my story. that's because someone who I don't know yet might read it and like it. I just feel that you went about it the wrong way and could have made this a lot less of an issue by commenting rather than messaging. and my readers do the same things in their fanfictions (i know. i read them) yet fanfictions, I find, are purely for entertainment. when i watch a movie, my dad always points out continuity errors and things like that and it drives me crazy. i just wanna watch the movie and he points out little things that don't matter. i think you pointing this out like it's such a huge problem is insulting to my readers. they're getting notifications if they subscribed to the thread and they're reading an argument, not an update they wish for.
 
how many times do i have to say that it's a fanfiction? *rubs bridge of nose* i'm allowed to make statements in fiction. and what you said didn't sound like constructive criticism, it sounded like a complaint against a lot of writers who like to write for fun. I know the whole world can see my story. that's because someone who I don't know yet might read it and like it. I just feel that you went about it the wrong way and could have made this a lot less of an issue by commenting rather than messaging. and my readers do the same things in their fanfictions (i know. i read them) yet fanfictions, I find, are purely for entertainment. when i watch a movie, my dad always points out continuity errors and things like that and it drives me crazy. i just wanna watch the movie and he points out little things that don't matter. i think you pointing this out like it's such a huge problem is insulting to my readers. they're getting notifications if they subscribed to the thread and they're reading an argument, not an update they wish for.
Obviously you have a problem with criticism that isn't praise. And I don't see why you think I should not write my opinion on a piece of writing on this forum just because it's not favorable. Once it's posted here, that piece or writing is subject to ALL kinds of criticism. After all, there is a reply button on every thread, which means any kind of reply (as long as it doesn't violate forum rules) is allowed. And I think the readers should not be shielded from these types of arguments but should be made aware of them. Don't attempt to shift the responsibility for readers on me because I am not the author, just the critic.
 
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BarbarianKing, I think part of the reason that Mrs. McGinty has taken issue with your comment is simply the tone your used in your criticism. You're coming on a bit too strong.

As a history major myself, I care a lot about correct details, and (although I have been known to get details wrong on occasion in my stories) do try to be historically accurate when I write. I would personally not write a story like this one. But, considering that a number of published novels--even well-written ones--do fiddle around with time periods and details to an extent that would make a lot of history majors cringe, this kind of fiction isn't exactly a travesty previously unknown to mankind. It can be fairly considered a type of fantasy. Perhaps Mrs. McGinty's story is about a London of the future in which these sorts of events would occur. In such a London, there would be a history of "free England" to encourage the main character to want to free the slaves brought there.

By all means, let's also try to make our criticism constructive. I know from personal experience that when someone can only identify the bad points, and not the good, in something I have written, I tend to tune them out entirely, even if some of their points are accurate. Balanced criticism is more likely to help the writer improve, because the writer will not feel that he or she has been personally attacked. I don't mean that you intended to be perceived this way, BarbarianKing; I would just recommend that you be more gentle in trying to help Mrs. McGinty improve her writing so that she doesn't feel threatened and then ignore your suggestions for that reason.
 
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