Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

"..".."..".."..".." EveningStar, _THIS_ is the planned post about which I told you today by a telephone text. It's my earliest-imagined explicit crossover in this project; I invite you to imagine how characters under your control may hear about it.


As I described, Liam, Toshiro and Olias touch down in your territory. This to be filled in later, describing the characters' sensations _before_ they catch sight of Aslan.

The good-aligned Dungeons & Dragons- derived characters named above (first is a lion-like magical being, the others are men) are being put on temporary hold. I need to swerve laterally, to reproduce an _old_ story from 20th- century memory.

I was familiar with Narnia long before this forum existed. Back during my Navy career, I saw wild swans on the river where an Atlantic Fleet base was. My mind envisioned a connection between those regal waterfowl and Matthew Drain, my closest buddy from Great Lakes Naval Training Command. The Wood Between the Worlds offered itself as a crucial story element.

HERE GOES:

The Swan Beside The Submarine

Central Connecticut's winter was persistently lingering in late February. Nights definitely called for foul-weather gear. Petty Officer Matthew Durand felt as if he and the pier-head sentry Seaman Gary Hanes were the only Navy personnel seeing the nocturnal Thames River. At least Matthew and Gary knew that this "Thames" began with a sibilant "TH" instead of the "T" pronunciation used in the British London. Every sailor assigned at the nominally-New-London-actually-Groton-and -the-first "O" -in-Groton-is- a-long-O Submarine School and Base quickly learned these points of dialect.... and never even tried to guess a correct associative word for people from Connecticut.

Matthew's hooded and insulated whole-body suit with a .45 pistol strode up the pier to the nominal guard shack where Gary's whole-body suit stood with a shotgun. Even an insignificant question was a boredom-breaker, and the seaman provided it:

"Why do the swans in the river swim up alongside the boat and rub their heads against the boat? I grew up in Iowa, never saw a living swan."

"Some kind of moss or seaweed grows against the hull. I don't know what the moss lives on; maybe plankton dissolved in seawater?"

Gary looked thoughtful. "So maybe it starts growing on the hull when we're underway at sea, and something in the fresh water sustains it. I never gave it much thought; I was too busy earning my scheduled skill-qualifications."

The Chief of the Boat, the highest-ranking enlisted man in the ship's company, maintained a policy that pier watch and gate watch were not relieved at the same time. Gary was glad to get below after giving passdown to Radioman's Mate Patrick Pierson.


The next hour saw more lights going out on either bank of the river, especially in the Navy housing on the Groton side of the river. Matthew didn't allow himself to talk at more length with Patrick than was reasonable. The Chief of the Boat would get on my case if my efforts to relieve boredom caused me to overlook something that needed reporting.

He strode toward the outer end of the pier, glancing as he went at the nearest other boats tied up in their own berths. One man on the downstream side waved across to him. Just as he waved back, a tenor voice came from upstream, from the port side of his boat.... and seemingly from water level.

"Pet Yossur Drann?"

So startled that he didn't think to call Gary, Matthew looked down the pressure hull-- and saw two swans. Of these, the nearer one was the male-- and was the one speaking. "Pet Yossur Drann?"

Regaining composure, Matthew asked: "How can you pronounce the letter 'P' when you don't have any lips?"
 
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SWAN, PAGE 2:

The male exchanged a glance with his mate, then looked back at the sailor.

"Have you ever seen a parrot? We know of them, but never met any of them in this region."

"Yes, often. One of my local friends--" Matthew paused to consider what he was about to say to a bird. Thinking before speaking had often spared him from trouble, in basic training and then in submarine school. "My friend has a parrot living with him. The parrot is free to come and go. Now, I guess you mentioned parrots because they don't use their beaks to talk. They make all of their vocal sounds down inside their throats."

The female nodded, which was an impressive gesture with such a long neck. "You're very smart. Smart enough that I guess you're not in a hurry about asking us why we're able to speak intelligently, to hold a freely flowing conversation. Still, you surely must be wondering how it is that we exist at all."

Matthew glanced over at Patrick, then turned back toward his visitors. "Wait a little while, and help yourselves to more seaweed." While they resumed eating, Matthew and Patrick strode opposite ways, looked up and down the river, paid no heed to the swans, talked sailor talk, and eventually eased back into plain routine.

"Is it safe to converse now?" asked the female swan, looking Matthew straight in the eyes now because Patrick wasn't showing any worrisome curiosity. Her husband henceforth left the dialogue to her, while he swam randomly around the vicinity: at once keeping a lookout for anything dangerous, and looking like a swan being a conventional swan. . IIIIIII
 
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@U@U@U@U@U@U@U@U@U@U@U@U@U@U@

UNDERSTAND: "THE SWAN BESIDE THE SUBMARINE" WAS INSERTED IN THE SPACEBULLIES MULTIVERSE BECAUSE IT HAD TO GO IN SOMEWHERE. IT BEING DONE , I RETURN YOU TO THE LEFT-HANGING EVENTS ON DYSTOPIAN EARTH.

NOTE THAT PLOT ARCS INDEPENDENT FROM DYSTOPIAN EARTH MAY BE >HAPPENING< CONCURRENTLY WITH MY COWBOY-TYPE STORYLINE, BUT NOT BE >DEPICTED< UNTIL DAYS OR WEEKS LATER IN REAL-WORLD CONTINUITY. [/I]

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FOR THE SAKE OF THE LATELY-MENTIONED WOMAN I LOVE, WHO HAS CANCER, I'M GOING TO HER PREFERRED NEW SETTING, DIRECTLY TO HER PREFERRED NEW SETTING, WILL NOT PASS DYSTOPIAN EARTH, WILL NOT COLLECT ANY DUNGEONS & DRAGONS CHARACTERS FOR THE PRESENT. STAR TREK-DERIVED STUFF BEGINS ====>> _NOW!!_

On board the A.E.S. Bettersize: "Captain!" exclaimed Lieutenant Futura. "I'm picking up an exchange between Commander Pickacard and what seems to be a Fakefurengi cruiser."

Captain James Dean Dirk uttered a half-sigh, half-groan. "Is Jean-Duc trying to give away the store again?"

"Sounds like it, sir. He's lost four crewmembers, and still is asking to negotiate."

"Put it on bridge audio."

Life Science Officer Jeralyn Dodger and Ship's Biologist Roland Cavett, the two eldest crewmembers on the starship, unobtrusively clasped hands as they heard Pickacard. Younger than Captain Dirk, Jean-Duc was descended from Frenchmen who, on their closely-modeled version of Earth, had surrendered to Englishmen in the Hundred Years' War, had surrendered to Englishmen in the Seven Years' War, had surrendered to Englishmen and Germans at Waterloo, had been expelled from Mexico in the Franco-Mexican War by the Juaristas, had surrendered to Germans in the Franco-Prussian War, had surrendered to Germans in World War One, had surrendered to Germans in World War Two, and had manned the ranks of their Foreign Legion with Germans whose ancestors had accepted French surrenders.

A simpering voice came from the monitoring speakers: "Fakefurengi vessel, this is Lieutenant Commander Pickacard of the A.E.S. Sniffnoser. You are not negotiating in good faith. When I commanded A.E.S. Compliant, the Romcomulans settled for a ransom, plus all of us wearing T-shirts that said I was a poo-poo head. When I had my first command on the scout frigate A.E.S. Submissive, the Backdorians were satisfied with our painting ourselves blue. If you continue killing my crewmembers, the Affiliation of Planets will send a strongly- worded protest to your nearest consulate."

Intra-ship comms bore a call to the science station on the bridge. It was from a sturdy man called Jamm Retrief, a diplomatic emissary-at-large for the Affiliation. "Roland? Jeralyn? Can you join me at the shuttle bay?" Jeralyn took off at once for their friend's location. Roland hastily told Futura where they were going, then followed his true love. Retrief, qualified on assorted spacecraft, was already gearing up.

"You're both qualified with medkits; I have two each for you. Captain Dirk's not holding back because he doesn't care what happens to Pickacard, he noticed that the Fakefurengi are attacking at close range, weaving around Sniffnoser to attack every angle. Dirk doesn't want to hit the ship he's trying to save-- so he's letting US pull a surgical strike, no pun intended."



On board Sniffnoser, Medical Officer Beverly Muldaur had her hands full trying to keep Sniffnoser's casualties alive. She had been the only person available to extract shipmates from a compartment which had been penetrated, before the space had been sealed off. The emissary's frequency- agile comm unit reached the doctor's link.

"Bev! Cavalry's coming! Which access hatch can we use? I have two folks who can help you, and I'll help out MY way."

With controlled haste, after Jamm had offloaded his friends, they joined the dutiful physician in rendering battlefield care to the casualties. The relatively-old couple and the beautiful saver of lives remained on task. Artificial gravity failed, but all three were able to manage zero-gravity procedure. Their first intimation of the external outcome was the fact that Sniffnoser quit shuddering. Jeralyn, Roland and Beverly continued stabilizing the casualties, until Pickacard-- himself unhurt-- joined them, with a scowl very different from his appeasing manner toward the enemy.

"Are you two friends of Retrief? Are you aware that he has wrecked my peaceful outreach?"

"We know that he saved your command from total obliteration," Jeralyn snapped. "He probably targeted all the weak spots on the Fakefurengi ship. Now that they've been stomped, the mercenary basketball-heads will finally be in a mood for gentle diplomacy. Especially after Navigator Checklist finds the best path to get Bettersize past the local asteroids, and the Fakefurengi are looking down the barrels of Captain Dirk's neutron beams."

Less than two standard days later, after James Dirk thumbed his nose at Fakefurengi leaders via subspace radio, he turned his contempt upon the lower-ranking Jean-Duc Pickacard. Meanwhile, having been reminded of the fragility of life, Roland and Jeralyn availed themselves of quarters provided by Captain Dirk, and surprised each other with just how much passion they still were capable of.
 
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COPPERFOX HOPES THAT THE REAL-WORLD LADY GERALYN ROGERS, WRONGED BY LIFE IN MULTIPLE WAYS, WILL SEE THIS PLOT ARC FROM HER HOME IN FLORIDA. EVENING STAR AND PHOLUS THE CENTAUR, WHO KNOW ABOUT GERALYN AND CAN EMPATHIZE, HAVE BOTH BEEN PRAYING ABOUT THAT GOOD WOMAN'S NEEDS.

{{ Having given the young-at-heart lovers a good introduction to my readers, I shall now begin providing said readers with story-facts about this new story-reality. In particular, for anyone who has read the collaborative military sci-fi of David Weber and Eric Flint, I will start my not-always- charitable spoofing of the Honor Harrington series. Old hands with space opera should note that Honor Harrington's universe has very different rules for faster-than -light ships than the rules known to James Kirk. This functional contrast will eventually become relevant.

Fear not, the Spacebullies alter-egos of Geralyn and myself will be back. }}
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My longtime readers know that I have often allowed female characters to possess more power than their male companions, but the guys _aren't_ useless. For instance, Bunkem Isotope is less mighty than Trala-Lalia, but he still brings value to the table. Gleaming Knight has much less power than Stellar Sapphire, but he carries his end. Kirk Slippage has less power than his magic-using wife Zoorama, but his medical skills and wisdom are well worth having. This type of not-so-lopsided -after-all pairing will be seen in my take on David Weber.

uu
 
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Here, as promised to Geralyn Rodgers, is a backwards trail through the career of the well-established character Clara "Superhottie" Klint, cousin to Corky "Superdude" Klint.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ These two have a history similar to the super-cousins in comic books. Their single most obvious difference from comic books is that there is no Kryptonite in this parody- universe. Instead, their crucial weakness ((besides _magic_ having power against them)) is that a strong degree of RED LIGHT, in any exposure longer than a few seconds at a time, reduces their strength and makes them vulnerable to ordinary violence.

=\=\=\=\=\=\=\=\=\=\=\=\=\=\=

THE MOST RECENT ONSTAGE ACTIVITY BY THE TWO TONKRYPIAN COUSINS was on a Third Galaxy supra-terrestroid planet called Redundantworld. The roughly humanoid natives of this world, with technology similar to our late nineteenth century, was being robbed of its valuable minerals by _four_ competing super -alien races. Other good-aligned beings joining the Tonkrypians against the exploitation included the super-DUPER human hero "Black Admiral," his demi-human wife Shibwazushu, the Amazon-type warrior princess Walloper Woman, and the snouted near- human Thor- variant called Bakerstray Bill. A _very_ super super-villain called Lowblow, practically unkillable, was killed as he deserved by a _large_ gang-up of major heroes. At last report, the united superheroes had forced the intrusive super- aliens to make restitution for minerals already taken, and to pay for any future extraction.

As a wild card in the game, an eccentric legalistic semi-villain called The Living Appeals Court obsessively made up accusations against everybody in sight, until an expert lawyer named Mason Perry persuaded him to quit it. A scientist- turned-chaotic- monster called Doctor Handmitten, far more evil than the three-faced prosecutor, killed Mister Perry and badly hurt Appeals Court. But three Green Flashlights. with other good guys as backup. forced Handmitten to flee the planet.

At last report, Redundantworld was in good shape.

THE SUMMARY NOW JUMPS BACK SIGNIFICANTLY, TO MUCH-EARLIER EXPLOITS OF SUPERHOTTIE.........
 
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For Geralyn, remotely assuming the role of Clara "Superhottie" Klint, it should be sufficient if we can say she remembers the Earth-variant called U-R-T-H, where she has served as a member of The Justified League. In this capacity, she saw the merits of not-really- super-powered heroes, like Vigilant Cowboy, Clean Hornet, and Squire Vindictive. She also remembers high-level monsters, such as The Space Amoeba, which was able to generate so much red light as to render her or her cousin Corky utterly defenseless.

In this environment in our Andromeda Galaxy, there's a counterpart of the evil Star Wars regime, here known as The Empire of Evil Badness. Its military leader, Admiral Thuglyfe Skrawn, was able to persuade the Space Amoeba and other major monsters to serve in war against the good guys. Much of the action Skrawn directed against the Justified League had revolved around a planet called Zazdub World.

GERALYN, SWEETHEART, are you looking at this? I'm pretty sure I told you that Squire Vindictive gets deployed to the cowboy- environment world I've described. Your alter-ego "Catastrophe Jane" will meet him.

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_______________ Real-world concerns, notably attention directed at Wood Nymph and Geralyn, validates my taking a narrative shortcut.

It has worked well for years of T.D.L. authoring when I allow the woman in a love relationship to be mostly more powerful than her man, but the man does have some specialty which makes him worthwhile. For instance, Jimmy Strum the Unfindable Man with his wife the Exquisite She-Hunk; or Street-Bat allowing his bride Symphony Britt to acquire Green Flashlight powers instead of him.

For some while, I have actively wanted my Urthian journalist character Jimmy Ulcer to get it on with Superhottie. Therefore I [/i]shall[/i] give Jimmy a green light. I don't believe that Geralyn will have any problem with it. With a little boost from Professor Crazier, Jimmy receives a gift of borderline telepathy. He can't outright read minds, but he can {1} locate people, {2} detect evil, and {3} know any language that is needed. These contributions make Jimmy a contributing partner, not merely a cheerleader.

GERALYN MY DARLING, IN CASE THIS REACHES YOU BEFORE A PHONE TEXT DOES, I THINK YOU'LL BE COOL WITH JIMMY BEING SUPERHOTTIE'S MAIN SQUEEZE. OF COURSE, SHE WON'T EVER SQUEEZE HIM FATALLY.
 
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