Rustywall: The Silliness Begins

Copperfox

Well-known member
Brian Jacques is known for his "Wind in the Willows" -type fantasies. Each to his own taste; but my own taste is not for strict veganism. I know that stories all the way back to "The Three Little Pigs" have equated NON- veganism with evil badness. Tough luck for any creature which ever eats animal protein. Yet our own Timbalionguy, when writing "The Lion's Share," addressed the same subject with insight and clarity. Look it up for yourself.

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Things were going swimmingly in Rustywall Manor. The latest strawberry harvest brought in a bumper crop that topped previous records. Benjamin Bunny hopped up and down, clapping his paws. "Oh golly oh gee, isn't the Earl going to be thrilled to pieces when he sees all the luscious, red ripe berries!"

The three youngling bunnies danced around papa. "Indeed!" they cried in unison, their fuzzy heads swimming with thoughts of strawberry jam, strawberry tarts, and just plain strawberries. For every bunny worthy of the name knows there is nothing so fulfilling as a ripe, red strawberry, topped with a sprinkling of powdered sugar.

It was such a perfect moment. But like most perfect moments, the seeds of evil waited just under the surface waiting to germinate with a bit of rain of laxity, some nitrogen based fertilizer of opportunity, and whatever else it needed.

Standing in front of his huge gothic mirror, Villain Ratsneak stood, paws upraised so that his overly polished and sharpened nails glistened in the drunken light of the candles.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the evilist one of all??"

"Evil, Ratsneak, I do vow, but I am eviller far than thou!"

At this, the rat--for such he was--bared his fangs, grabbed up a mace, and smashed the mirror into a million angry fragments. He cackled as he danced with glee amidst the million warped reflections of his evil, evil leering face.

And just to make sure his confirmed status as the evillest of the evil and vilest of the vile remained unstained by virtue, he strode malevolently over to the dartboard where a painting of Oswald the Lucky Rabbit smiled sweetly.

"Your Luck has just run out along with your copyright protection!" he cried, throwing three darts that landed devastatingly in the centers of his blue eyes and pink button nose.

"And as a warning to magic mirrors everywhere, my next nefarious plot will forever cement--or is it mortar?--my reputation! Today, Rustywall Manor! Tomorrow, the world!!"
 
You just made yourself a co-author! Everything you just posted can be considered part of my intended story. I can quite easily work around your Benjamin Bunny sequence: assume that he was doing his thing four or five miles away from my folks.

On grounds of seniority, I reserve the right to kill off your added characters if they try to interfere with mine. But it really is unlikely to come up.


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Six miles west of Rustywall Manor, around the same time as Ratsneak destroyed his mirror, two mated pairs of Talking Tigers-- a pair of brothers descended from the redeemed criminal Hookpaw, mated with two sisters descended from a less-renowned Limtal Tiger named Longmuzzle --approached a breezy canvas-roofed refreshment stand. A female Talking Wallaby with a pouched infant (whose gender would be undiscernible till emergence) was in charge, with her fully- weaned son helping to run things.

"Get your meadowcream here!" shouted the marsupial boy. "Fresh from the meadow!"

Bannertail, one of the tigresses, approached the stand in a carefully non-threatening manner, closely accompanied by her husband Widesnout. "Begging your pardon, my good Wallaby," Bannertail asked, "but what IS meadowcream? How do you make it or get it?"

Without embarrassment, Mistress Dafreetu answered, "It's a mixture of honey, pine sap, milkweed juice, and pulverized dandelion petals."


Roughchest, the other male Tiger, moved closer after hanging back at first. "Excuse me. Meadowcream sounds like a wholesome simple-sugar source, no problem there. But what, um, what about, you know, protein? Like, to make skin and muscles?"

Leaning back on her tail, Dafreetu rolled her eyes. "Skin and muscles are a given; they just need fuel. Did you stay in your mother's pouch when other young beasts were learning to read and write at the Rustywall Abbey?"


Jumpaside, Roughchest's mate, came as near as a quadruped could come to doing an elbow-nudge on him. Then, to the mother wallaby: "I think it's a matter of body mass."

Widesnout picked up the discussion. "We probably have no currency that passes in Rustywall country. Maybe we can barter something for a supply of your meadowcream."

This was where a new character arrived on the scene: a very large snake, plump in proportion to his length. He addressed the merchant-class wallaby: "Good mother beast, I am known as Cicero the Seasick Sea Monster. That's a metaphor; I scarcely ever barf. By the will of Aslan-- yes, I know Who He is-- I am about to shed my skin, and here are four clawed felines who can help me molt by degrees. Then, since you've got fingers which can hold a needle, the equivalent of waterskins can be fashioned out of my discarded epidermis. These will hold the meadowcream, once you work out a work-barter transaction; meanwhile, I figure on caterpillaring east to Rustywall Manor."


Dafreetu did a doubletake. "What, like an inchworm bunching up and pushing forward and bunching up and pushing forward?"

"That's the general idea. I've heard about a Lord High Rodent in charge there. I plan to feel out his attitude about receiving visitors from the Bobby Clambake Islands."

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This is where Coppefox's co-author Evening Star will pick up the narrative, watching Cicero's arrival through the eyes of the petulant Lord Ratsneak.

FURTHER NOTE FOR EVENING STAR'S BENEFIT: When Cicero has to defend himself, he won't constrict any assailant. Instead, he'll grab enemies to body-slam them left and right, as Hulk did to Loki in the first Avengers movie. Cartoon damage, konechno; Ratsneak or whoever will get right up again. This, however, doesn't mean that violence involving only characters under your full- time control shouldn't be gory.
 
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