100 or More Things You Learned from LOTR

Glenburne

Glenburne

Scourge of Squirreldom
Staff member
Royal Guard
Considering that there are so many things to be learned from the Narnian world, I thought LOTR might teach a similar number...

1. Don't spend your life studying evil, even to defeat it, or it will defeat you (i. e. Saruman).
2. You're safest in your hobbit-hole.
3. Hairy feet are good for walking.
4. Don't ever, ever steal mushrooms.
 
5. Always take a reliable trustworthy friend with you on adventures.
6. Don't take Rings from strange places.
7. Never put your 'weapons' away until you are clear of danger.
8. Elvish swords are very useful.
9. Stop, drop and roll may be helpful while trying to evade wraith swords.
10. NEVER PUT THE RING ON!!! I don't care HOW much you want to, DON'T!
11. If there is any possibility wraiths may be involved in a battle take a couple girls with you.
12. Elves are odd. o_O
 
13. Be nice to moths. They might save your life.

14. If orc-spiders run away in fright, assume that something REALLY scary is coming out of that tunnel.

15. Wear your suit of mithril when you battle cave trolls.

16. Once everyone has explained the battle strategy in detail, burst out "A diversion!" as it finally dawns on you. (Legolas has his blond moments...:rolleyes:)

17. When you defeat a wizard, remember to take advantage of his storeroom.

18. Write a book about your adventures.

19. Don't light a fire if you're trying to hide from Nazgul.
 
20. always have a can of water when fighting the balrog

21. Never ride against a mumakil

22. Never go to mordor!

23. Throw your sword to save a friend (boromir) from goblins only in a emergency!
 
24. Cave Trolls are not housebroken.

25. Neither are Orcs

26.Same goes for Balrogs

27. And while we're at it, neither is Gollum

28.If you think some one is out to kill your best friend, chances are they will.

29. Always keep Gollum tied up and close at hand.

30. If you hear shreiks, roars, heavy drums and see a bright red light following you... FLY YOU, FOOLS, FLY!

31. The Brook and Pool is wet and cool, so juicy sweet.
 
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32. Mountains can be temperamental.
33. So can trees.
34. Playing favorites with your sons yields strictly bad results.
35. Don't forget the spirit of the law, or the law itself may be destroyed.
36. The U. S. Army should hire the Keebler Elves to make K-rations, since Elf-bread is so nourishing...
 
33: don't mess with elves- it will only end with trouble
34: don't mess with wizards- it will only end with 20 dwarfs in your hobbit hole
 
amdd97 said:
34: don't mess with wizards- it will only end with 20 dwarfs in your hobbit hole
Click to expand...

ahem, I think you mean 13 dwarves....;)


35. Never forget about the Ents.
36. A wizard is never late. Nor is he early, rather he arrives precisely when he means to!
36. Eagles tend to show up at the most desperate times in battles.
37. Never hold small swinging objects in front of your face... especially if the said object is the Ring.
38. The reason you should let Gollum live is because if it wasn't for him Middle Earth would be in the hands of Sauron... wait- hands?:p
39. Do not throw stones into creepy pools of murky water, it can backfire!
40. Small people can do very big helpful things.... well if you can get them to leave Hobbiton that is.
 
Mozart the Meerkitten said:
ahem, I think you mean 13 dwarves....;)


35. Never forget about the Ents.
36. A wizard is never late. Nor is he early, rather he arrives precisely when he means to!
36. Eagles tend to show up at the most desperate times in battles.
37. Never hold small swinging objects in front of your face... especially if the said object is the Ring.
38. The reason you should let Gollum live is because if it wasn't for him Middle Earth would be in the hands of Sauron... wait- hands?:p
39. Do not throw stones into creepy pools of murky water, it can backfire!
40. Small people can do very big helpful things.... well if you can get them to leave Hobbiton that is.
Click to expand...

I always get that mixed up:p
 
41. If you offer your service to an insane steward, prepare a few songs in advance.

42. DON'T look into the seeing stone.

43. When the sword glows blue, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

44. Don't announce Frodo's family tree in public.

45. Don't touch broken shards from an ancient sword- they'll still be sharp.

46. Don't look at the corpses beneath the water of the Dead Marshes.

47. Don't trust Smeagol.
 
50. Being invisible ain't all it's cracked up to be.
51. Food quality is important until you get into Mordor.
52. Sea burials are picturesque, if nothing else.
53. Avoid becoming a monomaniac. The results are almost always unpleasant.
54. Piggyback isn't a bad way to travel.
55. They're taking the hobbits to Isengard! (Tell me I didn't just type that.)
 
61. If you see two certain Hobbits lighting a suspicious-looking bunch of fireworks-RUN LIKE THE WIND.

62. Orcs are like "Before" pictures on an Extreme Makeover magazine (this is quoted by my 8-year-old sister,Karina.Kudos to her! :D)

63. Fell Beasts are basically hairless chickens with a high-voltage scream.Not to mention they suck when it comes to fighting Eagles.

63. Elves,no matter where they are or what they've been doing,have oddly neat hair.

64. THE LORD OF THE RINGS IS AWESOME.Whoever contradicts that...*cracks knuckles menacingly* :p
 
65. Don't judge by appearance, if the person in question is Aragorn.
66. Judge by appearance, if the person in question is not Aragorn.
67. Generally avoid singing your songs about Elves to the Elves.
68. Singing stupid songs can result in stupid behavior.
69. Singing stupid songs can be a welcome diversion when your master is wounded with a Morgul-knife.
70. Too many Boy Scout camping trips are bad for the complexion: ask Aragorn.
 
71. There's some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for.

72. Nobody tosses a dwarf.

73. Don't play with fireworks at someone's party, or else you'll get dish-duty.

74. You can learn everything there is to know about hobbits in a month, but even after a hundred years, they can still surprise you.
 
75. When your cute, blonde, not so secret admirer makes you soup, smile politely, accept her offer, take a bite, and if you find you don't like it... promptly dump it out when she isn't looking.

76. Make sure that the afformentioned not so secret admirer doesn't suddenly turn around to ask you a question about your age while you are dumping out the soup. You will only end up burning your leg.

77. The reason there is the legend that there are no dwarf women is because they are so a like in voice and appearance that they are indistinguishable from dwarf men.

78. It's the beards. ( see above.)
 
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79. Don't tell your daughter her lover is going to die, especially if she has the gift of foresight.

80. Don't taunt Aragorn about his lineage when he's wearing the Sword of Elendil.

81. Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.

82. Go not to the Elves for counsel, for they will tell you both no and yes.

83. When in doubt, always follow your nose.
 
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