A Poem

Lossëndil

Lossëndil

Well-known member
A Poem

Father,
I come before You tonight,
Clothed in death and sin.
I know I’m not worthy,
But will you take me in?

I am just a wretched sinner,
Unworthy of Your love.
Yet You, the King, the Lord, the God,
Showed me eternal love.

Please, Father, forgive me,
Heal my broken heart,
And by Your Eternal Grace,
Lift me from the dark.

Show me what You see, Lord,
Teach me what is right.
Guide my path and lead me
Surely through the night.

Teach me to hate sin, Lord,
Those deeds that You abhor.
Help me to stay spotless,
Though at evil’s door.

Let me love as You love,
Loving everyone.
Give me strength to tell them
All that You have done.

Let me not forget You,
Whatever may befall.
I shall ever fear You,
And hold you high in awe.

I will learn Your statutes,
And keep them in my heart.
I will live by them from day to day,
Not to stumble in the dark.


I can come before You, Father,
Only by Your Grace.
In the name of He who died
And rose again I pray,
Your will be done.
 
Last edited:
I agree, it was excellent. God might reply with something like this:


I have no satisfaction
In perishing of souls;
My Spirit purifies by flame,
As with Isaiah's coals.

The change may not be easy,
Nor quickly understood;
But all I bring across your path
Is meant to do you good.
 
I was worrying that the rhyme might affect the message, maybe distract readers from what I was trying to say. Do you think it did?

And for the second stanza, I used two "love"s, I hate repeating words, but I couldn't think of anything. Any suggestions?

And thank you so much for liking it. :)
 
I like the rhyme... I actually think that when a poem doesn't rhyme it gets in the way of reading it smoothly. Things like rhyme and meter help it to flow. So I think the message actually comes across better with rhyme! :) Nice job.

As for suggestions in stanza 2...the only one I could think of changes it quite a bit, and I'm not sure it's all that good anyways, but:

I am just a wretched sinner,
Unworthy of your care.
Yet you, the King, the Lord, the God
Showed love eternal there.

It's a little odd still...but...eh, a suggestion. ;)
 
Another possibility:


A sinner, I know that Your love
Is more than I deserve;
But in Your grace, You treat me
Just as if I had some worth.
 
Lossëndil said:
I was worrying that the rhyme might affect the message, maybe distract readers from what I was trying to say. Do you think it did?

And for the second stanza, I used two "love"s, I hate repeating words, but I couldn't think of anything. Any suggestions?

And thank you so much for liking it. :)
Click to expand...

I lkie your poem, and the rhyme..
A suggestion for the second stanza:

You are King , My Lord and God,
Your love I don't deserve,
Yet if You'll allow me; at your feet,
Forever, I shall serve
 
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