~Lava~
Well-known member
A long time ago I wrote a basic storyline for this and posted it in the "What could have happened to Susan?" thread. Over the past three days, I have written this short story. I hope you all enjoy it.
Looking through the streets of a shocked London, one would hardly have guessed that the war was over. There was a general feeling of gloom and sadness, most notably near the police station where people, clad in mourning black, were filtering through to claim and collect the personal effects of their loved ones. It was two days out from a very tragic train accident that took the lives of almost everyone in the station.
It was almost a shame for one not to notice the two older couples and a young woman (manifestly not either’s daughter) who headed into the police station quite close to one another. They all knew each other; they all had family who died in the crash. Probably the reason they seemed so out of place was that the young woman would have been stunning had she not been dressed in black and looking as though she was about to burst into another bout of tears. Such was the general feeling of the day, so it was rather to be expected.
The two couples approached the desk first: one giving the last name of Pole, the other went by Scrubb. They had lost their only children, one was a daughter named Jill and the other a son named Eustace. Then came the young woman. She said that she was Susan Pevensie and that she was there to collect the belongings of Mr. and Mrs. Pevensie and those of her two brothers and one sister.
The desk workers told them all to wait and that an officer would bring them out their loved-ones belongings as soon as they could retrieve them. Then, losing the battle with curiosity, one asked: “Miss Pevensie, I beg your pardon but if I may be indelicate, did you lose your whole family in this crash.” Susan, unable to answer, burst into tears; Mr. Scrubb told the man to mind his own business. It was good thing that several police officers, bearing bags with the belongings, came into the lobby at that time; it broke the tense silence that had built up during the moments after the question had been asked. All that was needed was a few signatures, and then the little group left. Susan was helped by the man who called himself Mr. Scrubb. The Scrubbs and Susan all put their parcels into the same car.
Later that week, Susan sat in her house; one that not long ago she had shared with four other people and occasionally her brother, Peter, who was away at the University much of the time because he wanted to become a doctor. She had had to remove his possessions from the apartment where he had been staying not long after going to pick up the stuff from the police station. She had no idea what to do with it all. Currently, it all sat in jumbled piles all over her parlor floor and all she had done for the past hour was stare at it; well, that and move it from place to place going through the motions of starting to sort it out but not actually opening anything or looking through it.
The phone rang and out of habit Susan went to go pick up the receiver. The voice on the other line was familiar and yet distant: “Susan, we are all going out tonight. We miss your company, do you wish to come?”
“I cannot, first of all, just less than a week ago, my whole family died and I am not emotionally up to going out. Besides, because they all are gone, I have to sort through their stuff and put it where it belongs. I have to get off the phone now. Good-bye.”
The phone call gave her renewed vigor and left her questioning what types of friends she had chosen for herself. Soon, however, that was all forgotten because she finally opened the first bag. It was one from the police station and it just so happened to contain Lucy’s things. There wasn’t much because she was just going along for the ride. It contained her little handbag and all her journals because she had been trying to bind them together to form one book; from the looks of things, she was successful. It was cleverly done and in her handbag she had a leather cover that was going to be the cover for it. Really, it seemed as though Lucy had expected that she was not going to need another journal. A quick flip through the pages showed that the journals covered from shortly after they had gone to the Professor’s house all the way until yesterday. There was also Lucy’s pencil, a much worn handkerchief that still smelled deliciously like summer afternoons, and a little locket containing a picture of their family on one side and a drawn picture of a lion on the other.
Next she tackled the bag with her parents’ belongings. Not much of interest was in their things; it was her father’s wallet, her mother purse, and various other things her parents were known to carry on regular basis. It seemed that the luggage car had been smashed (or maybe burned) because none of their luggage had been returned.
Susan did not know why the boys had been at the station but she next went through Edmund’s stuff. She did not find much in Ed’s things; he, also, had a drawn picture of a lion in his wallet. She also found pencil and drawing paper leaving her to conclude that Ed must have been the originator of the drawn lions. His wallet had a funny smell to it and it was very old, four or five years by the looks. Try as she might, she could not place the smell but couldn’t understand why Ed would carry something that smelled so odd, almost like old food. Other than that, Ed had a pocket watch and a pressed leaf with a familiar look to it but one that she could not place with a tree near her house.
She had saved Peter’s possessions for last because she figured she do it all together, even the stuff from his apartment. First there was the bag; it took her awhile to open it because the police had taken more care that it should not accidentally open and she had not put down Lucy’s journal. When it finally was open, she saw why the police had made sure it stayed closed, it had a lot of little rings in it that kind of glowed and it seemed that they were humming. She thought she remembered hearing about rings like them before but decided that it must have been in a catalogue. At any rate, she shifted the book she was carrying and picked up the bag to get a closer look. Finding it hard to see them in their bag, she reached into it with her free hand grabbed for a yellow one…
She was a little discombobulated when she became aware of her surroundings again (it was only because a guinea pig had come up to her and was investigating her hair by chewing on it). She was sitting near a pool of water with a book tucked into her arm and a bag of stuff in the hand of that same arm there was a yellow ring in her other hand. The only other thing she noticed was about the place; she saw that it was overrun by guinea pigs but otherwise very calm and peaceful. Slowly it came back to her that this was not the place she should have expected to be after waking up from a nap, but, realizing that she had nowhere else to be, she looked around for a place to sit that would be more comfortable.
There was a tree close by and many other ponds. Before leaving for the tree, she thought it would be best to mark the pond she came out of. She went to do so but found that it was already done. More thinking aloud than talking to herself, she said, “Well, I ought to have known that. It was in that story about the rings; I wish I could remember why I know it.” She slowly walked to the tree.
Not wanting to go back to her parlor at home nor wanting to go back to sleep, Susan started reading Lucy’s journal. It all started with a brief recounting of the Professor giving it to Lucy and telling her to put down her thoughts and feelings. Lucy faithfully did, writing at least once a week from that time forward; it was very like Lucy to do so. Susan read and read: she read about their first encounter with Narnia; about Lucy when she was wondering when they would get back to Narnia; about the Great Lion, Aslan. Later, she read about their second Narnian adventure; reading Lucy’s diary made Susan feel as if Narnia was actually really real. More real than it had felt to her in a long time; she almost remembered dancing with the Maenads. She soon came to the part about when Lucy was talking about their exit back out of Narnia and how Aslan had told Peter and Susan that they were not coming back. Lucy speculated that it must have been hard for Peter and her to hear that they would never see Aslan again. Coming out of that part, Susan felt a little guilty; it had not been as hard for her as Lucy had thought it would be and she was a little troubled by Lucy’s thoughts on the behavior during the night Aslan brought them to the How.
She then moved into the part during Lucy’s first year of boarding school. It was again filled with hope and wondering when Lucy would get to see Aslan again. Near the end of the year, Lucy expressed her struggle against jealousy about Susan getting to go to America when she had to go live with their aunt, uncle, and cousin. She read about Lucy and Ed’s third and final trip to Narnia. It wasn’t until she had read the part of Lucy talking about some magic book that Lucy called Coriakin’s Book that Susan realized how miserable it must have been for Lucy to be compared to herself all the time. Lucy talked of all of their struggles and of meeting Ramandu, a star. Finally, she talked of going home again and Aslan telling her and Ed that they were not coming back to Narnia. Lucy had found great comfort in Aslan telling her that He was in England too.
(Continued below)
Looking through the streets of a shocked London, one would hardly have guessed that the war was over. There was a general feeling of gloom and sadness, most notably near the police station where people, clad in mourning black, were filtering through to claim and collect the personal effects of their loved ones. It was two days out from a very tragic train accident that took the lives of almost everyone in the station.
It was almost a shame for one not to notice the two older couples and a young woman (manifestly not either’s daughter) who headed into the police station quite close to one another. They all knew each other; they all had family who died in the crash. Probably the reason they seemed so out of place was that the young woman would have been stunning had she not been dressed in black and looking as though she was about to burst into another bout of tears. Such was the general feeling of the day, so it was rather to be expected.
The two couples approached the desk first: one giving the last name of Pole, the other went by Scrubb. They had lost their only children, one was a daughter named Jill and the other a son named Eustace. Then came the young woman. She said that she was Susan Pevensie and that she was there to collect the belongings of Mr. and Mrs. Pevensie and those of her two brothers and one sister.
The desk workers told them all to wait and that an officer would bring them out their loved-ones belongings as soon as they could retrieve them. Then, losing the battle with curiosity, one asked: “Miss Pevensie, I beg your pardon but if I may be indelicate, did you lose your whole family in this crash.” Susan, unable to answer, burst into tears; Mr. Scrubb told the man to mind his own business. It was good thing that several police officers, bearing bags with the belongings, came into the lobby at that time; it broke the tense silence that had built up during the moments after the question had been asked. All that was needed was a few signatures, and then the little group left. Susan was helped by the man who called himself Mr. Scrubb. The Scrubbs and Susan all put their parcels into the same car.
Later that week, Susan sat in her house; one that not long ago she had shared with four other people and occasionally her brother, Peter, who was away at the University much of the time because he wanted to become a doctor. She had had to remove his possessions from the apartment where he had been staying not long after going to pick up the stuff from the police station. She had no idea what to do with it all. Currently, it all sat in jumbled piles all over her parlor floor and all she had done for the past hour was stare at it; well, that and move it from place to place going through the motions of starting to sort it out but not actually opening anything or looking through it.
The phone rang and out of habit Susan went to go pick up the receiver. The voice on the other line was familiar and yet distant: “Susan, we are all going out tonight. We miss your company, do you wish to come?”
“I cannot, first of all, just less than a week ago, my whole family died and I am not emotionally up to going out. Besides, because they all are gone, I have to sort through their stuff and put it where it belongs. I have to get off the phone now. Good-bye.”
The phone call gave her renewed vigor and left her questioning what types of friends she had chosen for herself. Soon, however, that was all forgotten because she finally opened the first bag. It was one from the police station and it just so happened to contain Lucy’s things. There wasn’t much because she was just going along for the ride. It contained her little handbag and all her journals because she had been trying to bind them together to form one book; from the looks of things, she was successful. It was cleverly done and in her handbag she had a leather cover that was going to be the cover for it. Really, it seemed as though Lucy had expected that she was not going to need another journal. A quick flip through the pages showed that the journals covered from shortly after they had gone to the Professor’s house all the way until yesterday. There was also Lucy’s pencil, a much worn handkerchief that still smelled deliciously like summer afternoons, and a little locket containing a picture of their family on one side and a drawn picture of a lion on the other.
Next she tackled the bag with her parents’ belongings. Not much of interest was in their things; it was her father’s wallet, her mother purse, and various other things her parents were known to carry on regular basis. It seemed that the luggage car had been smashed (or maybe burned) because none of their luggage had been returned.
Susan did not know why the boys had been at the station but she next went through Edmund’s stuff. She did not find much in Ed’s things; he, also, had a drawn picture of a lion in his wallet. She also found pencil and drawing paper leaving her to conclude that Ed must have been the originator of the drawn lions. His wallet had a funny smell to it and it was very old, four or five years by the looks. Try as she might, she could not place the smell but couldn’t understand why Ed would carry something that smelled so odd, almost like old food. Other than that, Ed had a pocket watch and a pressed leaf with a familiar look to it but one that she could not place with a tree near her house.
She had saved Peter’s possessions for last because she figured she do it all together, even the stuff from his apartment. First there was the bag; it took her awhile to open it because the police had taken more care that it should not accidentally open and she had not put down Lucy’s journal. When it finally was open, she saw why the police had made sure it stayed closed, it had a lot of little rings in it that kind of glowed and it seemed that they were humming. She thought she remembered hearing about rings like them before but decided that it must have been in a catalogue. At any rate, she shifted the book she was carrying and picked up the bag to get a closer look. Finding it hard to see them in their bag, she reached into it with her free hand grabbed for a yellow one…
She was a little discombobulated when she became aware of her surroundings again (it was only because a guinea pig had come up to her and was investigating her hair by chewing on it). She was sitting near a pool of water with a book tucked into her arm and a bag of stuff in the hand of that same arm there was a yellow ring in her other hand. The only other thing she noticed was about the place; she saw that it was overrun by guinea pigs but otherwise very calm and peaceful. Slowly it came back to her that this was not the place she should have expected to be after waking up from a nap, but, realizing that she had nowhere else to be, she looked around for a place to sit that would be more comfortable.
There was a tree close by and many other ponds. Before leaving for the tree, she thought it would be best to mark the pond she came out of. She went to do so but found that it was already done. More thinking aloud than talking to herself, she said, “Well, I ought to have known that. It was in that story about the rings; I wish I could remember why I know it.” She slowly walked to the tree.
Not wanting to go back to her parlor at home nor wanting to go back to sleep, Susan started reading Lucy’s journal. It all started with a brief recounting of the Professor giving it to Lucy and telling her to put down her thoughts and feelings. Lucy faithfully did, writing at least once a week from that time forward; it was very like Lucy to do so. Susan read and read: she read about their first encounter with Narnia; about Lucy when she was wondering when they would get back to Narnia; about the Great Lion, Aslan. Later, she read about their second Narnian adventure; reading Lucy’s diary made Susan feel as if Narnia was actually really real. More real than it had felt to her in a long time; she almost remembered dancing with the Maenads. She soon came to the part about when Lucy was talking about their exit back out of Narnia and how Aslan had told Peter and Susan that they were not coming back. Lucy speculated that it must have been hard for Peter and her to hear that they would never see Aslan again. Coming out of that part, Susan felt a little guilty; it had not been as hard for her as Lucy had thought it would be and she was a little troubled by Lucy’s thoughts on the behavior during the night Aslan brought them to the How.
She then moved into the part during Lucy’s first year of boarding school. It was again filled with hope and wondering when Lucy would get to see Aslan again. Near the end of the year, Lucy expressed her struggle against jealousy about Susan getting to go to America when she had to go live with their aunt, uncle, and cousin. She read about Lucy and Ed’s third and final trip to Narnia. It wasn’t until she had read the part of Lucy talking about some magic book that Lucy called Coriakin’s Book that Susan realized how miserable it must have been for Lucy to be compared to herself all the time. Lucy talked of all of their struggles and of meeting Ramandu, a star. Finally, she talked of going home again and Aslan telling her and Ed that they were not coming back to Narnia. Lucy had found great comfort in Aslan telling her that He was in England too.
(Continued below)
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and also can you make the story longer and more specific little stories later on. what was she thinking etc and i really love the ending but what happened next? it is sooo good and has soo much potential that i think you should expand and really make it a good long story! sry ill step down from my soapbox now 
can't wait to finish it. You've definitely captured my attention.