How to say I love you. A story of family love.

Alambil-Lady-of-Peace

Alambil-Lady-of-Peace

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Ok, this is a little story I wrote for fun. I wanted to do something emotional and this is what came out. Hope you like it. :)


How to Say “I love you”

The soft summer wind whipped against my face pushing my loose blonde hair back. The soft approaching footsteps of my foster mother told me of her coming.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she asked, looking out at the heavenly ocean view.
I closed my eyes and turned my head away. “Not as beautiful as it could be.” I whispered.
“Now, Ferry. You can’t go back. Not again.” Sara Wake said, putting her arm snuggly around my shoulder. She was the best foster mother anyone could have but I wish I could have a real mother, one that I grew inside, one that I could have loved for being my mother not for taking pity on me because I was abandoned.
“What if I want to?” I asked, pulling away from her grasp, “I-I-I mean, what if I want to feel sorry for myself? What if I don’t want to forget?” I started to cry.
Sara’s eyes filled with tears. She had dealt with many of these outbursts before.
I grabbed part of my long skirt, turned, and ran back towards the inn at which we were staying.

“Feridith?” my foster father called from the outside of my door. “Come on down. It’s time for dinner.”
I dried my eyes with a Kleenex and went downstairs.
Sara met me at the bottom of the staircase. “You alright, Hun?”
I nodded, squinting to keep from crying. “Why did she abandon me?” I asked, the old pain seeping back in.
Sara looked at me with her own red eyes. She was at least five inches shorter than me so she looked up. “I don’t know, Ferry. But you know what?”
I sniffed. I knew exactly what was coming.
“That’s how not to say ‘I love you’.” Sara took hold of me by the shoulders and pulled me into the dining room.

More is coming btw.
 
No readers yet! Oh well!


We had a wonderful vacation. But it was very good to be home. Sara walked into my room. “Oh my goodness. Look at this room!” she went over to my night stand and bent down, picking up a dirty sock. “Now that’s how not to say ‘I love you’.” She stood up slowly and gave me a teasing look.
I grinned and flicked on the TV.
“Dinner’s ready downstairs.” Sara walked over and wiggled my toe.
I groaned and turned the TV off. Getting up quickly, I followed Sara downstairs.

* * *

“So, Ferry, how did you say ‘I love you’ today?” asked Jack, my foster father, when I got to the table.
I grinned and spooned some mashed potatoes out onto my plate.
Sara answered for me, “Oh, she left some pretty smelly presents on the floor of her room.”
Jack raised his eyebrows, “Isn’t that how not-“
“Not to say ‘I love you.’” I finished for him. I had heard that saying two thousand times.
Jack pointed his finger at me, “Now don’t get smart with me, young lady.”
I picked up a piece of corn and threw the tiny bit at him.
Sara squealed and Jack chucked piece of chicken at me.
And dinner went on.

* * *
“Ferry!” Sara’s arms were spread wide as she looked at the paint job I had done on her porch chairs. “Ferry, dear, what in the world have you done to my chairs?”
I hadn’t done my best and Sara knew it. I’m not the greatest painter in the world but when I put my mind to it, I can make look pretty good.
“I, uh, um” I stammered, I knew exactly what was coming. “You know, Ferry, this really seems like the way not to say ‘I love you.’”
I sighed and wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. This was going to be a long childhood.
 
I like the story. I work with foster kids so I like to read stories from their point of view. I liked the dinner bit by the way, that was nice.
 
A READER!!!! YEY!!!! That makes me happy! :D




“Oh, dear,” Sara stopped wiping the cabinet and leaned against it, clutching her stomach.
I looked up from my homework. “Something wrong, Sara?”
Sara’s face twisted in pain. “Oh, my, um. Ferry, could you please get Jack for me?” Sara asked sitting down in one of the kitchen chairs.
I started getting concerned. I got up and walked swiftly into the den where Jack was sitting, watching the evening news. “Jack, Sara wants you. She seemed like she was in pain.” I said.
Jack snapped wide awake and put down the foot rest on his chair. He jumped up and ran into the kitchen.
I started panicking. What in the world could be wrong with Sara? How could she be in pain?
They came out of the kitchen with Jack supporting Sara. She was really pale and she didn’t look well.
I was crying and I rubbed my upper right arm with my left hand. “Sara?” I asked in an extremely weak voice. “Are you OK?”
Jack’s face was tight, “She will be OK. You just have to stay here and I’ll call you from the hospital.”
Hospital? He was taking Sara to the hospital?
What was going to happen?
 
The story is good but I think you should put a little bit more detail, around their actions before some twist happens. Sarah was just in pain suddenly and we don't know what was happening or what she was doing. It was too sudden. However, the story is going well so far.

oh, I know. More detail about your characters, what do they look like? how old are they? what do they like? Do they work? What?
 
Thanks for the criticism!!! I'm always glad to try and improve. One of he reasons I wasn't giving alot of details is that I wanted the story line to move a little bit quicker but I do think your right on adding a few things. Thank you! :D
 
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