i need some help

Ben, do you need editing help? There's a thread for people who want help getting edited; the Beta readers. Its at the top page of this forum.
 
Me too. I am a supporter of the writing arts. Though like they said, you need a rough plot. Here's an idea, add hobbit charictors. They always seem to make things better.:rolleyes:
 
Ok, Ben, thats progress but could you enlighten us a little more on the plot. I think that copperfox would agree that it would be helpful to know some background of the charictors, or at least their names. Try to describe how the kids get to Arthisis. Are they like the Pevensesis, who have a wardrobe, or is Arthisis apart of their own world? How old are the children and are they related. Sometimes, it is helpful to make a simple charictorsketch of the charictors. If you don't know what that means, a sketch is not a drawing (though sometimes drawing are helpful) but rather a written description of the charictors. For example: what they look like, how they interact with each other, their interests, etc. I hope that this is helpful to you.:)
 
Yeah, that would be really helpful. Here's an example--

PLOT: It is about Jacob (from the bible) and Rachel. They were both rather rebelious. They didn't really listen to God, but in the end I think I will have them realize they were wrong. Jacob is running from his brother who is seeking revenge. Jacob wants to marry Rachel but her father tricks him and he ends up marrying her sister. He eventually marries Rachel too. He has twelve sons which become the 12 tribes of Isreal. Um, I can tell you more if you want. I am really bas @ summaries... Thanks for helping!

CHARACTERS: Jacob: Dark black wavy hair, brown eyes, kinda short and not extremely large and muscular

Rachel: Medium colored curly brown hair, deep blue eyes, really pretty

It doesn't need to be exactly like that, you might add some stuff or take away some stuff, but it helps people to know what your story is about.
 
there names are luke ben and sean they get there through a book in there uncles libray and as in narnia time noe constiant ben has long brown hair and is the oldest sean has spiky hair he is 11 and luke is only 9 he has short hair.
 
Events that happen as you go along can be used to "leak" more information to the reader. For example, say you're telling the adventures of a character named Fred, and you have not yet said anything to the reader about his physical appearance. You can draw that picture step by step:

(1) Fred walks through a doorway, and has to lower his head--you've shown the reader that Fred is tall.

(2) Fred needs to hurry to overtake someone on the street, and his knees ache from the long, quick strides--you've shown that he has arthritic knees, and either is old or has suffered stress to his joints.

(3) Fred is thinking about something and scratches his head--but you specify that he scratches his head "just above his receding hairline," showing that he's partly bald.

(4) Fred changes clothes at home, and finds that his favorite pair of pants has become too tight around the waist--you've shown that he needs to lose weight.

These steps are an alternative to just flat-out saying, "Fred was a tall, aging, balding man with a pot belly." Not that you _can't_ just say it flat-out if you prefer; style is a matter of taste and of the intended effect. But hey, can you blame me if I wanted to display a little of the kind of writing-style discussion that occurs in the "Marketplace of Technique" thread? (Uh oh, I think they ARE blaming me, better take off!)
 
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