My Super Hero story :]

Gentle Voice

Gentle Voice

Active member
OK this is about my girl Boom Boom :] she from one of the RPGs I was in.


Ten Years ago



It was March the first 8:00Am

Elizabeth was in her room listening to her ipod when her dad came into to the room. He told her get out of the house because her mother wasn't in really bad mood and it wasn't safe to be there. She just nod to her father " This isn't my day," she said under her breath, she walked out of the house before her mother went off. Elizabeth didn't like it when she had to out out side because her mother wasn't in a good mood. She came to her hiding spot sliding down next to the tree. She wasn't sure if she ever come back inside this time.
 
Yes, she 14 right now. She finds out when she turns 15 at school.


Elizabeth place her head between her legs " I can't stand this any longer I need to get out of here!," she told herself, with a sigh tears rolled down her cheeks. She wasn't let this get to her this time. Elizabeth got up from her hiding spot still with tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn't go back inside the house like she all ways do. She went somewhere no, one could bother her.
 
Edited;

Dear Gentle Voice:

Formatting is Key, I must say that the plot is well, slow...but its just getting started, so theres plenty of time for that. Also, this is just a pet-peeve of mine so just ignore it if you like:

There are a lot of grammatical errors. For example:

Elizabeth place her head between her legs " I can't stand this any longer I need to get out of here!," She told herself, with a sigh tears rolled down her cheeks. She wasn't let this get to her this time. Elizabeth got up from her hiding spot still with tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn't go back inside the house like she all ways do. She went somewhere no, one could bother her.

Could be changed to this:

Elizabeth placed her head between her legs
"I can't stand this any longer; i need to get out of here!," she told herself with a sigh as tears rolled down her cheeks. She wasn't going to let this get to her this time. Elizabeth got up from her hiding spot, still with tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn't go back inside the house as she always would. She fled to a place where no one could bother her.
 
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