Once Beneath the Willow Tree; a Poem

Tweetsie

Tweetsie

New member
A poem I would appreciate some opinions on. Thank you.




I sat beneath the willow tree.
Its' great swarming branches protected me.
I loved it like a part of my heart,
our giant, towering willow tree.
When I wrote under the willow tree,
where my heart's desires were everything.
My love for confusion was everywhere.
My love for life was ever fair.
A shelter to me, my willow tree.
Her branches felt strong so steadily.
A willow tree that anchored us,
in a place where we could lead and trust.
I held my breath in the willow tree,
a heart's beat racing monumentally.
And we were one, and that's begun to be.
I always I felt one with my willow tree.
The world was right in the willow tree.
Everything was correct, like a dream to me.
I listened to sounds from far off rooms,
but forever felt like ever because I knew.
I assumed the strength of the willow tree,
because it was only the interior that I could see.
Exteriors never meant much in hope,
so I didn't know it didn't hold enough life to hold.
One stormy evening the willow tree,
decided to break down on me.
Because who said a weak thing in such a form,
could hold out against restrictive thunderstorms.
So that was the night my willow tree,
fell and hurt and abandoned me.
My father replanted a new companion,
but I ignored it without avail of acception.
It felt like the love inside me was gone,
because something I put my heart in had blown.
I still watch awake ever night you see,
just to hear windy willows whisper to me,
“Come back for me, come back for me,
come back for your poor old willow tree.”



Opinions please?
Do not leave me hanging on this one coz I actually want to see what people think.
Thank you.
 
I replied to her by PM because that's how I originally received it. Tweetsie captures in a small example a greater truth.

There is no love like a first love. Mom does not fix things for you when your puppy runs away by saying, "Honey, I'll get you a new one."

Thing is, she does it with an inanimate object, and she does it with style.

Well done, Tweetsie!

John
 
You drew us in through a gradual build-up, making us wonder who, if anyone in particular, was meant by the willow tree. Along the way, you freshened the verses with some less-usual rhymes, like "us" with "trust" and "tree" with different "-ly" adverbs. Only when you got to the father reference did there begin to be an idea of who was meant. Not knowing you personally, I don't know if the father "planting" again means that you lost a sibling and then your parents had another child, or that your mother died or left you and your father married again. But even for someone with no way of knowing the background, the intensity of your feeling stands clear in the reader's mind--sort of like a willow tree sharply silhouetted against a full moon.


Joseph Ravitts, promoter of "The Marketplace of Technique" (a "sticky" in this section)
 
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AHHH!!!
I feel so appreciated.
I mean, thanks this is like.. wow.
All my friends say it's my best yet.:eek:
And copperfox, those could be situations that it was about, but no it's not particularly about that, luckily. I would feel that anyone in that situation would in fact be feeling a lot more than this. But your review was very detailed and I am extremely appreciative of those sorts of reviews. It's really more about any love lost in any way from anything/one. It can also present the conflict of you thinking something has left you, and so you retaliate, but it really hasn't left you, and you end up destroying it in you, if you look at the last couple of lines.

But what I love about poetry is it's all about how YOU interpret it. So I am trying to interpret it in about six different ways here, and they'd all fit somehow but still work, and that's something I love in a poem, so I'm happy with this.:)
 
Please consider posting an entry in "Marketplace of Technique" describing the process you go through in writing a poem.
 
that was good! ^^
One of the best poems I've read, and I loved the form you wrote it in.

good job Tweetsie, I didnt know you were such a awesome Poet. :)
 
TrueNarnian said:
that was good! ^^
One of the best poems I've read, and I loved the form you wrote it in.

good job Tweetsie, I didnt know you were such a awesome Poet. :)
Click to expand...

I write a lot, I just don't like to share it much.
I actually just wrote something else I'm sort of proud of that's a more general poem that I might post.
 
Wow, that was wonderful, Tweetsie. You did an excellent job!
We have a willow tree, and it's huge. I'm glad to say its survived quite a few thunderstorms, even though the picking up branches afterward isn't always fun! :D
 
Okay so maybe this isn't deep of me, but what I thought of a real willow tree. Maybe its because i always feel this way about willow trees, sepecially weeping willows. the way the branches sweep down reminds me of hair, a curtian to cry behind where no one can find you.
My point its that i loved the poem, and that i thought it was a perfect representation. Bueatiful Tweetsie.
 
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