SimonW's Movie Reviews

[SimonW]

Good afternoon/morning/evening ladies and gentlemen. I am your host SimonW and I am here to give you a few movie reviews. Please enjoy at your leisure by taking strolls down memory lane and pardon if they are slightly short.
The first movie review is about an obscure movie based off a book of the same name called The Phantom Tollbooth.
Enjoy!



The Phantom Tollbooth: Movie Review


I was sitting at home in my bed lazily browsing though the Austar channels to see what was on and I came across this movie called The Phantom Tollbooth.

Now, I did not really know much about this movie, even less since there was a book made in 1961 of the same name that was adapted from the book into this movie, which was made in 1970.
It starts simple enough, we see a boy named Milo...Whoa! Milo? Yeah, the kid's name is Milo, not to be confused with the loveable kitten of the same name from The Adventures Of Milo And Otis.

Anyway, Milo is a kid who is bored with life. After the opening credits and an oddly nice song, Milo goes home and finds a wrapped up large (adult-sized) parcel in his room. Being none the wiser, our young hero opens the box and finds a tollbooth inside.
Now, you may think I am making this up, but the title is called The Phantom Tollbooth after all. Anyway, Milo gets in a newly acquired red car and goes through the tollbooth and finds he has turned into a cartoon character! Yes, that is correct, he is not a cartoon to start off with. But it does let the viewer down slightly because if you thought the story was live action and had the title The Phantom Tollbooth, you'd think a Phantom would be involved, right? Well, I did and I was wrong! The main character, which appears to not have any parents by the way, gets turned into a cartoon character! And the sad thing is he looks better as a cartoon, but then again who doesn't?

Milo goes on his merry way travelling down the twisty road and meets an assortment of weird characters including Officer Short Shrift (a cop who says everybody is guilty), Wether Man (that's WETHER, not weather), Tick Tock The Watchdog (a dog with an actual clock inside him) and the Humbug (well-meaning but cowardly overgrown bug).
Now, if anybody is reminded of a certain novel by, oh, let's say L. Frank Baum, then you'd say the similarities are on the point of almost shouting lawsuit. But since it differs enough, I'd have to say they let it go by.
And one may ask, what is the plot to this? Well, the main plot is for Milo, Tick Tock and Humbug to rescue the two princesses of the land who are called Rhyme and Reason. Well, we certainly need a lot of that, let me tell you!

And there are so many moral lessons the movie is practically overflowing with them but the main one is to teach Milo not to think life as boring any longer. But at the very beginning I thought he should just get up off his lazy behind and go outside to play or whatever it was kids did back then.

So, ultimately, this is a good film for those to watch and if there is anyone out there who has then you can recall the memories slightly. Sorry I did not go into greater detail but since this is my first Movie Review, it tends to happen.

Maybe not the greatest movie because of all the unnecessary morals but despite this it is an okay film for little kids to watch. Also beware of the songs. Despite being okay in the song department, at times I hated the main character's singing voice. But it was okay most of the time. If I could sit through it, so can anyone.
Last note, the ending was really weird. Because throughout the whole movie Milo had been on the phone with his friend and when he came back his friend told him he was only gone for five minutes (C. S. Lewis anyone?).


SimonW.

 

[Copperfox]

"Unnecessary morals"? The problem with many movies today is either having NO morals, or FAKE ones.

 

[narnian reader]

I have never watched the movie but have read the book and I remember really enjoyıng the book. I thınk I even read the book twice. I liked the part where he gets to conduct the dawn.

 

[SimonW]

"Unnecessary morals"? The problem with many movies today is either having NO morals, or FAKE ones.

True, that does happen with movies today. But in this movie's case, they were not fake morals but real ones that I felt the movie could have done without.
But thank you for taking an interest in this, Copperfox.

I have never watched the movie but have read the book and I remember really enjoyıng the book. I thınk I even read the book twice. I liked the part where he gets to conduct the dawn.

Glad somebdy has read the book. I have never heard of it, as I state in my movie review.
Actually, the part where he conducts the dawn is one of the best scenes in the movie.
The best song is when he is in The Doldrums.
Nothing else really caught my interest, though. Aside from the fact I wanted Tick Tock to go back to the "Real World" with Milo.

 

[SimonW]

Here is my next movie review, one you people might be familiar with (or not).


The Adventures Of Milo And Otis: Movie Review

Okay, firstly, no animals were harmed (physically) in the making of this review. And more to the point neither were any humans.

Back in 1986 (the year I was born) there appeared a memorable film that I loved in my childhood called The Adventures Of Milo And Otis, otherwise known as Koneko monogatari (original title since it was made in Japan). The English version came out in 1989. I am going to review the English version.

Now, you may ask what the cast is like and I may tell you straight right now, the cast is made entirely of animals! Now, back then there was no peanut butter to smear on a cat's mouth so they just ignored it and decided just to go ahead with the script format and let the characters apparently "voice" their opinions. And who does all the voice acting and narration you may ask? Why none other then Dudley Moore! Known mostly for his comedic acting, this comedian lends his own humorous voice by acting every single part! Now that is what I call dedication!

"The movie starts out in a barn with a mother cat who has given birth to kittens. One of the kittens is named Milo, and has a habit of being too curious. He soon finds a pug puppy named Otis, and they become friends. When Milo is playing inside a box floating in the river, he accidentally drifts downstream. Otis runs after Milo. Milo goes on many adventures, escaping one incident after another. He encounters no fewer than three bears; escapes from the desolate, raven-infested Deadwood Swamp; steals a muskrat from a vulpine cache; follows a train-track to the home of a female deer, who shelters him; sleeps in an Owl's "dreaming nest"; stays for a while with a sow pig and her piglets; catches a fish, only to have it stolen by a raccoon; is mobbed by seagulls; and evades first the third bear, then a snake, only to fall into a hole. Otis, for his part, follows Milo throughout, usually only an hour behind and less than a mile out of range. Finally, the two catch up with one another while Milo is in the hole. Otis pulls him out by means of a rope. Milo and Otis are reunited, and soon find mates of their own, whereupon they separate and raise children. They help each other's families to survive the harsh winter and find their way back together through the forest to their barn, living together with their families in a happy ending."

That is basically the plot of the movie but there are several things that I want to point out. One, that owl is freaking scary. Two, that fox is just annoying as heck and finally the main villan is a bear???

Yes, despite their best efforts, the bear (there is really only one bear, despite the plot line saying there are three) is a villan in this movie. Alright, a big threatening bear against a cat? No contest...but once the cat has a chest of drawers?? You'd better believe that Milo really deserves to get caught at that point.
Okay, maybe the bear is not that big a villan but when Winter comes you'd have wished you got eaten by the bear Milo! Though it is mostly Otis who feels the cold, one has to think it was just too easy for Milo, but then again he did have trouble throughout the first half of the movie.

I will say one thing however, this movie was a big part of my childhood and the whole movie was an enjoyable experience and I suspect that is the same for many of you out there. The acting by Dudley Moore is incredible, you forget it is one guy doing all the voices and the soundtrack is a work of sheer genius. I guarantee you will all hum the main theme/credits song after watching this film. For those of you yet to watch this movie, please do. Children, rent it from the video store. Parents, make your children rent it.

And why is that fox so darn annoying???


SimonW.

 

[DaydreamBeliever]

No offence,but I hated Milo and Otis,and would never show it to a kid.

 

[Skul]

Milo and Otis was in-between a documentary and a fiction. Maybe if they'd gotten a more enthusiastic narrator, it would have been less boring. As it was, I watched it only five times and then stopped watching it.
SimonW, this thread has inspired me. Is it okay if I start a "DVD REVIEW" thread?

 

[SimonW]

No offence,but I hated Milo and Otis,and would never show it to a kid.

Your opinion, so no offence taken. If you liked it, like it. If you hated it, hate it.
Just remember I did not give it a "glorified" review. I mentioned some of the unlikely stuff (like a cat defeating a bear with a chest of drawers) and creepy stuff (seriously, that owl is freaky!) too.

Milo and Otis was in-between a documentary and a fiction. Maybe if they'd gotten a more enthusiastic narrator, it would have been less boring. As it was, I watched it only five times and then stopped watching it.
SimonW, this thread has inspired me. Is it okay if I start a "DVD REVIEW" thread?

True, but somehow that was the hypnotic thing about it. I was a sucker for those animal documentaries...still am!
Yeah, he isn't very enthusiastic, but then again the story is not that tone....he is only enthusiastic at the action parts, and even that is somewhat disappointing because he does it in a style that makes it more funny then thrilling.

Glad to have inspired you. You can do a DVD Review thread if you want. Don't see why you need my permission.

 

[SimonW]

Okay, next one is another family-favourite, but some of you might not like it or whatever. Anyway, on with the review!


The Adventures Of Elmo In Grouchland: Movie Review

The first thing that screams to my mind when I think of this movie is the Grouchland slogan: "Welcome To Grouchland...Now SCRAM!"

With this Sesame Street movie, we follow the adventures of Elmo and his best friend...a blanket? Yes, and not just any blanket, a blue one as well! True Elmo has the mental thoughts of a child and is in fact a child monster. One just has to accept that his best friend is a blanket. I know I accept it because...hey, it's Sesame Street, right? Well, not exactly. Being an old fashioned fan of the show, I don't recall Elmo much as a character in Sesame Street. But then again he was not one of my favourites.

In any case, here is the main story.
We see that Burt and Ernie are here to guide us through the movie at certain intervals, mostly when things seem at the worst possible moments in the movie. But despite this fourth wall breaking experience, which is now over-used in Sesame Street, it is here to remind smaller kids that things will be okay. And in fact I soon found myself helping Elmo along the way when he asks for help.

The first scene is in Elmo's room where we see the red monster looking for his Blanket. After asking the audience for help (gee, this early in the film?) of where his obvious blanket is, we see the blanket on top of a hat rack waving at us. Yes...THE BLANKET IS WAVING AT US! As if we need to have an inanimate object waving at us to make the rest of the movie more thrilling. Aside from the obvious area where the "invisible string" is pulling the blanket, the blanket does not do anymore moving around independently throughout the movie, aside from the final scene where Elmo and his Blanket "hug". After a rather agonising song sequence we continue with the story.
We move along to an outdoor setting around Sesame Street where we see many Sesame Street pals, including the humans (can't recall them right now but oh well). But we see Big Bird, Telly, The Cookie Monster, Oscar The Grouch, Grover (and his alter-ego Super Grover), the man in the restaurant wanting Grover the waiter to take his order and The Count...THE COUNT??? OMG I LOVED THE COUNT!

Ahem...moving along we see Elmo and his "other best friend" Zoe (after another song sequence in a Laundromat) who is bummed out because she was not able to go to the zoo. After cheering her up with ridiculous animal imitations, Elmo and Zoe soon get into a fight over his Blanket with Elmo's over-the-top performance, but as stated he has the mentality of a child.
Long story short, the blanket ends up in Oscar's trash can and Elmo goes in after it and soon finds himself and his blanket in a "warp hole" that looks like it came from the sixties that ultimately leads them to you guessed it....Grouchland.

Again, long story short, there is something rotten...um...rottener in Grouchland and that is in the form of an evil and mean human man called Huxley (played by Mandy Patinkin) who steals Elmo's blanket on the pre-fix that everything he touches is "mine". Maybe the darker side of what children may turn out to be if they are mean and don't share things with friends, which is the only moral of this story.

Along the way Elmo encounters fireflies, Huxley's not-so-evil sidekick named Bug, the Queen Of Trash (played by singer Vanessa Williams) to whom he needs to give 100 Raspberries (not the fruit) and a Giant Chicken called Tiny...Whoa, wait a minute! A Giant Chicken? I'm serious, a Giant Chicken!!! They could have at least used Sweetums...no, wait, different Muppets.

Anyway, eventually Elmo gets to Huxley's house, his friends having come to Grouchland gather the Grouches and together they overcome Huxley in the most absurd way...BY PUTTTING A STRAW BASKET OVER HIM!!! But, what do you expect from a kid-friendly film? Well, at least a few punches or the Grouches jumping on him!! Anyway, Bug his sidekick goes with the side of good (Elmo) and gives Elmo his blanket back.
Elmo returns to Sesame Street and after learning that it isn't nice to be mean to your friends becomes pals with Zoe again.

Ultimately a great film that I enjoyed in all of its silliness. It is maybe more for the fans of the "new" Sesame Street but also enjoyable for the old people like me (or older) to watch to relive those classic moments of absurdity. Despite its minor flaws, it is a touching movie with some great songs for children to sing, including Huxley's song "Mine". With a great script and some obscure jokes not only kids but adults would like, it truly is a great film despite being centred around a red monster that likes to be tickled.


SimonW.

 

[Frodosgurl]

I didn't like Milo and Otis at first either Audrey...but it kinda grew on me....

Elmo in Grouchland was kinda boring...then again I am 13 and not 3.

Great work Alex!

 

[Skul]

Okay, my thread has started! Not that I don't like this thread; it's very entertaining! Keep up the great work!

Jack

 

[SimonW]

I didn't like Milo and Otis at first either Audrey...but it kinda grew on me....

Elmo in Grouchland was kinda boring...then again I am 13 and not 3.

Great work Alex!

As it grows older, so does the viewer...maybe you noticed something in Molo and Otis you did not see before? lol.

Yeah, I know what you mean. As stating some of the obvious flaws (like the blanket's "ability" to move via "invisible string").

And thank you for commenting and saying great work.

Okay, my thread has started! Not that I don't like this thread; it's very entertaining! Keep up the great work!

Jack

Coolio! I'll go check it out right away! I know you did not mean anything by my thread, you are just announcing your own thread has started.
Yes, I am an entertaining person.
I have one leftover pre-written review. I'll put it up later and after that people have to wait until I write more.

 

[SimonW]

Here is a family/comedy movie some people may remember or not.
Enjoy!

Side-Note: There is a drug referance in this movie which is a bit awkward since it is meant to be a family movie. Though not taken seriously because it is a one-time joke, it seems to question what the film makers were really thinking. And no, I did not make it up for my review, it is actually in the movie!
And there is a scene where the children try drinking champagne, only to spit it out. For those that think it may be fun to watch (which it is), be prepared for these scenes for it may shock those of a more sensible nature.


House Arrest: Movie Review

By this movie title you'd think this movie was a good idea, right? Well, actually, yes this movie is a good idea. I mean, come on, who wouldn't like to lock their parents up in a basement?

House Arrest is a 1996 movie directed by television-known Harry Winer. In this movie's plot/storyline we have two parents, Ned Beindorf (played by Kevin Pollack) and Janet Beindorf (played by Jamie Lee Curtis. They have two kids, though the film is mostly centred around 14-year-old Grover (played by 18 year old Kyle Howard)...not to be confused with Grover from Sesame Street. His kid sister Stacy is just along for the ride. And a wild ride it is too!

With the pressures of Teenage Angst and being bullied at school by T.J. (played by Russel Harper), Grover seems ready to burst when his parents tell him and his sister they "plan to take it easy for a while". And on their anniversary too!

Not comforted by his friend Matt (played by Mooky Arizona)'s words that it is a sure sign they will break up, Grover (including Stacy) takes matters into his own hands.

Pretending to have a surprise where they set up the basement to look like Hawaii (in a sardonic and unsettling way) to remind their parents of the honeymoon with cake and paper hats, they play them a tape but the two parents bicker and Grover and Stacy leave, not being noticed. They board up the basement door since their parents are not able to agree with each other and it is one of the funniest scenes in a movie when Ned tries to get to the bottom of things.


Ned (talking through basement door as Grover hammers nails in): "Grover, are you on drugs?"
Grover (other side of door between hammer poundings): "Yeah, I'm doing heroine and Stacy is on crack!"
Ned (offside to his wife): "Are you happy?"
Janet (to her husband): "Oh, he's kidding!"


Aside from this, there are many memorable and funny lines. It is a comedy film after all, but I wish they took some aspects seriously.

Anyway, long story short T.J and Matt find out that Grover is serious about locking his parents in the basement and T.J has an idea...why not put their parents in the basement too?
Ultimately, Grover is at wits end as he now has not one but three lots of parents to look after and not only that but T.J, Matt, T.J's pet snake, Matt's pet dog and Matt's two brothers to look out for and try to keep sanity in his house as much as he can.

Throughout the movie there is a sub-plot of Grover's pre-pubescent love of a girl called Brooke (played by a young Jennifer Love Hewitt!) and when he awkwardly goes to talk to her, finds out she has problems of her own, namely her mother. Her mum is the equivalent of all old people young people don't like trying to imitate them. She is mild-mannered, speaks in a soft voice, does not smoke, dresses in her (or knock-offs) daughter's clothes and tells her daughter not to call her "Mum" but Cindy (who is played by Jennifer Tilly).

What with the crazy antics upstairs, there is a crazy system of hierarchy down below in the basement. On one side we have Matt's parents, a chain-smoking step mother called Louise (played by Caroline Aaron) and her husband who is more like a child then an actual adult named Victor "Vic" (played by great comedian Wallace Shawn).

On the other side there is the not too out-spoken and knitting homemaker Gwenna (played by Sheila McCarthy) and her out-spoken, loudmouth-bullying attorney of a husband called Donald Krupp (played by Christopher McDonald).

And not only is there the need to call the parents sick due to the fact they are not at work, the kids also have to outsmart an old police captain called Ralph Doyle (played by old veteran comedic actor Ben Stein).
Long story short (again), Grover gets into a hissy fit at the knowledge of his parents getting divorce papers drawn up to be signed and runs off to a quiet space to be alone with his thoughts.

The parents throughout the movie try to escape several times but fail until Donald and Ned break through the cemented up small window near the end and Vic gets stuck. All hell breaks loose as Grover returns and the kids finally realise they should let the parents out. For moral reasons, I guess. After all, they are their parents. But the old cop brings the police force and has the place surrounded. The kids surrender and the parents are freed. Despite all the warnings they get from the officers, the children don't seem to listen since everything they planned to do to help "fix" their parents ends up becoming true (not just at the end of the movie but gradually through out it, which is one of the reasons to like this movie).
In the end they get out on bail thanks to T.J's mum forcing her husband to do it and Grover and Stacy go with their parents to their second honeymoon to...you guessed it...Hawaii.

Despite Grover being the one who tells us this story, one has to think the moral is somewhat askew...but since it is a comedy film I think it is hilarious. The moral is if you lock your parents up, everything will be fine and dandy in the world. Some moral, huh folks?

But Grover is punished by his parents, them saying that he is not allowed to lock them up in the basement anymore. But I'll let Grover's last words be the ending to my review to tell you what sort of movie (and slightly dark) it is.

Grover: "There is always the Attic."

So, ultimately a good film and despite some of it's stupid jokes (like during the montage scene where T.J throws a plate and he catches it on the other side) it is a classic comedy that shall last for another five or ten years.


SimonW.

 

[SimonW]

Okay, guess nobody likes my reviews anymore. Here is the next review.
Warning: Do not read unless you are over 15.


Tank Girl: Movie Review


Well, what can one say about Tank Girl? Quite a lot actually!

Tank Girl is a 1995 film based off a comic book (and character who first appeared in UK comic book Deadline) of the same name.
Directed by Rachel Talalay (known mostly for directing TV Shows) who also produced the 1988 film version of Hairspray and The Borrowers (1997).
The main cast features some unlikely stars, but who are we to complain?
Taking the main role of Tank Girl is Lori Petty and her sidekick Jet Girl is played by Naomi Watts, who appears later in the film.


Before we go into this film's plot, I want people to know we are on the journey through Rebecca's (Tank Girl) own re-telling of the story. We as the audience follow her along throughout the movie, because the movie is named after her and she is the main character after all. And we are also treated to a comic-book aspect of this movie, where at times it shows scenes or introductions of characters in comic-book form. But it is mostly used where there are possibly the most expensive scenes to shoot would be. But, it works despite this.


The main setting of the film is in 2033 A.D (After Death) and the Earth is a desolate wasteland after an asteroid hit it, making water very scarce and hard to come across. What is left of water is controlled mainly by Water & Power (W&P), led by a sadistic man in a black suit called Kesslee (played by Malcolm McDowell).
Water & Power are opposed by the almost mythical "Rippers," (one of whom is played by Ice-T) whose precise nature is unknown at this point.
Tank Girl is a member of a small outlaw group that has set up their own water well in the basement of a house. Learning of the well, W&P attacks, killing most of the people in the house and taking Rebecca and a young girl named Sam.
Imprisoned, Rebecca is repeatedly brutalized by Kesslee, who wants to break her spirit. Between intellectual jousts with Kesslee, Rebecca befriends her next-door-cellmate (Jet Girl), a mechanic who works on W&P's vehicles.

W&P take Rebecca to the desert, where they have found a Ripper "subgate," an entrance to their underground lairs. Kesslee has his right-hand-man, Sgt. Small (played by Don Harvey), inject Rebecca with a tracking device and then forces her walk onto the subgate; if the Rippers kill her, he will be perfectly happy and if they don't, they will be able to track their location. However, in the midst of having her walk onto the subgate, the Rippers attack, massacring the W&P soldiers and mortally wounding Kesslee (in various scenes from this point until the climax of the movie, we see Keslee being reconstructed by a renowned cybernetics expert (James Hong) and regaining control of W&P).
The two steal a tank and a jet, thereby becoming Tank Girl and Jet Girl in the process. They start out to rescue Sam, who they learn has been sent to a brothel. On the way, they come across another "outlaw" who, after being disarmed, allows them to disguise their vehicles so W&P will not recognize them as their own.
Tank Girl and Jet Girl reach the city Blue Silver where Sam is being held against her will in a brothel. They arrive just in time to rescue Sam, but are discovered trying to sneak her out. The owner of the club known as 'The Madam' (Magnuson) attempts to catch the two, but TG and JG end up holding her hostage and forcing her to sing 'Lets do it (Lets fall in love)' for the club. The song becomes a club sing along and a musical scene, but is cut short by W&P. They take Sam, leaving TG and JG left to rescue her once more.

Tank Girl and Jet Girl are determined to gain the help of the Rippers on their next attempt to rescue Sam. After wandering the desert, they find themselves in the Ripper hideout, a buried bowling alley. The Rippers turn out to be genetically enhanced super-soldiers who were infused with kangaroo DNA who were created by a scientist named Johnny Prophet during the war. Once the war was over, Prophet was given an order to destroy the Rippers, but he spared their lives (Prophet at this time is somewhere on the coast of Australia, working on a way to turn sea water into drinking water). The Rippers' main objective is to take down W&P because they believe everybody should have water. Tank Girl befriends, and develops a romantic relationship with, Booga (Kober), and the two girls are promised acceptance into the Ripper society after they complete a task for them.
Tank Girl and Jet Girl leave to a W&P loading dock where they trick W&P employees into thinking they are photographers putting together a 'Men of Water and Power' calendar, and want to photograph them near crates. They photograph the crates and the pictures are immediately sent back to the Rippers in their hideout. Eventually discovering that guns make up the cargo, Tank Girl and Jet Girl's mission now is to get the cargo back to the Rippers.

Once the cargo is successfully retrieved and back at the Ripper hideout, the Rippers open the crates with the intention to destroying any guns inside. However, they discover most of the crates are filled with dirt, and one of the crates holds the corpse of their beloved creator, Johnny Prophet.
Enraged, the Rippers agree to assist Tank Girl and Jet Girl on their mission to rescue Sam and bring down W&P. Breaking into separate groups, Tank Girl assaults by land with her tank while the Rippers and JG try to infiltrate the hangar bay by air. They reunite briefly and during a shootout, one of the Rippers is killed, enraging the others and sending them on a killing spree of W&P personnel. Jet Girl goes after one who tries to escape in a plane, a victim of his sexual advances previously, she finishes him off while Tank Girl confronts Kesslee who has put Sam in 'The Pipe' a torture chamber of tubes that get narrow as one approaches the bottom, trapping the tortured person inside, further endangering her by letting a hose drain into the pipe with an intent to drown her slowly.
Tank Girl and Kesslee battle, and his newly cybernetically enhanced body is discovered. A few rounds of beer in her tank slow him down, and a dumping of water from above disables his gears; she finishes him off with a device introduced earlier to stab into someone and withdraw water from the victim's very body. After rescuing Sam, the group reunites in an animated epilogue which seems to have met the resolution to the drought. As Tank Girl drives a water-skiing Booga to the edge of a waterfall, she tells Jet Girl to shut up when attempting to warn her of the danger and both plummet happily off the edge as the film freezes and the credits roll.


Well, that is quite a plot, ain't it? Certainly better then Super Mario Bros. The Movie, but there are a few slight elements I detect between the two. Nothing I can put my finger on definitely but a sort of glimmar of rememberance. Or maybe I'm totally batty, who knows?

Throughout the film there are many sexual referances, but that is what makes the film so funny. It is definitely targeted at older kids, maybe ones over the age of fifteen (hence the M15+ rating this movie is).

Anyway, back to the story. The only musical number (that's right folks! Only one...yay!) is "Let's Do It" (Let's Fall In Love) by Cole Porter. It is a funny scene and is also quite a nice number, but then again with girls kicking up their legs, it would be. The only problem with this is that there was more to the musical number and the movie actually, but the studio had edited some of it out, for censorship purposes.

Despite all the sexual innuendo jokes, there are some good old-fashioned plain ones aswell, especially when Tank Girl referances things that by today's standards would be considered "old news" but back in 1995, was still fresh to people's minds. That does sort of date the movie slightly and does not make much sense if Tank Girl is in the year 2033. But, as we find out, the character is quite quirky.

The acting in this movie is really something that makes the plot (no matter how ridiculous it is) all that more believable to the viewers. Especially the parts of Tank Girl and Jet Girl. Their exchanges are quite realistic and I would not be surprised if this was how Lori Petty and Naomi Watts really acted like to each other. Also a mention to Malcolm McDowell, who had to lay a really good and original villain, though he looks like Dr. Claw with his cybernetic arm. Still, Dr. Claw did not have spinning blades that could cut through metal in his arm. The only thing I didn't like was the anti-climatic ending of Tank Girl against Kesslee, where she sticks him with a water container that sucks all the water out of the living thing it is attached to and we are watching a cartoon drawing of his "demise". But, it was worth it to have Kesslee still declare "It's not over...not over...not..." as his last words, always the true villain thinking he will win in the end even on his death.

The ending is shown in comic book format and it is a shame it had to end at such an interesting point. But, I always figured there would be a sequel to this movie...but nope. Oh well, this movie was good enough anyway and a sequel now would probably only ruin the experience.

Overall, this movie is good for those fans of the comic book (or of comic books in general) and should be watched by kids over fifteen years old. Because of not only the sexual jokes but also the Rippers were scary to me. Not the mysterious figures but when their leader dies and they grow angry and howl out in fury, that scared me when I was younger. Anyway, best not leave it to chance, kids. As this is a "cult classic" and is a pretty good and original film from the 90's, I'd have to recommend for people to watch it because it is a great comedy/sci-fi film.

SimonW.

 

[SimonW]

Nobody likes me anymore!!
Oh well, maybe this will change it...dunno. Sorry if I review more "mature" stuff.


Bartok The Magnificent: Movie Review

Oh My God! The cute little white bat from Anastasia is back!

Yes, folks, Bartok the Bat is back in his own direct-to-video "sequel" (it is a spin-off but I think of it as a sequel) of Anastasia called none other then Bartok The Magnificent.
Now you may be thinking, "what are you talking about? I didn't know there was a spin-off to Anastasia?"
Well, sorry to burst your bubble folks, but it is true. It is not well known because it was stream lined (like many low-budget movies) straight-to-video. In other words, not many people have heard (let alone seen) Bartok The Magnificent.


Catchy title, isn't it? Let it be known now, any movie and I mean ANY movie with Magnificent, Amazing, Great or practically any word that makes you think "Magician" is guaranteed to be UNORIGINAL!!!
But, since it is a cartoon movie based for kids, guess it makes sense.


Made in 1999, this movie was re-released on a Family Fun Pack along with Anastasia, so by now at least very few people should know about it. Though why anyone would bother is beyond me since Anastasia has NOTHING to do with this movie aside from using the same character (Bartok the Bat) and making him the main character in this movie!
Also, this movie is set BEFORE the proceedings of Anastasia, which makes no sense because you can hardly tell! But this spin-off is also directed by Don Bluth (who directed Anastasia), so maybe that is why you can't think straight!


Anyway, Bartok is voiced by Hank Azaria (the guy who voiced Moe from The Simpsons) and he is a travelling marvel, a bat that can overcome odds far greater then himself...in song! Oh Jesus, yes, this is a musical movie, but of course since Don Bluth is known for ripping off Disney!

I counted, oh god I actually counted how many songs are in this movie (there are 5). The only good thing about these songs is they are somewhat decent. But the animation it is set to is terrible!

Anyway, after singing about how great he is (darn egotistical bat!) a bear gets loose and with obvious fake fighting, Bartok "defeats" the bear and somehow manages to squish him into his wagon.

The Prince (future Tsar) of Russia rewards Bartok with the Romanov ring, much to the chagrin of his Advisor, Ludmilla (voiced by Home Alone's Catherine O'Hara).

Anyway, after much hub-bub about the ring, Bartok is counting his money when the bear he captured earlier is set loose but we soon find out he is Bartok's "partner" and is...a Shakespearian bear??? Yes, an English bear with a passion for theatrical acting that is called Zozi (voiced by Kelsey Grammer). Rather the voice of reason or Bartok's "conscience" (gee, where'd I hear that before?) Zozi tells Bartok they need to return the ring. Bartok, being a greedy bat, tells Zozi that the boy Prince gave it to him fair and square. Aside from the fact Bartok is a charlatan and is not all people believe him to be.


Back in Moscow, Ivan is kidnapped by Baba Yaga who is a witch, and Ludmilla finds an iron tooth. Can we say...ew?
She tells the people what happened and asks who would be brave enough to rescue the Prince two children step forward and nominate Bartok (Of course!).

Bartok and Zozi are on their way to St. Petersburg when Zozi spots the Cossacks coming after them. The pair become worried because they assume that Ludmilla wants Ivan's ring returned. Bartok tries to conceal his identity, but is brought before the people, who explain that Ivan has been taken by Baba Yaga and they are relying on him to rescue their prince. Bartok reluctantly accepts and he and Zozi head to the Iron Forest to confront Baba Yaga and save Prince Ivan.

After another song with Zozi encouraging Bartok to find "The Possible Hero In You", they come upon Baba Yaga's hut but must answer a riddle to enter. And who is guarding this door you may ask? Why, no other then Tim Curray! Though he plays a giant demonic skeleton head, Tim's acting is possibly the best in this movie and I wish they used him more.
Anyway, Zozi answers the riddle because Bartok is too dense and Bartok must enter alone.
After another song (geez), Bartok is "captured" by Baba Yaga and she tells him in order to save Prince Ivan she needs three ingrediants for Bartok to bring back...LIKE SHE COULD NOT JUST TELL HIM!!

"Anyway, these tasks aren't very easy: Zozi is not allowed to help Bartok in any sort of way; Piloff is frozen to a boulder (it's hinted that it's been at least a few years); Oblie, who is a giant blacksmith surrounded by an aura of fire, must be tricked into letting his crown to be stolen; and the magic feather must be caught without flight, using only the boulder Piloff was stuck to and Oblie's crown.
He gathers the objects demanded, but Baba Yaga still needs something from Bartok himself. He offers everything he can think of, including a hair from his own head, but Baba Yaga rejects everything and bursts out laughing. Bartok, outraged, begins to yell and upsets Baba Yaga by accusing her of lying, cheating and claiming everyone hates her. After he talks to her, he starts crying and Baba gets the most important ingredient: tears which are from Bartok's heart. She makes a magic potion from the items she had Bartok collect and reveals that she never took Prince Ivan and that the potion she made was meant for Bartok himself.

Bartok and Zozi return to town and lead Ludmilla and Vol up to the top of the tower where Ivan is imprisoned. However, when they arrive, Ludmilla locks Bartok and Vol up with Ivan and reveals she had Vol kidnap the prince (Vol misinterpreted her orders to get him out of the way as meaning to lock him up, when Ludmilla really wanted Ivan dead) while she framed Baba Yaga as part of her scheme to take the Russian throne. She steals Bartok's magic potion and leaves Bartok, Ivan, and Vol in a room filling with water.

The potion doesn't work on Ludmilla as she expects and she transforms into an enormous, pink-purple, wingless, three horned, fire-breathing dragon, and begins to destroy Moscow. Bartok escapes thanks to Zozi, who then saves Prince Ivan and Vol. Bartok battles the dragon and, after defeating her, Zozi reveals that Bartok is a true hero, not because he stopped Ludmilla but Bartok showed Baba Yaga compassion.
Bartok returns Ivan's ring and Baba Yaga appears, writing, "Bartok, The Magnificent" in the sky. Bartok and Piloff hug Baba Yaga and they leave waving goodbye to Bartok."


Okay, the rest I got from Wikipedia so did not add my own jokes but there are some serious things wrong with this movie. Why are the songs so darn catchy? It is obvious what Bartok is up to to get the Magic Feather, so why does the movie try to keep it a secret? Why wouldn't Ludmilla notice if she was turning into a dragon? Why does she turn into a dragon and all that Bartok has learnt during the movie somehow coincenidentally enable him to defeat the dragon? Why is the hug at the ending so awkward? Why is there some tension between Bartok and Piloof? And why in god's name did Baba Yaga have to write Bartok's name in the sky? Like we forgot what the name of the movie was! Anyway, this movie has it's flaws in the rational sense but if you are a child you may enjoy this movie. But if you are old enough to understand what the movie conveys in moral sense, I'll warn you to stay away. What, if we do senseless tasks and drink a magic potion we can do anything and be invincible? Sure, that is a great moral for the kids! But all in all, it isn't a bad movie, just a lot of small things that pisses me off. But since it is targeted at those that won't fully understand, guess I can forgive Don Bluth.


SimonW.

 

[Skul]

Sorry; haven't been on in a long time. Like the reviews! I didn't even know some of these movies existed.

 

[SimonW]

Sorry; haven't been on in a long time. Like the reviews! I didn't even know some of these movies existed.

It okay...
Glad you like them...somebody has to. *shrugs*
Well, apparently they do. Ad I have them all on DVD. lol. So one has to wonder...are they hard to find or am I getting ripped off? lol. Anyway, next review of H.R. Pufnstuf...a tv series special.

 

[SimonW]

H.R. Punfnstuf: TV Series Review

"H.R. Pufnstuf, who's your friend when things get rough?"

Well, BARNEY!!! No, just kidding. But one has got to wonder since we have a big yellow talking lizard/dinosaur/dragon thing that has a head shaped like a hamburger. I mean, seriously???

Anyway, H.R. Pufnstuf is a children's television series made by Sid and Marty Krofft, this was their first creation and it came during the beginning of the 70's (1969). The show was short-lived, only running for three years (close enough) and only made three seasons until it was cancelled in 1972.

Amazingly, there is quite a lot of trivia for this short-lived but memorable show. Like H.R Pufnstuf (the character) was originally created for the HemisFair 68' world's fair in 1968, where the Kroffts produced a show called Kaleidescope for the Coca-Cola pavilion. The character's name was Luther and he became the symbol of the fair.

That's right, kids! H.R Pufnstuf was originally designed as a character for merchandising Coca-Cola (As if that was original)!



Here is the main plot as described on Wikipedia:

"H.R. Pufnstuf introduced the Kroffts' most-used plot scenario, revolving around a boy named Jimmy (played by Jack Wild) who had accidentally found Living Island, a magical place where everything was alive. The Mayor of Living Island was a friendly dragon named H.R. Pufnstuf (voiced by the show's writer Lennie Weinrib) and the costume was worn by Property Master Albert F. Bentley. Jimmy had been lured to the island with his friend, a talking flute named Freddy, by a magic boat which promised adventures across the sea. The boat was actually owned and controlled by a wicked witch named Wilhelmina W. Witchiepoo (played by Billie Hayes) who rode on a broomstick-like vehicle called the Vroom Broom. Jimmy was taken in by Pufnstuf, who was able to protect him from Witchiepoo as the cave where he lived was the only place her magic had no effect. Apart from Witchiepoo, all of the characters on Living Island were realized via large, cumbersome costumes or puppetry. Since everything on Living Island was alive (namely houses, castles, boats, grandfather clocks, candles, books, trees, mushrooms), virtually any part of the Living Island sets could become a character, usually voiced in a parody of a famous film star, such as Mae West, Edward G. Robinson or most notably John Wayne as "The West Wind". A running gag is Witchiepoo always trying to steal Freddie-and always failing."



There is little to be desired, especially the talking magical golden (why is every magic talking character golden or jewel-encrusted?) flute named Freddy, but thankfully he shuts up eventually. Since this was made in 1969, I have to suspect the makers were hopped up on mushrooms or something. Never the less, since Jack Wild is the only human in this, you have got to wonder why Jimmy would not be more freaked out by what is going on around him. Oh, a giant yellow dinosaur with a huge head and gaping mouth? RUN, JIMMY, RUN!! Oh, he's friendly...nevermind then. And just to show the idiotic gullibility of this show, HR Pufnstuf's two police/firemen members are short actors in costumes of two zany brothers called Kling and Klang (or is it Clang and Cling?) which provide the slapstick comic relief, but unlike The Three Stooges or The Marx Brothers are just not funny! In any case, you either have to hate this and question every little thing or just go with the silliness and love it. Personally, I'm a little bit of both but mostly just go along with it. Cause if you don't, you'll regret losing your sanity, believe me.

As for Witchiepoo, she is the only thing that seems to make sense in this, since Jimmy is too boring to be an ordinary child (Jack Wild is a good actor, but the script for Jimmy is terrible).

I mean, Witchiepoo is a witch, that is easy enough to follow. And she wants...a magic flute? Okay, that is plausible too. But how she is able to be thwarted every time is beyond me! I mean, come on, she's a witch! Just zap them with your wand and get the flute already! And don't even get me started on her two minions...a vulture and a giant orange spider??? I believe she had a bat minion at one point but I think the spider replaced it or something. Been too long since I saw this show.

At any rate, those who remember this show and liked it, good for you! Those of you who remember and hate it...good for you too! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find a word that rhymes with "oranges".


SimonW

 

[SimonW]

The Goonies: Movie Review


"Good enough, good enough, for you it's good enough...it's good enough for me!"

But seriously, is it good enough? After twenty-three years, people have to wonder: "What makes The Goonies a cult classic??" Well, after twenty-three years I can tell you...because it is a great movie!

Made in 1985 (for those who couldn't figure the math), The Goonies is a story made by Steven Spielberg and is directed by Richard Donner. Also, Chris Columbus made the screenplay. And with these three big-time Hollywood hotshots, what would they create? A FREAKING MOVIE ABOUT ASTORIA, THAT'S WHAT!

Not really, they make a "family-based" comedy about a group of pre-pubescent kids that go on a treasure hunt. Since I grew up loving this movie (as most kids did) I think it only right I start from the beginning.

First off, we are shown a blank black screen and suddenly a skull comes into view, we pan out and see it dots the "i" in The Goonies title logo. This is rather cool. Despite the fact less fortunate kids then I was would piss their pants in terror because the skull looks so threatening.
Go and rent it because it is a good movie. The reason I have a problem with this "cult classic" is not the actual story itself (thank God) but with the soundtrack "The Goonies 'R' Good Enough" by Cyndi Lauper. We only get a snippet of her song but we only need a bit to ultimately understand where it goes...NOWHERE! There is no point to the song...no reason...no resolution...no nothing! But it is so **** catchy! Just pray to God you don't hear the last "Good enough" each time because the pitch sounds terrible.

Anyway, we are here to review the movie, not the song. Where shall I begin? Maybe with the dis-regard for oil paintings Mouth has. He actually sticks his tongue through the painting (at the back) so it looks like the female figure in the painting is sticking her tongue out at us. He taunts Mikey with a perverted joke and Mikey rips the painting off his tongue. Yes, you heard correctly...HE RIPS THE PAINTING OFF HIS TONGUE!! Mouth just takes it like a man with his tongue still out and does not even flinch. I mean, sure, it is an old painting, but you'd think it would cause a paper cut or something. Also, the funny thing is Mikey says: "Alright, got you! Get out from behind there, you are ruining the painting."

And ripping the painting off Mouth's tongue, as if that won't wreck it?? No sense at all! Funny scene, but no sense! What if Mouth got oil in his mouth or something? He might have needed to be hospitalized! "Gee, sorry I can't join you on your treasure hunt, Mikey. I got poisoned by your dad's stupid painting!"

Anyway, I have another bone to pick with this movie....Sloth. He became terror in my young mind, I was scared to see this movie again until years later because of Sloth's first moments in the film. And when he lifts up Chunk and kisses him, according to the actor when audiences thought he was saying "Man, you smell like fish heads," what he was actually saying was "Man, you smell like Phys. Ed (Physical Education,". Now, when I saw this movie I thought neither of those, I thought he said " Man, you smell like medicine". Why I thought that...who knows? But that is what happens when you can't understand dialogue.

But, despite more short-comings that I could say but am too lazy to declare, overall The Goonies is a great family comedy/adventure movie and I recommend all the kids (10 and up) to watch this movie. Just close your eyes at the scary Sloth scenes if you have to, but eventually you will have to get over your fear (like I did) and come to terms with this loveable deformed man.

The acting in this is the greatest, best screenplay, best directing ever and the whole inter-play connection title sequence is amazing. And despite the Fratellis being comical goofballs (mostly the two brothers), Ma Fratelli makes up for it and they are one of the greatest Trio of villains I have ever seen. So, sit back, relax, enjoy your home-made popcorn because you are on an old 1985 adventure film that has lasted for twenty-three years and will guarantee you will love every minute of this movie that deserves to be deemed a "cult classic".


SimonW.

 

[Skul]

It seems as if we now host joint-threads: we've both reviewed The Goonies!