Smilers Union Resorts to Violence
DUFFERLAND (DP)--The United Smilers of Cliffton allegedly resorted to an act of violence in an effort to procure names for all of their members. On Sunday afternoon, witnesses testified that enraged smilies kidnapped Glenburne from her residence and held her hostage for several days before finally releasing her, reportedly after her having signed certain unspecified terms in their favor.
Union president Mr. Green issued a statement to the Duffer Journal. "The smilies that planned and executed the kidnapping had made no notice of their intentions to this union. I cannot support their methods, although I fully sympathize with their goals. Years of oppression drove them to this: should Dufferland not attempt to relieve them of their pain?"
Opponents to the smilies seem to be gaining strength, however, and the recent kidnapping has not helped the United Smilers with their public relations. Fred the Box led a protest outside their main office, together with a group of over thirty members including the Butter Knife, Stan the Cookie, Ben the Egg, Sturnidae Starling, several Penguins of Doom, a Trout, and a Whale. "[The smilies] don't need names," Fred told reporters. "They're a bunch of little ingrates with easy lives who don't know what it means to have a thread dedicated solely to the plotting of their murder." The whale agreed, uttering a syllable that is evidently part of a foreign language: "Splat."
The Duffer Journal attempted to interview the Can about its view on the matter, but, sadly, He was unavailable for questioning.
The editors of this journal, desiring to keep the peace, have created another poll to name those remaining smilies, relieve them of their agony, and return peace to Dufferland.
DUFFERLAND (DP)--The United Smilers of Cliffton allegedly resorted to an act of violence in an effort to procure names for all of their members. On Sunday afternoon, witnesses testified that enraged smilies kidnapped Glenburne from her residence and held her hostage for several days before finally releasing her, reportedly after her having signed certain unspecified terms in their favor.
Union president Mr. Green issued a statement to the Duffer Journal. "The smilies that planned and executed the kidnapping had made no notice of their intentions to this union. I cannot support their methods, although I fully sympathize with their goals. Years of oppression drove them to this: should Dufferland not attempt to relieve them of their pain?"
Opponents to the smilies seem to be gaining strength, however, and the recent kidnapping has not helped the United Smilers with their public relations. Fred the Box led a protest outside their main office, together with a group of over thirty members including the Butter Knife, Stan the Cookie, Ben the Egg, Sturnidae Starling, several Penguins of Doom, a Trout, and a Whale. "[The smilies] don't need names," Fred told reporters. "They're a bunch of little ingrates with easy lives who don't know what it means to have a thread dedicated solely to the plotting of their murder." The whale agreed, uttering a syllable that is evidently part of a foreign language: "Splat."
The Duffer Journal attempted to interview the Can about its view on the matter, but, sadly, He was unavailable for questioning.
The editors of this journal, desiring to keep the peace, have created another poll to name those remaining smilies, relieve them of their agony, and return peace to Dufferland.
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