My Great Snow Dance Nightmare!
I was also having visions of me stepping on the hem of my partner’s dress as we dance inside a great hall with enormous windows and a great central chandelier. This little misstep will make us both to stumble upon the passing waiter carrying the tray of champagne bottles. He will inevitably be flung sideways and as he tries to right himself, he will fall face first on one end of the dessert table, which will cause the other end to catapult the pastries all over the rest of the dancers while the tray of champagne bottles flies in the other direction, narrowly missing several other dancers and bystanders. As the people try to get away from the falling delicacies, some will no doubt trip on each other, causing some of them to get tangled in the giant drapes of the windows surrounding the dance hall. In their struggle to get free, some will tear the drapes from their holdings and they will come down like flattening parachutes, covering many of the attendees. Others will pull so hard on the drapes that they will actually break the fasteners on the walls. Unfortunately, of course, one of the fasteners would also be holding the cable that keeps the giant chandelier in place, which will come crashing with a loud bang in the middle of the floor, narrowly missing some tangled fellows. The front exit will be blocked by all the falling debris that everyone will be rushing towards the back exit. Some of the champagne bottles will pop their tops and their pop pop sound, combined with the boom of the crashing chandelier, will make many think that it’s a terrorist attack. I’m pretty sure that some terror stricken soul, in his frantic dash towards the exit will knock down the chocolate fountain, which will cause a slippery mess for the luckless ladies who chose to wear white. Of course the flame that was keeping the chocolate melted will start a small fire somehow, and as the people hear the booms and the pops and see the smoke, the will rush outside yelling, “Terrorists! Murder! Lions! It isn’t fair!” *
Some of the people outside will be so oblivious to what’s happening that they will be shocked by the onrushing mob coming out of the great salon. Many of those standing by the pool will be pushed into the water, complete with their martinis and their half eaten hamburgers. The guy at grill, upon seeing the approaching mob, and in his rush to get out of the way, will knock out the grill and the stacks of cooked burgers and hot dogs, the smell of which will reach the noses of the hounds at the kennels nearby. Because everyone was too busy preparing for the dance, they would have forgotten to feed the poor doggies and the smell of the fallen meat will be too much, and as we all know, one smart pup will know how to undo the latch and the whole pack, barking and yelping with delight, will go full speed for the greasy and tasty mess. By this time so many people would have already called 911 that the authorities will initiate all manner of emergency procedures in the event of a catastrophic disaster or attack that the National Guard commander of the base nearby will send helicopter gunships to see what’s up. The aircraft carrier 20 miles out to sea will scramble a complete wing of attack fighters, while all the local hospitals call in all their available personnel and begin preparations for triage of large number of casualties. The president will probably be rushed by the secret service to the concrete bunker, just to be safe.
In the meantime, my partner and I would be struggling to get untangled from a giant drape that rolled over us, a tangle that was made worse by all the people running this direction and that. When we finally get out from under the heavy tarp, we’ll come face to face with several police and guardsmen, all pointing their guns at us. “Is…is there a problem, officers?” We would ask, completely oblivious to what went on due to being covered in the drape during the commotion. “Who’s responsible for all this? Where are the terrorists? Which way did they go? Did you see any lions? Do you find any of this unfair?” And I would be like, “Huh? What lions? I w a s j u s t dan…cing and we trrrriiipped?” My partner of course would glare at me and go “WE tripped? We? Pfft! Eggsssscuuusss me, BK, YOU stepped on my dress, mister!!” The police would be like, “Wait… What?” After a while, the sergeant in charge will finally understand what went on and will inform us that we are going to be booked for disorderly conduct, at the minimum. My partner will give me an even bigger glare, but only for a few moments because we will probably burst out laughing and won’t stop until the booking process is over.
Let’s just not dance.
*if you know TCON, you know where this line is at.
