What if ________ had written the Chronicles of Narnia?
Dashiell Hammett
I knew she was trouble from the moment she oozed her icy charm into Aslan's Camp. Crystal eyes, alabaster skin and legs that wouldn't stop. "Aslan!" she half purred, half snarled, with a voice cured by too much Turkish delight, "You have a traitor among you!"
As I traced her pleasing mixture of curves and lines with my eyes, I felt a bit of the traitor in me marching to the beat of a different drummer. It's always been that way with me, which is why I never made it big in the detective game. I always fall for the dame with the wand that turns guys to stone. If ever a tomato fit the profile, there she stood.
I knew she was trouble from the moment she oozed her icy charm into Aslan's Camp. Crystal eyes, alabaster skin and legs that wouldn't stop. "Aslan!" she half purred, half snarled, with a voice cured by too much Turkish delight, "You have a traitor among you!"
As I traced her pleasing mixture of curves and lines with my eyes, I felt a bit of the traitor in me marching to the beat of a different drummer. It's always been that way with me, which is why I never made it big in the detective game. I always fall for the dame with the wand that turns guys to stone. If ever a tomato fit the profile, there she stood.
Where's the TEXT, folks?? 
Edgar Allan Poe
The flaxen haired waif stood before the massive vault of the wardrobe, her trembling hand hesitantly grasping the handle of the door, then letting go from the electric thrill that coursed through her tiny arm. Then, summoning her courage she seized the doorway to destiny and flung it open. And there, hirsuitely veiling the mysteries ahead, hung fur coats rank on rank.
Edgar Allan Poe
The flaxen haired waif stood before the massive vault of the wardrobe, her trembling hand hesitantly grasping the handle of the door, then letting go from the electric thrill that coursed through her tiny arm. Then, summoning her courage she seized the doorway to destiny and flung it open. And there, hirsuitely veiling the mysteries ahead, hung fur coats rank on rank.
ndfan1993
New member
LOL!
Alright, Christopher Paolini (forgive me now for the atrociousness...):
"The-furry-little-yummy-creature strolled over to him slowly. He forced himself not to think delicious thoughts as the creature started to talk.
'Do you need some company?' The-furry-little-yummy-creature asked him.
He nodded passively, I could use a companion.
The-furry-little-yummy-creature sat by his head. They spoke of different things, meaningless things. Their homes and their families, their very different lives. How the-furry-little-yummy-creature lived in a hole-that-he-called-home, and ate food-not-fit-for-anyone. In turn, he told about his real home, his parents, and his own life.
They spoke for hours, finally ceasing long enough to watch the orb-that-always-glowed sink beneath the water-not-fit-to-drink, and the sky turn black.
A comfortable silence ensued, then Eustace smiled a dragonish smile, Thank you, Reepicheep."
*smiles hopefully*
EDIT: Blah, I was going for Saphira's dragon-y point of view btw. I'm not much of a GREAT fan, however, so I probably messed it up badly. Forgive me, Eragon fans.
Alright, Christopher Paolini (forgive me now for the atrociousness...):
"The-furry-little-yummy-creature strolled over to him slowly. He forced himself not to think delicious thoughts as the creature started to talk.
'Do you need some company?' The-furry-little-yummy-creature asked him.
He nodded passively, I could use a companion.
The-furry-little-yummy-creature sat by his head. They spoke of different things, meaningless things. Their homes and their families, their very different lives. How the-furry-little-yummy-creature lived in a hole-that-he-called-home, and ate food-not-fit-for-anyone. In turn, he told about his real home, his parents, and his own life.
They spoke for hours, finally ceasing long enough to watch the orb-that-always-glowed sink beneath the water-not-fit-to-drink, and the sky turn black.
A comfortable silence ensued, then Eustace smiled a dragonish smile, Thank you, Reepicheep."
*smiles hopefully*
EDIT: Blah, I was going for Saphira's dragon-y point of view btw. I'm not much of a GREAT fan, however, so I probably messed it up badly. Forgive me, Eragon fans.
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Lossëndil
Well-known member
Loved the Dashiell Hammett re-write!
Gu Long, one of the most famous Chinese kung-fu novelist (I bet none of you have ever heard of him.). He's got a very distinctive style, which is also extremely easy to copy.
Snow.
Endless snow.
Endless snow so pure and so white.
So cold.
So very cold.
She wrapped her coat around her tighter and she walked upon the snow.
She saw a lamppost, there in the middle of the cold field of snow.
Why, she wondered, would there be a lamppost. Surely, there were many stories behind it. She wondered at the stories, stories that every place has, of love and hate and life and death. That's what she liked about the world. Every place had a most beautiful, heartbreaking story.
(yep, he likes short paragraphs. And though his books can be pretty ... inappropriate, if he could have refrained from those bits, I personally think he could have done LWW pretty well. He does well with relationships, like friendship, brotherhood etc.)
Gu Long, one of the most famous Chinese kung-fu novelist (I bet none of you have ever heard of him.
). He's got a very distinctive style, which is also extremely easy to copy. Snow.
Endless snow.
Endless snow so pure and so white.
So cold.
So very cold.
She wrapped her coat around her tighter and she walked upon the snow.
She saw a lamppost, there in the middle of the cold field of snow.
Why, she wondered, would there be a lamppost. Surely, there were many stories behind it. She wondered at the stories, stories that every place has, of love and hate and life and death. That's what she liked about the world. Every place had a most beautiful, heartbreaking story.
(yep, he likes short paragraphs. And though his books can be pretty ... inappropriate, if he could have refrained from those bits, I personally think he could have done LWW pretty well. He does well with relationships, like friendship, brotherhood etc.)
Copperfox
Well-known member
If Ernest Hemingway had written "The Horse and His Boy," here's how the scene of Aravis' suicide attempt might have gone:
The tequila tasted good to her. Its burning in her mouth was like the bitterness of life. Blasted ugly Tarkaans. Arranged marriages. She pulled out the dagger. It was sharp. Like my own tongue sometimes, she thought. But silly to have a jewelled sheath for it. Why bother, when death is the real jewel?
"Hey, don't do that."
The girl swung around. Sounded like a woman's voice. One of the servants, looking for her?
"I'm over here. That's right, your horse."
Eyes widening. It was the familiar mare. Was everyone going to nag her? She laughed harshly when she realized that was a pun.
"What do you want, horse?"
"I want you to live."
"And that's all you could find to talk about? What good is life?"
"Life's good in Narnia." But the doubt showed in the mare's eyes.
"Do they have sleazy saloons there?"
"No, they don't."
"Then I might as well go ahead and do the hard macho thing right here."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
The blade gleamed in the sunlight. Lousy sun, offering the hope of day. A hope always cheated by night. But Aravis could make an end of the false hopes. Right now. The dagger stabbed in fiercely, as if agreeing with her. Too bad more people had never agreed. But it didn't matter now. There was blood on the dirt. A final gasp, in place of curse words, was the girl's farewell to a no-good world.
The body lay there. Ants crawled on it.
Hwin the mare decided Aravis was right. Life was meaningless. So Hwin killed herself too. And then Bree killed himself. And the Hermit of Archenland killed himself. So the boy Shasta never went to Archenland. But he grew up to have a colorful career as a bullfighter and a rum smuggler, until one day he died in a blaze of gunfire, and lay there in the dust.
The tequila tasted good to her. Its burning in her mouth was like the bitterness of life. Blasted ugly Tarkaans. Arranged marriages. She pulled out the dagger. It was sharp. Like my own tongue sometimes, she thought. But silly to have a jewelled sheath for it. Why bother, when death is the real jewel?
"Hey, don't do that."
The girl swung around. Sounded like a woman's voice. One of the servants, looking for her?
"I'm over here. That's right, your horse."
Eyes widening. It was the familiar mare. Was everyone going to nag her? She laughed harshly when she realized that was a pun.
"What do you want, horse?"
"I want you to live."
"And that's all you could find to talk about? What good is life?"
"Life's good in Narnia." But the doubt showed in the mare's eyes.
"Do they have sleazy saloons there?"
"No, they don't."
"Then I might as well go ahead and do the hard macho thing right here."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
The blade gleamed in the sunlight. Lousy sun, offering the hope of day. A hope always cheated by night. But Aravis could make an end of the false hopes. Right now. The dagger stabbed in fiercely, as if agreeing with her. Too bad more people had never agreed. But it didn't matter now. There was blood on the dirt. A final gasp, in place of curse words, was the girl's farewell to a no-good world.
The body lay there. Ants crawled on it.
Hwin the mare decided Aravis was right. Life was meaningless. So Hwin killed herself too. And then Bree killed himself. And the Hermit of Archenland killed himself. So the boy Shasta never went to Archenland. But he grew up to have a colorful career as a bullfighter and a rum smuggler, until one day he died in a blaze of gunfire, and lay there in the dust.
Bowes-Litton
A most peculiar and frightening moment of confusion ensued as our dear Lucy continued to press herself through the clinging mass of coats only to feel more and more certain that, the season of the year notwithstanding, a snowy sensation akin to the press of snow upon the exposed skin was competing for her attention with the sensual stroke of mink and rabbit fur. And such it was, for, dear reader, unbenownst to her, she had entered not merely a wardrobe but a doorway--a portal--into a land called Narnia. A land not without charm, yet also dangerous as you shall soon see, for this tale is one of fright mixed with delight. But anon...
A most peculiar and frightening moment of confusion ensued as our dear Lucy continued to press herself through the clinging mass of coats only to feel more and more certain that, the season of the year notwithstanding, a snowy sensation akin to the press of snow upon the exposed skin was competing for her attention with the sensual stroke of mink and rabbit fur. And such it was, for, dear reader, unbenownst to her, she had entered not merely a wardrobe but a doorway--a portal--into a land called Narnia. A land not without charm, yet also dangerous as you shall soon see, for this tale is one of fright mixed with delight. But anon...
Sorry to double post. Well, actually, not sorry.
Dr. Seuss
Now Narnia is white and snowy
In places dull, in most spots showy
With angry witches armed with wands
And talking fish in talking ponds
And beavers who drink steaming tea
Beneath the spreading zig-zag tree
Dr. Seuss
Now Narnia is white and snowy
In places dull, in most spots showy
With angry witches armed with wands
And talking fish in talking ponds
And beavers who drink steaming tea
Beneath the spreading zig-zag tree
SeaStar
New member
By Lemony Snicket:
Once there were four children named Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy. If you are interested in happy stories, you should quickly shut this book and go read something else---The Happy Little Puppy Frolics In The Snow, for instance, which will disgust you, perhaps, but will probably not keep you awake at night in anxiety for the well-being of the child protagonists. For I am sorry to inform you that this book involves such unpleasant things as implied house bombings, a long train ride, an evil witch, a hundred-year winter with no interlude of festivity, a sinister cupboard, a pack of wolves, Santa Claus handing out weapons to minors, and an inexplicably placed sewing machine ("inexplicable" meaning here "mysteriously in the ownership of anthropomorphic beavers".)
Once there were four children named Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy. If you are interested in happy stories, you should quickly shut this book and go read something else---The Happy Little Puppy Frolics In The Snow, for instance, which will disgust you, perhaps, but will probably not keep you awake at night in anxiety for the well-being of the child protagonists. For I am sorry to inform you that this book involves such unpleasant things as implied house bombings, a long train ride, an evil witch, a hundred-year winter with no interlude of festivity, a sinister cupboard, a pack of wolves, Santa Claus handing out weapons to minors, and an inexplicably placed sewing machine ("inexplicable" meaning here "mysteriously in the ownership of anthropomorphic beavers".)
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*howls with laughter*
G.K. Chesterton
The commonest problem with our world is that it is nearly reasonable, but not quite; the commonest problem with the Narnian world is that it is nearly mad, and the method to its madness is one not liked by all comers. So when Eustace, dripping wet, was hauled over the side of the rough brown ship by a crew of swarthy sailors, he found that he certainly did not like the new world he had entered into. For one thing, he called himself a republican; but he lacked the basic instincts of democracy that make any republic a tolerable place to live. His lack of a democratic soul was first evidenced by the way he wiped off his shirt (though the shirt was sopping wet, and the swipe of his hand did little good) where he had been handled by the meaty, wind-weathered fingers of the sailor.
One might almost consider a sailor representative of all the human race, saving Eustace. For sailors spend their days bobbing up and down, tossed by the world in her joy (Eustace had no joy to speak of; to him, no wonder was wonderful unless he could take it apart and label it): and sailors know that the hold, the place of the surest safety, is intolerable for any great length of time (Eustace felt that safety was the reward of wise men, a wisdom defined by a dictionary printed as lately as possible). Sailors, like humankind, also know that one must go 'round the world to come home again: and so nurses and mothers through the ages have told stories of ordinary woodcutters who have extraordinary adventures.
Eustace was of the opinion that such problems as adventures were best solved by a good police force (meaning, of course, a police force entirely without character, so that neither defying nor submitting to it could bring one pleasure). He also did not believe in the extraordinary, and his first meeting with Reepicheep, fully considered, was rather a failure on his part. That Mouse, with all the instincts of the most valiant knight, would certainly have agreed with my judgment.
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All of these are amazing! I loved Copperfox's tradgedy, but this post by SeaStar is my favorite.
Hilarious, and excellently done.
The Spanish Inquisition
New member
Where's the TEXT, folks??
Edgar Allan Poe
The flaxen haired waif stood before the massive vault of the wardrobe, her trembling hand hesitantly grasping the handle of the door, then letting go from the electric thrill that coursed through her tiny arm. Then, summoning her courage she seized the doorway to destiny and flung it open. And there, hirsuitely veiling the mysteries ahead, hung fur coats rank on rank.
I love you, badger.
Hahaha, this is perfect.
Sopespian
Well-known member
Rudyard Kipling!
Mr. Tumnus (and he was a Faun) said, "Why do you that?", pointing at her hand.
Said Lucy, "You shake it."
Mr. Tumnus (and he was a Faun) replied, "Why?"
So Lucy said, "I don't know!"
Mr. Tumnus (and he was a Faun) said, "Would you like to join me for tea?"
Lucy said, "Yes, I would! Let us have some tea and some sardines!"
Mr. Tumnus (and he was a Faun) said "Let me tell you a story. If you do not believe it, that is all right. It is just so."
Mr. Tumnus (and he was a Faun) said, "A long time ago, there was a big ocean..."
Lewis Carroll (a.k.a. Charles Dodgson)!
Lucy stared after the monopod. It hurried into the magician's house. "Curiouser and curiouser!" said Lucy. (As she had been absent from school for a while, she was quite forgetting her proper English.)
"Tsk, Tsk!" said the monopod, "If I am late, he will not be pleased! I must hurry!"
------
'Twas brillig, and the dufflepuds
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy was Coriakin,
And the Pevensies outgrabe.
Maybe Jules Verne would have adapted VotDT like this:
Caspian is Captain Nemo.
Edmund is M. Pierre Aronnax.
Eustace is Ned Land.
Any suggestions for Conseil?
Mr. Tumnus (and he was a Faun) said, "Why do you that?", pointing at her hand.
Said Lucy, "You shake it."
Mr. Tumnus (and he was a Faun) replied, "Why?"
So Lucy said, "I don't know!"
Mr. Tumnus (and he was a Faun) said, "Would you like to join me for tea?"
Lucy said, "Yes, I would! Let us have some tea and some sardines!"
Mr. Tumnus (and he was a Faun) said "Let me tell you a story. If you do not believe it, that is all right. It is just so."
Mr. Tumnus (and he was a Faun) said, "A long time ago, there was a big ocean..."
Lewis Carroll (a.k.a. Charles Dodgson)!
Lucy stared after the monopod. It hurried into the magician's house. "Curiouser and curiouser!" said Lucy. (As she had been absent from school for a while, she was quite forgetting her proper English.)
"Tsk, Tsk!" said the monopod, "If I am late, he will not be pleased! I must hurry!"
------
'Twas brillig, and the dufflepuds
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy was Coriakin,
And the Pevensies outgrabe.
Maybe Jules Verne would have adapted VotDT like this:
Caspian is Captain Nemo.
Edmund is M. Pierre Aronnax.
Eustace is Ned Land.
Any suggestions for Conseil?
Sopespian
Well-known member
If badgers can double-post, so can Telmarines!
Franklin W. Dixon (pen name for the authors of the Hardy Boys series, Lester McFarlane and Harriet Adams)!
Edmund carefully walked around the pond. He had a hunch that the dragon was the ringleader of an international spy ring.
Eustace walked a little more quickly. He was the more ambitious of the two. As many times as Edmund had warned him to be careful, he still took many risks.
All of a sudden, his foot slipped! He fell into the pond and Edmund could not reach him!
----
Next chapter:
----
Suddenly, their friend Caspian came running up. Edmund shouted, "Caspian! Where's your life preserver?" Life preservers were Caspian's latest hobby.
Caspian threw his life preserver into the pond and rescued Eustace.
"Well, Eustace," Edmund said, "we'll have to wait a little while for your clothes to dry out."
"Thanks, Caspian," said Eustace.
"You're welcome, Eustace."
Edmund said, "Caspian, you sure couldn't have gone in there yourself! You're so heavy, you'd've sunk like a rock!"
Eustace grinned; they enjoyed needling their pudgy friend.
When they arrived at their ship, they were greeted by their Aunt Lucy. "What are you boys doing?!" she raised her voice. "You could have been killed! Someday you boys will fall into danger you can't escape!"
Of course, Edmund is Frank, Eustace is Joe, Caspian is Chet Morton, and Lucy is Aunt Gertrude.
Franklin W. Dixon (pen name for the authors of the Hardy Boys series, Lester McFarlane and Harriet Adams)!
Edmund carefully walked around the pond. He had a hunch that the dragon was the ringleader of an international spy ring.
Eustace walked a little more quickly. He was the more ambitious of the two. As many times as Edmund had warned him to be careful, he still took many risks.
All of a sudden, his foot slipped! He fell into the pond and Edmund could not reach him!
----
Next chapter:
----
Suddenly, their friend Caspian came running up. Edmund shouted, "Caspian! Where's your life preserver?" Life preservers were Caspian's latest hobby.
Caspian threw his life preserver into the pond and rescued Eustace.
"Well, Eustace," Edmund said, "we'll have to wait a little while for your clothes to dry out."
"Thanks, Caspian," said Eustace.
"You're welcome, Eustace."
Edmund said, "Caspian, you sure couldn't have gone in there yourself! You're so heavy, you'd've sunk like a rock!"
Eustace grinned; they enjoyed needling their pudgy friend.
When they arrived at their ship, they were greeted by their Aunt Lucy. "What are you boys doing?!" she raised her voice. "You could have been killed! Someday you boys will fall into danger you can't escape!"
Of course, Edmund is Frank, Eustace is Joe, Caspian is Chet Morton, and Lucy is Aunt Gertrude.
Copperfox
Well-known member
"The Silver Chair" as written by Louis L'Amour
A wise-looking Mexican woman brought beans, tortillas and coffee to Eustace and Jill, telling them, "Don't worry, the Puddleglum Kid will be here. He just hauled in the Deadwood Dwarfs gang; and every time he catches a bunch of outlaws, he comes to his favorite cantina to spend some of his bounty money."
So the visiting British children ate and waited, listening to Centaurs talking about their latest cattle drives....until the bat-wing doors of the cantina swung open, and the most feared gunfighter in all of Narnia walked in.
Everyone looked his way with respect, but not with fright; everyone knew that this Marshwiggle was on the side of the law. The Puddleglum Kid had long hair, Wild Bill Hickok style, hanging down under his broad sombrero. His eyes told the tale of many a long hunt and many a lightning-swift showdown. Broad-shouldered and narrow-hipped, he moved with confidence. Silver spurs fastened on his webbed feet jingled with each step. A Winchester Model 73 repeater was slung on his back, an ivory-handled Colt .44 rested in a tied-down holster, and a Bowie knife hung at the opposite hip. Without hesitation, he approached Eustace and Jill, doffing his hat to the girl.
"The Sheriff tells me that you folks need to find a missing prince."
Eustace nodded. "Yes, the Crown Prince of Narnia."
"Aslan told us to search for him," Jill added. "Can you help us?"
Rolling a cigarette, the Puddleglum Kid replied, "I reckon I can, if anyone can. But you youngsters need to get this into your city-bred heads: the wild Narnian frontier isn't a stroll in a park. We might get scalped by Apaches, or trampled by a buffalo stampede, or bit by rattlers, or caught in a prairie fire, or drowned in a flash flood, or struck by lightning, or stung by scorpions, or lost in a blizzard. And that's before we even get out of town."
A wise-looking Mexican woman brought beans, tortillas and coffee to Eustace and Jill, telling them, "Don't worry, the Puddleglum Kid will be here. He just hauled in the Deadwood Dwarfs gang; and every time he catches a bunch of outlaws, he comes to his favorite cantina to spend some of his bounty money."
So the visiting British children ate and waited, listening to Centaurs talking about their latest cattle drives....until the bat-wing doors of the cantina swung open, and the most feared gunfighter in all of Narnia walked in.
Everyone looked his way with respect, but not with fright; everyone knew that this Marshwiggle was on the side of the law. The Puddleglum Kid had long hair, Wild Bill Hickok style, hanging down under his broad sombrero. His eyes told the tale of many a long hunt and many a lightning-swift showdown. Broad-shouldered and narrow-hipped, he moved with confidence. Silver spurs fastened on his webbed feet jingled with each step. A Winchester Model 73 repeater was slung on his back, an ivory-handled Colt .44 rested in a tied-down holster, and a Bowie knife hung at the opposite hip. Without hesitation, he approached Eustace and Jill, doffing his hat to the girl.
"The Sheriff tells me that you folks need to find a missing prince."
Eustace nodded. "Yes, the Crown Prince of Narnia."
"Aslan told us to search for him," Jill added. "Can you help us?"
Rolling a cigarette, the Puddleglum Kid replied, "I reckon I can, if anyone can. But you youngsters need to get this into your city-bred heads: the wild Narnian frontier isn't a stroll in a park. We might get scalped by Apaches, or trampled by a buffalo stampede, or bit by rattlers, or caught in a prairie fire, or drowned in a flash flood, or struck by lightning, or stung by scorpions, or lost in a blizzard. And that's before we even get out of town."
"I'm a Marshwiggle"
This thread is too funny! Okay okay here is "I'm a Marshwiggle"
in the style of Emily Dickinson
I'm a marshwiggle! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us--don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary ---hmmm, it looks like rain!
How hopeless is our quest,
(No doubt we'll surely lose our way)
A slender chance at best!
This thread is too funny! Okay okay here is "I'm a Marshwiggle"
in the style of Emily Dickinson
I'm a marshwiggle! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us--don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary ---hmmm, it looks like rain!
How hopeless is our quest,
(No doubt we'll surely lose our way)
A slender chance at best!
Mrs Gil-Galad Took
New member
Charles Dickens!
"Humbugh!" said Jadis when she entered her cold palace surrounded by and covered with the thickest snow you could ever seen.
She threw her coat at her servant and summonded him to bring her some of the coldest chocolates one could ever eat. And believe me, your teeth would freeze if you would have tasted it.
"So Aslan is seen here? Impossible! If there is someone who should have known when he would be back it would have been me myself! I know everything and there are no secrets for me!"
Jadis stood up and walked around. She whacked everything standing in her way aside and didn't care if the object was one of her servants. This woman has a very bad temper, I can guarantee you that.
"I mean, nobody can hide anything from me! Unless these idiots are working together against me!"
In her anger she saw a pot hanging above the fire. Jadis was about to set it on fire completely when suddenly the fire was blown out by a strange wind.
"What on earth did just happen???" she said while jumping backwards. "This is not possible! Where did this wind come from??? Oh wait, maybe it was just my wand. I must accidentally have used it."
The tall Snow Queen sat down on her trown once again but immidiatly jumped up and walked towards a mirror hanging on the left side in her large trown room. Now if you ever have seen a real trown room you would have noticed it has something magical. But this room didn't. It was a freezing cold environment.
"NOW YOU TELL ME!" Jadis said while watching into the Mirror. "Who made up this fairy tale about Aslan's return? SPEAK!"
Then suddenly the Mirror changed and the shape of the Mirror changed into the shape of a Lion. It opened it's mouth and roared real loud. Jadis screamed loudly as she flew backwards straight across the room onto her trown again
"Humbugh!" said Jadis when she entered her cold palace surrounded by and covered with the thickest snow you could ever seen.
She threw her coat at her servant and summonded him to bring her some of the coldest chocolates one could ever eat. And believe me, your teeth would freeze if you would have tasted it.
"So Aslan is seen here? Impossible! If there is someone who should have known when he would be back it would have been me myself! I know everything and there are no secrets for me!"
Jadis stood up and walked around. She whacked everything standing in her way aside and didn't care if the object was one of her servants. This woman has a very bad temper, I can guarantee you that.
"I mean, nobody can hide anything from me! Unless these idiots are working together against me!"
In her anger she saw a pot hanging above the fire. Jadis was about to set it on fire completely when suddenly the fire was blown out by a strange wind.
"What on earth did just happen???" she said while jumping backwards. "This is not possible! Where did this wind come from??? Oh wait, maybe it was just my wand. I must accidentally have used it."
The tall Snow Queen sat down on her trown once again but immidiatly jumped up and walked towards a mirror hanging on the left side in her large trown room. Now if you ever have seen a real trown room you would have noticed it has something magical. But this room didn't. It was a freezing cold environment.
"NOW YOU TELL ME!" Jadis said while watching into the Mirror. "Who made up this fairy tale about Aslan's return? SPEAK!"
Then suddenly the Mirror changed and the shape of the Mirror changed into the shape of a Lion. It opened it's mouth and roared real loud. Jadis screamed loudly as she flew backwards straight across the room onto her trown again
Sven-El
Well-known member
I have a few. I've even written some clever back-stories into how these stories came to be.
What most don't know is that VOyage of the Dawn TReader was inspired by a lesser known epic poem composed by Homer sometime in the 5 century BC. The title of this poem is called "Caspian: The Sea Farer". How Lewis came upon it, is unknown, except to say that Oxford ahd a huge collection of books some didn't even know existed.
Caspian The Sea Farer: By Homer.
Tell oh, Lilliandil*, of that ingenious hero,
Who traveled far and wide after
He had become king of the
famous land of Narnia.
Many were the lands he visited.
And many were the sights and
wonders he had seen upon
the World’s End.
Tell me too, about these things ,
Oh daughter of Ramandu,
From whatever source you
May know of them.
*This is where the movie-makers dirived her name from. As Lewis had no name for her, they wen't back to the original Greek.
Then what most people don't know is that The Magician's Nephew was originally an epic poem written by John Milton, but abandoned in favor of Paradise Lost.
Magician's Nephew by John Milton
Of Digory’s disobedience, and the ringing
Of that Forbidden Bell, whose infernal tone
Brought evil into Narnia, and all our woe
and the rule of Jadis, till the great Lion
Restore, spring, and gain the blissful seat,
Sing of Queenly Star, that on the
Secret top of Pire, or Stable Hill,
That Winged Horse, who first flew those Chosen Children,
(and)In The Begining how, Narnia rose out of song;
or if Cair Paravel delight thee more, and Shribbles River
that flowed fast by the Lion’s Maine, I thence
invoke thy aide to my adventurous song,
that to the height of this Great Argument,
I may assert Eternal Providence,
And justify the ways of Aslan to man.
And this was just found by Tolkien scholars. Attached to it was a note written by professor Tolkien to Christopher. It turned out durring one rather heated discussion at a metting of the Inklings after Tolkien pointed out the flaws in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Professor Lewis snapped, "Oh, yeah, Tollers, I'd like to see you do better with it."
Tolkien said, "Well, just watch me!"
So he re-wrote the meeting of Tumnus and Lucy from the Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe:
In a cave in Narnia there lived a Faun. Not a dark nasty, dank cave filled with insects and bats, but a Faun’s cave, and that means comfort.
This Faun was a very well-to do faun, and his name was Tumnus. Now what is a Faun you may ask? I suppose they need some explanation as none are seen in these parts. A faun looks like a human, but yet has horns ton top of his head and a goat’s beard. The mid-section of his body is like that of a man ( or a woman) but then it ends in a goat’s hind quarters .They are inclined to be agile, as their goat like legs make them fleet of foot, and are fond of eating any and everything they find.
Now one day, in the cold of winter he was walking through the woods. HE carried an umbrella and had a red scarf around his neck. He had gone out that cold day to purchase some food, when a human girl came by.
“Oh, goodness gracious me ,” said Tumnus, dropping his packages.
He was surprised for she was a human girl, and none had been seen in these parts of Narnia since the cutting of The Great Tree in 899 and the coming of Jadis. That year the good Queen Swanwhite vanished ( though some say Jadis murdered her), and all humans were driven from Narnia. Jadis imposed a 100 year winter upon Narnia. However as she lay dying Queen Swanwhite uttered a prophecy that one day two sons of Adam and Two Daughters of Eve would sit enthroned in Cair Parvel and the evil time would be over and done.
AS such Jadis drove all humans from Narnia ( and killed a good number of them) and had cruel giants guarding all the borders of Narnia to insure that no human ever came to Narnia. This was, why Tumnus was so surprised.
“Um, excuse me,” said Tumnus. “ Might you be a daughter of Eve?”
‘Well, I am a girl,” said the child. “ If that’s what you mean .My name is Lucy.”
Does anybody else remember back in the 1990s the rumors about Harper COllins authorizing new Narnia books? Well, they were true. The powers that be decided that in order to ignite some interest in this new series they would give two current writers a chance to re-write one of the books. Because of the overwhelming sucess of the Left Behind sereis, TPTB chose Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins.
Below is their attempt at LWW:
Edmund Pevensie’s mind was on a candy he hadn’t even eaten. With the collars of his shirt pulled up to keep himself warm, he trudged forward in the snow, the starry sky above, Edmund had pushed thoughts of his family from his mind.
Once he was king, he would rule of his 14 year old brother, thirteen year old sister, and nine year old baby sister. He’d make laws against beavers too. But for now, with the wind blowing round him, Edmund imagined the sweet Turkish Delight and looked forward to that good eating.
Jadis, queen of Narnia had offered it all to him. He hadn’t seen her in more than a week.
Edmund used to look forward to playing with his younger sister Lucy .She was smart and funny enough. But lately he found himself repelled by her incisive talk about a magic land in a wardrobe and had tea with a faun.
Make believe was OK in his book. Edmund even enjoyed Greek Myths occasionally. But to act like it was real was another thing. Susan, his older sister, had even suggested that maybe Lucy was going crazy because of the War. Or perhaps it was a sign of the End-Times.
‘A magic land where fausn are real and animals talk!” she said . ‘Can you imagine it?”
“Yeah,” said Edmund .’ That would knock my socks off.”
Then edictros read this, and decided it just wasn't working out so they dropped the idea entirely.
What most don't know is that VOyage of the Dawn TReader was inspired by a lesser known epic poem composed by Homer sometime in the 5 century BC. The title of this poem is called "Caspian: The Sea Farer". How Lewis came upon it, is unknown, except to say that Oxford ahd a huge collection of books some didn't even know existed.
Caspian The Sea Farer: By Homer.
Tell oh, Lilliandil*, of that ingenious hero,
Who traveled far and wide after
He had become king of the
famous land of Narnia.
Many were the lands he visited.
And many were the sights and
wonders he had seen upon
the World’s End.
Tell me too, about these things ,
Oh daughter of Ramandu,
From whatever source you
May know of them.
*This is where the movie-makers dirived her name from. As Lewis had no name for her, they wen't back to the original Greek.
Then what most people don't know is that The Magician's Nephew was originally an epic poem written by John Milton, but abandoned in favor of Paradise Lost.
Magician's Nephew by John Milton
Of Digory’s disobedience, and the ringing
Of that Forbidden Bell, whose infernal tone
Brought evil into Narnia, and all our woe
and the rule of Jadis, till the great Lion
Restore, spring, and gain the blissful seat,
Sing of Queenly Star, that on the
Secret top of Pire, or Stable Hill,
That Winged Horse, who first flew those Chosen Children,
(and)In The Begining how, Narnia rose out of song;
or if Cair Paravel delight thee more, and Shribbles River
that flowed fast by the Lion’s Maine, I thence
invoke thy aide to my adventurous song,
that to the height of this Great Argument,
I may assert Eternal Providence,
And justify the ways of Aslan to man.
And this was just found by Tolkien scholars. Attached to it was a note written by professor Tolkien to Christopher. It turned out durring one rather heated discussion at a metting of the Inklings after Tolkien pointed out the flaws in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Professor Lewis snapped, "Oh, yeah, Tollers, I'd like to see you do better with it."
Tolkien said, "Well, just watch me!"
So he re-wrote the meeting of Tumnus and Lucy from the Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe:
In a cave in Narnia there lived a Faun. Not a dark nasty, dank cave filled with insects and bats, but a Faun’s cave, and that means comfort.
This Faun was a very well-to do faun, and his name was Tumnus. Now what is a Faun you may ask? I suppose they need some explanation as none are seen in these parts. A faun looks like a human, but yet has horns ton top of his head and a goat’s beard. The mid-section of his body is like that of a man ( or a woman) but then it ends in a goat’s hind quarters .They are inclined to be agile, as their goat like legs make them fleet of foot, and are fond of eating any and everything they find.
Now one day, in the cold of winter he was walking through the woods. HE carried an umbrella and had a red scarf around his neck. He had gone out that cold day to purchase some food, when a human girl came by.
“Oh, goodness gracious me ,” said Tumnus, dropping his packages.
He was surprised for she was a human girl, and none had been seen in these parts of Narnia since the cutting of The Great Tree in 899 and the coming of Jadis. That year the good Queen Swanwhite vanished ( though some say Jadis murdered her), and all humans were driven from Narnia. Jadis imposed a 100 year winter upon Narnia. However as she lay dying Queen Swanwhite uttered a prophecy that one day two sons of Adam and Two Daughters of Eve would sit enthroned in Cair Parvel and the evil time would be over and done.
AS such Jadis drove all humans from Narnia ( and killed a good number of them) and had cruel giants guarding all the borders of Narnia to insure that no human ever came to Narnia. This was, why Tumnus was so surprised.
“Um, excuse me,” said Tumnus. “ Might you be a daughter of Eve?”
‘Well, I am a girl,” said the child. “ If that’s what you mean .My name is Lucy.”
Does anybody else remember back in the 1990s the rumors about Harper COllins authorizing new Narnia books? Well, they were true. The powers that be decided that in order to ignite some interest in this new series they would give two current writers a chance to re-write one of the books. Because of the overwhelming sucess of the Left Behind sereis, TPTB chose Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins.
Below is their attempt at LWW:
Edmund Pevensie’s mind was on a candy he hadn’t even eaten. With the collars of his shirt pulled up to keep himself warm, he trudged forward in the snow, the starry sky above, Edmund had pushed thoughts of his family from his mind.
Once he was king, he would rule of his 14 year old brother, thirteen year old sister, and nine year old baby sister. He’d make laws against beavers too. But for now, with the wind blowing round him, Edmund imagined the sweet Turkish Delight and looked forward to that good eating.
Jadis, queen of Narnia had offered it all to him. He hadn’t seen her in more than a week.
Edmund used to look forward to playing with his younger sister Lucy .She was smart and funny enough. But lately he found himself repelled by her incisive talk about a magic land in a wardrobe and had tea with a faun.
Make believe was OK in his book. Edmund even enjoyed Greek Myths occasionally. But to act like it was real was another thing. Susan, his older sister, had even suggested that maybe Lucy was going crazy because of the War. Or perhaps it was a sign of the End-Times.
‘A magic land where fausn are real and animals talk!” she said . ‘Can you imagine it?”
“Yeah,” said Edmund .’ That would knock my socks off.”
Then edictros read this, and decided it just wasn't working out so they dropped the idea entirely.