when someone you love is suffering

Benisse

Benisse

Perelandrian
Staff member
Royal Guard
I don't know how many times I've read Magician's Nephew, but re-reading it now out loud to my daughter as we care for my mother in our home, I am really struck with how much this book has to say about dealing with the desperation and helplessness we face when someone we love is suffering. I know C.S. Lewis knew this sorrow all too well, losing his mum when he was young... and years later writing this book [MN] when his future wife was battling cancer.

So my questions for this thread are,
[1]what are some of the ways you see characters in MN (for example, Digory or Aunt Lettie) deal with Mrs. Kirke's being so sick and weak? and
[2] how do their strategies and struggles resonate with your experiences with your loved ones?
 
In particular I see two very unsympathetic characters...Jadis and Andrew Ketterly...who disengage themselves from ordinary and expected reactions to things. They felt they lived by a different set of rules, and the closest I can gather is that they would have both respected Nietsche's "Master or Slave" morality expressed in his book "Beyond Good and Evil".

Digory did not disengage himself emotionally, but you see him becoming somewhat "out of step" with Earth after his experience. He buried himself in his pursuit of knowledge and did not marry. That's not to say that he was unhappy, but rather that he no longer found happiness in doing what his father did, his brothers did, his school chums did. Rather he retreated into his own little world. Like Andrew, he knew too much to be just like everyone else. He was good, but he marched to a different beat.

One of the greatest things about childhood (and I don't overly romanticise it...I was a child once) was knowing that Mom and Dad had everything under control. The worst thing that could happen to you was being spanked for something and having to go right up to bed. But there was always tomorrow. The idea that you'll come home and Mom won't be there...she'll NEVER be there...is the horror of horrors. I know...I felt it when they told Dad he had six months to live.
 
Aunt Lettie was a woman of integrity and responsibility; aware that her sister could not function as normally, Lettie took charge as a matter of course. It simply was the thing to do. In my first marriage, my Mary was always "on the job," doing things like reckoning our bank balances by her own preference; but when her cancer incapacitated her, I stepped up and increasingly managed things. It simply was the thing to do...and it prepared me for my subsequent marriage to Janalee, in which I had to manage practically everything from Day One.
 
In my experience and the experience of many I've spoken to, it is easier to bear pain and difficulty directly than it is to watch one we love endure it. It seems to me that's one reason why parents sometimes do such crazy things when it comes to their children - it's very difficult to watch your children suffer, even when struggle is beneficial for them.

But I think that in a sin-damaged world, where the path to redemption lies along the path to suffering, we have to be willing to accept suffering yet can never become callous toward it. I think the Magister makes an excellent point in that Jadis and Andrew were two examples of those who had hardened their hearts to the suffering of others (which, if you'll notice, seemed to make them all the keenly aware of their own suffering, and the perceived wrongs done to them.) Aslan, on the other hand, was deeply sympathetic and understanding of suffering. I think the scene where He's speaking to Digory about the need to protect Narnia, and that Digory needed to step up to his task despite his desperation for his mother, is one of the most touching and poignant in all literature. ("My son, my son. I know. Grief is great - only you and I in this land know that yet.")
 
In my experience and the experience of many I've spoken to, it is easier to bear pain and difficulty directly than it is to watch one we love endure it.
Click to expand...
This is certainly true.

If I'm remembering right, Polly was a good friend -- when Digory told her the reason for his tears, she was sympathetic, and yet she didn't force any kind of comfort on him, which I think is good. When someone you love is suffering, and anyone tries to tell you some reason for it, or that it will all be fine ... somehow that makes it worse. I think Polly's natural reaction to just sympathize with him and then let it go was best.
 
Reading Benisse's post, I was instantly reminded of the scene between Aslan and Digory. I think, as Digory did, that when we have finally reached our limit of human strength and ability, we look up into the eyes of Aslan and realize that we aren't alone, and that we on our own don't have the ability to carry on. And, that pretty much every situation, good and bad is not in our hands and we can't control it. Watching my grandpa suffer with cancer (he's still alive, miraculously) was hard; I even prayed that God would take away his pain, and God decided not to take him at that time. My grandpa was ready to go and felt like he had lived out his purpose.

I also think that Digory was given the assurance, that no matter what happened, Aslan wasn't going to abandon him. We have the same assurance. That one little scene between Aslan and Digory simply illustrates how much we hurt, but also how much it hurts Jesus. While I know that some people think that He doesn't care, and He causes certain things to happen, He does sympathize with us and He does hurt for us when someone we love is suffering, because ultimately, He loves them more than we do and can. That's why He's the Comforter and Prince of Peace; because He's been there, He understands our pain and is the only Person who can give us hope and peace through our difficult time.
 
the one who loves us most of all

Aravis Kenobi said:
...That one little scene between Aslan and Digory simply illustrates how much we hurt, but also how much it hurts Jesus. While I know that some people think that He doesn't care, and He causes certain things to happen, He does sympathize with us and He does hurt for us when someone we love is suffering, because ultimately, He loves them more than we do and can. That's why He's the Comforter and Prince of Peace; because He's been there, He understands our pain and is the only Person who can give us hope and peace through our difficult time.
Click to expand...

What a beautiful connection AravisK, to remember that, even in our desperation for others, it is Jesus who really does love our loved ones most of all.
 
Benisse said:
What a beautiful connection AravisK, to remember that, even in our desperation for others, it is Jesus who really does love our loved ones most of all.
Click to expand...

And how hard it is (at least for me sometimes) to realize this when you are truly in the pit of despair, afraid of losing a loved one and afraid that it's just the way it is and God isn't going to change it. I loved that scene when Aslan looked into Digory's eyes, too, and when he, in the end, gave him a way to get an apple to physically heal his mother. Sometimes I honestly think The Chronicles of Narnia series is so inspiring that I keep my one volume (that has all 7 books in it) by my Bible for comfort and inspiration.
 
Aunt Letty

Copperfox said:
Aunt Lettie was a woman of integrity and responsibility; aware that her sister could not function as normally, Lettie took charge as a matter of course. It simply was the thing to do. In my first marriage, my Mary was always "on the job," doing things like reckoning our bank balances by her own preference; but when her cancer incapacitated her, I stepped up and increasingly managed things. It simply was the thing to do...and it prepared me for my subsequent marriage to Janalee, in which I had to manage practically everything from Day One.
Click to expand...

Aunt Lettie was a powerful character, as strong as Jadis but she used her strength for others. In the face of her (younger?) sister's illness she threw herself into the caregiver role, and was kept so busy she even got rather out of touch with what was going on in her own house. But sometimes when people are suffering you have to have a certain amount of tunnel vision for a while and just do what needs to be done. There is not much energy left over for frills and play and such.
 
for me aunt lettie reminds me a funny but great woman. sometimes, i think she is a typical woman of that time but when i re-read MN i remember how big was her heart.

about someone i love that is suffering, it's a great issue. in my case, i'm a very shy person so i don't really know what to do when a friend has a illness, or her parents are divorced, i think i need to improve it.. almost always i only stay there with her, to give her the love and attention that she needs.
 
Benisse said:
What a beautiful connection AravisK, to remember that, even in our desperation for others, it is Jesus who really does love our loved ones most of all.
Click to expand...

I guess I just happened to think of God not being able to bear watching His own Son die on the cross for a sinful world...Lewis made that connection, ultimately because he wrote it in the book; I just happened to pick up on it. ;)
 
EveningStar said:
One of the greatest things about childhood (and I don't overly romanticise it...I was a child once) was knowing that Mom and Dad had everything under control. The worst thing that could happen to you was being spanked for something and having to go right up to bed.
Click to expand...


To be more specific, the worst thing in that setting would be to be punished UNJUSTLY, when in actual fact you had NOT committed the alleged offense. If Jadis or Uncle Andrew ever had children, you could depend on them to hand out unjust punishments.
 
If the White Witch ever had a child, she probably would have killed it straight off to avoid having to care for it. Uncle Andrew would have left Aunt Lettie to take care of it at first and probably used it for his dabbling in magic when it got older. But since neither one really wanted to bother with other people, I doubt they would have taken the time to really discipline a child, even unjustly. Kill it or send it off, perhaps, but real discipline is physically and (for those of us with hearts) emotionally draining. Jadis and Uncle Andrew were both too selfish.

As for Digory--one of the hardest things can be watching someone else suffer, with you being unable to do anything. It's frustrating for me when a family member is hurting--physically or emotionally--when there's no way for me to end it.
 
Andrew Ketterley and Jadis Doe (:D) were too married to their pursuits to seek another love. Some folks are like that to the point where nothing else matters and even a love interest only gets in the way.
 
Back
Top