Besides reading my text correction, please look at what I just posted on Nightcrawler_Fan's "Summer" thread.
The way that you depicted Chilena behaving toward Alipang in your little excerpt looks as if you want her looking down her nose at him. But then, I always did notice that you made Chilena's personality complicated in the roleplay: one minute she adored her brother, the next minute she barely remembered he was alive. I plan in my story to preserve something of Chilena's wildly changing moods.