13 Plagues

To post...or not to post?

  • Yeah, sounds awesome/ I'll read it

    Votes: 28 100.0%
  • No, you should focus on other stuff/ doesn't sound good

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    28
Not sure whether or not to post it. Anyone want to read a new story? A long story? A summary might be a little too complex--it's a fantasy, kind of in a modern world, but has hints that ancient traditions still hang on. It's prewritten, so there'll be no delays this time... :D
 
All right, I'll try to explain it...here goes...

There's a boy named Hank Arbor, who lives a pretty much normal life in a world called Eyden. This world is a lot like the Earth as we know it, but the forms of land are different due to natural forces in the universe, or what the scientists call "the Second Big Bang." In this newly formed world, people have been given a chance to start over. But this time, some have been given a burden to deal with. A force they can't understand, and very rarely control. Hank has this power. And so does the ruler of the land. He abused his power to gain that position. Every thirteen years he raids the lands with sickening animal cross-breeds and armies that kill and hurt just enough so that the lands do not fight back. They cannot. Because those that do end up dead. All because of this power. But now that another human has been blessed with it, things are about to change.

The 13 Plagues....naw, I won't say anything about them.

There's a lot more to it than that, but I don't want to give a lot away. Does it sound all right? Readable?
 
The Prologue

All right, cool! I'll start off with the prologue. This isn't all of it, though...

PROLOGUE


A muffled cry rang through the night. Leaves rustled in the biting wind and accompanied the lament like thousands of ghostly voices, echoing among the endless darkened hills and deserted copses of trees. A young man, back resting against the trunk of a weathered oak, lifted his head sharply at the nearby hoot of a night owl and shook sleep from his eyes, looking about the setting with a slightly apprehensive smile. He stood, wiping caked mud from the underside of his robes, and then froze on the spot, listening to the shrill cries as the wind carried them across the deserted valley. After minutes of intent silence, the boy drew a dark hood over his head, wrapped a flapping cloak about his person, and left the welcoming shelter of the grand, twisted oak.

The valley was now echoing with a continuous lament, broken only by the distant squawking and flapping of agitated birds as they pursued a tranquil environment for rest. The young man started down a tree-lined slope, walking with a more purposeful carriage as he neared the source of the sound. The trees began to thin around him, and the dark ground glimmered with torrents of silvery moonlight, until he found himself standing at the top of a hilly clearing, looking out over the vast, shimmering land of Antimala Rittun. In the distance he could see the shadowed outline of castle Antimala, and the glistening gardens that lay thick around its perimeter. The soft effervescence of its silver-dubbed streams could be heard subliminally in the mind, bringing forth a state of deep thought and dreaminess to all who fell under its spell, sitting upon the benches lining its sides or lolling up and down the stone pathways that crossed over the water in a delicate weave. The boy gazed out at its glimmering profile with whimsical eyes, remembering the days when he could do whatever he wished in the castle and grounds alike without the necessity of glancing around each corner, as though he were an intruder, as though didn’t belong.

“I don’t belong there,” the boy said aloud, though the statement yielded little reassurance. If he didn’t belong here, then where in the world could he possibly? What place in all of Eyden could be more wonderful, more nostalgic and sublime than the one he was gazing upon at that moment?

To the young man’s surprise, a woman emerged suddenly from the shadows of a willow at the bottom of the hill. She stumbled to the level ground a few feet lower than the tree, jade cloak billowing behind her, moaning in grief and throwing her hands up to the moon in apparent frustration. As she started up the slope, not taking notice of the young man in her bout of depression, she let out a strangled shriek and, without warning, collapsed to the ground. The boy smiled and took the opportunity to steal towards the limp, heavily-breathing mass on the earth. Approaching the woman, he knelt down onto the grass and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. In a split second, an arm had flung from the depths of the jade green velvet and grasped the young man around the neck. The woman’s head snapped up to his startled face, watery eyes locked on the dark shadow beneath his hood.

“Who are you?” she seethed, tears streaming down her cheeks. Immediately, the young man lifted his hood and smiled tenderly at the woman. The moment she caught a glimpse of his face, her arms flung over the boy’s shoulders and she pulled him into a tight embrace, spluttering with shock.

“R-R-Rufus! My only son! My only son! Where have you been? H-How did you find me?” She pulled away to study each newly-defined feature of his face, a face she hadn’t seen for months.

Rufus smiled broadly. “I could hear you crying from halfway across the valley.”

“Yes, but—but how did you find me? How do you know about this place?” she asked, suddenly stern.

Rufus took in a breath, a pang of nervousness shooting through his stomach as he prepared to tell his lie, which he had been quietly practicing on the back of his steed, Trovars, on a long and mundane journey across the provinces. “Well,” he began, twisting his face into what he hoped was a worried expression, “father had kept me with him as he searched for power among the—among the—” He stuttered over the name of the land, pretending that the mere mention of it invoked pain. His mother, Lady Parthena, frowned and let out a moan. Rufus patted her shoulder and smiled gently. “It’s all right, mother. I had escaped long before his tyranny began again. But before I left he told me that you had stayed here, at the castle. Even if he hadn’t told me I would’ve come back, to see if you were here or not.”

“Any place would have been better than with your father,” she said, anger and hurt ringing in her voice. “I—I was just told about it all a month ago. I received a letter from your father himself, ex-explaining that he had taken you to some cave and—and had betrayed me. Every night—every night since I held that piece of parchment in my hands, every night since I touched something your father had written, I leave the castle and—and I weep. My heart has been torn apart, Rufus. This valley is the only place I can go without being near an official and—and not be afraid to look w-weak.”

Rufus already knew this, but he didn’t say anything. For a week he had been following his mother from outside castle Antimala, watching to see exactly what she was doing with her power over the land, and had spent each night beneath the oak tree, waiting for her to come far enough away from the castle so that he could carry out the plan. Those had been his father’s directions, at least, and he didn’t plan to mess them up. Not unless he wanted to see guillotine at the age of seventeen.
 
Last edited:
i agree; very cool. i hope we find out who 'rufis' is soon; since i eblive you said the main charecter was Hank Arbor. and yeah; really, post more. (please)
 
The Prologue: Continued

Hey look! I posted more than once in one day! You should all be proud.


Before Rufus could say another word, Lady Parthena gripped his arm and looked him sternly in the eyes. "Rufus, where is your father now?"

He stared back with bated breath, certain that she had found a flaw in his lie. His father was in a town to the west, called Gristopolis, the place where his mother and father had once lived together in peace. Rufus did not know exactly what he was doing, but he did know that the man was definitely not battling in the east. The guard outside the castle had been 'coincidentally' foolish, and had agreed to tell Lady Parthena the news Rufus had given him without a certificate that stated what he said was veritable.

"Rufus?" Lady Parthena said with a stony seriousness. "Where is your father now? At this point, you are the only one who can tell me. You are the only one that can tell the people, the only one that can keep us safe. Is your father still living in the cave?"

"H-He's in the east somewhere," Rufus said, flushing in the darkness. "When I escaped he had formed an alliance to fight--to fight--against the--" Again he stammered, feigning hurt at the mention of the land's name. Lady Parthena embraced him again, tears spilling down her face.

"Oh, it must have been so terrible," she moaned. "Living with that monster for half a year. I can't imagine it." She sighed heavily, still tightly clutching her son. "Did he ever hurt you, or make you do something awful?" Rufus shook his head, although this was entirely untrue. If the governess was going by her standards of what was awful, which he knew to be rather unrelenting, then he had seen it all. His response seemed to relieve her a bit. "Did he force you to leave the castle?"

"Yes," Rufus lied, pretending to be shaken. "Yes, there wasn't anything I could do. He took me straight from the feasting hall. There was no one there because I had been riding that day and came back to the castle late, and--and he came in through the hall doors with a traveling cloak and--and--" Another lie found its way into the boy's head, and he barely smothered a grin at the thought of it--"And Uncle Zonzales helped him."

Lady Parthena broke away from her son, utterly horrified. "Zonzales?" She froze for a few moments, breathing heavily, eyes glinting with disbelief. "Darling, it could not have been--that man has been the most helpful to our entire establishment! Our movement! We would never have been able to organize if not for him!" Her voice was filled with defiance, as though stating enough good things about her brother would prove Rufus's statement false. But Parthena Fardinearney was a woman who, like most mothers, trusted her son over just about anyone else. The notion that he would lie to her was unspeakable. And so, predictably, she burst into tears, beginning to moan once more.

"Has my entire family turned against me?" she cried out, looking up at the moon as though it were her last resort. "What have I done wrong? I--I try to put a final end to the evil in this land, and--and all the people of Antimala Rittun seem to be on my side ex-except my own family! It seems as though the ones I am fighting are my own flesh and blood!"

Rufus patted her arm consolingly, frowning and looking sympathetic, while inside he glowed with pride. He knew father would be so proud; not only had he, Rufus, succeeded in making his mother believe that her wicked husband was somewhere in the east, but he had also convinced her that his archenemy was now guilty of assisting in the capture of her only son. The man would be cast out of the castle as soon as Lady Parthena returned, and Rufus himself would be on the way back to his father, whom he secretly called Lord Grausam. His mother now disapproved of referring to her husband with a title. All he, Rufus, had to do was please her, and then there would be no flaw in the mission.
 
this Rufus is a shady character...

sounds great! I'm very proud of you CJS, even though you already said you had finished this story already and would be posting it faster...

so...*cough* if you would post like this on your other stories, then we'd be even MORE proud of you ;) (getting my hint here?) :p
 
Lucy_QueenofNarnia said:
this Rufus is a shady character...

sounds great! I'm very proud of you CJS, even though you already said you had finished this story already and would be posting it faster...

so...*cough* if you would post like this on your other stories, then we'd be even MORE proud of you ;) (getting my hint here?) :p
Gah, no way, that's too hard... :eek: Maybe I'll drop one...which one?
 
Back
Top