Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

WarriorSatyr said:
Meanwhile, the Forces of Darkness had decided to try and recruit the Grey Eagle. The sent him a very nice letter. It read-

Dear Grey Eagle,
Come to the dark side, we have cookies.
Sincerely,
The Forces of Darkness.

All of their PR people were certain that it would work.
Click to expand...

The Grey Eagle wrote back:

"This is to inform you that I am married to a superheroine called Queen Quilter; and she makes _better_ cookies than yours. I therefore suggest that _you_ folks repent of your sins and join the _good_ side."
 
BarbarianKing was not interested in the plasma sword because he already owned TWO invincible ones that had been given to him by the famous Kim Hightower back in the days. But he did appreciate having his money back because he wanted to meet his expenses on his own. Although BK knew that his "employer" would meet his needs at any time and anywhere while he was on assignment (or not), he did not want to rely on that more than he should. As far as the plasma sword that was being peddled, BK did not mind that it was taken by some ugly blue creature from a movie he had never even had the slightest interest in watching. The fool will probably chop his own head with it anyway, or at least his ears.
 
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Several members of the Society for Creative Anachronism, upon learning that Barbarian King possessed these marvellous weapons, asked him, "What kind of _scabbard_ can you carry them in?"
 
Meanwhile, Dracula had seen the immense success that Godzilla, Gorgo and the other big monsters had been having since they reignited their careers. Because of the Twilight craze, he was no longer the villain he once was, so he called up his agent,

"Once I was able to get great actors like Bela Lugosi, Lon Chaney, Frank Langella, Christopher Lee, or even Orson Welles on the radio. Actors with a sense of gravitas, who could make viewers quiver in fear. Now I just get a bunch of teeny bopper underwear models. Got any ideas how to restart my career?"
 
The Kun Agüero approached pad A7 at great speed and at an awkward angle of descent that BK thought there was something wrong with the ship. However, in less time than it took to think about it, the ship righted itself, slowed down, turned in the right direction, ignited the landing props (propulsion rockets), and landed almost noiselessly in the exact center of the pad. BK had seen many ships land before, but nothing like this maneuver, which he knew must take a lot of skill and bravado to pull off; a slight miscalculation on the part of the pilot would mean an immediate catastrophe.

BK waited until everything had been unloaded and most of the crew had gone on leave to approach the pilot, who was still hanging about inspecting the ship and writing notes on his qPad.

"Sonny Ayala, I presume," said BK with a smile.

"What took you so long to approach?" Asked Sonny with a counter-smile.

"You saw?"

"Psshh, everyone can see you hanging about my pad. Not many people come all the way up here. They usually wait for me to get down to concourse level."

"That's a nice ship," said BK, trying to change the subject since he did not want to let on that he had come all the way up here for specific reason.

"I modified it myself," said Sonny, patting the ship on the underbelly as if it was a kitten.

"Really? How did EA (Espaciales Argentinas) let you do that?"

"It's not their ship, this one is actually mine. They just lease her, and me, for special mining runs."

"How do you manage those crazy landings?"

"I retrofitted her with custom modified Charon Boosters. They are very sensitive and respond almost instantly. The boosters allow her to be like an extension of me. I think and she responds. Simple as that."

"Nice."

"But you're not here to talk about me and my ship, I take it," said Sonny nonchalantly.

"No."

"What are you here to talk about?"

"Who."

"What?"

"No, it's not what. It's who."

"Ok wise guy, WHO do you want to talk about, then?"

"Kiki Yamamoto."

"Then you better watch it, BK."
 
In the green of the world, a boy was stumbling about in the woods, humming the theme to the Lord of the Rings movies and pretending that he was on a grand adventure.

He turned a corner and came face-to-face with a troll

"What?" he said, just before the troll grabbed him.
 
Dracula happened to be talking on his cellphone just on the other side of a large tree from the troll. When the troll grabbed the boy and the boy screamed in fear, Dracula felt the oddest impulse -- to RESCUE someone. So he karate-chopped the troll, and the boy escaped.

The Count then apologized to his agent: "I'm sorry, what were you just saying?"

"Vlad, baby, I was saying that you gotta think outside the coffin. Vampire stories are probably never gonna get back to their original dignity. So you need to be bigger and splashier than those Twilight wimps. In fact, move beyond blood. Start drinking spaceship fuel! Then you can 'vampirize' spaceships! You can start by draining the reactor of the spaceship in Barbarian King's post."
 
Robin Hood happened to be nearby, and would have shot the troll, but he was distracted eavesdropping on Dracula's phone conversation. So when the drinking of fuel was suggested for Dracula, Robin piped in, "Sorry, but that's basically already been done on the animated series 'Buzz Lightyear of Star Command' with a character named Nos-4-A2, inspired by 'Nosferatu'. He looked like this." Robin showed Dracula this photo from the series:
NOS_spreads_his_wings.png
 
"Darn," said Dracula. " That sounded so promising. Well, is there anything open in the political thriller genre? I'm bold, charismatic, and I have my share of secrets. If that doesn't spell politician I don't know what will!"
 
TWS offered Dracula a place in his Christian Vampire Thriller, in which Vampires were portrayed as creepy, evil people who could be redeemed only by giving up being Vampires.

"You can be a permanent bad-guy," he offered. "That would hopefully keep your terrifying story intact, even though you would have to deal with idiot, young Vampires as well."
 
Christopher Lee, however, was over ninety years old, so instead, TWS suggested the young, British actor Michael Fassbender.

"If you read the book," he noted, "Dracula gets younger as he drinks more blood, so the opening scenes could have Christopher Lee, and then as you slake your hideous thirst, we could change to a younger actor. Fassbender is just a suggestion, since I think he might bring some gravitas to the role. Feel free to suggest someone else."
 
At that moment a strange little man in a blue jacket and yellow boots with a long bushy beard came up to him. He was joined by a pudgy man in a toga. The bearded man introduced himself.

"Greetings, Mr. Dracula. I am Tom Bombadil. Having been omitted from both Ralph Bakshi and Peters Jackson's film versions of Lord of the Rings I have decided to branch out myself. I used to partner with Beorn as he had been left out of the Rankin/Bass Hobbit, but since Peter Jackson hired him he stopped returning my calls. Now a days I travel with Bachus from Prince Caspian who had been left out of the BBC version and the Andrew Adamson version. With the popularity of murder mysteries we decided we would become a crime solving duo called "Bachus and Bombadil". We travel through different worlds of fantasy solving murders. What we need is a good villain. Interested? Mr. Lee always said you were one of his favorite villains to portray. We could even combine the earlier story recently suggested into our own, say someone has been going a round sucking blood from the underwear model vampires to stay alive."
 
Tom Bombadil's mysterious demi-goddess wife Goldberry was to be the producer, and she liked the idea of Dracula being signed up as a villain. "Only, you're not allowed to bite ME, so don't get any ideas. Just remember that my husband has the power to dispell the undead."
 
Dracula, ever the dapper Dan gentlemen, smiled ( lets face it, he may be a monster but he still had class), kissed her hand and said, "My dear, you have my most solemn promise, I will not suck your blood. If I do so, you Mr. Bombadil may personally spike me himself. Though I am curious, in his song that he sang in the book, did he not refer to you as his daughter? Either way the two of you are enigmas to be sure, and I nonetheless look forward to working with you all."
 
Goldberry looked insulted. "What Tom calls me is what I am: the daughter OF A RIVER. Not TOM'S daughter! What were you thinking?--no, don't answer that!"
 
"My most sincere apologies," said Dracula. " I had read a commentary some years back that suggested among the theories for Tom Bombadil that he was the River itself, as well as the usual Ainur, and Illuvatar rumros ( though Tolkien had long since mooted the last one.)"
 
Goldberry nodded brusquely. "We'll say no more about it. I should make allowances for you, since I'm frankly grateful that you're not a _Twilight_ vampire. _Their_ pop-star posing is insufferable."

"I feel the same way," said Tom Bombadil. "I can't imagine Edward Cullen ever dancing a carefree jig."
 
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