Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

Gollum succeeded in getting rid of them by telling them that Edward Cullen and Jacob Black were in the Food Court arm wrestling Loki from the Avengers. This got rid of most of them.
 
Meanwhile, the Renfield from Lugosi's movie felt uncomfortable with Bram Stoker's Renfield nearby, so he dropped the idea of approaching Gollum. Instead, he hopped a time machine and went back fifty years to be able to learn from Peter Lorre.
 
Of course he messed something up, which caused a rift in the space-time continuum. In order to avoid a never-ending loop of time paradoxes, the timeline reboot itself back to a particular point in time in which to start over with a hopefully different outcome: The point in Jurassic Park when Ian Malcolm is explaining about chaos theory during the land cruiser tour. Alan Grant (who was already feeling annoyed with Ian) felt strangely as if this whole thing had already happened, when suddenly he noticed Gollum sitting under a tree hugging what appeared to be Pandora's Box. "Nope," thought Alan, "that certainly hasn't happened before."
 
Doktor Diavolo appeared in a cloud of smoke and snatched the Box. "I have won!" he proclaimed triumphantly. "Nothing can stop me from destroying humanity with the evils inside of this box!"
 
-Just before an arrow shot through his head and caused him to drop the box. "Haha! I'm an even bigger hero than Bard now!" Legolas shouted for joy.
Meanwhile, Dinotopian Robin Hood was flirting with Tauriel.
 
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This caused Kili the boy-toy Dwarf to begin pouting. His pouting was so cute that three or four hundred fangirls forgot all about sexy vampires and began crowding around Kili.
 
Kili of course knew he could never find true love among a bunch of fangirls, so he pouted some more and decided to read "The Hobbit". As if that weren't enough, he soon read of his own demise toward the end of the book and got so depressed he had to resort to watching old reruns of Blue's Clues in attempt to forget about his depressing adulthood.
 
Unfortunately, Kili was seeing "Blue's Clues" on a public television channel, and this was followed by an installment of the public-television program "Democracy Now," in which the talking heads furiously condemned all private enterprise as evil -- which by nature included the gold-mining done by Dwarves.
 
One poem Kili found was a limerick, a style new to him:


There once was a Hobbit named Baggins,
Who liked to help archers kill dragons.
But on film, Smaug's weak spot
A deep secret was not!
Bilbo drowned his hurt pride in beer-flagons.
 
Meanwhile, Robin Hood of Dinotopia was still examining church denominations and The Bible when he realized that he truly loved the annotated 1599 Geneva Bible. "Why don't more people use this version?!" He wondered.
 
After having just read a bit on the history of the Geneva Bible, Robin Hood said, "Probably, unless you count the fact King James outlawed its printing after the KJV was published."
Having grown weary of study, Robin decided it was now time to take a little break and continue his impossible search for the perfect woman.
 
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Somewhere in Edinburgh, Agent Johnny English was under cover, searching for the escaped criminal Pascal Sauvage who's plot to usurp the throne of England had been foiled 13 years before by Agent English.
 
Queen Elizabeth secretly contacted Johnny English, to say: "Please-- DON'T interfere with Pascal QUITE yet! Give him a chance first to put enough of a scare into my worthless son that Charles will conclusively give up on ever being King. Then the throne can pass to my grandson, who is not nearly as yucky."
 
Johnny agreed to the queen's request and decided to merely keep a close surveillance on Pascal. However, this responsibility often fell largely on Johnny's partner Bough, since Johnny was often distracted by phone calls to and from his gorgeous girlfriend Kate.
 
A British Coldstream Guardsman, monitoring this thread, noticed the reference to a "Kate," and asked suspiciously, "Exactly which Kate do you mean?"
 
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