Ah the pleasant pains of doing audio drama! You have a lot of toys to play with in Audio Drama, but you're adapting a story that's heavy on narration and light on dialog. What do you do?
First off, narration is lecture, dialog is hands-on activity. Did you ever go to a programming class, a sport class, or an outdoor skill instruction that started with a long powerpoint program, informing you that Tennis is actually a modern form of Jeu De Palme which was played by King Henry VIII when he wasn't marrying or beheading? Remember how exciting it was?
Converting description into action that is true to the spirit of the original is harder than it sounds.
THE LINE: So called because a line is the shortest distance between two points. Going from "He greeted her at the door" to "<knock knock> Hi" is like this. Better, but just barely.
THE PEPPER: So called because it adds flavor. Going from "He greeted her at the door" to "Open up, baby, it's your red hot romeo!" followed by, "Oh, it's just my husband." Well, ahem, moving on....
THE LENS: So called because it sharpens the image. Adding to the plot, which is great when done well or terrible if it is imposing your vision over the author's original intent. "Open up! Quick! I think they've spotted me!" Intriguing, n'cest pas?
In doing my own creations, I have the advantage of knowing exactly what I meant by the narration and simply cooking more details in as necessary. I tend to do it in three passes. First I assign the dialog that is targeted in the original by changing:
"Well!" Jim said, "It's about time!"
to
[JIM, FLUSTERED]
"Well, it's about time!"
So yes, my first pass is akin to THE LINE.
Then I am faced with creating dialog to meet descriptive passages. That means going to all the [NARRATOR] spots and turning them into dialog.
[NARRATOR]
A heated arguement ensued.
becomes
[JOHN]
"You ALWAYS do that, and you know it drives me up the wall!"
[MARY]
"I wouldn't HAVE TO do that if you'd keep up your end of the bargain!"
The first attempt to go through the story relies a lot on the lens method. And to begin to take out the clunk, read it aloud....with feeling. You will uncover awkward word choices, and you'll encounter mistakes of translation such as:
[JIM]
"I am just about fed up, Jim said; so stop it right now!"
Now if this were "Talk like a Pirate" day, I might interject "says I" into a sentence, but I would never say "John said".
On the final pass I try to make sure I let the hot air out of sentences. Sometimes in the heat of battle I'll write language into dialog that most people experiencing strong emotions will eschew (i.e. the word "eschew" versus "skip").
[JIM]
That is entirely within the realm of possibility, however you should preface your exhuberant show of confidence with a moment of forethought.
vs.
[JIM]
Cool your jets, boy. It might not happen.