Lost Dreamer
New member
Wow, this is fast. But yay for Valik! I knew he was someone special 
Last edited:
Emeline's story, Ferlin's travels
- Thread starter daisyfrost
- Start date
daisyfrost
New member
AH!!! wait---it's not done yet!! one more post:
Chapter 15: home
Emeline stared out the window, astonished at what she saw. She got out of the bed and made her way outside. The townspeople had stopped what they were doing, all of them looking at the same marvel. Somewhere very far away there were two forces battling, and one was large and black—the other blue. She suddenly recalled it from Ferlin’s eyes. This is what she had seen! In his eyes! Could it be possible that what she saw was the future? It looked just like Ferlin’s blue glow when he traveled. Was that him?
The people were watching it almost like they might watch a sport or a contest. Like entertainment, but more intense. Soon some were cheering, “go blue! You can do it!” others murmured, “he’s not going to make it…” and in the whole world, Emeline was the only one that knew. So she cheered too, fearfully, and hoped dearly that he would win. When she saw the bolt that came from him, the explosion that erupted from the black cloud and swallowed up blue, she grew terrified and silent along with everybody else. Wait, she thought. Then she ran.
She ran straight out of town, as fast as she had the day that she had been released from the orphanage. Finally, finally she came to the spot. It was by a dusty old road like it had always been and he was laying there, appearing there, in the dust.
She stopped before him, catching her breath.
“Ferlin?” his eyes fluttered open.
“I…I won,” he said. He smiled. Then he saw her, and his face turned sad. He stood up and told her what Telva had said. “The stone only works if you have some kind of ability. I couldn’t give up you, but without my power…”
But Emeline knew something that Ferlin didn’t. “Ferlin,” She said. Her eyes twinkled. “I need to tell you something.”
She told him about what she had seen. The battle in the sky, right there in Ferlin’s eyes. “Does that count?” she asked, smiling at him, holding his hand. It took a moment for him to speak. “Anything counts,” he said, awed. “But why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was sick and confused, and nothing was clear yet. I wanted to wait until you came back.”
So they tried the stone on her. Ferlin had it with him because that was also the way to get rid of his power—of coarse now, he didn’t have to use it for that porpose, because it worked. Telva had said when Ferlin dropped her off that the tips of her hair would be blue if it worked, and they were, hinting the tiny travel tolerance.
It had worked.
“Oh, Emeline,” Ferlin said. And they kissed. As they kissed, they traveled to a thousand places in an instant; Ferlin’s power was all there now. He could do more than he’d ever imagined. The universe spun around them until the kiss ended, slowly, so they could look at each other’s eyes without the interruption of Emeline’s newly-controlled power. They were in a winter wonderland, but somehow they weren’t cold.
For a moment there was ablelute silence. Then he whispered in the different planet’s perfect snow, “Marry me, Emeline?”
She blinked snowflakes off her eyelashes, and whispered back, “yes.”
~ The End ~
Chapter 15: home
Emeline stared out the window, astonished at what she saw. She got out of the bed and made her way outside. The townspeople had stopped what they were doing, all of them looking at the same marvel. Somewhere very far away there were two forces battling, and one was large and black—the other blue. She suddenly recalled it from Ferlin’s eyes. This is what she had seen! In his eyes! Could it be possible that what she saw was the future? It looked just like Ferlin’s blue glow when he traveled. Was that him?
The people were watching it almost like they might watch a sport or a contest. Like entertainment, but more intense. Soon some were cheering, “go blue! You can do it!” others murmured, “he’s not going to make it…” and in the whole world, Emeline was the only one that knew. So she cheered too, fearfully, and hoped dearly that he would win. When she saw the bolt that came from him, the explosion that erupted from the black cloud and swallowed up blue, she grew terrified and silent along with everybody else. Wait, she thought. Then she ran.
She ran straight out of town, as fast as she had the day that she had been released from the orphanage. Finally, finally she came to the spot. It was by a dusty old road like it had always been and he was laying there, appearing there, in the dust.
She stopped before him, catching her breath.
“Ferlin?” his eyes fluttered open.
“I…I won,” he said. He smiled. Then he saw her, and his face turned sad. He stood up and told her what Telva had said. “The stone only works if you have some kind of ability. I couldn’t give up you, but without my power…”
But Emeline knew something that Ferlin didn’t. “Ferlin,” She said. Her eyes twinkled. “I need to tell you something.”
She told him about what she had seen. The battle in the sky, right there in Ferlin’s eyes. “Does that count?” she asked, smiling at him, holding his hand. It took a moment for him to speak. “Anything counts,” he said, awed. “But why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was sick and confused, and nothing was clear yet. I wanted to wait until you came back.”
So they tried the stone on her. Ferlin had it with him because that was also the way to get rid of his power—of coarse now, he didn’t have to use it for that porpose, because it worked. Telva had said when Ferlin dropped her off that the tips of her hair would be blue if it worked, and they were, hinting the tiny travel tolerance.
It had worked.
“Oh, Emeline,” Ferlin said. And they kissed. As they kissed, they traveled to a thousand places in an instant; Ferlin’s power was all there now. He could do more than he’d ever imagined. The universe spun around them until the kiss ended, slowly, so they could look at each other’s eyes without the interruption of Emeline’s newly-controlled power. They were in a winter wonderland, but somehow they weren’t cold.
For a moment there was ablelute silence. Then he whispered in the different planet’s perfect snow, “Marry me, Emeline?”
She blinked snowflakes off her eyelashes, and whispered back, “yes.”
~ The End ~
Lost Dreamer
New member
Now that's a good ending. Better than before I really like it, and I'm still super proud of you! *huggles* This is by far the longest thing you've ever written. You could probably call this a novel. Your descriptions of the battle were very intense; I was sucked right in.
My only issue is that the ending is still very sudden. We learn so much so quickly, and then it's over. I really hoped to get a better understanding of who "the enemy" was, why Ferlin's power was more than the others, why his planet in particular was under attack...So many exciting things happened, but we sort of skipped them. However, the parts you did write about - the battle, and Emmeline's/Ferlin's reunion - were very good. Those I love. I just hope we get to learn more about Ferlin's home planet+survivors someday .
(Sowwy. I know you hate that kind of critique/advice >.< But that's all I'll say about it, I swear. )
I really like it, and I'm still super proud of you! *huggles* This is by far the longest thing you've ever written. You could probably call this a novel. Your descriptions of the battle were very intense; I was sucked right in. My only issue is that the ending is still very sudden. We learn so much so quickly, and then it's over. I really hoped to get a better understanding of who "the enemy" was, why Ferlin's power was more than the others, why his planet in particular was under attack...So many exciting things happened, but we sort of skipped them.
However, the parts you did write about - the battle, and Emmeline's/Ferlin's reunion - were very good. Those I love. I just hope we get to learn more about Ferlin's home planet+survivors someday . (Sowwy. I know you hate that kind of critique/advice >.< But that's all I'll say about it, I swear.
)
daisyfrost
New member
hm. i guess i'll work on that, becuase it was sort of fast but i thought i'd made some of that clear.
thanks! first succesful story! *starts singing 'Don't stop Believin'*
thanks! first succesful story! *starts singing 'Don't stop Believin'*
Lost Dreamer
New member
Lol. Love that song. I was very clear, but it wasn't detailed enough to be satisfying. Make sense? I wanted to explore those parts more.
I see you have a new story up! *runs to check out new story*
I see you have a new story up! *runs to check out new story*