For the Love of the Tree

How do you feel about Lossy's Treeness?

  • I am in full acceptance of its reality, and strongly encourage Lossy herself to become the same.

    Votes: 16 61.5%

  • What Treeness? It does not exist! What would put such a silly idea into your heads?

    Votes: 3 11.5%

  • I don't care. If Lossy doesn't want to be a tree, then you should just leave her alone.

    Votes: 3 11.5%

  • SQUIRREL!!!!!!!

    Votes: 11 42.3%
  • Total voters
    26
Eustace C. Scrubb said:
*Gets down onto my knees with hands raised pleadingly.* How do I begin?
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You can ask them to pelt you with nuts. However, if you ask them, they will probably refuse. You could insult them and try to make them angry, but they will probably figure out that you're instigating them and will refuse. The best thing to do is probably to try adopting one. They love inflicting suffering on kind and well-intentioned people.

Here is a squirrel. He is a giant Chinese flying squirrel, and his name is Xantho. He is evil. Pine nuts are his weapon of choice. Try to cuddle him, and your suffering will begin.
 
*watches Xantho systematically destroy Eustace's collection of Italian mussels*

You didn't even know you had an Italian mussel collection, and now it is gone. Forever.
 
*watches Xantho systematically destroy Eustace's collection of Italian mussels*

You didn't even know you had an Italian mussel collection, and now it is gone. Forever.
 
I do have a rather extensive button collection that Xantho has not gotten his grimy little paws on yet. (Extensive being about 2 jars full.)

*Attempts to put a leash on Xantho so I can take him for a walk.*
 
*watches squirrels attempt to force Eustace into an Iron Maiden* You know, you really should have just shot him and ate fried squirrel brains for supper. I hear they're good, as long as the squirrels in question aren't rabid. I don't think Lossy's squirrels are rabid....
 
I'm not to keen on eating squirrel brains, fried or not. And I would never kill Xantho. He's a good little squirrel, even if he is trying to gnaw my leg off. YOWCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
*clucks tongue* Some people are just gluttons for punishment...you do realize that no major world religion actually ascribes value to self-torture?

You could try singing to Xantho. Maybe the right kind of music will calm him down. He probably has a favorite song titled something like "I'm Gonna Get You Yet."
 
*clucks tongue* Some people are just gluttons for punishment...you do realize that no major world religion actually ascribes value to self-torture?

You could try singing to Xantho. Maybe the right kind of music will calm him down. He probably has a favorite song titled something like "I'm Gonna Get You Yet."
 
When I read that, my mind started writing a parody of Michael Buble's 'Just Haven't Met You Yet.'

I'll actually look up the lyrics and maybe get back to you in a few days.
 
Benisse said:
(Eventually the squirrels will realize their pelting is in vain because they will simply have to re-gather the acorns they are wantonly tossing about, so while we await their discovery of that conclusion, here is a song dedicated to our dear L-T.)
To be sung to the tune of "O Christmas Tree":

O Lossy Tree, O Lossy Tree
Your leaves are graduating
O Lossy Tree, O Lossy Tree
We're all so proud we're fainting!
How deftly you have run your race
and finished full of faith and grace
O Lossy Tree, O Lossy Tree
What's next for you? ________?
(we're waiting...)
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I greatly appreciate the graduation wishes, but once again, my dear delusional mod, I AM NOT A TREE! *pine needles shiver indignantly*

Please don't listen to poor Glen. She's rather... confused.
 
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Lossëndil said:
I greatly appreciate the graduation wishes, but once again, my dear delusional mod, I AM NOT A TREE! *shakes pine needles indignantly*

Please don't listen to poor Glen. She's rather... confused.
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If I'm so confused, then why did the overwhelming majority of poll takers vote that you were a tree? (The squirrel-distracted do not count.) And Benisse never suffers delusions. Eveningstar did, but he has passed on to...wherever people who think they are badgers go.

Nice pine needles, by the way.
 
Being Dufferland, the majority of the poll takers are delusional. I submit that Benisse never suffers delusions, except when she has stayed too long in the land of the duffers, below the merciless scorching Duffer Sun, and forgot to bring a good supply of cactus juice. The combination of heat and dehydration has caused her to make a few choices she would otherwise never have done.

*glare*
 
O Lossy the Great Tree, (not sure which kind of tree you are) what do you normally decorate trees with for the Fourth of July? I mean, you decorate pine trees for Christmas, and I've seen people put plastic eggs on the trees in their front lawn for Easter, but I don't know what you decorate trees with for the fourth. Perhaps fireworks?
 
Firstly, I am NOT a tree. Secondly, no one decorates trees for Fourth of July. In fact, trees, pines, especially, rather dislike fireworks. There are always a few idiots each year who set off their fireworks too closely to a cluster of trees, and pines catch awfully quickly. So STAY AWAY!

And STOP CALLING ME A TREE!


I feel like I need to develop some more sophisticated method of defending the truth than merely yelling... I apologize for yelling, but again, I am not a tree.
 
Please don't yell. Trees are exceptionally frightening when they yell, and, O Lossy-tree, there are young Duffers here that must be protected. Think of your reputation. Observe the frightening branchial features of these trees, who were caught yelling at an innocent boll weevil. You don't want to look like them, do you?
 

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