Copperfox
Well-known member
ON YOUTUBE, one can often see a humor series, "How It Should Have Ended." For instance, "Thor: Ragnarok" really should have ended with Doctor Strange bringing huge reinforcements (including Beta Ray Bill and all available X-Men) to slaughter Hela before she could have destroyed Asgard.
I shall NOW give this treatment to the "Bram Stoker's Dracula" movie which starred Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder.
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
The descending sun approaches the horizon. The wagon carrying Mina, Dracula's coffin and the vampire's Gypsy servants is drawn by horses who are ensorcelled not to fear their master-- will soon reach hill country where pursuers might be shaken off.
Dracula is not strictly immune to the sun, but he is weaker and more vulnerable in its light. Far behind the wagon, wolves-- controlled by Dracula's will but themselves enjoying no magical invulnerability-- have spooked the heroes' horses. Doctor Van Helsing and company quickly mowed the wolves down with rifle fire, but now are scrambling to calm their steeds.
This is the hero-moment for Quincy Morris. Quincy earlier failed to win the heart of Lucy Westenra, who had preferred Arthur Holmwood. Lucy had been vampirized, but putting a stake through her physical heart had freed her soul to enter Heaven. Rescuing the still-breathing Mina, and avenging Lucy, is more than enough of a boost.
He quickly inventories his weapons load: lever-action Winchester, Colt revolver, two-shot Derringer, and Bowie knife. Van Helsing previously advised Quincy that it doesn't strictly have to be WOOD which penetrates a vampire's heart.
Catching and soothing the nearest mount, Quincy hastily tells the others, "That Count feller don't understand about Texans and horses." Mounting, he calls over his shoulder, "Follow me soon as y'all can!"
HERE'S WHERE THE HERO-MUSIC BEGINS. We hear the chase theme from "The Man From Snowy River." Quincy fires and levers his rifle without wasting a bullet. Every shot fells a wolf, and hurling the empty rifle knocks another off its feet. Not missing a beat, he draws the six-gun left-handed. By the time the revolver is also emptied, the surviving wolves are growing discouraged.
Mina regains enough free will to seize the wagon's reins and uncouple the harness yoke. Then she pushes one Gypsy off the wagon, before the other knocks her unconscious. An instant later, the still-standing minion dies by the first shot of Quincy's Derringer. The Texan climbs to the wagon bed and begins prying loose the coffin lid. It loosens, and Quincy pulls the lid aside, starting to position his knife tip over the Count's chest. But just before he can stab, the remaining Gypsy thrusts a dagger into Quincy's right side. He falls to the ground hard. Mina, however, scoops up the fallen Derringer and shoots that remaining bad guy.
For one moment, Mina feels the Count's mind trying to reassert his waning control over her. The coffin lid begins to open; but the bleeding Texan struggles back up to the side of the coffin.
>>>> Around this point, we begin to hear the climax music from "Return of the Jedi": the music where Palpatine is electrocuting Luke, but Darth Vader's humanity returns and he saves Luke.
With sunlight subsiding into afterglow, Dracula ALMOST gets clear; but the triumph vanishes from his face when Quincy pushes a cross into his face.No nonsense in this story about vampires being immune to holy objects. "No, you DON'T," our hero snarls. "The only place you're going from here is to Hell!"
Clinging to outward self-confidence, Dracula scoffs, "Then where are YOU going? And why should you sacrifice yourself? For Lucy, who rejected you? For Van Helsing, who used you? For your friends, who will soon forget you? You need only permit me to taste your blood before you die, and you will become immortal. There is plenty of room for two master vampires in the world; you can rule the Americas, once we secure transportation for you."
Dracula tries to catch Quincy's wrist, so he can divert the cross without touching it. But he's too late. Mina retrieves the Bowie knife and positions it.
"Monster, did you REALLY think I would ever willingly prefer you over my husband? Your arrogance has defeated you!" She then forces the Bowie knife all the way in.
Skin beginning to dry up almost imperceptibly, the undead lord strains to cling to his twisted life. But Abraham van Helsing joins Mina, and empties a vial of holy water onto the vile Count's face. Not granted the last word, Dracula crumbles away, while Van Helsing tries vainly to stop the Texan hero's bleeding. Quincy pats Van Helsing's wrist in gratitude for the attempt, then addresses the others.
"We all did well, friends. Arthur, looks like I'll get to see Lucy before you do.... She won't be jealous of you finding another lady.... We'll both be lookin' down, wishing the best-- the best for y'all..... And in any, any future hard times, remember.... that evil IS NEVER unbeatable...."
Van Helsing solemnly closes the saintly cowboy's eyes, as the happy- ending music from the "Snowy River" movie builds up.
Quincy finds himself mounting a winged horse, which soars / gallops up into a joyfully gleaming sky. Angels right and left salute him with flaming swords. Gliding down to meet him, Lucy sits on the heavenly steed's neck, facing the valiant rider whose final mortal thought had been of her.
Before passing golden arms around Quincy's neck, she playfully opens her mouth and points to it. "See there, Quincy? NO FANGS!" After kissing him long and soundly, she adds more solemnly: "God is not so petty as to say we're not allowed ever to love anyone BESIDES Himself. And we have all eternity to share joy SO great that we'll never get tired of it!"
They continue upward as the light embraces their embrace. Amid boundless joys to come, eternity will afford them occasional moments to laugh at the absurd concept that vampires could be sexy and charming.
\\\\ THE END ////
I shall NOW give this treatment to the "Bram Stoker's Dracula" movie which starred Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder.
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
The descending sun approaches the horizon. The wagon carrying Mina, Dracula's coffin and the vampire's Gypsy servants is drawn by horses who are ensorcelled not to fear their master-- will soon reach hill country where pursuers might be shaken off.
Dracula is not strictly immune to the sun, but he is weaker and more vulnerable in its light. Far behind the wagon, wolves-- controlled by Dracula's will but themselves enjoying no magical invulnerability-- have spooked the heroes' horses. Doctor Van Helsing and company quickly mowed the wolves down with rifle fire, but now are scrambling to calm their steeds.
This is the hero-moment for Quincy Morris. Quincy earlier failed to win the heart of Lucy Westenra, who had preferred Arthur Holmwood. Lucy had been vampirized, but putting a stake through her physical heart had freed her soul to enter Heaven. Rescuing the still-breathing Mina, and avenging Lucy, is more than enough of a boost.
He quickly inventories his weapons load: lever-action Winchester, Colt revolver, two-shot Derringer, and Bowie knife. Van Helsing previously advised Quincy that it doesn't strictly have to be WOOD which penetrates a vampire's heart.
Catching and soothing the nearest mount, Quincy hastily tells the others, "That Count feller don't understand about Texans and horses." Mounting, he calls over his shoulder, "Follow me soon as y'all can!"
HERE'S WHERE THE HERO-MUSIC BEGINS. We hear the chase theme from "The Man From Snowy River." Quincy fires and levers his rifle without wasting a bullet. Every shot fells a wolf, and hurling the empty rifle knocks another off its feet. Not missing a beat, he draws the six-gun left-handed. By the time the revolver is also emptied, the surviving wolves are growing discouraged.
Mina regains enough free will to seize the wagon's reins and uncouple the harness yoke. Then she pushes one Gypsy off the wagon, before the other knocks her unconscious. An instant later, the still-standing minion dies by the first shot of Quincy's Derringer. The Texan climbs to the wagon bed and begins prying loose the coffin lid. It loosens, and Quincy pulls the lid aside, starting to position his knife tip over the Count's chest. But just before he can stab, the remaining Gypsy thrusts a dagger into Quincy's right side. He falls to the ground hard. Mina, however, scoops up the fallen Derringer and shoots that remaining bad guy.
For one moment, Mina feels the Count's mind trying to reassert his waning control over her. The coffin lid begins to open; but the bleeding Texan struggles back up to the side of the coffin.
>>>> Around this point, we begin to hear the climax music from "Return of the Jedi": the music where Palpatine is electrocuting Luke, but Darth Vader's humanity returns and he saves Luke.
With sunlight subsiding into afterglow, Dracula ALMOST gets clear; but the triumph vanishes from his face when Quincy pushes a cross into his face.No nonsense in this story about vampires being immune to holy objects. "No, you DON'T," our hero snarls. "The only place you're going from here is to Hell!"
Clinging to outward self-confidence, Dracula scoffs, "Then where are YOU going? And why should you sacrifice yourself? For Lucy, who rejected you? For Van Helsing, who used you? For your friends, who will soon forget you? You need only permit me to taste your blood before you die, and you will become immortal. There is plenty of room for two master vampires in the world; you can rule the Americas, once we secure transportation for you."
Dracula tries to catch Quincy's wrist, so he can divert the cross without touching it. But he's too late. Mina retrieves the Bowie knife and positions it.
"Monster, did you REALLY think I would ever willingly prefer you over my husband? Your arrogance has defeated you!" She then forces the Bowie knife all the way in.
Skin beginning to dry up almost imperceptibly, the undead lord strains to cling to his twisted life. But Abraham van Helsing joins Mina, and empties a vial of holy water onto the vile Count's face. Not granted the last word, Dracula crumbles away, while Van Helsing tries vainly to stop the Texan hero's bleeding. Quincy pats Van Helsing's wrist in gratitude for the attempt, then addresses the others.
"We all did well, friends. Arthur, looks like I'll get to see Lucy before you do.... She won't be jealous of you finding another lady.... We'll both be lookin' down, wishing the best-- the best for y'all..... And in any, any future hard times, remember.... that evil IS NEVER unbeatable...."
Van Helsing solemnly closes the saintly cowboy's eyes, as the happy- ending music from the "Snowy River" movie builds up.
Quincy finds himself mounting a winged horse, which soars / gallops up into a joyfully gleaming sky. Angels right and left salute him with flaming swords. Gliding down to meet him, Lucy sits on the heavenly steed's neck, facing the valiant rider whose final mortal thought had been of her.
Before passing golden arms around Quincy's neck, she playfully opens her mouth and points to it. "See there, Quincy? NO FANGS!" After kissing him long and soundly, she adds more solemnly: "God is not so petty as to say we're not allowed ever to love anyone BESIDES Himself. And we have all eternity to share joy SO great that we'll never get tired of it!"
They continue upward as the light embraces their embrace. Amid boundless joys to come, eternity will afford them occasional moments to laugh at the absurd concept that vampires could be sexy and charming.
\\\\ THE END ////
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