Land of Fairy Tales (Don't delete)

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Crunchine said:
ic-Nathariel smiled widely. "You do? So how do you feel about me now? Is it any different than before I tried the spell?"
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OOC-Whatever...
IC- "I.. don't know.. I think I like you..."
 
ic: Teleria and Iliana were still sitting in her bedroom when Gwydion returned. "I've got some news," he said tensely. "Amath wants to help us fight..which means he might be staying for awhile."

"Oh no," Teleria muttered. "That's going to be hard to avoid, Iliana!"
 
Protofan said:
OOC-Whatever...
IC- "I.. don't know.. I think I like you..."
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ooc-*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* :rolleyes: guys!
just trying to put some life back into this RPG's favorite couple/love triangle. lolol jk jk jk


ic-Inwardly Nathariel wanted to hit her head on something hard in frustration. Now she would have to start from square one. Oh well, when you loved someone as much as she believed she loved Meian, you would do anything for them. She smiled kindly. "That's alright. It's not important right now. What's important is that we get you something to eat, and see what is happening back home to see if we can go back soon." She got up, and she and Meian walked to Sir Anakin and Lady Lucy. They went back to the ornate cottage and had lunch in the garden by a babbling brook.

ooc-i love that phrase-babbling brook lol :)
 
ooc: sorry, Nathi can have Miean for all I care, I JUST WANT THE NECKLACE he has, its Frenchie's to begin with and did I mention it helps people CONTROL her, keep Miean, just give me the necklace.

Are you out of your private realm yet?
 
ooc: Well what happend was Mie and nathi are still talking because everything we did a few nights ago doesn't count cuz of the private realm. Anyway, so the love birds are still talking and I am waiting to get the necklace!
 
Shiloh was,for some reason, sitting by a small lake...in the day.She was making small earings and braclets out of some lilys that grew among the grass.After she made each one,she put a small peace of a star in it to make it glow.She smiled.Tonight was her night.....This was an Eclipse night.
 
Later after she was done the braclets and earings,she put small peaces of star into the trees and small flowers around the pond such as,buttercups,lilys,violets and daises.She even filled each of the lily pads with one.Then she went to work on her dress.
 
SlpNarniaQueen said:
ooc: sorry, Nathi can have Miean for all I care, I JUST WANT THE NECKLACE he has, its Frenchie's to begin with and did I mention it helps people CONTROL her, keep Miean, just give me the necklace.

Are you out of your private realm yet?
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ooc-lol
luv ya slp.
i will be moving them along shortly, right now i must go watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch lol ;)
 
Crunchine said:
ooc-lol
luv ya slp.
i will be moving them along shortly, right now i must go watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch lol ;)
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ooc: luv ya too... :rolleyes:
moving along...yeah, if you two are ever ON at the same time.... :p

L_A the necklace has the power to control Frenchie. Mie got it because in order for Frenchie to not bleed to death do to some spell her father put on her, someone had to take the necklace. The necklace can control Frenchie and she gave it to Mie to destroy so she can have her own free will, but does he destroy it? NO! So now the good and evil half of him have one half of the necklace, but now there is a catch. If she makes the necklace connected once more then Mie will become one again too. But she doesn't know that yet and Nathi doesn't know that and the Good Mie doesn't know that. Only the bad Mie knows that. So the bad Mie is out to get the necklace so he can become one with his good self and the good Mie is a stupid idiot who doesn't remember anything, and the bad Mie has all the memories. Now Nathi being the evil princess she is, decided she's going to try and convince the good Mie to fall in love with her. And all I wanted was the necklace!
 
SlpNarniaQueen said:
Now Nathi being the evil princess she is, decided she's going to try and convince the good Mie to fall in love with her. And all I wanted was the necklace!
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ooc- :eek: she is not evil!!!!! that is not even close to what i am planning!!!!


ic-Nathariel snuck away from the group during lunch and summoned(sp?) Frenchie to her personal realm. They needed to talk and discuss Meian.

ooc-lets get this show on the road! move it along! yay :)
 
SlpNarniaQueen said:
ooc: luv ya too... :rolleyes:
moving along...yeah, if you two are ever ON at the same time.... :p

L_A the necklace has the power to control Frenchie. Mie got it because in order for Frenchie to not bleed to death do to some spell her father put on her, someone had to take the necklace. The necklace can control Frenchie and she gave it to Mie to destroy so she can have her own free will, but does he destroy it? NO! So now the good and evil half of him have one half of the necklace, but now there is a catch. If she makes the necklace connected once more then Mie will become one again too. But she doesn't know that yet and Nathi doesn't know that and the Good Mie doesn't know that. Only the bad Mie knows that. So the bad Mie is out to get the necklace so he can become one with his good self and the good Mie is a stupid idiot who doesn't remember anything, and the bad Mie has all the memories. Now Nathi being the evil princess she is, decided she's going to try and convince the good Mie to fall in love with her. And all I wanted was the necklace!
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Wow...now that's some cool story. :eek:
 
SlpNarniaQueen said:
ooc: okay! :D

ic: "What!" Frenchie exclaimed. She stood in the personal realm tapping her foot.
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ooc-*tries to calm down* sry, i just had to politely reply to someone who flamed my Narnia Fanfiction on FanFiction.net

just give me a minute and i will be alright.

ic-Nathariel sat down on the grass and invited Frencie to do the same. "We need to talk. We got off on the wrong foot, and I would like to apologize for anything offensive I have said to you, especially about you and Meian. If you make him happy, then by all means, you can have him. I assume you do not know of his trials as of late?"
 
Crunchine said:
ooc-*tries to calm down* sry, i just had to politely reply to someone who flamed my Narnia Fanfiction on FanFiction.net

just give me a minute and i will be alright.

ic-Nathariel sat down on the grass and invited Frencie to do the same. "We need to talk. We got off on the wrong foot, and I would like to apologize for anything offensive I have said to you, especially about you and Meian. If you make him happy, then by all means, you can have him. I assume you do not know of his trials as of late?"
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ooc: I hate it when people do that! Don't have something nice to say DON'T SAY IT AT ALL!

ic: Frenchie plopped down, hands supportting her chin. She blew at the bangs in her face. "Yeah, whatever. I don't care..." she said. "What evers best for him is his choice." she didn't say anything about the evil plan and what Mie REALLY was planning to do to Nathi. She just stayed silent, blowing at her bangs.
 
SlpNarniaQueen said:
ooc: I hate it when people do that! Don't have something nice to say DON'T SAY IT AT ALL!

ic: Frenchie plopped down, hands supportting her chin. She blew at the bangs in her face. "Yeah, whatever. I don't care..." she said. "What evers best for him is his choice." she didn't say anything about the evil plan and what Mie REALLY was planning to do to Nathi. She just stayed silent, blowing at her bangs.
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ooc-Madame-
While, in the spirit of AU fics everywhere, I can condone your use of a created kingdom that requires help from the new High Kings and Queens, I am greatly distressed by your princess character. She exhibits all the primary characteristics of a Classic Mary Sue.
Firstly, we have her supernatural ability to control water. Were she a naiad, or even part one, this could possibly be explained; however, she is to all appearances human. No human in Narnia nor any of her neighbors is possessed of such abilities. Moreover, we have several of the greatest Suvian hallmarks; hair that changes color for a trivial reason, or no reason at all; a name that is so complicated that it requires a special Pronunciation Note from the author; and, finally, the requisite Tragic Past or Recent Trauma. As an addendum, the ruler of the Telmarines is not the "King of Telmar", but the Tisroc. And no Tisroc would so mistreat a Lady he hoped to marry, even if she were his prisoner
This being said, your story is better than many that are encountered in this fandom. Your grammar is quite good, your spelling without any egregious errors, and your plot suprisingly, and happily, coherent, with the minor exception of a few points that need to be clarified without the aid of an In-Text Author's Note. These all lie quite firmly in your favor.
With a little work, and the elimination of the unnecessary (and frankly quite annoying pop lyrics) this story could be quite the gem, and your Princess a legitimate and well-rounded Original Character. I hope you will take this review in the spirit in which it is offered; that is, as aid and constructive criticism to a potentially very good writer.

Write on, and keep close to Canon. It is your ally.

~Agent Eris, Protectors of the Plot Continuum

yeah, how about its not a mary sue? i put up my defense very politely though. i was good.

ic-"So you know about his evil clone walking around. I was wondering what you think we should do about it, since you are the only other person I know that seemed to care about Meian."
 
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