My Poems

susan rocks!

susan rocks!

New member
I sometimes write poems, and at my sister's (Loco Roco) urging, I decided to create a thread to show-case them :)

Just thought I'd actually post one at the beginning:

Running around in circles,
Tripping over his feet,
Falling to the floor hard,
Crying out into the Darkness,
But the Darkness swallowed it,
swallowed it and turned it into something new.
Something Dark.
Something Forbidden.
And the Darkness knew.
It knew it had won.
And so did he.

So, please reply and tell me what you think!

P.S. If it's really bad, please just let me down gently :)
 
That was vague. And here's another one!

She curled up,
Hoping it wouldn't notice,
Her small, quivering form.
But inside,
Deep, deep inside,
She knew it would.
And it did.
It started clawing at her heart,
Tearing at her resistance,
Pouring black inside of her.
And she let it,
Knowing it was no use,
She was too far gone.
She became a slave of the Dark.

I'm proud of my one reply, and thanks Becca for being the first :D
 
The poems in themselves are ok, it's sort of free form so it's ok, but why all the dark stuff? Just asking.
 
In reply to post #3

Not only did the dark thing notice;
Another, with far truer vision, also noticed.
He had no fear of dark things,
For long before now,
He had dared them to do their worst,
And when they had done all they could to Him,
The dark things had found to their horror
That they couldn't keep Him down.

So now he stood near her,
Speaking to her heart,
In a voice that no dark thing could silence,
Telling her:
"The cruel darkness lies when it boasts
That no power can overcome it;
I already _have_ overcome it.
Now I invite you to be set free;
It can be done, no matter what _they_ say;
But you do have to want it."
 
The poems themselves were good, and personally I don't mind that darkness wins (because, very sadly, it sometimes does. And poetry should not be afraid to deal with sadness), but without even a fight? Either that or give us a glimmer of hope. Just flat "darkness came, she gave up, it wins" doesn't quite make poetry. ;)
 
I get what you mean, Lossendil. My poems have practically no story line, and they're not really very good either. And I don't know why they're dark, Brabarian King, they just kind of are. And thanks Copperfox!
 
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