A skua bird, a predatory species created for frigid climates, flew in a window of the Heart Kingdom castle, finding the King loafing--while watching a surveillance-camera view of the latest bout between the Lion and the Unicorn.
"Your Majesty!" squawked the albatross-like bird. "How would you like the chance actually to be able to say, 'We'll head 'em off at the pass'?"
"What's that?" The King finally focussed his lazy brain upon the bird speaking to him; it was not that he was unacquainted with non-human creatures talking, but he simply was not accustomed to being spoken to by someone who was not on already-announced business. "What do you want, my feathered friend?"
"My mistress, who captures hearts--but not in the playing-card sense--is aware that the plans you and your Queen entertain of conquering the other Card Kingdoms, and eventually the Chess Kingdoms also, have not made much progress. She is further aware that among those who have inconvenienced Your Majesties are the two presumptious Colonial brothers Emmett and Jake...and your own Lady Inkling of the Blue Kirtle."
"I say, now," the King vaguely objected. "Don't speak ill of Lady Inkling; I'm almost certain that she did something like saving my life quite recently..."
"Then Your Majesty will be pleased to know that what my mistress has in mind does not require any harm to be done to Lady Inkling, who is of no direct importance to my mistress. What my mistress does wish--and this is why I spoke of heading off at the pass--is that the other two miscreants be intercepted."
"Intercepted where?"
"Right in the very environs of your own castle, Your Majesty. You will recall that the troublesome brothers Emmett and Jake first came here from the pass that leads into the Realm of the Monologues. Most recently, they have been on the far side of your castle from that pass...which means that, in order to return whence they came, they need to pass fairly near Your Majesty's castle! You need not try earnestly to kill them, nor indeed even to capture them--although, if you can capture them without too many losses to your own men, this could also be made to serve my mistress' purposes. Only, she does not wish either of these brothers killed or permanently injured; and if the ELDER brother, the one called Emmett, should come to harm, Your Majesty will NOT receive the reward you would receive for proper cooperation."
"And what reward would that be?"
The skua gave as much of a conspiratorial smile as a creature with a rigid beak can give. "If you either capture the brothers unharmed and hand them over to my mistress, OR simply force them to flee back north toward the snow country, my mistress will help you to achieve conquest of all the Card and Chess Kingdoms!--these being territories she has no interest in occupying herself anyway. I emphasize again that Emmett, the elder brother, is of the most interest to my mistress; if only he can be herded into her grasp, this by itself will almost certainly satisfy her."
The King of Hearts nodded. "That sounds like a good offer. I shall muster all available troops to block their southward progress. Hmm, perhaps I should make the soldiers stand in front of those gunslingers completely unarmed; I know that those brothers are reluctant to kill defenseless persons, and their own conscience might be used against them..."
