retired dreams

Smaug

Smaug

New member
just a little this and that!:D


Retired Dreams



It was a summer morning. The birds were sailing over the skies like ships sailing in water. Then, another dark shape was casting its shadow over the land, the shadow of a dragon. The dragon had lost its way when the Dark Lord of Lakine sent it to this strange place of noise and confusion. Earth. It had often heard of this world before when visiting the different places of its world. When it finally landed, it noticed that it landed on a small parcel of land full of strange four-legged hairy type creatures with long hairy tails and manes. It reminded the dragon of the unicorns in its world, but these didn’t have horns. As the she-dragon walked forward, all of the creatures shied away to the other side of the pasture. She walked onward. ‘These creatures must have to eat and drink to survive.’ She thought to herself. As she walked on and on, she took a rest and tried out her voice, but she only succeeded on calling out a long and loud growl. “Reeeyaaaaaaa!” She shuddered “What happened to my voice?!”


Chapter 1

Brandy Morrow was sitting by the window in her room, enjoying a game of horseopoly with her twin sister Sydney. ‘Ha! You have landed on my Pinto!’ Sydney looked closer at the picture. ‘I think that looks like Paint to me.’ Brandy also looked closer at it and smiled. ‘Nope! See, right there it says what it is! Hand me the money sister!’ Sydney reluctantly handed her the money. She looked at her money that she had left. ‘I think it’s time for a ride.’ Brandy looked up from counting all her money. ‘What? But I’m winning!’ She sighed and got up. ‘All right. Come on, I’ll race you!’ Sydney shot up and put on her shoes and ran out the door with Brandy right beside her. They ran across the Oregon field to the barn. The two sisters’ hair was streaming behind them like brown horse tails, and their feet drumming against the ground like hooves. The first one to the barn was nobody because they both got there at the same time. Brandy looked at her sister and frowned. ‘Why do we always end up tying?’ Sydney walked over to a stall with the name Wind Rider engraved on the front. ‘Maybe because I don’t want to hurt your feelings by winning so I go slowly so we tie!’ She smiled at the thinking Brandy and took out her riding gear. Brandy laughed. ‘Ha! Ya right! I know you don’t do that because you were running like crazy! Hay, where is my helmet?’ Sydney looked at her sister who was crawling on the ground searching. ‘Does the name Rocket Dog ring a bell?’ Brandy suddenly ran out the door toward a Great Dane napping outside the barn. ‘Rocky,’ Brandy stopped. ‘why did you take my helmet?’ She stooped down and retrieved a slobbery black riding helmet.

As soon as they were done tackling their horses, they started out to the field. Brandy was riding a dapple grey mare named Wizard, and Sydney was riding Wind Rider who was a sleek black mare with diamond blue eyes. Brandy smiled at her sister. ‘Ready for a race now?’ Sydney smiled back. ‘You bet! To that post way over there!’ The trio leaned forward and shot of. The horses gliding over the field side by side, until they saw the dark shape ahead. Wind Rider halted at once and almost made Sydney fall, and wizard ran back to the barn with Brandy trying to stop the scared horse. ‘Sydney! What’s the matter?! Why are they acting like this!?’ Sydney slipped of her horse and peered ahead at the dark shape coming closer. ‘I, I don’t know!’ Brandy got control of Wizards and trotted back. ‘It’s too big to be a dog.’ Brandy joined her sister on the ground and they both started at the oncoming figure, as it got closer, it also got bigger. Sydney took her sisters hand and gasped at the shape standing twelve feet away. Brandy stood still with wide eyes. What they were staring at was a huge dragon of massive height and huge claws the size of spears, and teeth like swords, its eyes like rubies that could stun a shark. It saw the two sisters and growled softly what it imagined to be “Hello. I’m sorry to scare you like this but could you help me?” The two frightened girls scurried on their horses and ran away, the horses equally scared.
 
Last edited:
The dragon, who so far doesn't seem evil in spite of association with a "Dark Lord," has lost her ability to speak at the _very_ time when she _needs_ to be able to communicate if she wants to stop everybody from panicking? (Did you ever have one of those really rough days...?) This reminds me of the predicament Ariel, Disney's "Little Mermaid," was placed in when she took on human form.

When Ariel was helplessly gawking with her voice removed, I wanted to jump into the movie and tell her: "Idiot! All you have to do is _mime_ a bit! You should be able to make Prince Eric understand that you're the one who saved him from drowning!" As for your dragon, perhaps she could do what my Talking Tigress character Slimtalon did in my tiger story when faced with a language barrier: use a claw like a stylus, to engrave _drawings_ in some suitable surface. This would at least enable your dragon to demonstrate that she is a reasoning being.
 
Copperfox said:
The dragon, who so far doesn't seem evil in spite of association with a "Dark Lord," has lost her ability to speak at the _very_ time when she _needs_ to be able to communicate if she wants to stop everybody from panicking? (Did you ever have one of those really rough days...?) This reminds me of the predicament Ariel, Disney's "Little Mermaid," was placed in when she took on human form.

When Ariel was helplessly gawking with her voice removed, I wanted to jump into the movie and tell her: "Idiot! All you have to do is _mime_ a bit! You should be able to make Prince Eric understand that you're the one who saved him from drowning!" As for your dragon, perhaps she could do what my Talking Tigress character Slimtalon did in my tiger story when faced with a language barrier: use a claw like a stylus, to engrave _drawings_ in some suitable surface. This would at least enable your dragon to demonstrate that she is a reasoning being.
Click to expand...

I understand this concept Copperfox, but you have to recall her Dragon is from another world. If the Dragon were able to speak plainly from there, what use would they have for writing on things? Besides, one can't readily assume that their world has writing as such as a means to communicate.
At any rate, it is only the beginning of the story, so we do not yet understand where it shall lead us as readers.

Anyway, I think it is a good start to your story, Smaug, direct and to the point.
The only trouble I can see is the way the quotes are bunched up together. It is a bit hard to understand which sister is saying which thing.
Also, there is no indication of Chapter 1...just the title and then "Chapter 2".
Other then that, I see no need for improvement. I may double-check but felt I have said what I have needed to say for now.
 
Last edited:
>> If the Dragon were able to speak plainly from there, what use
>> would they have for writing on things?


WE'RE able to speak, but this forum proves that our being able to speak does not rule out writing! And the dragon is going to have to do SOMETHING in the way of communicating, if she wants Earth people to react to her in any way other than either screaming and fleeing, or sending helicopter gunships and fighter jets against her.
 
Copperfox said:
>> If the Dragon were able to speak plainly from there, what use
>> would they have for writing on things?


WE'RE able to speak, but this forum proves that our being able to speak does not rule out writing! And the dragon is going to have to do SOMETHING in the way of communicating, if she wants Earth people to react to her in any way other than either screaming and fleeing, or sending helicopter gunships and fighter jets against her.
Click to expand...


I know what you mean.
I just wanted to point out that we don't know much about her world as of yet.
Though I agree if she wishes to communicate, she had better think of something quick to do so.
 
thanks for the advice!:Dthis was teh first storie i have ever written so it is a little.......:eek:weird.:o

As Brandy rode farther away from the monster, she heard a voice calling inside her brain saying "Go back! Go back!" Then, as the chant got stronger and stronger, she wheeled around in the opposite direction, straight for the thing she was just minutes ago running from. 'What am I doing?!'She thought to herself as she got closer instead of farther. Wizard had no idea of what her master was doing, but all she knew was that she did not like it at all.
 
If you want to do a standard "Poor misunderstood monster gets wrongly accused" thing, you could have Brandy dismount her horse because it's too panicky, and walk the rest of the way to attempt communication with the dragon. Brandy's horse is seen running past riderless by the other sister, who figures that Brandy must have been plucked off and eaten, and misunderstandings get worse from there.
 
Sydney stopped Wind Rider when she relised that Brandy was not there. She looked back with horror as she saw Brandy getting of her horse and walk right torward the dragon. Wizard quickly ran to the barn, leaving Brandy with a huge female dragon.Sydney slipped of her horse too and Wind Rider followed Wizard. Sydney yelled to Brandy "Brandy! Get away from there!" Brandy never took her eyes off the dragon as she called back "Come here! I don't think that it is dangerous!" Sydney shuttered and jogged over to Brandy, who still kept edging forward to the dragon, who was staring right back at Brandy, but it was a loving sort of stare, because the dragon felt something calming about this approaching girl.
 
This is good. I would actually _prefer_ it if you _don't_ go for the usual "stupid people panicking" stereotypes; let the girls enter into an adventure with the lady dragon _without_ doing the army-attack scene designed to make military men look like barbaric idiots.
 
Sydney walked right beside her sister, and she also stared at the dragon, and the reason was because when she looked into the dragons eyes, it was if she was a part of it. The dragon reared up and gave a playful sort of growl, adn every thing around the girls was vanishing into a rainbow of strange flowers and things only found in dreams. Even the dragon was changing, instead of the dull dark color, she turned green! Brandy turned to Sydney, and relised they were holding hands. 'Sydney! Are you alright?' Sydney looked at her sister and laughed. Brandy felt a shock of fear, why was she laughing? But, Brandy felt something inside her too, like a volcano of laughs about to burst. The dragon flew around them, her green scales sparkling. She looked at the smiling sisters, and spoke. 'Well, finally I can talk like a civilized dragon! Oh! Look! My color is back!' The sisters looked at each other. Sydney spoke up. 'Ummm, where are we? And how did......Why can you talk?!' The dragon flew around in the swirling colors that looked like paint mixing in space. 'Because, your in my world now! Well, almost. We have to get out of the rainbow first.' Brandys' jaw dropped. 'We are inside the rainbow?!'
 
This is a really cute story. I would have to say that it's both fun and somehow relaxing to read. I really like how it's going, so please continue when you find the time. :)
 
Chapter 2

Sydney looked around and marveled at the splendid colors, then she looked at the happy dragon, and said "Well, I'm Sydney, and this is Brandy, and you are?" The dragon smiled "I, am Animarlia, friend of the Northern Dragons." Animarlia puffed out her chest. Then she blinked. " The Northern Dragons that are still alive that is." She flew torward two black holes below them. "These two holes are way of getting out, the evil and slow in the head so-called evil dude, never realised there was a rainbow in your bubble. This hole in the right, is where bad dreams go, and the one on the left, is where good dreams go. Wich one do we go through?" She finished with a grin. Sydney and Brandy pointed to the left hole. "That one!" They said together. Animarlia picked up the twin sisters and put them on her sparkling green back, and took of down the dark hole. Brandy thought about her parents, will she ever get back?
 
The two siblings had their eyes closed on the way down the dark hole. Animarlia landed with a “Thump!” The sisters opened their eyes, and what they saw was like nothing they have ever seen. The trees were pink or purple, the grass was a lush bright green, and the different animals (or things) that they saw were of different sizes shapes and colors. Brandy clung to Animarlias neck, why’ll Sydney slipped off “This grass is so soft! Like a pillow!” Brandy peeped out at a nearby mountain and yelled at Sydney “Get up here, NOW! There’s a freaky thing coming right for us!” Sydney looked at the furry middle sized creature coming. “Animarlia, what is that?” Animarlia laughed. “Nothing to fret about, just my friend Skits the Weazog. Brandy looked quizzically at the dragon. “A what?” The sparkly green dragon lifted Brandy next to her sister. “You’ll just have to wait and see!” The thing in question was now is sight. It was the size of a Labrador with a light colored coat with black dog like ears, black weasel like tail, and black little paws. Its nose was very pointy, and the eyes were a gorgeous baby blue. When it reached the two girls and dragon, it stood up on its hind legs and bowed. “Hello Animarlia! I thought that crazy oaf zapped you to some other world or something, ha-ha!” Skits deep voice clearly meant he was a male. When he saw the two things standing beside his friend, he froze. Suddenly he did something quite strange. He fell over backwards and lolled his purple tongue out, and his eyes glazed over and snapped shut. Sydney and Brandy were shocked. “Is- is – is he…ok?” Sydney asked. Brandy fell to her knees and cried. “Oh no! We killed him! What did we do?!” She sniffed and faced her watery blue to Animarlia, who was smiling! Sydney sniffed and chocked. “What? Why are you smiling?!” Animarlia shuffled over to the ‘Dead Skits’ and poked him right in the middle of his plump tummy. The young Weazog kicked his legs in the air and started hissing with laughter. Soon, everyone was caught in a wave of laughter. “See,’ Animarlia laughed. ‘Weazog’s do that when they are scared.” Skits leaped up. “Scared? Naaaww! Never in all my days have I been so insulted! By the way, what are these things?” Skits folded his paws while listening to Animarlia tell the whole story. Brandy sat down and yawned. Skits trotted on all fours around Brandy. “Well, they get hungry too. Come on, let’s get some supper!” Then Skits bounded ahead. Animarlia put the two sisters on her back and flew after the speeding Weazog.
 
After a few minutes of rushing after Skits, they soon came to a small bump protruding from the ground, which was covered with purple grass. Sydney had already fallen asleep on the back of Animarlia. The young Weazog danced a little jig on the bump, singing ‘Come, come, my little friends, come and meet my sister Sinds!’ Then he vanished into the little hill. Brandy blinked. ‘Where did he go? And who is Sinds?’ Animarlia curled her tail and picked up the sleeping Sydney. ‘In his house.’ Animarlia giggled at the confused face that searched around the hill for any door. ‘No, no. There is no door. You have to use the slide, over here. Animarlia pulled put her paw right into a big circle of dark blue grass. Brandy slowly put her hand through the ground, as if there was nothing there. ‘Wow!’ Animarlia picked her up and dropped her right into the hole. Then she woke Sydney. Sydney stretched and smiled at Animarlia, who picked her up and popped her into the ground. Sydney felt like something in a video game, and there was a glitch and she seemed to sink right into the ground! Before she knew it she bumped right into Brandy. ‘Oh, hi.’ Brandy turned to her, with a huge smile plastered on her face. ‘Wow…That was fun.’ The sisters looked around. They seemed to be in a huge cave with dirt walls, there where pictures of Weazogs and other unidentified animals. It reminded the girls of the movie The Lord of the Rings, where little people lived in hills, with uninvited guests knocking the door down. But this little hole was more like a maze, with twists and turns, some even going straight into the air. Skits came from one of the tunnels with another Weazog, but this Weazog was a female, with big round eyes and dark jet black coat. She bounded up to the sisters and shook there hands till they vibrated. ‘Good, good, good to meetcha, meetcha!’ She was bigger than Skits, and stronger! This is my sis!’ Skits beamed. Sydney and Brandy introduced themselves. Sydney suddenly remembered someone. ‘Oops! I almost forgot. What about Animarlia?’ She was answered with a booming voice from a little tunnel above. ‘I’m very much fine thank you! I can hear every word you are saying so don’t you dare go talking insults about me!’

Chapter 3
 
In a dark part of the dark hole, there was a dark city of dark dreams. But the darkest of all, was the King of Lakine. He never knew that is plan had failed to bring down the green dragon Animarlia, and he never knew that there was another dark thing coming torward the dark gate, the shadow loomed above him and a rasping voice sounded behind the king"I'm here, oh great one!" The voice dripped with sarcasim and the king slowly turned, and in frontof him was the shadow dragon of all time. The dark king lifted his head "Really? And who are YOU?" The shadow drifted past the king and stared into the darkness. "You know what I want you old buzzerd. Since I pulled you from that book of Swan Princess you've been forgetful of everything! I put you in charge why'll I was in the North and you acted all high and mighty. Well, that's about to change." The shadow dragon spun around and wacked his tail. Three black dragons came forth and took hold of teh king, then they draged him off. The King of darkness and fear stalked to teh dark throne and stroked the black gold. "I'm back! Hahaha!" His roaring trimbled the towers of the dark kingdom of Lakine.
 
Back
Top