Rivendell International Airport

Primsong

Primsong

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One more bit of Tolkien-humor to share - I hope you will enjoy it. This is a bit long, so I've divided it into 12 short chapters and will bring it out a bit at a time.


1.

"Welcome to Rivendell International Airport."

"Are you sure this is safe?" Boromir asked, eyeing the ebb and flow of travelers through the concourse.

"I still think we should have taken the train," said Aragorn.

"This is perfectly safe," Gandalf said with some annoyance."And much faster than train. Besides, the tracks might be closed at the Pass at this time of year."

"Do not leave baggage unattended."

"Don't worry, Bill, I'm not leaving you behind…" Sam whispered to the heavily-laden pony who followed along after him.

"This is a nonsmoking terminal. If smoking is an integral part of your being, please follow the signs to the smoking area to await your flight."

"Sounds like you," Pippin grinned, nudging Merry with an elbow.

"Elven Express Members please proceed to gate number 3."

"I wonder if they're going west?" Legolas wondered with a note of longing in his voice.

"Elven Express. Phah!" Gimli muttered, barely catching himself short of spitting.

"Please refrain from making inappropriate jokes or remarks about security."

"What are inappropriate jokes?" Pippin wondered.

"Just….don't say anything," Aragorn advised, striding past him.

"Why not?" Pippin persisted.

"About what?" Merry asked, his mind obviously wandering off towards displayed snacks at a nearby kiosk.

"Huh?" asked Sam.

"Never mind," Frodo said. "We're falling behind. Come on!"

"Will passengers Ugluk and Shagrat please report to the boarding desk. Mr. Luk and Mr. Rat, please report to the boarding desk."

"What kind of names are those?" Pippin asked.

"Yrch," Legolas said.

"What? Yuck?"

Aragorn frowned. "Not a good sign if they are also traveling south. I wonder what flight they're on?"

"We have bigger things to worry about," Gandalf said, brushing it off. "Everyone over here. Let's be certain we all understand what we're doing. No, no comments. Now everyone be quiet and just listen."
-
 
Different, but I like it. By the way, congratulations on your correct use of punctuation in dialogue. It is unfortunately becoming a lost art...
 
Thank you for your kind comments! Ah yes, I expect Caradhras would have a ski-lodge with lifts, rather than an airport, heh...

2.

They followed him back into a corner and gathered around the hard seats bolted there. Gandalf stood, conveniently hidden behind a large potted plant, and rummaged in his pocket. A thick piece of paper was drawn out and unfolded revealing a neat stack of rectangular tickets.

"These," he said significantly, "are your tickets. Keep them safe, for we won't be able to find more. You remember our destination…"

Merry raised his hand. "Mordor?"

"Shhh!" the others hissed at him. "Quiet!"

"That was not only indiscreet, but incorrect, Meriadoc," Gandalf admonished to the blushing hobbit. He handed out the tickets and lowered his voice. "Look at the ticket, what do you see?"

Frodo considered his. "Guh-ducks."

"Or maybe Goo-dough?" Boromir offered, "If it's pronounced like they do in Dol Amroth."

"That's letters, GDX, not a word," Aragorn said.

"I thought it might be Elven," Sam said, rotating his to look at it from another angle. "So, what's GDX then?"

"It is the symbol for the airport of Gondor."

"Oh, of course. I knew that," Boromir fumbled.

"What do they call it in your country?" Legolas asked him.

"Uh. The Airport."

"Very practical," Gimli nodded.

"This airport, the one you are standing in, is the other symbol, RVX."

"I thought those were numbers," Gimli said. "Good thing we brought you along."

The wizard ignored him. "Look at these symbols and remember them. If anything happens so that our Fellowship is split up, you will need to be able to find your way to the proper gate or you will miss the flight. But also remember, we are traveling in secret! That is why we are not taking the flight into…that other place."

"M… " Merry started and clapped a hand over his own mouth.

"Gondor has a busy enough airport they shouldn't pay us any mind. If anyone asks, we are merely traveling there for a holiday. Once we are safely there the Steward will be able to help us arrange transport into…elsewhere."

Aragorn looked concerned, but Boromir nodded. "Of course!"

"Now, stay together. We still have to pass Security before we can get to the gate, but with our papers all in order it shouldn't be too hard." He glanced at the ticket in his hand. "Our flight is number 3019. "

"Which airline?" Boromir asked.

"GwaihAir. BeastAir would have been cheaper, but Elrond considered it unpredictable and was quite firm, something about the management. We shall look for our flight on that list over there and it will tell us which gate we are to go to."

They followed him towards the posted listing. "I'm sure glad we have him," Sam said to Frodo as they walked. "I would have been lost in this place already otherwise. And look, Mr. Frodo," he pointed to a sign they were passing. "What does that mean, you think?"

"Put liquids, gels or pastes in a baggie?" Frodo read. "I have no idea."

"You don't think they know about… well, you - do you?" Sam whispered, wide-eyed.

"That's baggie, not Bagg…" Frodo started before catching himself.

"There is much strange about this place," Legolas commented as he passed them.

Sam nodded and tugged on the rope in his hand. "Come on, Bill."
 
Lady Beth said:
... I love the GDX part.
Click to expand...

That was what started all of this - wondering what initials they would have used to designate airports in Middle-earth, if they'd had them. Ha!

3.

They gathered in front of the list of flights and watched as the wizard traced his way down the listings with the tip of his staff.

"Ah. Here we are. Flight # 3019. Leaves from Gate #1. Departing to GDX with connecting service available to Dol Amroth, Isengard and…the other place."

"How did you figure all of that?" Merry wondered.

Gandalf didn't reply, but Aragorn helpfully pointed to the small lettering at the side. "See? DAX, INX and MOX. Those are the letters for the other three places he mentioned."

Frodo nodded. "It makes sense to me."

Pippin raised his brows, impressed. "You always were the smart one, cousin Frodo."

"When we get wherever we're going we'll let you do the translating," Merry agreed.

"At least we were able to get our tickets ahead, thanks to Elrond," Aragorn noted. "That line at the ticket counter looks pretty slow. Are they having to give names?"

"Hush," Gandalf admonished him. "He listed us under assumed names."

"Why?" asked Pippin.

"Weren't you listening? Because it's a secret," Merry said. "But I don't know about being listed as Elves." He walked on his tiptoes to make the point. "What would my parents say?"

Sam rolled his eyes at him, then swatted at Bill who was absently trying to eat his hair.

"We're not listed as Elves, only under false names," Aragorn assured him.

Frodo shrugged. "As long as they aren't orc or troll names, we should be good to go…"

"Look at mine, what kind of name is Koot Nippip?"

"Mine says 'Odorf'," Frodo said.

"Will you all stop talking about it?" Gandalf snapped testily. "You aren't helping. Now let me see, which gate do we go to?" He turned from one corridor to the other. "I don't remember…"

They paused and looked around. Time passed as various passengers struggled past them with assorted luggage.

"The answer is near, I can feel it," Legolas whispered.

"You mean we could just read it on our tickets?" Sam said.

"Shhh! Don't embarrass Gandalf…" Frodo hissed at him just as the wizard gave a start and suddenly started off towards the left. "Ah! Now I know! We go this way!"

"How can you tell?" asked Merry, trotting behind.

"I can smell the coffee shop, the air is more fragrant over here."
-
 
And to think I wanted to write about Pevensey International Airport in Beautiful Downtown Cair Paravel! :D
 
Primsong said:
"The answer is near, I can feel it," Legolas whispered.

"You mean we could just read it on our tickets?" Sam said.

"Shhh! Don't embarrass Gandalf…" Frodo hissed at him just as the wizard gave a start and suddenly started off towards the left. "Ah! Now I know! We go this way!"

"How can you tell?" asked Merry, trotting behind.

"I can smell the coffee shop, the air is more fragrant over here."
-
Click to expand...

This is great! It's very funny and light, great to read online, and I laugh a lot! Please keep on! :) I always get lucky when I check the writing forum...
 
'And to think I wanted to write about Pevensey International Airport in Beautiful Downtown Cair Paravel!' - EveningStar, you should! It would be great fun to see what you came up with.

4.

"We still have to get through security," Aragorn worried. He looked back at Sam who was still leading Bill the Pony loaded down with all of their bags. "And what about the luggage? I don't think they'll let on that many carry-ons."

The group slowed and formed a loose circle around Bill, who blinked at them sedately and swished his tail.

"Aragorn is right," Boromir said. "They only allow what you can carry, and even all of us together couldn't heft that pony through the door."

"What'll we do, then?" Sam asked anxiously, pulling Bill's furry cheek close to his own. Bill nickered and tried to nose Sam's patting hand for treats.

"We'll check him," Gandalf decided.

"What?"

"That way our luggage stays all together and Bill will still be able to come too."

"I agree," Aragorn said, nodding. "He has been a useful companion."

"Sounds feasible to me," Boromir agreed.

"All of you stay here, I'll take him. Sam, come with me," Gandalf said, reaching for Bill's halter. The pony turned and followed him, only hesitating a moment until Sam's hand joined the wizard's at his head.

"Poor Sam," said Frodo. "They better not accidently reroute that pony to another flight or he'll be beside himself with worry.'

"Bill learned much while he was in Rivendell," Legolas soothed. "I think if he is lost, he'll find his way back."

Gandalf and Sam, avoiding the line at the ticket counter, instead approached a tall Elven skycap who stood near one of the conveyor belts that were whisking luggage away to the planes.

Gandalf smiled his most friendly and beguiling smile. "Fine day, isn't it?"

"Well enough," the skycap said with a slight nod. "May I be of service to you?"

"We need to check some luggage," Gandalf said, still smiling.

"You've come to the right place," he lifted a small pad with pencil poised. "How many pieces?"

"Only one."

The skycap considered Bill the Pony and his assorted burdens. "Which one?"

"This one," Gandalf said with a sweeping gesture that took in Bill and all of his bags.

"All of that?"

"It's only one piece. Mark it for Gondor."

"But…"

"Is there anything that says a piece of baggage must be a geometric shape?"

"Well, no…"

"Is there anything that says my luggage can't have more than one compartment in it?"

"No, no… but…"

"Does it specifically say a pony cannot be luggage?"

"Uh, no…but…"

"Then go ahead and list him as one piece of luggage." Gandalf slipped something gold that clinked into the skycap's hand. There was a slight pause.

"Yessir!" The skycap said and cheerfully wrote out two tags, handing one to Sam and tying the other around Bill's neck.

"Now," Gandalf said, "Over here, Bill." The pony followed his lead and stepped up onto the conveyor belt. "Sit! Stay! Good boy!"

Bill obediently settled himself on the belt and was whisked away through the flapping doorway, his forelock waving in the wind. He looked as if he were enjoying it.

"Goodbye, Bill!" Sam cried after him. "Be a good pony…"
-
 
Aww, that image of Bill rolling away on the conveyor belt was too cute!

Good grief, can you imagine getting Shadowfax on that thing? LOL -- this it still funny even after reading it more than once.
 
5.

Meanwhile, the others were considering some of the signs mounted on the walls nearby.

"Look at that, Merry…" Pippin pointed with some longing at the sign displaying a flight to SRX in the Shire, continuing on to MDX along the coast.

Merry sighed. "You know, I've lived all my life near the Shire Airport, but I've never been over the hills to Mithlond. I've heard it's got great fish chowder and a boffo view from the café."

Frodo considered the sign. "I didn't know they'd opened an air-strip in Erebor. I wonder if that's how Bilbo got over there."

"Which one is Erebor?" Merry asked.

"Right there, ERX. See? It's connecting through Mirkwood, it must be Erebor."

"Irks?" read Pippin, "Why ever did they call it that?"

"Must have been because of all the Dwarves over there," Merry whispered with a grin.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," growled Gimli behind him.

Somewhere behind them an announcement came over the speakers, "Glorfindel, please meet your party at the baggage claim area… Flight #2570 departing to Rohan with local connection available to Dunharrow now boarding at Gate 4. "

They turned around as a growing sound of bongos approached them. A large group of hairy Wild Men gamboled past them beating small drums and waving tickets, quickly making their way around the bend that sported a large number 4. Three tall blonde men who smelled strongly of horses ran after them, followed by a clump of somethings vaguely man-shaped, grey-green and see-through that stood their hair on end. A handful of tickets floated along with them as they silently slid around the same corner.

There was a long moment of silence.

"At least that's not our flight," Gimli finally offered. "Stood my hair on end, those last ones did."

They all nodded again in silence.

"Good, I see you're finally holding your tongues" Gandalf observed as he and Sam rejoined the group.

They just looked at one another. "Nevermind," Aragorn covered. "Now, how about that security check?"

-
 
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