crazycigirl
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LOL This is great!
Rivendell International Airport
- Thread starter Primsong
- Start date
Primsong
New member
10.
Off at the side station, Gimli stood truculantly by a slowly growing pile of metal that now equaled half his mass.
The guard stood over him with crossed arms. "Keep going."
The dwarf grimly unbuckled more belts and accessories as his layers were removed. "This is ridiculous." Grumbling, he handed over his small throwing axe and yanked at his hauberk until it finally crashed to the floor.
The guard took the small axe between the tips of his fingers and quickly dropped it onto the pile. He wiped his hands on his tunic. "Three axes?" his eyebrows quirked.
"Four," Gimli growled, extracting a hidden one from the pile of chain-mail at his feet. "And if I were not constrained by my need to reach Gondor in this manner, I might say what I am thinking would be a prime use for them."
He began unlacing his metal-studded undershirt. "And I don't mean for chopping wood…" he continued, muttering to himself.
Boromir looked back at Gandalf, who gestured him forward. He squared his shoulders and proudly stepped up the the guards, handing them his ticket.
"Rimorob?"
"No, that's SIR Rimorob," he corrected.
The Elves met his gaze. One of them raised his brows. "Well, SIR Rimorob, you still have to hand over any weapons, and remove your shoes."
Boromir unbuckled his broadsword and handed it over, smiling slightly as the guard had to momentarily struggle to lift it up into the bin. He knelt and removed his boots, handing them over with dignity.
"What about that shield?"
"It isn't a weapon," he pointed out.
"It has metal."
"But it isn't a weapon."
"Take it off," the guard said with some annoyance, "if you want to go forward."
Boromir seemed to weigh that thought in his mind a moment.
Aragorn rolled his eyes. "He better just hand it over."
Pippin looked up at Aragorn and then at Merry. The two of them immediately began jumping up and down, waving their arms and pantomiming handing over the shield.
Boromir, his eye caught by their motion, had to grant them a small smile. He slowly unstrapped his shield and let them take it from his hands. "I'm only letting you take that because my friends think I should," he clarified. "It is only for their sake, and not for my own…"
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," the guard said. "Is that it? Any loose change? Daggers? Jewelry? Belt buckles?"
Boromir, interrupted in his speech, gave a frown but held his tongue. He silently emptied his pockets and lifted his head, stalking through the gate.
BEEEEEEEEEP!
"Now what?" he snapped at them.
"Your horn," the guard pointed. "It has metal on it."
"It's a HORN! For pity's sake, give it a rest! What do you think I'm going to do, honk someone to death?"
"Maybe," the guard said with a straight face. "We've seen stranger things."
Boromir looked like he was seriously considering turning the horn into a weapon after all, but instead he slowly unhooked it and gave it over, then walked through the gate again. This time there was no sound. No sound except that of his horn being added to the bin of weapons behind him.
"Men!" commented the guards, shaking their heads.
-
Miss Tumnus
New member
Frodo did that thing with the Ring pretty smart!
I still love it!
I still love it!
HugsForReepicheep
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... immigration officer's choices of possible harming objects being one of them!
Primsong
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Oh, I'm sure it must be a crazy sort of job to have - bet they have plenty of tales to tell themselves. Speaking of tales...
11.
Boromir stood next to Aragorn, who was leaning against the far wall surrounded by hobbits. "This bodes ill for our venture," he noted.
"Ya think?" grumbled Aragorn.
Sam looked up from where they were dividing up Pippin's cheese among them. "What are they going to do with all our things? I mean, do you think we'll ever get them back? I don't know about how important all those other things are, but that pan was my Gaffer's and his before him."
"Maybe they run a hock-shop on the side," Merry suggested. They glared at him so strongly he took a step backwards. "What? I just...well, it's a possibility."
Behind and to the side, Gimli dropped another belt-buckle onto the pile and began systematically removing coins from various small pockets, the lining of his cloak and the hems of his shirt. Being a Dwarf, he had apparently brought along more money than any of them had thought possible. "Now I better get every coin of this back. I know exactly how much is there, and I'm not offering any tips for good service," he groused, nearly as red as his beard.
"Attention all passengers. Flight # 3019 with service to Gondor has been delayed due to inclement weather. Repeat, Flight #3019 has been delayed."
Legolas ambled back to the line, a steaming cup with "Bruinen Beans" emblazoned across it and a half-eaten bagel in hand. "Is everyone through?" he asked Gandalf.
"Everyone but you and I." Gandalf was vastly relieved that it was nearly done, though he hadn't counted on their losing so many valuable things along the way. " It's been taking us so long, it's probably just as well that our flight's been delayed a bit. We seem to have a bit of trouble getting our supplies through."
Legolas took an unconcerned swig of his latte and gave Gandalf a wink.
"Next!" one of the guards called.
Not sure what to make of the wink, Gandalf had to leave it for later. Gathering his robes, he stepped forward and handed over his ticket.
"Ridnarhtim?" the guard read. He peered at Gandalf and his hat. "Any relation to Radagast?"
"Perhaps," Gandalf said. "but without any livestock." He dug in his pockets and dropped a couple coins and a paperclip in the bin. Unlacing his boots, he dropped them in then checked his pouch. From this he extracted a small bag of toffees and popped one in his mouth.
"Toffee?"
"No bribes," the guard replied stiffly.
"Only being polite," Gandalf said. Keeping a carefully neutral expression on his face he unbuckled Glamdring and allowed it to be placed in the bin with Sting, Anduril and the rest.
"Is there anything in that hat?" they asked suspiciously.
"Only rabbits."
"What?"
"It was a joke."
"No inappropriate jokes," the guard intoned.
"That was hardly inappropriate," Gandalf chuckled. "Would you like to hear an inappropriate one? Once there were these two Elves walking along a river and the one Elf says to the other…"
"What about that staff?" the second guard interrupted. "Isn't that a weapon?"
"I am old! I know you get to be ageless, but you really need to remember not everyone does. My knees are ancient and my legs downright tottery. You wouldn't part an old man from his walking stick, would you?"
"Well…." said one.
The other wasn't so snowed by the friendly twinkle or grandfatherly smile. "Hand it over."
Gandalf paused, clenching his hands on his precious staff. "It's only to lean upon."
"Then you cannot pass!"
"Surely you don't think I would..."
"Are you being uncooperative?" the guard asked, reaching for his silver bell.
The wizard clenched his eyes shut for a moment. "Very well…" The staff left his hands.
He walked through the gate.
BEEEEEEEEEP!
Gandalf frowned at that, honestly perplexed. "Now what could that be?" He patted all of his pockets again, then suddenly held up a finger. "Aha, I know." Rummaging, he soon extracted a small metal flask.
"What's in it?" one of the curious guards asked.
"Miruvor," Gandalf said. "And a fine vintage too."
Their eyes lit up and one even licked his lips. "Miruvor? I'm afraid we'll have to confiscate that. No liquids you know." They both reached out for the flask.
"Just a moment!" Legolas' voice came. "That's mine!"
--
11.
Boromir stood next to Aragorn, who was leaning against the far wall surrounded by hobbits. "This bodes ill for our venture," he noted.
"Ya think?" grumbled Aragorn.
Sam looked up from where they were dividing up Pippin's cheese among them. "What are they going to do with all our things? I mean, do you think we'll ever get them back? I don't know about how important all those other things are, but that pan was my Gaffer's and his before him."
"Maybe they run a hock-shop on the side," Merry suggested. They glared at him so strongly he took a step backwards. "What? I just...well, it's a possibility."
Behind and to the side, Gimli dropped another belt-buckle onto the pile and began systematically removing coins from various small pockets, the lining of his cloak and the hems of his shirt. Being a Dwarf, he had apparently brought along more money than any of them had thought possible. "Now I better get every coin of this back. I know exactly how much is there, and I'm not offering any tips for good service," he groused, nearly as red as his beard.
"Attention all passengers. Flight # 3019 with service to Gondor has been delayed due to inclement weather. Repeat, Flight #3019 has been delayed."
Legolas ambled back to the line, a steaming cup with "Bruinen Beans" emblazoned across it and a half-eaten bagel in hand. "Is everyone through?" he asked Gandalf.
"Everyone but you and I." Gandalf was vastly relieved that it was nearly done, though he hadn't counted on their losing so many valuable things along the way. " It's been taking us so long, it's probably just as well that our flight's been delayed a bit. We seem to have a bit of trouble getting our supplies through."
Legolas took an unconcerned swig of his latte and gave Gandalf a wink.
"Next!" one of the guards called.
Not sure what to make of the wink, Gandalf had to leave it for later. Gathering his robes, he stepped forward and handed over his ticket.
"Ridnarhtim?" the guard read. He peered at Gandalf and his hat. "Any relation to Radagast?"
"Perhaps," Gandalf said. "but without any livestock." He dug in his pockets and dropped a couple coins and a paperclip in the bin. Unlacing his boots, he dropped them in then checked his pouch. From this he extracted a small bag of toffees and popped one in his mouth.
"Toffee?"
"No bribes," the guard replied stiffly.
"Only being polite," Gandalf said. Keeping a carefully neutral expression on his face he unbuckled Glamdring and allowed it to be placed in the bin with Sting, Anduril and the rest.
"Is there anything in that hat?" they asked suspiciously.
"Only rabbits."
"What?"
"It was a joke."
"No inappropriate jokes," the guard intoned.
"That was hardly inappropriate," Gandalf chuckled. "Would you like to hear an inappropriate one? Once there were these two Elves walking along a river and the one Elf says to the other…"
"What about that staff?" the second guard interrupted. "Isn't that a weapon?"
"I am old! I know you get to be ageless, but you really need to remember not everyone does. My knees are ancient and my legs downright tottery. You wouldn't part an old man from his walking stick, would you?"
"Well…." said one.
The other wasn't so snowed by the friendly twinkle or grandfatherly smile. "Hand it over."
Gandalf paused, clenching his hands on his precious staff. "It's only to lean upon."
"Then you cannot pass!"
"Surely you don't think I would..."
"Are you being uncooperative?" the guard asked, reaching for his silver bell.
The wizard clenched his eyes shut for a moment. "Very well…" The staff left his hands.
He walked through the gate.
BEEEEEEEEEP!
Gandalf frowned at that, honestly perplexed. "Now what could that be?" He patted all of his pockets again, then suddenly held up a finger. "Aha, I know." Rummaging, he soon extracted a small metal flask.
"What's in it?" one of the curious guards asked.
"Miruvor," Gandalf said. "And a fine vintage too."
Their eyes lit up and one even licked his lips. "Miruvor? I'm afraid we'll have to confiscate that. No liquids you know." They both reached out for the flask.
"Just a moment!" Legolas' voice came. "That's mine!"
--
Primsong
New member
Last one - thanks to everyone for reading, so glad you enjoyed it!
12.
"What?" all three said in confusion.
Legolas stepped forward and reached out a hand for it. "I let my friend borrow it earlier. So sorry."
"Oh!" the two Elves said, "Well, in that case…"
"Oh yes, just borrowed it…was holding it for him while he had his coffee…" Gandalf said, going along with it. The wizard passed the flask to Legolas who gave him another wink and tucked it in his belt.
Gandalf walked through the gate, forgetting to walk like an old man. No buzzer sounded.
"Well, that was interesting," Merry observed from over at the wall. "But what about old Gimli over there?"
"Do you think they'll let him through?" Sam asked. "'It would be a shame for him to have come all this way just to get left behind in the airport."
"They're sure searching him," Frodo said.
Gimli was, in fact, blushingly down to his skivvies but his metal beard clips were now giving him problems.
The Elven guard pulled out a pair of scissors. "If you won't remove those metal clips from that disgusting beard, we'll may just have to cut them off."
Gimli was aghast. "Cut my beard?!"
"Beard-growers are known troublemakers anyway. It's a proven fact."
The dwarf was livid. "Proven fact? Well, you know what I say to that? Zun kisda nunstruck gitund zlotermeyer-ja! Flizzenkolt!" He groped for one of the discarded axes.
The Elf frowned and adjusted his hold on the scissors. It might have gone ill indeed except for Legolas suddenly calling out. "Hold!"
"What?" the guard asked as Legolas came up to him. He pointed at Gimli accusingly. "This one is a dwarf!"
"So he is, but it's no fault of his own is it? He was brought along with our group to provide amusement and help with the camp chores. Go ahead and let him through. He'll need all his metal too."
The guard looked doubtful. "Well, if you say so…"
"I….I am not….you!" blustered Gimli. "Chores….!"
Legolas just gave him a serene smile. "No doubt the Gondorians will find him even more amusing than we do. Now gear up and go help the others, they'll soon be in need of sandwiches and coffee, and don't forget to I need my bowstring rewaxed this evening."
The guard shrugged and left Gimli to struggle back into this things. Legolas casually hummed a tune and strolled back to the first set, handing them his ticket.
"Legolas Greenleaf?" one of them read. "From Mirkwood?"
"None other," he said. "Sorry for any problems my father's performing troupe caused for you. Oh, and here, I have these two knives but they're harmless, and everything else is all natural fibers."
"Of course," they grinned.
Legolas took out a white paper bag with 'Rivendeli' on it. "I bought too many of these, you wouldn't mind finishing them for me, would you?"
"Lembas-on-a-stick!" One of the guards said, peering into the bag. "Thanks."
"No problem. Have a great day and say hi to everyone back at the Hall for me will you?" Legolas said. He slipped around the gate instead of through it but the guards didn't comment.
Suddenly spinning around he gave a graceful snap of his fingers. "Oh! One more thing. You don't mind if I take that bin off your hands? I let them borrow these things and look what they do with them." He rolled his eyes at the antics of all those crazy non-Elves and nudged a guard with an elbow. The guards laughed and nodded along with him as he deftly rolled the bin of weapons away.
"Come along!" he sang back at the staring Fellowship. "As soon as our Dwarf rejoins us, we need to catch that flight!"
"Elves," Gimli growled, continuing with an unintelligible reply as he pulled his hauberk back over his head.
It was probably just as well.
"Thank you for choosing Rivendell International Airport."
-
fin.
12.
"What?" all three said in confusion.
Legolas stepped forward and reached out a hand for it. "I let my friend borrow it earlier. So sorry."
"Oh!" the two Elves said, "Well, in that case…"
"Oh yes, just borrowed it…was holding it for him while he had his coffee…" Gandalf said, going along with it. The wizard passed the flask to Legolas who gave him another wink and tucked it in his belt.
Gandalf walked through the gate, forgetting to walk like an old man. No buzzer sounded.
"Well, that was interesting," Merry observed from over at the wall. "But what about old Gimli over there?"
"Do you think they'll let him through?" Sam asked. "'It would be a shame for him to have come all this way just to get left behind in the airport."
"They're sure searching him," Frodo said.
Gimli was, in fact, blushingly down to his skivvies but his metal beard clips were now giving him problems.
The Elven guard pulled out a pair of scissors. "If you won't remove those metal clips from that disgusting beard, we'll may just have to cut them off."
Gimli was aghast. "Cut my beard?!"
"Beard-growers are known troublemakers anyway. It's a proven fact."
The dwarf was livid. "Proven fact? Well, you know what I say to that? Zun kisda nunstruck gitund zlotermeyer-ja! Flizzenkolt!" He groped for one of the discarded axes.
The Elf frowned and adjusted his hold on the scissors. It might have gone ill indeed except for Legolas suddenly calling out. "Hold!"
"What?" the guard asked as Legolas came up to him. He pointed at Gimli accusingly. "This one is a dwarf!"
"So he is, but it's no fault of his own is it? He was brought along with our group to provide amusement and help with the camp chores. Go ahead and let him through. He'll need all his metal too."
The guard looked doubtful. "Well, if you say so…"
"I….I am not….you!" blustered Gimli. "Chores….!"
Legolas just gave him a serene smile. "No doubt the Gondorians will find him even more amusing than we do. Now gear up and go help the others, they'll soon be in need of sandwiches and coffee, and don't forget to I need my bowstring rewaxed this evening."
The guard shrugged and left Gimli to struggle back into this things. Legolas casually hummed a tune and strolled back to the first set, handing them his ticket.
"Legolas Greenleaf?" one of them read. "From Mirkwood?"
"None other," he said. "Sorry for any problems my father's performing troupe caused for you. Oh, and here, I have these two knives but they're harmless, and everything else is all natural fibers."
"Of course," they grinned.
Legolas took out a white paper bag with 'Rivendeli' on it. "I bought too many of these, you wouldn't mind finishing them for me, would you?"
"Lembas-on-a-stick!" One of the guards said, peering into the bag. "Thanks."
"No problem. Have a great day and say hi to everyone back at the Hall for me will you?" Legolas said. He slipped around the gate instead of through it but the guards didn't comment.
Suddenly spinning around he gave a graceful snap of his fingers. "Oh! One more thing. You don't mind if I take that bin off your hands? I let them borrow these things and look what they do with them." He rolled his eyes at the antics of all those crazy non-Elves and nudged a guard with an elbow. The guards laughed and nodded along with him as he deftly rolled the bin of weapons away.
"Come along!" he sang back at the staring Fellowship. "As soon as our Dwarf rejoins us, we need to catch that flight!"
"Elves," Gimli growled, continuing with an unintelligible reply as he pulled his hauberk back over his head.
It was probably just as well.
"Thank you for choosing Rivendell International Airport."
-
fin.
crazycigirl
New member
That was great!
Shadow_Kitty
New member
That was Hilarious!
Aslans Messenger
New member
I wish it could go on! Go Legolas!!
Lady Callandra
New member
Lol! That was awesome. It really made my day. You did a GREAT job on this, really!
Keep going!!
Lady Callandra
New member
Keep going!!
That's right! Is there a possibility of a sequel or something similar? If so, I'd love to read it.
Miss Tumnus
New member
You did the ending very well. Good job!
Lady Callandra
New member
That's very true, but still if you have any more thoughts on the Airport, PLEASE don't hesitate to post it! I think all of us could use a good laugh. lol
I think all of us could use a good laugh. lol
And why did Primsong stopped writing this awesome story?
Shadow_Kitty
New member
I wonder the same thing.... I just finished re-reading it and it was hilarious even the second time. (Yes, I re-read fan fics for books/movies I've never even seen/watched.)