Room 525

QueenSusanofNarnia

QueenSusanofNarnia

New member
This is my entry to the Inspirational Writing Contest. Enjoy!

 [FONT=&quot]Eloise hurried down the hallway, the blank white walls pressing in on either side of her and the gleaming tile floor reflecting the florescent lights. On either side of her, nurses and doctors hurried about with charts and folders, checking their pages every so often, coffee cups in hand.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]She turned down to another hallway, avoiding glancing into any open doorways. She hated the hospital and its coldness; even the air tasted of steel and death. Finally she reached the door she was looking for and slipped in.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]The room was brighter than the hall, the walls painted a soft coral green. There were paintings on the walls – of kites and balloons, giraffes and pandas. There was an armchair in one corner, and the wall-mounted television was turned off. A small boy lay in the bed, the plastic-like comforter pulled up to his chin. Tucked under his arm was a teddy bear with one felt eye missing.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]Eloise closed the door behind her quietly and sat down on the armchair, setting her purse gently on the floor. She was tired, but didn’t feel in the mood to have some of the burnt coffee from the cafeteria. Eloise had long ago realised she needed to be in a particular mood to scarf down the scalding stuff, and this mood wasn’t it.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]“Mommy?” A quiet voice interrupted the silence. The boy in the bed was awake now, rubbing his brown eyes as he tried to sit up.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]Eloise quickly moved to the bedside. “Good morning, sweetie,” she whispered, kissing her son’s forehead lightly. “How are you feeling?”[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]He shook his head and mumbled something she couldn’t hear.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]“Sweetie?”[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]“I don’t feel good at all.”[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]Eloise knew he was going to say that, but something in her needed to ask him every day. She knew he was getting worse. That today could be his last day. She blinked back the welling tears – Stay strong, Elle, she told herself. Don’t let him see you cry.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]Her son let out one of his whooping coughs, and then a fit came on. Nurses rushed in to stabilize him, and Eloise looked on, helpless. It was a daily routine, one she’d been getting used to. He’d been in the hospital six weeks now, Eloise realised. Six weeks to the day.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]When the nurses left again, Eloise dragged the chair to his bedside and took his hand. “Did you watch any TV today, hmm?” She smoothed his messy hair and tucked a lock behind his ear.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]He shook his head. [/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]“Do you want to watch some now?” Again, he shook his head. “Why not?”[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]He turned his large, brown eyes to her. “Because I don’t want to die watching TV.”[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]Eloise was stunned into silence. She regarded her son with wide eyes, and could not blink back the tears this time. They fell, heavy drops, onto the white bed sheets. “Sweetheart, who told you you were dying?”[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]The boy smiled a little to himself. “The nurse said so. She told the doctor.” He reached out with his little hands and wiped a falling tear. “Don’t cry, Mommy. I’m not afraid.”[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]Eloise let out a half-sob, half-laugh. “Oh, sweetheart,” she whispered, pulling her close to him. “I’m so proud of you.” And she was. All that he’d accomplished in his short seven years of life was more than she could have ever imagined. So, he hadn’t cured cancer or malaria or anything – but who could expect that of a seven year old? But no – he’d filled her life with joy, an unprecedented joy she could not have ever imagined. To have gotten the chance to watch him grow up in to such a beautiful boy was all she ever needed anymore.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]“I love you,” she whispered.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]“I love you too,” he said, kissing her wet cheek with his dry, chapped lips. “I’m not afraid. Don’t be afraid.” He went limp in Eloise’s arms, and monitors behind her went berserk, beeping and flashing. But Eloise ignored them as she held her son’s body tightly, as if she could feel his soul departing.[/FONT]

 [FONT=&quot]But she wasn’t afraid for him anymore.[/FONT]
 
That moistened my eyes. As you know, I've been there and done that, only with a wife instead of a son. It's very true that the length of an earthly lifetime is a very poor measurement of its impact and value.
 
It was a cool story but... well, it may not matter to some but I want to know why was he in the hospital dying.
 
Thank you both. : )
Actually, BK, I didn't ever think of a reason why he was dying. I sort of left it for interpretation. Cancer of sorts, or whatever you choose. : )
 
Ok. but it didn't do much for me because I really needed to know what happened to the kid and why was he dying. If it works for others then that's cool.
 
Unless for a really important fact or interest from the reader, I think the story did achieve its goal, to move the reader's feelings. So, I thinks it's OK if the author didn't specify what illness the boy was suffering.

And I ditto Copperfox... my eyes were watering.
 
Awwwww that was... Awww =(. Sweet, and sad, even a tad bit predictable, but absolutely beautiful, and it made tears come to my eyes as well.

Good luck in the contest =).
 
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