The Continued Adventures of Ilya Muromets

Copperfox

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Anyone who has watched the movie "The 13th Warrior" has been given a glimpse of the fusion, the blending, which created the original Russia-- known to us now as Ukraine-- and went on to create the "Rus" which now carries the name of Russia.

The Norsemen in "13th Warrior" were able both to ride horses and to handle ships. As the Russians, Ukrainians, whatever, spread farther east (which for them was like the wild WEST for us), this double skill set served them well, though horseback travel gradually grew MORE important. Becoming aware of the far-traveling Turkic peoples, they were particularly impressed by the Kazakhs of what is now Kazakhstan. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery; equestrian Russians began to call themselves KAZAKI {=Cossacks!}. A comparable instance of emulation occurred in our cowboy days: the Spanish word for a cowboy {vaquero} became "buckaroo," the alternate noun for a cowboy.

The city-state of Kiev {rhyming with "leave," NOT pronounced as "kee-EVV"} was to be the first explicitly Christian state in Russia, Ukraine, whatever!!! But to learn about the number-one villain of our saga, we need to rewind Eastern European history to a time when Christians thereabouts were a scattered minority. Slavic polytheists especially worshiped Perun {similar to Thor} and Yarilo {a fertility god and keeper of nature}. Human sacrifice was practiced, as the above-cited movie illustrated; but it was nowhere near as bad as the Aztecs, because NOBODY was as bad as the Aztecs.

Note that the following scene happens long before the birth of Muhammad. Lord Koschei, not yet a super-villain, was an entrepreneur between river-sailing slave traffickers and wagon-using slave traffickers. One of the former, Espen Boat-Pusher, was particularly buddies with Koschei. One conversation between them went as follows:


KOSCHEI: Am I mistaken, or are some of your long-time crewmen missing?

ESPEN: Missing-- and worse than dead. They started listening to some Bulgar priests, who say that someone from long ago called Yessu Kriss wanted us to give up our healthy business. The Bulgars talk about a man called Paulos, a friend of Yessu, who told a man called Philemon that a slave named Onesimus should be treated like a brother from then on.

KOSCHEI (as a man accustomed to hearing diverse names, thus not confused by the list Espen just recited-- but furious at the implications of Paul's Epistle to Philemon): But if a brother, then not a slave, either, except in name only! We need to silence these meddlers!


Koschei, to be brief, sold his soul to the Devil in return for immortality and invulnerability. The God he despised would not permit the reprobate petty aristocrat to be completely indestructible; but in the decades which followed, Koschei caused misleading stories to be told about just how he could be killed. The most popular of the red herrings was the claim that Koschei's life force was contained inside a needle, which was itself carefully hidden, and the needle had to be broken for Koschei to die.

This "Where's-the-kryptonite" plot device will not become important until much later in the saga. In the meantime, even invulnerability wasn't enough to relax the fiend's cowardly heart. In terms of muscular output, he was no stronger than, say, two or three able-bodied men. It followed that five or six mortal warriors, if brave enough, could easily pin him down, wrap him in chains, and bury him alive in a collapsed mineshaft. Being immobilized forever was what the villain feared instead of dying.

So, fairly early in his archvillain career, Koschei opted for proxies. While having nothing against Espen Boat-Pusher, the monster cut ties with him because he might someday be captured and made to reveal something. Espen was allowed to believe that Koschei was ordinary-dead, and Koschei began from zero to build a covert cell-network. This Eurasian quasi-mafia would still be in existence when Ilya Muromets would emerge in Yeltsin-era Russia.


FAST FORWARD!! ---BUT NOT YET ALL THE WAY TO THE 1990'S.
 
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"Yefrosiniya, dorogaya, how is Ilya doing at the grindstone?" So asked the homesteading farmer Ivan Timofeyevich, calling through the door of the izba (cabin) while he rubbed down his hard-working mule.

"He didn't stop with sharpening the spare plowshare, the axe and the knives; he also sharpened the leading edge of your old spade."

When Yefrosiniya poked her head out the door, Ivan quietly beckoned her to his side. "Is he working so hard because he isn't upset about the little brats, or because he is upset about them?" Local Muromian peasant children had mocked the crippled young man the last time he was outside, calling him "tree stump," "no legs" (technically false}, and other insults.

""He's above resenting stupid children," Yefrosiniya assured him. "I'll wager their parents will soon accept my offer." The wife was referring to the fact that fellow peasants were strongly considering accepting her suggestion to barter useful items for Ilya's tool-sharpening talents.

///// A few days after this conversation, a new blacksmith named Maksim Yakovlev, from a different part of the Murom region, came to set up in the village, with his wife Yelena and their eight- year-old boy Samson. Within hours of their arrival, three boys-- three of the brats who had often mocked Ilya Ivanovich-- tried picking a fight with the new boy.

The new boy had been helping his father in the shop since he was five.

The new boy offered no insult to his would-be intimidators.

When the spoiled brats tried to gang up on him, less than half a minute passed before Samson justified the Jewish-derived name he had been given. All three troublemakers, plus one boy's older brother who tried to reinforce the wrong side, had black eyes, mashed ears, and other marks of being taught a needed lesson.

Samson Maksimovich earned an enthusiastic welcome by Ivan and Yefrosiniya, and the crippled Ilya was pleased to acquire a new friend. The stalwart boy had no part in Ilya's eventual miraculous healing by three Eastern Orthodox priests, but he would eventually become one of King Vladimir's warriors. Though not one of the famed Three Bogatyrs, Samson would give his monarch honorable service.


NEXT ACTUAL STORY POST _WILL_ PERTAIN TO ILYA BECOMING ONE OF THE "BIG THREE."
 
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Мне не терпится увидеть, что вы с этим сделаете.
 
( REALLY, IVAN, I MEAN JOHN: AFTER WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER SO LONG, ARE YOU _REALLY_ ADDRESSING ME WITH A FORMAL PRONOUN?)

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

ydydydydydydydydd
 
There are, of course, multiple versions of the tale of how Ilya Ivanovich became Sir Ilya Muromets. Naturally, the Soviet cinema, despite having no problem with magical monsters, wanted no part of >GOD< getting glory for curing the cripple. Instead, the movie showed a herbalist doing the job. I, however, have invited the Triune God back into my extension of the saga.

ASSUME THAT YOUNG SAMSON HAS A WORTHY CAREER, SOMETIMES TRAVELING WITH ILYA. I NEED TO GIVE SOME ONSTAGE TIME TO THE BEST-KNOWN >OTHER< KNIGHTS WHO DEFENDED THE FIRST OFFICIALLY CHRISTIAN CITY-STATE IN KIEVAN RUSSIA.
)))))))))))) First will be my version of what Sir Dobryna reputedly did to gain fame.


"Have I heard correctly that your trade runners obtained reptiles hatched in warmer lands?" asked Koschei's friend Espen Boat-Pusher.

Ashilrak was the headman of a village far enough south not to worry about non-Christianized river-cruising Vikings; and as competent archers his people could fend off raids by racially similar, similarly equipped enemies. They were, accordingly, secure enough to conduct trade on southern routes. Three sub-adult crocodiles had been transported from a distance adequate to involve half a dozen custody changes. Ashilrak told Espen: "We never figured to keep them here; the dry terrain here isn't healthy for them to live and breed. If you buy them, you'll find that they're halfway tame, so if they regard you as the next friendly man, you can get them to do crocodile-things for your benefit."

RELEVANT HISTORICAL SIDEBAR:


Many of the people south of Ashilrak's town were Khazars. This tribe has its own story; note that Islam had come into existence generations before Ilya Muromets' father was born. Representatives of Islam, Christianity and Judaism came before the King of Khazaria, each hoping to convert him.

The King interviewed the emissaries separately, not allowing any of them to know how it would proceed. First he summoned the Muslim, and said to him: "If you knew I would not choose your faith, but you could select which of the other two I would accept, whom would you vote for?" The imam said, "Accept the Jew." The Christian was questioned the same way, and also endorsed the rabbi. Then the imam and the priest were dismissed; and Khazaria became a nation of Jewish converts with Middle Eastern blood.

Modern Israel-bashers, wanting to appear heroic by vilifying people who wouldn't kill them for it, use ethnicity to justify claiming that Hamas thugs are justified. The haters of Jews claim that modern Israelis have less claim to the Holy Land than jihadists have. But back in Exodus, the freed slaves who accompanied Moses included non-Shemites.

The lesson ends here. Back to the superhuman plainsmen who became defenders of sort-of-Ukraine. Especially Dobrynya Nikitich.



Espen did succeed in befriending the crocodiles, and brought them upriver to where an Orthodox church had been established. Dobrynya was there to receive the Eucharist. His intended stay to chat with the non-celibate priest was interrupted by shouts and cries from riverward. The clearest exclamation was about "a three-headed dragon." Dobrinya looked outside: three crocodiles were advancing close together, close enough that peasants who had never heard of crocodiles could mistake them for one creature having three heads.


"Stay back, Father Kostya! Your incense won't stop them: not because our God is weak, but because those animals are animals, not demons, they are part of the natural creation. You can pray against any magic that may be involved here."

On the run, the already-seasoned warrior (he would not expose his horse to this terror) hefted his battleaxe in his left hand, and his broadsword in his right hand. The reptile on his right pulled ahead of the others, which decided Dobrynya's first move for him. Not an overhand swing, but a low thrust, sent the sword straight into the open mouth. Not waiting for the other two crocodiles to turn upon him, the bogatyr dashed forward alongside his first kill, then jumped over the dying brute. This gave him one more instant of having only one crocodile able to attack him; he used the tiny interval to break its spinal column at the shoulder. Reptiles being smarter than most humans think, the last quasi-dragon tried to anticipate Dobrynya's pattern, swerving to where the tall man's motion should have led.

Dobrynya, however, evaded-- and cut the last crocodile's head entirely off. Espen and his crew bravely ran away, away.

Father Kostya {no connection to the similar-named Koschei} did understand the normal-world of the crocodiles, but there was no stopping the peasants from telling others that Sir Dobrynya had killed a three-headed dragon.




The great exploit of Alyosha Popovich involved no magic, but it did involve the inventiveness of the medieval Chinese people.

A scoundrel by the name of Tugarin had studied the Chinese invention of enormous kites, and had gone them one better. He invented what later generations would call a hang glider. Closer to Kiev than the fake-dragon incident had been, Tugarin shot arrows at random targets, killing enough people that steppe riders who admired him would rally to him.

When Sir Alyosha caught sight of the soaring enemy, it was bad luck that he had no missile weapons at hand. But he had his faith..... and he prayed for divine intervention. God's answer came in the form.... of rain. The fabric of the kite, soon soaked, gave way; the framework tore open, and Tugarin fell to his ignominious death.

While he was the "middle child" of the Three Bogatyrs, Ilya Ivanovich Muromets was the last one to score his legendary exploit.
 
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