The Diary of Jane Doe.

Spare Oomian

Spare Oomian

New member
Here's a new story-ish thing I thought up. Let me know what you think.:)

April 20, 1994

Today I turned twelve!! I got so many wonderful gifts, but the best one was this journal. My daddy gave it to me. Once I opened it he kneeled down and said “Janie, this is the place where you can put your deepest fears, strongest desires and most passionate wishes. You can express yourself through this journal.” I love my daddy. He’s always been there for me. Now, since this is my journal I should say something about myself. My name is Jane, but most people call me Janie. I was born on April 20, 1982. I just entered junior high school. I live in Ulysses, Kansas with my daddy. My mom passed away when I was eight years old. I still remember her, but I miss her very much. My daddy takes good care of me though. He never lets me feel sad. He always says, “Janie, your mommy is watching over you, sweet-pea, and I know that one day we both will be reunited with her up in heaven.” My daddy is the pastor of our church…he’s the best, kindest, smartest man I’ve ever known. I’m lucky to have such a wonderful dad.

-Janie.
 
Love the idea of the journal format...it's a great way to get into a character's head :). I'm wondering about the voice, though...make sure she *sounds* like a typical Junior High student.

The Emily books by LM Montgomery are my favorite examples of that type of writing, but for more current examples there are plenty of "diaries" out there to look at.
 
Thanks for the advice and support. I'm trying to keep the voice acurate.


December 25, 1995

Christmas…what a wonderful day. My dad got me so many wonderful gifts. I got him a new tool-kit. He loves building things. I had to save up my allowance for months to be able to get it for him. But his face was worth it.

But something really strange happened while we were getting ready to go to church. We heard sirens outside. The cops came and arrested our neighbor, Mr. Johnson. He was so nice, I couldn’t believe they were taking him. My dad asked an officer what was going on, and he said that Mr. Johnson was having illegal dog fights in his basement. I did notice he had a lot of animals, but I never imagined he did anything like that. I turns out that he had the dogs fight, and videotaped it to sell to fans of the ‘sport’. And he also had birds and small cats to feed to the dogs. Those poor animals. It’s funny, you live your entire life next door to someone and you don’t even know what’s really going on. How can someone be so cruel? How could anybody abuse a poor, defenseless animal?

Other than that, it was a great day.

-Jane

I'll hopefully be adding more almost every day. Hope you continue to like it.:D
 
Nice job so far, Sabina! I've only noticed one mistake so far--which is good. Is this your first story/writing composition?
 
Honestly, that was a slight disappointment. Not many mistakes in it so far as to spelling or writing, but because of it seeming to burst the imaginative bubble that this story is meant to represent.

I seriously doubt she'd wait a year and a bit to add another entry.
And for some reason, the theme of the dog-fighting host of a neighbour seemed a bit toned down to what might have really happened in the real world. Least of all the father explaining to his 13 year old daughter the real reason why Mr. Johnson was arrested.
And her attitude seemed to me like one who was younger, first her big outburst and then her "oh well," thought afterwards. Then again, I do not know much of the differance between a pre-teen's mind and a child's.

As I mentioned before, surprised that the girl would not put in an earlier entry, especially since she had another birthday.

Also, just noticed it now, I think the girl would be more descriptive on holiday occasions, since they are things she enjoys so much (her Birthday, Christmas, etc).

Anyway, that is what I reckon could use improvement.
 
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Levi: Thanks, and no this isn't my first. I have a story and a few poems posted on here, and a lot sitting in my computer. If you want to see them let me know, I'll be glad to get you the link.:)

Alex: I'm sorry you're a bit dissapointed, but this isn't actually something I'm writing to be interesting. I have a point to make at the end of this...and when I get there I wouldn't be surprised if nobody really got it. But something struck me a while ago when I was watching TV, and it kept me up that night. This story has a message, so I'm only focussing on the details that contribute to what I'm going to try to say at the end.
Oh, and as for the huge gap in the entries, in reality she would have added more like you said, but there are going to be a lot of intervals. I don't mind if you chose not to continue reading, this is just something I've gotta get off my chest. Thanks for giving it a shot though. And again, I'm sorry it's not what you expected.
 
December 26, 1995

Mr. Johnson confessed to all the charges! He’s probably going to be in jail for the rest of his life. My dad told me that there’s not much a person can do that’s worse than abusing and killing creatures that can’t defend themselves. It really is sad. What could possibly be worse than doing that to animals…except maybe abusing children. Some people are sick…I just never expected Mr. Johnson to be one of those people. It’s the talk of the town. So many people are so furious. This sure is getting a lot of publicity.

-Jane






August 22, 1997

Well, school is back in session. I’m in the tenth grade now…it’s actually sort of exciting. My teachers are good. There’s Mr. Willis, my math teacher (he’s way boring), Ms. Smith, my English teacher (she’s fun), Mr. Thomson, my history teacher (he’s really weird), Mr. Parker, my band director (he’s nice, and even told me I have talent, I play the oboe), and Mrs. Chad my science teacher (she’s nice, but a bit slow). And my favorite teacher is my reading teacher,’ Mrs. Carson. She’s so nice, it’s almost like she’s still a teenager. I can already tell that she really gets us.
Mary-Anne, my best friend, is in most of my classes. It is so cool! But that’s not even the best part. Today, in reading, I met the sweetest guy alive. His name is Robert. He’s tall (about 6’), he has black hair, and wonderfully green eyes. He sits next to me, and we hit it off right away! He’s really funny, and he gets me. He asked me out this weekend! Of course, I said ‘yes’. My dad already said it was okay. I’m already nervous though; my dad wants to meet him before we go out. I hope he doesn’t embarrass me.

-Jane
 
SimonW: I can tell you from expierience that pre-teens don't always write in the journals all the time. I've waited a 10 months before writing a new entry in my journal so yeah.

It's pretty interesting, keep it up SO.
 
Thanks Kay and Rhyanidd.


January 16, 1998

Robert and I had sex last night…or, he had sex with me. I’m not really sure, honestly.
The night started with me arguing with my dad (again) about me going to see Robert. My dad still doesn’t trust him, but I was determined to go see him. I drove to his house, and his parents weren’t home. This shocked me…I’ve never been alone with him in a private place. But I figured it wouldn’t be a problem.
He brought me over to the couch, and we started making out. We’ve done this many times before, but this time was different. He seemed a little more….I don’t know. It just didn’t feel the same. The next thing I knew he was sticking his hands down my pants. I pushed him away…I wasn’t ready, and I told him so. He smiled and said, “O come on baby, don’t you love me?” Of course I love him! How could he ask such a question? “I’m just not ready for that.”
Then, he grabbed my arms and squeezed them. He screamed, “If you loved me you’d want to show it! What, am I not good enough all of a sudden?” I felt scared…he had a look in his eyes like a demon…I’ve never seen him so angry, at least not with me. I tried to talk him down…and then he hit me. He smacked me right across the face. I think I might have started crying, but I can’t remember. All I remember is him pouncing on me and he ripped off my clothes…although I think at some point I let him. It hurt…I started bleeding after a while, and then he stopped. He left the room for a while, and I got dressed. He came back with ice cream for the both of us. He sat down next to me, and put his arm around me. He kissed my head and whispered “I love you.” I was silent for a while. My face stung…I was afraid to go home, but I was afraid to stay there at the same time. “I love you too.” I mean, he couldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it…right? And I do love him. I won’t let one outburst ruin what I have with Robert. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. He’s my first boyfriend, my first love, my first everything.
I went home later that night, and my dad accused Robert of doing something wrong…he saw the mark left on my cheek, and I had some blood on my pants. We got into an argument…I told him what happened (minus him hitting me). He yelled more, telling me that I’m better than that, and asked “What happened to that respectable, Christian girl I raised? I thought you were practicing abstinence!”
I defended myself and Robert…then I ran to my room, but not before screaming “I hate you!” He looked so hurt. I haven’t seen him look like that since the day the doctors told us there was nothing they could do to save my mom. But I don’t care…I have Robert now. He’s all I need.

-Jane
 
Whoa, why is her father yelling at her? That is not the way to handle that situation.

Silly girl, Robert is a worthless piece of trash.
 
Only, Silvanus? She is being rather stupid to think that Robert is worth anything, or that he really loves her. But her father should not have yelled! That was exactly the WRONG thing to do.
 
Rhyanidd said:
Only, Silvanus? She is being rather stupid to think that Robert is worth anything, or that he really loves her. But her father should not have yelled! That was exactly the WRONG thing to do.
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Oh, I agree with you. One thing I've noticed, though, is that it's very easy to pick apart what someone did in the course of 5 minutes. If I was that Dad, I would've felt like a total failure. And her being a pastor's daughter doesn't help, either.
 
I wouldn't have felt like a failure--because what happened wasn't her fault. I'd have been upset, but with Robert...and I would not like to be held responsible for what I did to him...:D
 
LOL I'm glad you all like it so much. I'll post more very soon.

xBella.MyEdwardx said:
Wow, I really like this!! Great job, Oomy.

*let's hope this isn't locked :(*
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:eek:
To any mods who might not like this: Please don't lock! I tried to keep the detail down to a minumum and still get my point across. I'm very sorry if anybody feels offended by this, or if anyone finds the content inappropriate. Please let me know if there's something bad and I'll try to fix it.
 
Yes, took me a while to reply, but here it is. I am sorry if I have offended you, I had no intention of doing so.
I merely stated it was not what I thought it would be, every reader guesses at how a story is to continue.

And, I never said I'd stop reading it, or that I disliked it.


Yeah, wow, big arguement with the father.
I can honestly say I know why she felt the need to defend Robert, though. For, despite it being mostly his fault, she felt responsible for the way he behaved....it is a common enough thing in society where there are girls with abusive boyfriends but don't want them to get in trouble because they love them.

Anyway, I am glad there was no graphic detail (of the actual sexual act), so doubt the mods will close it down, seeming how it was told in an innocent fashion and a differant angle, basically the physical and mental abuse the (now teenage) girl suffers to endure.
 
March 2, 2002

Some best friend Mary-Anne is. She’s being completely un-supportive. Robert proposed to me the other day, and as my best friend, I expected her to be happy for me. But instead she got this solemn look on her face and said, “you didn’t say ‘yes’, did you?” Can you believe it? Of course I said ‘yes’. She was trying to talk me out of it. She said, “Janie, you could do so much better. Besides, you’re still young…finish school, then get married to someone who cares for you.”
Someone who cares for me? Robert does care for me. I mean…when I had that big fight with my dad, who was there? Robert. But she persisted. She grabbed my hand, and pulled up my sleeve, pointing out a bruise on my arm. “He beats you, how can you say he cares for you? I’ve told you before…” I didn’t let her finish. I knew what she was going to say, she’s said it so many times before. It was obvious to me that she wasn ‘t going to want to be my maide of honor. I just left, without saying much else.
I hate this. My family, my friends, they’r all against me. I feel so abandonded. I’m all alone…except for Robert.

-Jane
 
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