The Marketplace of Technique: Open to All
- Thread starter Copperfox
- Start date
Soldier of Aslan
New member
I thought that too, however If I remember correctly Carroll had a ABAC or ABA rhythmics. Not to mention most-if not all- the poems and song are parodies of popular tunes and poems of the period. "twinkle,Twinkle, little bat'" is "Twinkle, Twinkle, little Star", 'how doth the Crocodile" is a parody of a religious poem " How doth the little Bumble Bee", etc.That poem reminds me of the ones in Alice in Wonderland.
I do like how this poems keeps the rhyme going cleverly, good job Eveningstar.
Copperfox
Well-known member
In the process of writing fiction, there will be some imagined events which an author adds on a sudden impulse, and others which are already planned ahead of time, sometimes even before the first word is written. Let it be known, for those who are following "The Possible Future of Alipang Havens," that the situation in which I have just now placed Alipang's brother-in-law Emilio is one that WAS planned far in advance. Emilio's comrade Jed needing urgently to go to the bathroom was an extra touch of realism that I thought up spontaneously.
was and were
I need help with these two words. I need to know if there's a rule about when or how to use was or were as in
if it was
if it were
if I was
if I were
were I
was I (I think I know this one but if you can help further then thanks).
I need help with these two words. I need to know if there's a rule about when or how to use was or were as in
if it was
if it were
if I was
if I were
were I
was I (I think I know this one but if you can help further then thanks).
Copperfox
Well-known member
With if's, when in doubt, use "were." A sentence using a phrase like "if it were" is usually talking about some imagined occurrence which cannot really happen, or at least is not an _immediate_ likelihood. For instance, the poor milkman Tevye sings "If I _Were_ A Rich Man."
The only time when "was" would be preferable would be in a case where a greater possibility of definite fact is at issue. For instance, imagine I am the prosecutor in a murder case. There is a clear yes-or-no question being argued: whether Bill Smurd did or did not kill his neighbor. Here is no vague daydream, but a was-or-wasn't question. Here, I could properly say something like: "If Bill Smurd _was_ the man who fired that shot, he is the murderer!"
The phrase "were I" is a more old-fashioned version of "if I were." For example, "Were I a prince, I would wed a princess."
The only time when "was" would be preferable would be in a case where a greater possibility of definite fact is at issue. For instance, imagine I am the prosecutor in a murder case. There is a clear yes-or-no question being argued: whether Bill Smurd did or did not kill his neighbor. Here is no vague daydream, but a was-or-wasn't question. Here, I could properly say something like: "If Bill Smurd _was_ the man who fired that shot, he is the murderer!"
The phrase "were I" is a more old-fashioned version of "if I were." For example, "Were I a prince, I would wed a princess."
Thanks CF! It makes perfect sense. Now I know. These are the perils of English being a second language! I was afraid the badger would come in and write a nonsensical paragraph to "illustrate" the uses of the words in question, therefore adding to my confusion!!
Harumph!!!!
And now that I have addressed that allegation (and smacked the alligator), I'll post something worthy of my striped countenance....
I'm a fan of the "double punchline," a form of storytelling that was typified in the olden days by Hank Ketcham in his comic strip, "Dennis the Menace". Where other people would have one punchline to the joke, there was always a sort of warm up humour in the middle. He would put the jokes in one strip that someone else would put in two, so it ended with a twist.
The best way to do this in a short story is to have a truly interesting subplot that relates to the main plot but has its own satisfying resolution. Doing this will give your stories depth and may even soften the blow if the reader has guessed your ending before actually finishing the story.
In one of my own, I deliberately exploited people's tendency to guess where this is all going. A fox pup that always outshone his badger friend, winning races, beating him at board games, etc. Finally the badger couldn't take it anymore and claimed he was going to do something that was extremely dangerous...that would show him who's top dog! The fox begged him not to. Now by this point you're thinking, "My that was clever of the lad," but you pretty much knew that's what he was doing. Only later when the badger kit came home, his dad admiringly said it was a truly wise bluff and the badger kit said, "What bluff?" OUCH.
And now that I have addressed that allegation (and smacked the alligator), I'll post something worthy of my striped countenance....
I'm a fan of the "double punchline," a form of storytelling that was typified in the olden days by Hank Ketcham in his comic strip, "Dennis the Menace". Where other people would have one punchline to the joke, there was always a sort of warm up humour in the middle. He would put the jokes in one strip that someone else would put in two, so it ended with a twist.
The best way to do this in a short story is to have a truly interesting subplot that relates to the main plot but has its own satisfying resolution. Doing this will give your stories depth and may even soften the blow if the reader has guessed your ending before actually finishing the story.
In one of my own, I deliberately exploited people's tendency to guess where this is all going. A fox pup that always outshone his badger friend, winning races, beating him at board games, etc. Finally the badger couldn't take it anymore and claimed he was going to do something that was extremely dangerous...that would show him who's top dog! The fox begged him not to. Now by this point you're thinking, "My that was clever of the lad," but you pretty much knew that's what he was doing. Only later when the badger kit came home, his dad admiringly said it was a truly wise bluff and the badger kit said, "What bluff?" OUCH.
You went and made me hungry, Copperfox. I hope you brought enough expendable characters for everyone......
Another thing I harp upon is not SAYING IT but rather SHOWING IT. In one of my Byron on Wells stories, an interloper had cut in between two best friends who were blood brothers. Near the end of the story he wanted to be a blood brother with one of the friends. Rather than ANY sort of saying no, I had him stall with, "I really like your Daddy. He's a really great carpenter. When you grow up, do you want to be one like him?" The interloper looks down, having caught the subtle hint that his question had been politely ignored. "I'm not sure what I want." That reply is especially poignant since it can be taken two ways.
Another thing I harp upon is not SAYING IT but rather SHOWING IT. In one of my Byron on Wells stories, an interloper had cut in between two best friends who were blood brothers. Near the end of the story he wanted to be a blood brother with one of the friends. Rather than ANY sort of saying no, I had him stall with, "I really like your Daddy. He's a really great carpenter. When you grow up, do you want to be one like him?" The interloper looks down, having caught the subtle hint that his question had been politely ignored. "I'm not sure what I want." That reply is especially poignant since it can be taken two ways.
Copperfox
Well-known member
The manufacturers of Kindle reading devices are facilitating more opportunity for authors to get somewhere with on-demand publishing: an extension of what my sister Ricki made possible for me on Lulu.com with my "Tale of Sophia Renee." Now my brother-in-law Mark (it was he, with my sister Randi who is his wife, who helped me in my recent financial distress) is interested in helping me to get my works into Kindle form. I intend to begin this undertaking with my Chinese fairytale "Flying Girl and Iron Merchant."
Copperfox
Well-known member
A word about chapter divisions in a novel.
My second Alipang Havens novel, which is in progress, is proving to be quite a bit longer than the completed first novel, because the sequel has a much broader scope of events. But the sequel is not longer BY SO GREAT A MARGIN as one might think from the NUMBER OF CHAPTERS there are in the sequel. The sequel has already exceeded a HUNDRED chapters; but each individual chapter is considerably SHORTER than a chapter in the first Alipang Havens novel. The reason why the sequel chapters are shorter is because the sequel's narrative jumps from place to place more than the original did.
Here are the early chapter titles from The Possible Future of Alipang Havens:
PROLOGUE: BEGINNING WITH ENDINGS
Chapter One: New Versions of the Old Evils
Chapter Two: Apache, Arapahoe, Amish, and Alipang
Chapter Three: The Dentist Will See You Now
Chapter Four: Eric's New Mission Field
Chapter Five: Business in the Saddle
Chapter Six: One Tactical Sortie, One Ranger
Chapter Seven: Correcting Tsar Aleksandr
Chapter Eight: The Gulag Anniversary
Chapter Nine: Weak Link Seeks Weak Link
Chapter Ten: The Outside Remnant
Chapter Eleven: Daffodil's Dilemma
Chapter Twelve: Journalism Inside The Fence
Chapter 13: Fenced Into The Journalism
Chapter 14: The Involuntary Celebrities
Chapter 15: A Mother in the Middle Kingdom
Chapter 16: Electrical Destiny
In just these chapters, you have numerous changes of scene: from Wyoming to Texas to China, and so on. As a general rule, for any single chapter, I try to have the action take place either all inside the "Western Enclave," or all outside it; but sometimes one chapter straddles this dividing line, because of a PLOT ELEMENT which unifies "inside" and "outside" events.
As a novelist, you have to decide what will be the BASIS for chapter division--the reason why one chapter ends and the next one begins. You might have it purely based on passage of time, the way the TV series "Twenty-Four" has each episode cover one hour of Jack Bauer's day. You can divide it according to viewpoint characters: this chapter sees events through an old woman's eyes, the next chapter sees through a little boy's eyes, etc. Or you can emphasize changes in the PLACE of action, which is predominant in my current story. But I believe it's good style to have SOME pattern.
My second Alipang Havens novel, which is in progress, is proving to be quite a bit longer than the completed first novel, because the sequel has a much broader scope of events. But the sequel is not longer BY SO GREAT A MARGIN as one might think from the NUMBER OF CHAPTERS there are in the sequel. The sequel has already exceeded a HUNDRED chapters; but each individual chapter is considerably SHORTER than a chapter in the first Alipang Havens novel. The reason why the sequel chapters are shorter is because the sequel's narrative jumps from place to place more than the original did.
Here are the early chapter titles from The Possible Future of Alipang Havens:
PROLOGUE: BEGINNING WITH ENDINGS
Chapter One: New Versions of the Old Evils
Chapter Two: Apache, Arapahoe, Amish, and Alipang
Chapter Three: The Dentist Will See You Now
Chapter Four: Eric's New Mission Field
Chapter Five: Business in the Saddle
Chapter Six: One Tactical Sortie, One Ranger
Chapter Seven: Correcting Tsar Aleksandr
Chapter Eight: The Gulag Anniversary
Chapter Nine: Weak Link Seeks Weak Link
Chapter Ten: The Outside Remnant
Chapter Eleven: Daffodil's Dilemma
Chapter Twelve: Journalism Inside The Fence
Chapter 13: Fenced Into The Journalism
Chapter 14: The Involuntary Celebrities
Chapter 15: A Mother in the Middle Kingdom
Chapter 16: Electrical Destiny
In just these chapters, you have numerous changes of scene: from Wyoming to Texas to China, and so on. As a general rule, for any single chapter, I try to have the action take place either all inside the "Western Enclave," or all outside it; but sometimes one chapter straddles this dividing line, because of a PLOT ELEMENT which unifies "inside" and "outside" events.
As a novelist, you have to decide what will be the BASIS for chapter division--the reason why one chapter ends and the next one begins. You might have it purely based on passage of time, the way the TV series "Twenty-Four" has each episode cover one hour of Jack Bauer's day. You can divide it according to viewpoint characters: this chapter sees events through an old woman's eyes, the next chapter sees through a little boy's eyes, etc. Or you can emphasize changes in the PLACE of action, which is predominant in my current story. But I believe it's good style to have SOME pattern.
Copperfox
Well-known member
A special bulletin --
We need more participants for the latest Narnian poetry contest, which was announced by Benisse! We've prayed for her in her illness; let's also answer her call for creative action! Only three of us have entered poems so far; I believe all of us have done well, but GIVE US SOME COMPETITION!!
We need more participants for the latest Narnian poetry contest, which was announced by Benisse! We've prayed for her in her illness; let's also answer her call for creative action! Only three of us have entered poems so far; I believe all of us have done well, but GIVE US SOME COMPETITION!!
SunshineRose
Member
Hello, everybody, I’m new here, but I’d thought that I’d share some writing techniques that I’ve found helpful. Hopefully, some of them will be useful to you.
Tip 1: Brainstorm words and images related to your topic before you write. Don’t stop to evaluate their worth. Just keep scribbling down the ideas. The best idea might come to you at the end of a brainstorming session, after you’ve pushed all the less valuable ones out of your mind to make room for the good idea.
Tip 2: Try writing with music in the background to set the tone. When I’m writing a lot of description, I tend to like classical music. If I’m writing a tragic scene, I prefer country. That sort of thing.
Tip 3: Give yourself permission to be emotional. If your writing doesn’t move you, it is very hard for it to touch anyone else. Before your writing can reach others, it must impact you first.
Tip 4 (related to Tip 3): Write about what you know and care about. What areas are you constantly motivated to learn more about? What are your passions? Write about those things. If you write about what interests you, you have a better chance of not only keeping yourself motivated to continue with your writing but also generating reader interest in your writing. Also, when you write about what you know, you write with a certain authority, and people will take you seriously because you seem to have authority.
Tip 5(related to Tip 4): Research the topic or topics you’ll be writing about, even if you think you already know everything there is to know about it. If there are differences of opinion in the area that you are writing in, acknowledge the other side. Your statements will have more power if readers feel like you have addressed both sides of a complicated issue. Remember that if you write something, at least some of your readers will take you seriously, so you owe them some accuracy. Even if you are writing fantasy (which I love to write), make sure you research any real cultures you base fantasy societies around and that sort of thing.
Tip 6: Use strong verbs. To be words (am, are, is, was, were) are normally pretty weak ones, so eliminate them from your writing whenever possible.
Tip 7 (related to Tip 6): Use strong nouns. English has so many words for almost everything. For instance, a male parent can be called father, dad, daddy, papa, pops, old man, pa, and sire among many other titles and nicknames. Pick the noun that best fits the tone of the sentence that you want to create. A thesaurus can be a great tool in this process, but remember don’t use a word if you don’t know what it means, and don’t pick a big word just because it is long. Pick the word that most accurately reflects what you are trying to say and how you are trying to say it, even if that word seems too common.
Tip 8: Short words normally with Germanic rather than Latinate roots are best for action scenes. They allow more movement, hit the gut harder, and generally pack more punch.
Tip 9: Watch out for adverbs and adjectives. They can bog down writing, and, chances are, if you pick a more powerful verb or noun, you can cut out most of your adjectives and adverbs.
Tip 10: “Said” really can be the best dialogue tag sometimes. Readers naturally flow over the word “said” when they read in a way that can help them focus on the dialogue. While a different dialogue tag placed well can add to the feeling of a character’s statement, a clumsy dialogue tag where a big word is used incorrectly or in a way that seems like just an excuse to throw in a polysyllabic word can be a big distraction. This is still a lesson I am struggling to learn, but sometimes even I notice this in other people’s work (and my own, in hindsight), so I thought I would point it out.
Tip 11: To the best of your abilities, use proper spelling and grammar unless there is an artistic reason for not doing so. Spelling and grammar are kind of like housework. Nobody notices spelling and grammar done right, but they see all the mistakes in it if done wrong. Mistakes in spelling and grammar can distract even a sympathetic reader. The reader may not know exactly what rule you broke, but he or she can still sense the mistake and feel uneasy about it.
Tip 12: Use sensory details, which bring a scene clearly to the reader’s mind. Since most of us rely upon sight, visual details are the most common in writing, but psychologists have suggested that the most evocative sense is smell, so working in a bit of olfactory details would certainly not be amiss, either.
Tip 13: Use the active voice, which puts the subject of the sentence before the verb and the object being acted upon, in contrast to passive voice, which reverses the order. Practically speaking, if you eliminate your “to be” verbs, you’ll be using passive voice less often, but this is still an important rule to remember. Active voice is stronger and moves the story along, while passive voice sounds like someone is trying to hide something or avoid responsibility, which is why it occurs often in government documents. As a rule of them, unless you aspire to write like a government document, use the active voice.
Tip 14: Use humor when you can. Not everyone cracks jokes all day long, but a touch of levity keeps readers interested and increases their enjoyment.
Tip 15: Build to the end. In English, we expect the most important item to appear at the end of a list, so when you write a list, put the most powerful or unusual item last. When you write a chapter, have your strongest paragraph at the end. Let the last word in a story or poem linger in the reader’s mind. Labor over it.
Tip 16: Choose a good (or at least not bad) title. A good title is catchy and says, “Read me.” Depending on your topic, you might want to steer clear of a cute or witty title in favor of one that offers a definite promise of the contents of your work. Writers often discover the title of a piece as they write when a phrase in the book comes to represent for them the whole work.
Tip 1: Brainstorm words and images related to your topic before you write. Don’t stop to evaluate their worth. Just keep scribbling down the ideas. The best idea might come to you at the end of a brainstorming session, after you’ve pushed all the less valuable ones out of your mind to make room for the good idea.
Tip 2: Try writing with music in the background to set the tone. When I’m writing a lot of description, I tend to like classical music. If I’m writing a tragic scene, I prefer country. That sort of thing.
Tip 3: Give yourself permission to be emotional. If your writing doesn’t move you, it is very hard for it to touch anyone else. Before your writing can reach others, it must impact you first.
Tip 4 (related to Tip 3): Write about what you know and care about. What areas are you constantly motivated to learn more about? What are your passions? Write about those things. If you write about what interests you, you have a better chance of not only keeping yourself motivated to continue with your writing but also generating reader interest in your writing. Also, when you write about what you know, you write with a certain authority, and people will take you seriously because you seem to have authority.
Tip 5(related to Tip 4): Research the topic or topics you’ll be writing about, even if you think you already know everything there is to know about it. If there are differences of opinion in the area that you are writing in, acknowledge the other side. Your statements will have more power if readers feel like you have addressed both sides of a complicated issue. Remember that if you write something, at least some of your readers will take you seriously, so you owe them some accuracy. Even if you are writing fantasy (which I love to write), make sure you research any real cultures you base fantasy societies around and that sort of thing.
Tip 6: Use strong verbs. To be words (am, are, is, was, were) are normally pretty weak ones, so eliminate them from your writing whenever possible.
Tip 7 (related to Tip 6): Use strong nouns. English has so many words for almost everything. For instance, a male parent can be called father, dad, daddy, papa, pops, old man, pa, and sire among many other titles and nicknames. Pick the noun that best fits the tone of the sentence that you want to create. A thesaurus can be a great tool in this process, but remember don’t use a word if you don’t know what it means, and don’t pick a big word just because it is long. Pick the word that most accurately reflects what you are trying to say and how you are trying to say it, even if that word seems too common.
Tip 8: Short words normally with Germanic rather than Latinate roots are best for action scenes. They allow more movement, hit the gut harder, and generally pack more punch.
Tip 9: Watch out for adverbs and adjectives. They can bog down writing, and, chances are, if you pick a more powerful verb or noun, you can cut out most of your adjectives and adverbs.
Tip 10: “Said” really can be the best dialogue tag sometimes. Readers naturally flow over the word “said” when they read in a way that can help them focus on the dialogue. While a different dialogue tag placed well can add to the feeling of a character’s statement, a clumsy dialogue tag where a big word is used incorrectly or in a way that seems like just an excuse to throw in a polysyllabic word can be a big distraction. This is still a lesson I am struggling to learn, but sometimes even I notice this in other people’s work (and my own, in hindsight), so I thought I would point it out.
Tip 11: To the best of your abilities, use proper spelling and grammar unless there is an artistic reason for not doing so. Spelling and grammar are kind of like housework. Nobody notices spelling and grammar done right, but they see all the mistakes in it if done wrong. Mistakes in spelling and grammar can distract even a sympathetic reader. The reader may not know exactly what rule you broke, but he or she can still sense the mistake and feel uneasy about it.
Tip 12: Use sensory details, which bring a scene clearly to the reader’s mind. Since most of us rely upon sight, visual details are the most common in writing, but psychologists have suggested that the most evocative sense is smell, so working in a bit of olfactory details would certainly not be amiss, either.
Tip 13: Use the active voice, which puts the subject of the sentence before the verb and the object being acted upon, in contrast to passive voice, which reverses the order. Practically speaking, if you eliminate your “to be” verbs, you’ll be using passive voice less often, but this is still an important rule to remember. Active voice is stronger and moves the story along, while passive voice sounds like someone is trying to hide something or avoid responsibility, which is why it occurs often in government documents. As a rule of them, unless you aspire to write like a government document, use the active voice.
Tip 14: Use humor when you can. Not everyone cracks jokes all day long, but a touch of levity keeps readers interested and increases their enjoyment.
Tip 15: Build to the end. In English, we expect the most important item to appear at the end of a list, so when you write a list, put the most powerful or unusual item last. When you write a chapter, have your strongest paragraph at the end. Let the last word in a story or poem linger in the reader’s mind. Labor over it.
Tip 16: Choose a good (or at least not bad) title. A good title is catchy and says, “Read me.” Depending on your topic, you might want to steer clear of a cute or witty title in favor of one that offers a definite promise of the contents of your work. Writers often discover the title of a piece as they write when a phrase in the book comes to represent for them the whole work.
SunshineRose
Member
I'm glad that you found it helpful. Typing it up made me think about creative writing, which is one of my interests, and about how I can try to remember those tips whenever I write. If I take the time to write up the rules, that helps me remember them better, or so I hope...
Copperfox
Well-known member
A young member has asked me a question about a fan-fiction piece in the works. In simple terms, the question is: when assigning a mortal to undertake a quest, should Aslan OPENLY SAY what is the purpose?
I remind the fan-fiction author that, in The Silver Chair, Aslan certainly did NOT tell Jill and Eustace ahead of time what their mission was supposed to accomplish; all He did was give them signs to look for. Provided that they DID what Aslan told them to do, they WOULD learn what it was about. This was a little bit like a Navy captain putting to sea with sealed orders, having been told by his admiral not to READ the orders until he was in international waters. And, importantly, the way Mr. Lewis wrote this novel, it meant that the READER did not learn the goal of the mission until Jill and Eustace learned it.
Similarly, in The Horse and His Boy, Shasta alias Cor did not find out until near the end of the book who his real parents were.... AND THE READER ALSO did not find out until near the end. A novelist always faces the question of how soon to let the reader know things. Although sometimes it's better to let the reader know things BEFORE the characters know, there is an advantage in limiting the reader's knowledge. If the reader can ONLY learn story-facts when a CHARACTER learns them, the reader enjoys a better sense of getting "inside" the character's feelings.
As for the new fan fiction in question: based on the VERY limited information I have about the plot, my gut feeling is that Aslan should give only partial guidance to the mortal character. Something like, "Sleep under the lightning-split maple tree half a mile north of the edge of Lantern Waste; then when you wake up, go to the first living creature you will see, and say that Aslan has told you to search for such-and-such."
I remind the fan-fiction author that, in The Silver Chair, Aslan certainly did NOT tell Jill and Eustace ahead of time what their mission was supposed to accomplish; all He did was give them signs to look for. Provided that they DID what Aslan told them to do, they WOULD learn what it was about. This was a little bit like a Navy captain putting to sea with sealed orders, having been told by his admiral not to READ the orders until he was in international waters. And, importantly, the way Mr. Lewis wrote this novel, it meant that the READER did not learn the goal of the mission until Jill and Eustace learned it.
Similarly, in The Horse and His Boy, Shasta alias Cor did not find out until near the end of the book who his real parents were.... AND THE READER ALSO did not find out until near the end. A novelist always faces the question of how soon to let the reader know things. Although sometimes it's better to let the reader know things BEFORE the characters know, there is an advantage in limiting the reader's knowledge. If the reader can ONLY learn story-facts when a CHARACTER learns them, the reader enjoys a better sense of getting "inside" the character's feelings.
As for the new fan fiction in question: based on the VERY limited information I have about the plot, my gut feeling is that Aslan should give only partial guidance to the mortal character. Something like, "Sleep under the lightning-split maple tree half a mile north of the edge of Lantern Waste; then when you wake up, go to the first living creature you will see, and say that Aslan has told you to search for such-and-such."
Copperfox
Well-known member
Our young friend Ahyperdude has remarked:
I so wish I could write a sonnet. I need to try!
To him I would say: If you _already_ have an idea for a sonnet attempt, don't wait for my advice before you go ahead and make the attempt.... since we learn by doing. (And you can put it on my thread if you want to.) At the _same_ time, however, "learning by doing" works a _whole_ lot better if we _also_ allow ourselves to benefit by the experience of our elders. Therefore, whether or not you make an immediate attempt at a sonnet, I urge you to read my instructions too, be it at the start or later.
The writing of poetry is not as mysterious and magical as many people think it is. A dry, cold mastery of LANGUAGE ITSELF makes a huge difference for your success. To write poems of an "organized" sort like sonnets, you need to build a mental database of two things: rhyming sounds, of course, and also the _rhythm_ produced by the stressed and unstressed _syllables_ of words.
Speak the following two sentences out loud:
Advance upon the road, because we all require a chance to ride away.
Over all the mountains are the clouds which bring the weather.
You will notice that in the first sentence, every word of more than one syllable has the stress on the _second_ syllable, while the opposite is true of the second sentence. When you add in my choices of one-syllable words, the first sentence fits a poetic meter with a "da-DA da-DA da-DA" rhythm, while the second sentence produces a "DA-da DA-da DA-da" rhythm. Unless a poem you write is a rambling "free verse" composition with no concern for meter, you need to be paying attention to the rhythm of the words you select.
The so-called "iambic pentameter" style which is used in sonnets means that every line has five stressed (or "accented") syllables, with an unstressed syllable _before_ every stressed one. Teachers will "chart" the rhythm like this:
Here is a conversational sentence in iambic pentameter:
I won't be coming home till after lunch.
That is what sonnets are made of. Note also that _every_ sonnet has fourteen lines, not twelve or sixteen, exactly fourteen. The last two lines of any sonnet will rhyme with each other, while the three four-line groups usually have a more complicated rhyme scheme -- either "A, B, A, B" or "A, B, B, A."
Which brings us back to rhyme. That does not need as much explaining as meter. But I urge you to _avoid_ over-used, predictable rhymes, like "above" with "love." Sometimes you can't help using an ordinary rhyme; but a poem will be more memorable if there are _surprising_ rhymes in it -- like, say, "astute" with "dispute." If you were actually using that line ending in "lunch," you might have to settle for a NEAR-rhyme for "lunch," like "such" or "crutch."
I so wish I could write a sonnet. I need to try!
To him I would say: If you _already_ have an idea for a sonnet attempt, don't wait for my advice before you go ahead and make the attempt.... since we learn by doing. (And you can put it on my thread if you want to.) At the _same_ time, however, "learning by doing" works a _whole_ lot better if we _also_ allow ourselves to benefit by the experience of our elders.
Therefore, whether or not you make an immediate attempt at a sonnet, I urge you to read my instructions too, be it at the start or later.The writing of poetry is not as mysterious and magical as many people think it is. A dry, cold mastery of LANGUAGE ITSELF makes a huge difference for your success. To write poems of an "organized" sort like sonnets, you need to build a mental database of two things: rhyming sounds, of course, and also the _rhythm_ produced by the stressed and unstressed _syllables_ of words.
Speak the following two sentences out loud:
Advance upon the road, because we all require a chance to ride away.
Over all the mountains are the clouds which bring the weather.
You will notice that in the first sentence, every word of more than one syllable has the stress on the _second_ syllable, while the opposite is true of the second sentence. When you add in my choices of one-syllable words, the first sentence fits a poetic meter with a "da-DA da-DA da-DA" rhythm, while the second sentence produces a "DA-da DA-da DA-da" rhythm. Unless a poem you write is a rambling "free verse" composition with no concern for meter, you need to be paying attention to the rhythm of the words you select.
The so-called "iambic pentameter" style which is used in sonnets means that every line has five stressed (or "accented") syllables, with an unstressed syllable _before_ every stressed one. Teachers will "chart" the rhythm like this:
_ / _ / _ / _ / _ /
Here is a conversational sentence in iambic pentameter:
I won't be coming home till after lunch.
That is what sonnets are made of. Note also that _every_ sonnet has fourteen lines, not twelve or sixteen, exactly fourteen. The last two lines of any sonnet will rhyme with each other, while the three four-line groups usually have a more complicated rhyme scheme -- either "A, B, A, B" or "A, B, B, A."
Which brings us back to rhyme. That does not need as much explaining as meter. But I urge you to _avoid_ over-used, predictable rhymes, like "above" with "love." Sometimes you can't help using an ordinary rhyme; but a poem will be more memorable if there are _surprising_ rhymes in it -- like, say, "astute" with "dispute." If you were actually using that line ending in "lunch," you might have to settle for a NEAR-rhyme for "lunch," like "such" or "crutch."
Copperfox
Well-known member
If you write a story which is original enough that you can honestly claim ownership of it, yet which does have some kind of prior source, it is well to explain to the readers just what the prior source is. As I develop my "commercial version" of the Alipang Havens saga, I have composed a Foreword for this very purpose. Here, then, is what I will say to new readers who never met good old Alipang here on TDL:
By the year 2008, I had weathered losing not one but two wives to death: my Mary was taken in 2004 by cancer, and then after a too-short second marriage my Janalee was taken by a heart attack. As I emerged from the more sudden second bereavement, part of the friendship-comfort I obtained was on the internet, especially on a family-friendly forum called The Dancing Lawn. Many of my online friends were (and still are) much younger than myself; but I never pretended to be a college kid, I always was (and still am) open about being a grandfather. Both of my wives always had this in common with me, that we easily formed friendships across generational boundaries.
The Dancing Lawn in 2008 featured plenty of text-based roleplaying. In one game, enacting the King Arthur legend, I was a natural to play wise old Merlin. (Like fantasy author Stephen Lawhead, I labored at figuring ways to make Merlin compatible with a Christian world-view.) But a very different roleplay was to draw me in, almost by ambush; and that roleplay was destined to result in the creation of this novel.
A smart, imaginative Christian teenage girl, with the forum name of Nightcrawler Fan, conceived the initial idea. She called it “Homeschoolers in Highschool.” As the title suggests, her premise was that in the American here-and-now, several homeschooling families were compelled by circumstance to let their sons and daughters enter the public school system for high school. I was intrigued by this, as my Mary had homeschooled our own daughter for three years; and since the new roleplay needed a large cast of characters, I joined it, portraying not only my “main” character but a cluster of supporting characters. For instance, I controlled the principal, the vice-principal and several teachers at the imaginary high school of our scenario. I also made up the name of the town where most of the action took place, along with naming some of the streets and imagining local businesses. I emphasize these things by way of explaining why, although the story before you owes its existence to the seed of an idea that someone else had, I can consider the novel to be really my own creation.
My main character, the Filipino-born and American-adopted Alipang Havens, allowed me to be what I was never allowed to be in my real-world adolescence: a no-nonsense tough guy (though not at all a bully) whom other students respected for his strength and fortitude. The character who most reflected my true self was Alipang’s adoptive father Eric Havens; and the personality of adoptive mother Cecilia Havens was designed as a tribute to my Mary (whose middle name was Cecilia).
The main character for Nightcrawler Fan was a girl named Summer Heron, who was a non-romantic pal to Alipang. Another girl, called Gentle Voice, made up a character called Chilena; at first she imagined Chilena as a friend or cousin to Alipang, but then decided she wanted to play as a sister to me, and I agreed. As you will see, Gentle Voice wanting to be my sister was to have a profound effect on the plot of my novel. Other forum members participating in the roleplay included the young men “Driad54” and “Josh the Jester” as male school friends of Alipang, named Brendan and Grant respectively; a girl called Nightfire who played male and female characters, Dan and Jennifer, who dated Chilena and Brendan respectively; and “Dayhawk68,” who had been Morgan le Fey in the King Arthur game, but who for “Homeschoolers” played a character very similar to her actual self, a sharp-witted senior girl named Kimberly Tisdale. There were others besides, giving us a large population at “Smoky Lake East.”
By the year 2008, I had weathered losing not one but two wives to death: my Mary was taken in 2004 by cancer, and then after a too-short second marriage my Janalee was taken by a heart attack. As I emerged from the more sudden second bereavement, part of the friendship-comfort I obtained was on the internet, especially on a family-friendly forum called The Dancing Lawn. Many of my online friends were (and still are) much younger than myself; but I never pretended to be a college kid, I always was (and still am) open about being a grandfather. Both of my wives always had this in common with me, that we easily formed friendships across generational boundaries.
The Dancing Lawn in 2008 featured plenty of text-based roleplaying. In one game, enacting the King Arthur legend, I was a natural to play wise old Merlin. (Like fantasy author Stephen Lawhead, I labored at figuring ways to make Merlin compatible with a Christian world-view.) But a very different roleplay was to draw me in, almost by ambush; and that roleplay was destined to result in the creation of this novel.
A smart, imaginative Christian teenage girl, with the forum name of Nightcrawler Fan, conceived the initial idea. She called it “Homeschoolers in Highschool.” As the title suggests, her premise was that in the American here-and-now, several homeschooling families were compelled by circumstance to let their sons and daughters enter the public school system for high school. I was intrigued by this, as my Mary had homeschooled our own daughter for three years; and since the new roleplay needed a large cast of characters, I joined it, portraying not only my “main” character but a cluster of supporting characters. For instance, I controlled the principal, the vice-principal and several teachers at the imaginary high school of our scenario. I also made up the name of the town where most of the action took place, along with naming some of the streets and imagining local businesses. I emphasize these things by way of explaining why, although the story before you owes its existence to the seed of an idea that someone else had, I can consider the novel to be really my own creation.
My main character, the Filipino-born and American-adopted Alipang Havens, allowed me to be what I was never allowed to be in my real-world adolescence: a no-nonsense tough guy (though not at all a bully) whom other students respected for his strength and fortitude. The character who most reflected my true self was Alipang’s adoptive father Eric Havens; and the personality of adoptive mother Cecilia Havens was designed as a tribute to my Mary (whose middle name was Cecilia).
The main character for Nightcrawler Fan was a girl named Summer Heron, who was a non-romantic pal to Alipang. Another girl, called Gentle Voice, made up a character called Chilena; at first she imagined Chilena as a friend or cousin to Alipang, but then decided she wanted to play as a sister to me, and I agreed. As you will see, Gentle Voice wanting to be my sister was to have a profound effect on the plot of my novel. Other forum members participating in the roleplay included the young men “Driad54” and “Josh the Jester” as male school friends of Alipang, named Brendan and Grant respectively; a girl called Nightfire who played male and female characters, Dan and Jennifer, who dated Chilena and Brendan respectively; and “Dayhawk68,” who had been Morgan le Fey in the King Arthur game, but who for “Homeschoolers” played a character very similar to her actual self, a sharp-witted senior girl named Kimberly Tisdale. There were others besides, giving us a large population at “Smoky Lake East.”
Copperfox
Well-known member
Continuing the Foreword:
Having cast myself as a teenager in a roleplay with actual teenagers, I was keenly aware of the loathsome phenomenon of older men who use internet contacts to stalk teens and college-agers. Because of this, I tried to avoid my protagonist Alipang ever getting hot and heavy with any girl characters, lest I seem to be trolling for a chance to get at the real-life girls who were playing those characters. Yet Alipang had to have normal human feelings; and I frankly didn’t want his apparent “celibacy” to be caused by his being inherently a boring dweeb whom no girl could ever desire. I had had more than enough, in my own adolescence, of NOT being found attractive by girls. Thus my dilemma: the Filipino-American hero must clearly be worthy of love by nature, yet somehow not be “getting any.”
My solution was to give Alipang an unattainable crush, so that his fixation on her would prevent him from pursuing other girls whom he would have had a chance of winning over. Since Alipang was imagined entering high school as a sophomore, while Dayhawk68’s character was a senior, there was my opportunity. The motion was made, seconded and passed, that Alipang Havens would be desperately infatuated with Kim Tisdale, a beautiful girl who was (gasp!) TWO WHOLE YEARS OLDER than he was. That much age difference, in the older-female direction, can be a gulf of cosmic proportions for teens. Now I was all set: Alipang would be a dashing romantic at heart, an Asian-American Cyrano de Bergerac, without any flesh-and-blood girl on the forum being asked to imagine herself in an accomplished romance with a man older than her parents.
“Homeschoolers in Highschool” was a lively multi-author story, but sadly short-lived. As it happened, The Dancing Lawn cancelled most roleplaying because, given its family-friendly format, it simply could not abide the absurd preponderance of kids wanting everything to be about sexy vampires. (I myself grew tired of the overdone sexy-vampire fad, and as a protest I created a superhero character called The Grey Eagle, who had the power and the mission to destroy sexy vampires….but that’s another story.) At the time when “Homeschoolers in Highschool” was shut down, we had only acted out something like three weeks as the characters experienced time. These three weeks were supposed to be at the start of the 2008-2009 school year. Enough story-action had occurred that I could see great potential for more; indeed, rather to my surprise, Dayhawk68 remarked (speaking strictly about the fictional characters, you understand) that she could imagine herself loving a boy like Alipang Havens despite that age gap.
Therefore, with the roleplay banished to archives, I reached a decision: I would write a novel based on it! Which brings me to the second reason why I can claim the novel as my own. As I say, only about three weeks were ever covered as roleplay; but by the time I was finished, I had expanded in time before and after those three weeks, depicting a span of eleven years. And that’s not counting the new prologue and epilogue in this “extended edition,” which make the timespan still greater.
The original text of The First Love of Alipang Havens has been available to read for free on The Dancing Lawn since 2009. But this enlarged “commercial” version, without contradicting what went before, offers enough added characters and added scenes to be, so I hope, worth buying nonetheless. Someone remarked to me that Alipang’s parents deserved to be onstage more; accordingly, much of the new material here is about them, particularly the background of how they became adoptive parents.
If you’re like me, you’ve had enough of movies and television programs which give all the WRONG answers to the question of how romantic love should be pursued. When you meet Alipang Havens, you will be meeting a young man who wants to do it right. May you enjoy getting to know him.
Having cast myself as a teenager in a roleplay with actual teenagers, I was keenly aware of the loathsome phenomenon of older men who use internet contacts to stalk teens and college-agers. Because of this, I tried to avoid my protagonist Alipang ever getting hot and heavy with any girl characters, lest I seem to be trolling for a chance to get at the real-life girls who were playing those characters. Yet Alipang had to have normal human feelings; and I frankly didn’t want his apparent “celibacy” to be caused by his being inherently a boring dweeb whom no girl could ever desire. I had had more than enough, in my own adolescence, of NOT being found attractive by girls. Thus my dilemma: the Filipino-American hero must clearly be worthy of love by nature, yet somehow not be “getting any.”
My solution was to give Alipang an unattainable crush, so that his fixation on her would prevent him from pursuing other girls whom he would have had a chance of winning over. Since Alipang was imagined entering high school as a sophomore, while Dayhawk68’s character was a senior, there was my opportunity. The motion was made, seconded and passed, that Alipang Havens would be desperately infatuated with Kim Tisdale, a beautiful girl who was (gasp!) TWO WHOLE YEARS OLDER than he was. That much age difference, in the older-female direction, can be a gulf of cosmic proportions for teens. Now I was all set: Alipang would be a dashing romantic at heart, an Asian-American Cyrano de Bergerac, without any flesh-and-blood girl on the forum being asked to imagine herself in an accomplished romance with a man older than her parents.
“Homeschoolers in Highschool” was a lively multi-author story, but sadly short-lived. As it happened, The Dancing Lawn cancelled most roleplaying because, given its family-friendly format, it simply could not abide the absurd preponderance of kids wanting everything to be about sexy vampires. (I myself grew tired of the overdone sexy-vampire fad, and as a protest I created a superhero character called The Grey Eagle, who had the power and the mission to destroy sexy vampires….but that’s another story.) At the time when “Homeschoolers in Highschool” was shut down, we had only acted out something like three weeks as the characters experienced time. These three weeks were supposed to be at the start of the 2008-2009 school year. Enough story-action had occurred that I could see great potential for more; indeed, rather to my surprise, Dayhawk68 remarked (speaking strictly about the fictional characters, you understand) that she could imagine herself loving a boy like Alipang Havens despite that age gap.
Therefore, with the roleplay banished to archives, I reached a decision: I would write a novel based on it! Which brings me to the second reason why I can claim the novel as my own. As I say, only about three weeks were ever covered as roleplay; but by the time I was finished, I had expanded in time before and after those three weeks, depicting a span of eleven years. And that’s not counting the new prologue and epilogue in this “extended edition,” which make the timespan still greater.
The original text of The First Love of Alipang Havens has been available to read for free on The Dancing Lawn since 2009. But this enlarged “commercial” version, without contradicting what went before, offers enough added characters and added scenes to be, so I hope, worth buying nonetheless. Someone remarked to me that Alipang’s parents deserved to be onstage more; accordingly, much of the new material here is about them, particularly the background of how they became adoptive parents.
If you’re like me, you’ve had enough of movies and television programs which give all the WRONG answers to the question of how romantic love should be pursued. When you meet Alipang Havens, you will be meeting a young man who wants to do it right. May you enjoy getting to know him.
mohammad hosein
New member
it is a very good topic but I have problem with grammar and some times with word which I don't know!
for the second problem of mine I can use Google translate but what can I do for the first one?
for the second problem of mine I can use Google translate but what can I do for the first one?