I's gonna go with Ry's first cause it's done.
White Flag
Ryan’s group mate Damian had summed it up pretty well. Breaking up is hard to do. It had been, it definitely had been. And looking back on it, it would remain an unhappy thought and memory for a good while yet.
He wasn’t entirely sure who officially ended the 2 year and 4 month relationship, or when, or why. There had been fights, of course. Ones they’d made up and resolved, ones they had not. But every couple fought, it just, well, it just happened. He had been able to look past the arguments they had, but eventually, it appeared Shannon had had enough.
She was warm, relaxed, loving, worrying, stubborn, and occasionally moody. At the same time she was always shy and hated to be in the spotlight. She had a complex with Ryan having a fair amount of female fans. She never got violently jealous, and rarely even spoke of it, but he knew she’d never liked it.
This was how many of their arguments began.
“It wouldn’t change anything if you told them about me.” She’d sigh if he brought up possibly making his relationship status public. As, as far as the fans knew, he was single. “They’d still ogle over you.” She tried to give a teasing smile.
He laughed. Knowing the fans he and the other members of Celtic Thunder had, it was pretty true. Still. “Okay it wouldn’t exactly tame any of them. But I think they ought to know about you... they’d like you.”
“I’m not looking for their approval of me Ryan.” She say softly, not angry, at least not verbally so. He could always tell when she wasn’t happy inside. “They would talk about me?”
“I can hardly see them saying anything bad.”
“But they’d still talk about me! Ryan, I’m not- I don’t want girls I never have even heard of, an ocean away, discussing our relationship!”
He shook his head, though she had a point, “Well, then there isn’t much to do. Nothing I say helps the jealousy and you won’t take the suge-“
“I’m not jealous!” She snapped, blushing.
“Shannon…” He raised his eyebrows.
She shook her head, “I’m not. I’m just-“ She trailed off.
“Jealous.”
The argument came so often it was nearly rehearsed. It could go on for almost half an hour, simple contradictions of Shannon’s internal jealousy, and it normally ended with them both in laughter, having come to grips with the silliness of it all.
But Shannon didn’t contradict this time, “Well, how can I help it? How can I, when you are more concerned about how the fans like me than anything? How can I not feel a little less important, then, Ryan?”
Ryan blinked at that. He’d not planned for the response, so he had no idea how he was to respond to that. How could she even think that? How could she ever think she was anything less than his whole world? He loved her and knew he always would – but he had no idea what to say.
She’d taken his silence in the worst way, and shook her head in irritated exasperation, “I need to get ready for work.” She mumbled.
“I love you.” He said automatically.
A little humorless laugh for that, and a sarcastic, “Mmmm-hmmm.” Was his only reply.
“Shan-non” He said meaningfully.
She turned back to him and sighed, smiling only the tiniest bit, “I love you too, Ry Ry. I’ll call after work.”
The phone conversation ended up less pleasant, as did a couple conversations after, as the earlier conversation wasn’t forgotten. He still loved her though, and even when she was furious he knew she loved him too.
But it got to the point where the stress on the two of them was too great, and with no real idea how it’d happened the relationship ended. Right before the beginning of his fall tour with the group.
That was about 8 months ago. 8 months without Shannon in his life any longer.
Paul was sitting with him in a pub one uneventful evening as these thoughts swirled in his head… again. Generally, the group didn’t hang out much when they weren’t touring. But Paul was often a comfort, or at least a distraction.
“This is getting pathetic.” His friend remarked, looking decidedly at the football match on the TV.
Ryan smirked, glancing at the score, which was, in fact, rather depressing. “Not their season I guess.”
“You know I’m not talking about the game, Ryan.”
He didn’t let that get to him, and ignored the implication, “Not sure what you’re referencing, then.”
Paul chuckled a bit, “Okay I guess pathetic is pretty harsh, I mean, you are still… you, I suppose. When ya first told me I thought you were going to lock yourself away and never talk again. You’re plenty good at recovering… but today… Ryan, you’re acting as bad as when you first told us. What’s up?”
There’s a pause and he takes a sip of his drink, still looking at the match, “Today would have been our 3 year anniversary.”
“Oh.”
He laughed a little at that reply, so rare for Paul of all people to be made speechless, “So… yeah.” He took another sip. He had been hoping not to get on this topic verbally, though it was all that was in his mind.
Paul didn’t take the hint, “Do you still talk to her?”
“What do you think?”
A pause, “You should.”
More laughter, “And what would I say? I think we’d both made it pretty clear in our final words that we wanted nothing to do with each other anymore.”
“And I’m pretty sure neither of you meant that.” He replied dryly.
“Oh I didn’t! But she- she was so mad. I’m not going to force myself back in her life if she doesn’t want me there.”
He rolled his eyes, catching the longing in his voice as he trailed off, “You want to know how she is though.”
“Of course I do.” He sighed, “But she doesn’t need to know that. I wish I could just see her… without her knowing, just so I knew she was alright.” God, he sounded ridiculous. He’d heard of girls getting so depressed and moody and foolish sounding when hurt and lonely, and that didn’t make him feel any better.
“And that’s how stalkers are made.”
The words made a smile crack his face, and he gave Paul a punch in the shoulder, “It was just a thought, I’m not going to!”
“So you say. I can all to easily see this.” He laughed.
“Oh, that’s terribly comforting, thank you.”
“It’s what I’m here for.”
Ryan openly grinned now, “Right, right, and you’re doing fantastic. Can we watch the game now?”
Paul shook his head in laughter, “Right, okay. But if you start moping on me again, I’ll- I’ll- I’ll tell you about my own misadventures in love. There aren’t too many stories, but one or two are pretty spectacular. You’ll be feeling better in no time.”
“God no! I’ll pass on that one.” He said, “But thank you, really.”
“Hey, it’s nothing. Just hate seeing you like this you know.” He grinned and they turned their attention back to the match. And Ryan took his mind off her, for the time.