What if LWW had been written by someone else?

Gilligan's request

Why don't you finish it? You know you want to! ;)

[/QUOTE=EveningStar;2089383]Here is a slight departure. What if VODT was written by Sherwood Schwartz?

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from Cair Paravel
Aboard this tiny ship...

Sing it...you know you want to... :D[/QUOTE]
 
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If Mickey Spillane or a similar noir-detective author did it:

(Edmund narrating): Since I'd gotten my P.I. license, I'd seen a lot of cool dames, and a lot of cold ones. Not every poor sap knows the difference. The cool woman makes a man her violin, and her own coolness is the bow; she plays him for all the music he's good for, and he loves being used. But the cold woman wants to give him false hopes, then break all his strings. She won't let a spark of warmth ever touch her, and the men she uses are her frozen dinners.

When I saw this Jadis dame, I knew she was an Olympic medallist for coldness. The kind of broad so icy, that if she ever did want to get warmer, a bath in liquid oxygen would be moving in the warm direction. But oh, was she classy to look at... almost as beautiful as that box of Turkish Delight she offered me. I knew I shouldn't have skipped the last two meetings of Candy Freaks Anonymous; now I was in trouble.
 
Copperfox said:
If Mickey Spillane or a similar noir-detective author did it:

(Edmund narrating): Since I'd gotten my P.I. license, I'd seen a lot of cool dames, and a lot of cold ones. Not every poor sap knows the difference. The cool woman makes a man her violin, and her own coolness is the bow; she plays him for all the music he's good for, and he loves being used. But the cold woman wants to give him false hopes, then break all his strings. She won't let a spark of warmth ever touch her, and the men she uses are her frozen dinners.

When I saw this Jadis dame, I knew she was an Olympic medallist for coldness. The kind of broad so icy, that if she ever did want to get warmer, a bath in liquid oxygen would be moving in the warm direction. But oh, was she classy to look at... almost as beautiful as that box of Turkish Delight she offered me. I knew I shouldn't have skipped the last two meetings of Candy Freaks Anonymous; now I was in trouble.
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That was great! I read it out loud to my mom and sister, and they all laughed too. :D
 
Some author, I can't remember the name, actually did write a series of novels with a "hard-luck private eye" solving mysteries IN a fantasy world. The only clue I can offer now is that books in the series had titles that mentioned metals; one was called something like "Cold Copper Hearts."
 
These sound most intriguing. I don't suppose you can remember the author?

Soldier of Aslan said:
BAWHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
XD
I'd love a complete story written like that ;)
Wonder what Jadis would wear to the office....
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Me too! It was superb! If she was actually in an ordinary office, I rather think Jadis would wear one of those suits that make some women look really severe and scary.
 
Lemony Snicket, of course!

One should always be careful of a wardrobe, especially one filled with articles made from the skins of dead things. And just suppose that you shoved your way through the remains of a hundred or so slain minks, you encountered bitter cold, and still you kept going. And then a fellow with horns and a tail says, "Trust me, I'm your pal" and you go to his house alone to eat what he serves you, you could expect no good to come of it. Which is precisely what happened in the mysterious case of Lucy Pevensie. I warn you it only gets more dismal from here, but since you bought this book, you seem to be the sort oddly fascinated by lurid tales of disaster. And thus we proceed....
 
Reading your latest cunning contribution brought a thought to my mind: Count Olaf in "Unfortunate Events" is a bit like Uncle Andrew in "Magician's Nephew."
 
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