Write a Note to the Person Above You III

Dear GG,

I don't own whales in this thread. I suggest that you seek out my whales in the World War IV thread. Or they can seek you out. Whichever.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Miss Freckles,
I remember all the fun times on these boards! I wanted to say hello again and hope you're doing well!

PS. - I forgot how to post on here, and it took me several minutes to figure out the quick reply again. o_O
 
Hello dear!

I've missed you. I'm glad you figured out how to post.

And I personally never use the quick post and I don't know why..

GG
 
Dear Glen,

More than I suspected, apparently, if they're two different people...? Did she overeat so badly that she just split into two?

Sincerely,
Freckles
 
Dear Freckles,

Huh? What are you talking about? The above message is clearly addressed to GG and Freckles.

Very, very sincerely,
Glen
 
***FRECKLES FARTED***FRECKLES FARTED***FRECKLES FARTED***

Dear Glen,

I have to apologize. I thought I had seen something but clearly my eyes have betrayed me. I have gouged them outand from now on when people tell me to open my mouth I have to just trust them not to feed me vegetables against my will. I live in constant fear of vegetables. I also have to rely a lot more on my cloaked assistant to type my posts for me but I have more faith in him than in the people who feed me. I love him. He's the best.

Fearfully,
Freckles
 
Dear Freckles,

Who is feeding you? And aren't you a little old for that?

Cloaky is emphatically not trustworthy. Has he ever told you his real name? Have you ever done a background check?

That's what I thought.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glen,

I don't know who fed me, but I didn't like it, especially when they made me call them "Miss" and one time when I said "Mommy" accidentally, I got bitten.

So I gouged my eyes back in and fired Cloaky, because he let it all happen: the Miss, the vegetables, the biting. If you know of anyone reliable with a cloak (scythe is an advantage), let me know. My fingers are already tired.

Sincerely,
Freckles
 
Dear Freckles,

After vetting 237 applicants and expending a great deal of effort, I have narrowed the candidates for the position down to precisely three.

1) Lucius Malfoy. Benefits: Black cloak, long and illustrious career, lots of money, great connections. Weaknesses: Not particularly loyal if your nefarious activities stop being profitable to him. Lacks a scythe.

2) The Witch-King of Angmar. Benefits: Black cloak, very very very long and stunning career, powerful connections, powerful magical abilities. Weaknesses: Expects you to be very powerful also. Wants you to raise deadly and terrifying beasts for him to ride. Lacks a scythe.

3) Humphrey the Herder. Benefits: Black cloak, scythe, one wheat field, lots of sheep. A reliable character. Weaknesses: Speaks suboptimal English, does not speak German, does not want to speak German, does not like Germany, thinks The Sorrows of Young Werther is a song Taylor Swift wrote about one of her ex-boyfriends. Does not like Taylor Swift because her grammar is mostly correct.

Your selection, please.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Glenburne said:
Dear Freckles,

After vetting 237 applicants and expending a great deal of effort, I have narrowed the candidates for the position down to precisely three.

1) Lucius Malfoy. Benefits: Black cloak, long and illustrious career, lots of money, great connections. Weaknesses: Not particularly loyal if your nefarious activities stop being profitable to him. Lacks a scythe.

2) The Witch-King of Angmar. Benefits: Black cloak, very very very long and stunning career, powerful connections, powerful magical abilities. Weaknesses: Expects you to be very powerful also. Wants you to raise deadly and terrifying beasts for him to ride. Lacks a scythe.

3) Humphrey the Herder. Benefits: Black cloak, scythe, one wheat field, lots of sheep. A reliable character. Weaknesses: Speaks suboptimal English, does not speak German, does not want to speak German, does not like Germany, thinks The Sorrows of Young Werther is a song Taylor Swift wrote about one of her ex-boyfriends. Does not like Taylor Swift because her grammar is mostly correct.

Your selection, please.

Sincerely,
Glen
Click to expand...

Dearest Glen,

Who is Humphrey the Herder? I asked Google and It doesn't know. Did you make him up? And if so, why?

Sincerely,

Mikey
 
Dear, er, 'Mikey',

I can see the intern at Google scratching his head, wondering, "Why have two people googled Humphrey the Herder today? Who is that guy?"

Sincerely,
Freckles

---

Dear Glen,

Thank you for taking the tedious research off my hands. You're a worthy vass- blue mod. If I had to choose between the three, I'd choose Lucius Malfoy, but I might just go and surprise you all. I'm much more interested in your use of the word "suboptimal". Do you really have that word? I'm so excited right now, look: :D

Sincerely,
Freckles
 
Dear Freckles,

I don't have that word, the dictionary does.

Humphrey the Herder was invented, purely for the sake of his credentials. All the other applicants had cloaks, but not scythes.

Lucius Malfoy was...not the worst choice I suppose...but I'm starting to miss Cloaky.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glen,

I dare you to write a series of YA novels about Humphrey the Herder and make thousands of teenagers (GG included) make him their avatar. Then I will, too, I promise.

Sincerely,
Freckles

PS. Cloaky used his severance pay to get a new scythe. You miss him? Really?
 
Dear Freckles,

Yes. Largely because your avatar is too positive now. Cloaky was evil on Thursdays, but your avatar is too happy all the time.

I've planned a YA trilogy on Humphrey the Herder. It will have pictures, so everyone can see the scythe. These are the three novels:

  1. Humphrey's Hollow
  2. Humphrey's Hurdles
  3. Humphrey's Haven

Never let it be said that YA books have good titles. Basically all of them are about Humphrey's Germanophobic angst. The books include true-to-life spellings that Humphrey would actually use. Humphrey would say that he has "Jermanafobic angest" if he knew what either word meant.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
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Dear Glen,

Really? Cloaky was evil on Thursdays? I hadn't noticed.

Anyway, I'm preparing to dislike your trilogy extremely. It's not your fault, but it's just too mainstream.

Sincerely,
Freckles
 
Dear Freckles,

I have a right to be mainstream if I want to be. Maybe having a mainstream mind isn't that good, but you have a downstream mind, and I bet your mother doesn't approve.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
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