Write a Note to the Person Above You III

Dear Glen,

This is just to say

I have eaten
the duffers
that were in
the insane asylum

and which
you were probably
saving
for study

Forgive me
they were delicious
so salty
and so strange

GG
 
Dear GG,

I wish someone wrote such beautiful poetry for me.

I was going to ask why there were no rhymes, but then I realized you probably ate them.

Sincerely,
Freckles

PS. This is NOT 'Corrupt a Wish'. Don't make me sad.
 
Dear Freckles,

I'm not sure I can corrupt this wish, because I have a feeling that any poetry I wrote for you would make you happy, no matter how gruesome it is.

There are limitations to what you can do for the founder of the Corrupt a Poem thread.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear GG,

I'm sure there exists a literary-philosophical standpoint according to which it is impossible to make poetry except by corrupting what is already there. Any writer's guide tells you to 'read a lot,' but they always omit the second part: '...because plagiarism is where it's at.'

Sincerely
Freckles

PS. April is the coolest month.
 
Dear GG,

According to Tolkien--yes. But apparently you can plagiarize off God all you want and the teachers won't dock your grade.

This is why the Middle Ages was a more spiritual time. People knew that everyone just plagiarized off God anyway, so they tried to be theologically consistent by plagiarizing off each other.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glen,

The Middle Ages were a more spiritual time because the spirit rose toward heaven almost as soon as the body contracted the plague.

Perhaps that's also the reason behind plagiarism. People just embodied YOLO more back then. As should you.

Sincerely,
Snotnose
 
Dear Snotnose,

I would like to point out that having a snotty nose is one of the few things that plague won't cause.

Anyway, plague wasn't that common for most of the Middle Ages. But St. Anthony's fire was. And it was named after a saint. Which makes it also plagiarism. Saints are spiritual, and plagiarism is spiritual. Thus, the Middle Ages were spiritual.

Syllogistically,
Glen
 
Dear Glenburne,

While I do appreciate your, however pointless, attempt to instill some knowledge in the hollow colander I call my brain, I wish it didn't cause me to look up Wikipedia articles about illnesses. I'm barely over the time I got up at 6am, made coffee for my roommate who was studying for her med finals, took the coffee to her, and... Let's just say that my reward was different than I expected. Especially at 6am. You want to start the day differently. Not see things that you can't unsee.

Sincerely,
Freckles
 
Dear Freckles,

Don't feel too badly--I once scared myself into losing most of a night's sleep after deciding to do a presentation on the Black Death in undergrad and then watching an unfortunately memorable documentary. I kept imagining plague victims leaning over my bed. It was obviously a lot of fun.

By the way, are you familiar with septicemic plague?

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glenburne,

As a matter of fact, I am not, but fortunately, I've got my own research assistent to look up such things for me.

...

Glen, if you would be so kind: what's septicemic plague?

Anyway, I know what "septic" means, so I will stay far, far away from any visual representation of that doubtless fascinating disease.

Sincerely,
Freckles
 
Dear Freckles,

*Ahem.*

Septicemic plague is one of the three forms of plague caused by the bacterium Yersinia pestis. Typically a plague victim starts out by catching plague in its bubonic form, but then the disease infects the blood, and septicemic plague results. Causes tiny clots in the blood, which can lead to tissue death or uncontrolled bleeding. Always fatal without treatment or if treatment is delayed for more than 24 hours. Victims sometimes die the day they catch it.

If you want more information, I can send pictures.

I feel very kind to have helped you better understand the world.

Yours truly,
Glen
 
Dear Freckled One,

Why must you torment your flatmate's cat? Its name should be Magnu et Crinitus Rex, as should be all cats' names.
This is probably horrific Latin grammar. Please, don't blame me, blame Google Translate. I did my best. It's supposed to mean "Great and Fluffy King".
Mike
 
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Dear Mike,

I got on here and was like "I can just respond to the most recent note, I don't have to read everything that just happened." And then half the note is in a foreign language.

News flash: I learned nothing from taking Latin in high school.

Je ne sais pas. J'abandonne.

GG
 
Dear GG,

Take it in perspective and you won't feel so bad. How much from high school do you, in fact, remember? (Nature walks that were counted toward high school science credits do not count. Neither do movies that were counted as arts credits.)

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glenburne,

I don't remember much from High School, but yesterday I learned that African elephants have bigger ears than Asian elephants, so I don't feel so bad about my failed education.

Sincerely,
Freckles

PS. The producers of The Jungle Book also knew it. I looked up Colonel Hathi right away.
 
Dear Freckles,

Your lack of guilty feelings is commendable. And Lutheran.

Well, except the impalings. Martin Luther might not be a fan.

I'm not a fan of elephants; couldn't you have learned something about flaming lawn mowers? My brother had one of those today. Sadly, I missed it.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glen,

I have no comment on flaming lawn mowers. But your brother seems like an enterprising young man. Does he limit his flaming blade to grass or should I be worried my impaling is going to look lame next to him?

Sincerely,
Freckles
 
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