uniquemonke

uniquemonke

New member From .......are you stalking me?
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  • gogogoff
    cool, my dad got a funny/good email from someone and I thought I might pass it on, note there is sarcasm

    Quit the Church
    In a local newspaper in Provo , Utah , there had been an ongoing series of articles written by individuals who wanted to persuade LDS Church members to leave the Church. In response to the highly critical and spirited remarks, a local member wrote this rebuttal:

    Editor:
    I have been thinking of quitting the Mormon Church. Yes, if I can, I am
    Going to get even with that church. As soon as I can find another church
    That teaches about the Gathering of the House of Israel; the return of
    The Ten Tribes and their mission; the return of the Jews to Palestine
    And why, and how they are going to build the temple; the building of
    Temples and what to do with them; the mission of Elias, the prophet,
    As predicted by Malachi; the method for the salvation of the people that
    Died at the time of Noah in the flood; the origin of the American Indian;
    The complete explanation of why Jesus of Nazareth had to have a mortal
    Mother but not a mortal father; the explanation of the three degrees of glory
    (three heavens) as mentioned by Paul; the complete explanation of why
    Elias and Moses did not die but had to be translated (since they both
    Lived before the resurrection was introduced by Christ); the restoration
    Of the gospel by modern revelation as promised by Peter and Paul and
    Jesus himself; the belief in eternal marriage and the family, and the
    Knowledge and the place to seal for eternity; that teaches abstinence
    From all harmful drugs and foods ; and that sells the best fire
    Insurance policy on earth, for the last days, for only a 10th of
    My income.
    Yes sir, as soon as I can find another church that teaches all that,
    Or even half as much, I will say good-bye to this Mormon Church. The
    Church that I am looking for must also be able to motivate 50,000+ youth,
    And adults, for the first, second or third time, to leave their homes for
    Two years at their own expense and go to far-away places to teach and
    Preach without salary. It must be able to call, on a frosty day, some 5
    Or 6 thousand professors, students, lawyers, doctors, judges,
    Policemen, businessmen, housewives and children to go and pick apples at
    6 a.m. It must be able to call meetings and get the attention for two
    Hours of more than 150,000 men. Yes, it must also teach and show why
    Salvation is assured for children who die before eight years of age.
    Mr. Editor, could you help me find a church that teaches all that and
    More than hundreds of other doctrines and principles, which I have no
    Room to mention here, and which brings solace and comfort to the soul;
    Peace, hope, and salvation to mankind, and above all, that answers the
    Key questions that all the great philosophers have asked; questions and
    Answers that explain the meaning of life, the purpose of death,
    Suffering and pain; the absolute need for a Redeemer and the marvelous
    Plan conceived and executed by Jesus Christ the Savior? Yes, as soon as
    I find another church that teaches that, and also that has the
    Organization and the powers to make that teaching effective, I am going
    To quit the Mormon Church. For I should not tolerate that "they" should
    Change a few words in the Book of Mormon-even if those changes simply
    Improve the grammar and the syntax of the verses-for, after all, don't
    You think the Divine Church should employ angels as bookmakers, and
    Clerks, to do all the chores on earth? Don't you think, Mr. Editor,
    That the Divine Church should also have prophets that don't get sick and
    Don't get old and die, and certainly, that don't make a goof here and
    There. No, sir! A Divine Church should be so divine that only perfect
    People should belong to it, and only perfect people should run it. As a
    Matter of fact, the Church should be so perfect that it should not even
    Be here on earth!
    So, I repeat, if any one of the kind readers of this imperfect letter
    Knows about another church that teaches and does as much for mankind as
    The Mormon Church, please let me know. And please do it soon, because
    My turn to go to the cannery is coming up. Also, "they" want my last
    Son (the fifth one) to go away for two years and again, I have to pay for
    All that. And I also know that they expect me to go to the farm to
    Prune trees, and I have heard that our ward is going to be divided again,
    And it is our side that must build the new chapel. And also, someone the
    other day had the gall of suggesting that my wife and I get ready to go
    on a second mission, and when you come back, they said, you can volunteer
    as a temple worker.
    Boy, these Mormons don't leave you alone for a minute. And what do I
    get for all that, I asked? "Well," they said, "for one, you can look
    forward to a funeral service at no charge!"... Do you think you can
    help me to find another church?
    Thomas D. Clark
    DestinyLies
    Not too good. Their closing the RPg's like the ELemnts and stuff. but I made a forum for the Elements I just need to make more stuff.Here's the link http;//theelements.ohmyforum.net
    S
    Hey, the fighting is about to finnally happen in the Elements!!! We'll try to get the ship over before the RPGs get closed....so we don't start the Elements 3 in an akward place.
    Josh
    THE BATTLE IS STARTING IN THE ELEMENTS!!!!!


    Btw, if we cant continue it here, we'll do it on Into Other Worlds.
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