SimonW

SimonW

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  • Copperfox
    The Biblical Daryoosh / Darius was the king-- more accurately, a viceroy acting for King Kurosh /Cyrus-- who got manipulated into introducing Daniel to the lions.
    SimonW
    SimonW
    Okay. Interesting…
    Copperfox
    Your finally resuming "Darius" brought the July 5 post to my attention. It needs multiple corrections. For instance: There was nothing special about my backyard, aside from the fenced in area lot on opposite sides so to keep out wayward tramps or thieves off. You need a hyphen for "fenced in."
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    Copperfox
    Copperfox
    After that, you don't need BOTH "out" and "off." Also, "filled with water sink" should be "water-filled sink." And it should be Darius who states that the narrator's face is pale.
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    SimonW
    SimonW
    Thank you for the corrections. I have rectified these that you have brought to my attention. As stated, have not had the pleasure of writing this story beforehand, so obviously mistakes would be there for me not to brush up on. I appreciate the help, Copperfox.
    Copperfox
    Near the end of your early-morning story-post, you say that a man's face "beheld" his sneering expression. A guy doesn't "behold" his own expression.
    SimonW
    SimonW
    Ahh, okay. Thanks for catching that. I fixed it from “beheld” to “had” for the narrative.
    Copperfox
    Good that you're back to writing. Near the end of your latest, "She gingerly covered her mouth gently" is one adverb too many. I say keep "gingerly," because that is a more memorable adverb.
    SimonW
    SimonW
    Okay, I shall fix it. Thanks for the input and remaining interested.
    Copperfox
    Narrative remains very good; but "the devil is in the details." Middle of the latest post: "There was no hasty notion in his actions....."

    Surely you meant to say, "--no hasty MOTION"?
    SimonW
    SimonW
    Thanks for the correction. I hate autocorrect sometimes, especially when it is wrong and I miss small things like that.
    Copperfox
    A detail I didn't notice before: early in Post 7 of your story, you used the word "glib" as a noun. "Glib" is an adjective. You must have intended a different word. Maybe "--the gibe"?
    SimonW
    SimonW
    Glib was used correctly, as a way of speaking but I may have gotten it mixed up with gibe as you said. I shall rectify this post haste in a fastidious manner, Copperfox. I have to say I am doing this story on the fly without typing it first on Word so I may show my autistic side whilst being rushed to put down posts quickly. Sorry for the mistakes and inconvenience on my behalf.
    Copperfox
    Copperfox
    I want to help young authors along.
    SimonW
    SimonW
    And am grateful for that. Never said your input was a hinderance or bother, just letting you know the issues of my own shortcomings. I do not want to be a person of ego to think I am perfect…nobody is. That is just a way of life unfortunately.
    Copperfox
    Near the top of your latest installment, "rest her wary joints" should be "weary joints." Near the bottom, "his breathes slightly" needs to lose the second E in "breathes" and maybe also lose the S.
    loverble
    I was looking at my profile and saw the last thing you wrote and just wanted to say I am finally a nursery practitioner! Its hard work from 8 am till 6 pm on my feet but I love it :)
    Benisse
    Hi Simon, When you have a chance, please vote for favorite quotes for our 2015 Narnian Quote Calendar.

    Note: The 18 quotes under consideration are at the bottom of the post, beneath the Tally.
    loverble
    Anything currently. I would just like to be employed. But ideally something with children.
    loverble
    Thats cool. glad to hear things are going well for you :)
    Same old same old. Looking fora a job so I can move out, that kind of stuff.
    Copperfox
    Obviously you will. Just realize that other people are likely to fall into the same confusion I did concerning your wording.
    Copperfox
    It's fine to make up new expressions; I've done so myself. You just have a unique problem because your new expression is SO CLOSE in sound to an old one, people will THINK that you just made a mistake. If I were in your place, I wold make it "guilt-marked" or "guilt-colored" or "guilt-shadowed," carrying the same idea without SOUNDING LIKE "ridden."
    Copperfox
    I have never seen anyone anywhere saying "guilt-written" before. I understand your intent now, but it still may seem to others like a mere mistake with the more familiar expression. But if you were to say "Guilt was WRITTEN ON her face," every reader would then recognize your meaning.
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