Attention-Deficit Roleplaying

And then he transformed into Van helsing. Upon this final transformation, he and Blade decided to rid the world of Edward Cullen once and for all .But since Sunlight and all other conventional means of killing Vampires don't work on Edward, the two of them decided to think outside the box ( and because there was nothing good on TV) and figured it would be fun to set Edward up on a blind date with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Meanwhile, Bella's father decided it was high time he man up and take an active part in his daughter's life so she would hopefully stop trying to find her self worth by dating monsters .
 
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Bella was then captured by an Orc and held captive for three months. During that time, she fell in love with him and they were married by Saruman in a gazebo overlooking Mt. Doom.
 
However, before they could say "I do", Bella ran off with the best-man.. Bruce the Shark from the movie Jaws. That was the last any one ever saw of either of them.
 
But the orc that was to be married with Bella chased after them, hunting down the shark. How he hated that shark for stealing his bride!
Eventually, after several months of swimming through lava and water (water being the better of the two), the orc, named Joe, found the bones of his fiancé. So enraged was he that he took out his sword, roared into the empty sky and jumped into the sea, again searching for his foe.
 
Unfortunatly for the orc, at the time, Captain Nemo was planning on surfacing his submarine and ran across him. The orc tried to kill the submarine with his sword, but Captain Nemo shot torpedoes at him and blew him up.
 
At this point, a hypothetical thirteen-year-old girl posts on the RP thread:

Stop! Sharks and orcs and submarines are SO BORING!! From now on, this roleplay is all about ME -- a beautiful thirteen-year-old princess who is riding her horse on a lonely quest which no one else understands!
 
No, this RP is about the horse that the young lady is riding!

As Tumble the horse was trotting along, he started to get irritated that his rider was shouting at the top of her lungs about the roleplay being about her. He started bucking and kicking, throwing his young rider off into a nearby pile of mud.
Free of his burden, Tumble decided to go graze for hours upon hours, where he fought off multiple enemy horses and sheep who were trying to take his grassy area.
 
Meanwhile, the 13-year-old would-be princess had just gotten herself cleaned up when she was confronted by another, almost identical 13-year-old girl, who insisted that SHE was the star of the roleplay. The two girls moved toward each other, giving every appearance of intending to have a classic hair-pulling rolling-around catfight; but it is impossible to be sure that they actually did so. For as always happens in movies when two girls begin to have a fight, a dense crowd of yelling onlookers instantly gathered around them on all sides, so that NOTHING BUT the dense crowd of yelling onlookers was visible from any angle at any time.
 
Unknown to the 13 year old would be princess, one of the on-lookers was Dr. Bruce Banner. An onlooker shoved him and he turned into the Hulk and smashed everyone, including the 13 year old would be princess who was actually not descended from a royal linage, nor was she married into a royal family .She just bought a crown at a costume shop and told every one to call her "Princess."


But Hulk let the Horse live.

"Hulk like horses," said Hulk
 
Tumble bowed to Hulk, starting to speak. Fortunately, Tumble was one of the few horses that actually knew how to speak. That had often driven his rider mad.
"Thank you, giant green man, for sparing my life." Then Tumble left to find more grass, encountering many ninjas along the way and beating them to a pulp with his amazing horse-karate.
Tumble put on his extra dark shades meant only for cool creatures, then he started eating while standing on a mountain of defeated ninjas who were now his slaves.
 
Meanwhile, Joe the Orc, had survived the torpedo. It turned out that it was just a dud. Even more enraged he continued on his quest for vengance. Unbeknownst to him, Bruce did not eat his beloved Bella. Bella had actually left Bruce becasue they got in an argument over whether Bruce was a better actor than Kristen Stewart ( he was, BTW). She stromed off in a huff, falling in love with a Citauri warrior, a Frost Gaint, and finally Gollum.

"Bella?" asked Gollum. "What's Bella, Precious, eh, what's Bella? We've had orcses, goblinses, bats and fish, but never any Bella. Is it tasy? Is it scrumptiuously crunchable?"

Bella ahd no time ( nor brains) to respond, as she was so irrevocably, imutably, impeachably, incompetantly and unconstituionally in love with Gollum that she was caught up in joy and rapture in looking at him. SO much so that she didn't even care when he ate her.
 
But the intersection of space-time paths was such that, at the time Gollum ate Bella, he still had the One Ring. Watching out for its user's health, the Ring said, "Hey, she isn't good for you!" and made Gollum vomit out Bella.
 
Bella was so angry that Gollum had attempted to eat her that she flew into a horrendous rage and slapped his face whilst giving him a dressing down which lasted fully a half hour. When she had eventually finished doing this, Gollum
 
.... called his lawyer to sue Bella. The lawyer warned him that Bella JUST MIGHT have a counter-suit case against him for devouring her.
 
However, Gollum mainatined that, "It was the Precioussss. The Preciousss made us do it!"

The court dropped the charges against Gollum due to an insanity plee.
 
Meanwhile, Tumble the horse had finished eating, and was using his horse-karate moves on false princesses who tried to mount him and go on quests.
 
Unable to make use of Tumble, the would-be princesses began fighting each other again; and again, the impenetrable crowd of yelling people surrounded them, so that no one else would be able to see even one second of the brawl.
 
One of the crowd members, who went by the name Bob, decided to break up the fight. He was just a mere janitor, but he was very good at using his mop as a weapon.
Striding into the middle of the fighting ring, Bob took up his mop and whacked one of the false princesses in the face, using the wet mop head to knock her down. He looked at the other, holding his mop in a fighting position to show her that if she didn't leave, she would get the same treatment.
 
Astonished to discover that, contrary to political correctness, they were NOT automatically stronger than every male in the world, the girls tamely gave it up and left.
 
Bob grinned, resting his mop on his shoulder. He strode out of the fight circle, which was beginning to thin out as more people left. Seeing a horse that was doing horse-karate in a field, Bob walked over to it, bowing.
"Hello, horse," he said, "may I ride you?"
"Alright," the horse replied. "My name is Tumble, and don't you dare go on any quest, feeling lonely and saying that no one understands you."
Bob nodded, quickly mounting the horse while carrying his mop and bucket of soapy water. "Alright, Tumble, off we go! To find dirty floors to clean!"
They rode off into the sunset, seeking out dirty floors.
 
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