Sopes, I did not need you to revive this thread.
According to Aristotelian philosophy, I think I could potentially be a female hockey stick, if such things exist. But since you seem to be implying that I might be a human female as well as a hockey stick--Aristotle says no. Humans have nutritive, sensitive, and rational souls; hockey sticks only have a nutritive soul. Assuming the hockey stick is made of wood. I don't really know what Aristotle would have done about plastic.
EDIT: Aristotle would have said something can only have a nutritive soul if it is living. Plastic was never alive and never had a nutritive soul; wood is dead and only used to have one. But if hockey sticks are only made of dead/never alive materials, then I can't be a hockey stick, because I am alive. I have a living nutritive, sensitive, and rational soul, and hockey sticks have none of the above. Ergo, I am not a hockey stick.
WS, don't cite Douglas Adams in response. Douglas Adams needs to go read some Aristotle. It's great for what ails you. And it will get rid of your annoying house guests, to boot.