Spacebullies Two: The Search For More Parody

> > > > > > > BACK TO THE EARTH WITH FAMOUS MUSICIANS!

On the Earth where "Skinny Leopard" existed, a new star was rising, a giant of creativity: this world's version (and a very close version) of Anthony Vincent on Original Earth. No relation to the heroic Mr. and Mrs. Vincent on Earth-Whichever. Anthony Vincent was at once an awesome singer of literally operatic quality, and a humorous performer who was worthy to succeed the legendary Weird Al Yankovic.

He was so great a crowd-pleaser that (in the words of Tom Petty) the sky was the limit. His fame spread around the globe, while his approachable personality disarmed any jealousy that other musicians might have otherwise felt. His appeal transcended political and racial divides on every continent. Eventually, the entire adult population of this Earth voted unanimously to make Anthony Vincent the President of the World.

And the superhumanly beautiful Madeleine Liliestam of Sweden became Vice-President.
 
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Now for a Summary of RELATIONSHIPS!!!

The following is an overview of romantic involvements, of blood-family ties, and of devoted friendships in my epic story, roughly in the same order as they first appear. Where I deem it appropriate, I will refer to characters by the names of the canonical characters whom they are parodying. Note that some of my characters AREN'T close parallels to any canonical characters, and are simply named as I named them when I made them up. Some relationships will be omitted from the summary, because no other character's story arc is importantly affected by these.

Note also that this whole catalogue begins with characters who were already parody characters before I tampered with them. Accordingly, I will refer to "Princess Vixen" as "Princess Vespa," NOT as Princess Leia; and to "Dark Headgear" as "Dark Helmet," not as Darth Vader.

Picking up right after the ending of Mel Brooks' "Spaceballs," Lone Starr and Princess Vespa learn a crucial fact which was not addressed in the movie: the answer to WHAT place Lone Starr is a prince OF. Lone Starr is revealed to be a native of Dune! He is the "missing" extra son of Duke Leto and Lady Jessica, thus a middle sibling to Paul Muad'dib and Alia. As a baby, Lone Starr had been sent away with Yondu from "Guardians of the Galaxy," so that ONE member of the Atreides family would be kept clear of the dismal tragedies Frank Herbert imposed on his characters. Note that, where Dune is concerned, our timeline is at a point after Paul's death in Volume Three. Alia, however, has NOT been led to a tragic death, and is in a HAPPY marriage with "Ghola" Duncan Idaho.

The above is not my only Spaceballs-to-Dune crossover. The Spaceball Admiral who worked with Dark Helmet flees to the Harkonnens, taking service with the successor of Baron Vladimir Harkonnen. There, he takes up romantically with one of the Baron's retainers, a woman called Quarkie.

On "Seedubb Earth," Batman is married to Catwoman, and Huntress is their daughter. Harley Quinn as she is on Seedubb is converted to goodness through the intervention of Doctor Strange, Zatanna, and Yogurt. She then is made to realize that Batman's butler Alfred is THE ideal good guy. Falling madly in love with Alfred, Harley wins his heart, and they get married. Yogurt by himself also reaches the versions of Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy on "Terra," converting them likewise. Harley soon marries Winter Soldier, while Ivy marries The Falcon.

My version of The Mandolorian does not come directly into the Mel Brooks-based plot action, but he is involved in Grogu's life. Mando later finds a bride on my Earth-variant where "Sailor Moon" characters are seen. He marries a blind woman, so he can undress and remove his helmet when alone with her.

Further on Seedubb, the Fishmen princess from the Aquaman movie is present there, though in this timeline her father doesn't get killed. The princess befriends Beast Boy of the Teen Titans, who is able at will to BECOME a true mer-man of her own race; and friendship moves on to love after Beast Boy assists Aquaman in saving her from kidnapers. In addition, because Isaac Asimov and Piers Anthony wrote about robots who were entirely alive and free-willed, and because Dot Matrix in "Spaceballs" was clearly alive and free-willed, I decided why not? Cyborg will never be an all-flesh person again, so yes, he CAN love and be loved by Dot Matrix.

In events based on an animated "Justice League Unlimited" episode, three more evildoers come to the light: Silver Banshee, Atomic Skull, and a version of Star Sapphire who ISN'T Carol Ferris. Atomic Skull's flaming head makes it a BIT more difficult for him to enjoy a love relationship; but Star Sapphire finds true love with Shining Knight, and Silver Banshee later gets together with Tapper Cossack, a hero of my own invention. Meanwhile, Shining Knight's modern buddy Vigilante hears from a former girlfriend, Ruby Spruce (Ruby also is my own invention), who left him but wants him back now. I make this turn out happily for them both.

Note that my "Vigilante" operates a therapy center in the form of a ranch. "Horse therapy" is a thing in the real world, so it can be a thing in my story-universe. Vigilante, major good guy, rescues abused animals, brings them together with abused or otherwise troubled children and teens, and lets horses and humans heal each other's hearts.

My version of Stephen King's questing hero "Roland of Gilead" has accepted two apprentices, D'Kovo and Otto, whom he will train in chivalry. In the same story-world, a female bounty hunter named Zoralee Jeralo has not met Roland-- yet. Zoralee has other things to occupy her, mainly her brother who was magically changed into a beast form against his will.

I depict one Earth which has no super-powered inhabitants, but where musicians are prominent in the action. Some artists like Jimi Hendrix have lived longer here than their counterparts in the real world lived. Many of the musicians, prompted by my version of Draal from "Babylon Five," begin publicly promoting PERMANENT love and marriage. Draal also guides a good-hearted teenage boy in thwarting a cruel scheme to break an unpopular girl's heart.

Among the movie versions of Robert Heinlein's "Starship Troopers" characters, Johnny Rico stops being a doofus, and realizes that Dizzy Flores is the right woman for him. Dizzy manages to avoid getting herself killed, so they achieve a happy outcome.

Hera Syndulia from "Star Wars Rebels" travels to Babylon Five, where she meets Zack Allen. The two of them, EVER so slowly, begin to grow close to each other. Meanwhile, Dark Helmet is rescued from imprisonment on Planet Spaceball by some fellow evildoers. Now free again to make new trouble, he finds two female criminals, Lylah and Krayzee, infatuated with him and literally fighting over him. One other female crook, named Melodica, is rescued from a life of crime by Mace Windu, and she falls in love with him.

She-Hulk falls in love with Johnny Storm in the course of their shared adventures repelling Darkseid's invasion of another Earth. Parallel to this, She-Hulk's kind, friendly nature establishes deep, highly affectionate friendships with Russian army officer Irina Beriya and "War Witch" Tapidri Drifla. Their shared, non-competing closeness to She-Hulk also causes Irina and Tapidri to become equally fond of each other, and all three women adjust smoothly when Tapidri's missing sister Tarvili turns up and joins them. Zatanna, since she can't have Batman for herself, comes to the same world where She-Hulk is, and finds true love with the closest thing to Batman: my version of the pulp-novel hero Doc Savage.

The bond between dogs and their masters also comes into play in the defense of She-Hulk's Earth. Hundreds of dogs, led by a version of the iconic Rin Tin Tin, become an army to help repel the invaders when they descend upon (a version of) MY old hometown in Illinois. Elsewhere on the same Earth, in a version of Australia, a murdered woman comes back from the other side, like Brandon Lee's character in "The Crow," to help her beloved husband survive the invasion so he can fulfill his destiny.
 
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WE NOW RETURN AT LAST TO PLANET PUNKSTEEMA, TO ITS NORTHERN CONTINENT, THE SETTING OF CURRENT ACTION IN MY TAKEOFF ON STEPHEN KING'S "DARK TOWER" SERIES. LET'S RE-POST A BIT OF EARLIER EXPOSITION, CONCERNING THE OBVIOUS POTENTIAL TOUGH-CHICK ROMANTIC INTEREST FOR OUR TOWERMAN HERO.

Located due north of one of Arcondoyla's major south-pointing peninsulas, though not having a seacoast, the Republic of Gromstark boasted three wide and relatively straight rivers: one flowing directly south to empty itself at the far tip of the neighboring peninsula, and one river each for the two adjoining bays. No fewer than five modest-sized neighboring nations, more truly landlocked than Gromstark was, were home to smaller navigable rivers which were tributaries of rivers in Gromstark; and a sixth neighbor, lying due north, contained the headwater springs of Gromstark's own central river. These half-dozen countries, having other neighbors less friendly than the Republic, had for many centuries relied on Gromstark to let them reach the sea.

Dating back long before the steampunk industrial revolution, dating back to when Gromstark had been a monarchy, the Gromstarkers had cultivated good relations by being very lenient about waterway tolls. This policy had always paid off. By mutual support and cooperation, the seven allies had been able to offset any industrial and scientific advantages enjoyed by hostile regimes. It didn't hurt that, after departing the southern continent many years ago, some of the Smoke Maidens had settled in Gromstark and its friendly neighboring countries. Private detective Zoralee Jeralo and her brother Billyboy were the children of a now-retired Smoke Maiden and the respected Gromstarker businessman she had married.

But an evil sorceror had transformed Billyboy into a man-sized doomrat (still with his own human mind) a year ago, and Billyboy's faithful sweetheart Judy Lightheart had been working with Zoralee to seek a cure for the young man.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

In the cellar of the Wayward Otter Tavern in Creekport, one of the most prosperous Gromstarker towns, Judy and Zoralee were busy giving Billyboy a flea bath. The metamorphosed young man wasn't always plagued by fleas, but he had recently searched through every stall in a huge empty livery stable, hunting for clues in a routine but lucrative investigation for his sister. If the stable hadn't been vacant already, the mere presence of a doomrat would have emptied it of horses in a hurry.

"Once you're human again and we get married," Judy declared in her exquisite singer's voice, "YOU will be required to bathe ME regularly, for at least as long as you were under this curse."

From the top of the stairs came the voice of one of the very few other persons who knew that the "trained" doomrat was an ensorcelled human being: Harold Spondriff, owner of the tavern. "Zoralee? Felipe is asking for you, and you know I can't fool him by saying you're not here."

Billyboy waved one of his forelegs in a go-ahead-it's-all-right gesture; Judy would be able to finish up. Straightening out the mannish garments she had been wearing for this task, and putting on her cherished top hat, Zoralee hurried upstairs to meet one wizard whom she DIDN'T have cause to wish to kill: Felipe Catalano, another of the few people who already knew all about Billyboy. Felipe would have re-humanized Zoralee's brother before now if he had been able to, but his magical gifts were limited to information-finding, long-distance communication, and a modest degree of protection against evil.

"Hello, Felipe, is this business or friendliness?" Zoralee could not return Felipe's feelings of attraction to her; but even if he had not been useful to the family detective business, her conscience would never have allowed her to be either deceitful or cruel toward him.

"MAJOR business, querida. We both know that the investigation business isn't the only business which finds use for spell-casters;" He pointed to an amulet he was wearing: an amulet enchanted to interfere with any hostile magician trying to spy on the wearer. "But this time, I believe it's the magician finding use for a business concern."

"Meaning a local concern?"

"One that operates in Gromstark, but is based in Yanstark"-- naming a smaller but highly prosperous nation which bordered Gromstark on the west. "I refer to the Sail and Harness Continental Shipping Company"-- naming a respectable transportation firm which managed some of the river freighters that regularly visited Creekport. "It's too soon to speak with certainty; but I believe that, although the controlling partners are honest merchants, there is someone seriously wicked making use of their shipping services."

"Do you have any clear plan for how to find out more? Or is it time right now for some non-magical sleuthing?"

"The non-magical part, soon enough. But right now, I have another supernatural card to play. My initial divination tells me that the unspecified evil bodes to have an effect on east-west shipping at least one-third of the way around the world."

Zoralee peered at him. "In Wellvernia too?"

"Not that I know of, but plenty of potential harm to be done here in Arcondoyla. The farthest-west reach of the evil seems to be in, or almost in, the country of Hukshem. I am slightly acquainted with a Loi-Hukshem fabric merchant, named D'Vargut Pril, also an honest man. His textile merchandise sometimes travels as far as Drovalish"-- naming a neighbor country due east of Gromstark. "In fact, my trousers are made from Pril cloth, as are some of my shirts. There is a young man closely associated with the Pril family, named T'Pinnok Zur, who may become highly important for this case."

"I've heard of the Pril family, but not of Mister Zur. Is he a wizard?"

"Not exactly, but he is a seer: has dreams which accurately foretell future events. This much gifting may render him able to hear a long-range voice-throwing from me. If so-- or by more ordinary means, if I can't reach him psychically-- I can ask him to collaborate with us in the search for this hidden evil."

A thought flickered through Zoralee's head, unbidden: that any man from Hukshem was not likely to look like Idris Elba,
 
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West of Gromstark and Yanstark, prowling the railroad tracks in Tablanor, the lone Towerman with his posse had spent five days talking to any train crews they could meet. Only one other undead encounter was reported. A freight train, bound in-country from the western border, had run right over a group of apparent liches gathered on the track. No bodies had been found; so apparently the liches had not been slain or even disabled by the impact, but at least they had not gotten on board the train.

The volunteers Irving and Zeke had been compelled to return home, leaving Ronald with Parson Larkburg, and Pierre the young man who could speak the Felrudian language. In exchange, with coordination by telephone contacts, Ronald's new apprentices had been brought out to rejoin him.

Convoying D'Kovo and Otto was a man whom both Ronald and the Parson of Saint Kung-Sar were glad to have join them: a man whom Ronald had met once, many years ago. Lester Grath, tough as tree roots at age fifty-three, had gone to war as a teenager: one of the historically rare clashes between Tablanor and Felruda. By the time peace was negotiated, Lester had personally slain sixteen Felrudian soldiers and captured five others. Add three possibles: Felrudians whom he had hit with long-range rifle shots but never knew if he killed or only wounded. On a dozen occasions in later years, he had been deputized to help hunt down bandits or marauding beasts.

Lester had taken a wife immediately after the Felrudian war. She had passed away after bearing and raising three daughters for him. The daughters were all happily married now, to men who had Lester's approval, so he was free to do as he pleased. It pleased him to make the world safer for his grandchildren; and to this end, his .50 caliber bolt-action rifle came equipped with silver bullets, and the shoulder end of the stock was overlaid with silver, so that as a club it could injure a werebeast. He also carried the equivalent of an Original Earth Bowie knife, with a silver-overlaid blade.

The people of Saint Kung-Sar, understanding that the two boys traveling with Ronald were in training as Towermen, had provided them also with some equipment. Otto, trained in the "Song Fist" martial art of his adoptive people, was given a silver-overlaid knife similar to Lester's; and as an already-skilled archer, D'Kovo received seven silver-headed arrows, properly sized for his bow.
 
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BACK IN HUKSHEM, it was deep night at the time when Felipe Catalano in Creekport made his attempt to communicate with T'Pinnok Zur, the Loi-Hukshem seer. Knowing the degree of timezone separation involved, the Gromstarker wizard had reckoned that his best chance of contacting the mystical dreamer would be while T'Pinnok was asleep. And so it proved.

T'Pinnok was well known to all retainers of the Pril estate. When he dismounted from his horse in front of the front gate and spoke a password, the watchmen did not hesitate to let him enter. When D'Vargut and Shenzil Pril were awakened and told that their soon-to-be son-in-law needed to tell them something, they sprang out of bed, not even thinking of scolding the servant who had knocked on their chamber door. Razibi, and others in the household, were soon on their feet also, including Mister and Missus Shard. Everyone gathered in a large sitting room, one which had played a chaperoned part in the well-mannered courtship of T'Pinnok and Razibi.

Tasting the savor of adventures which she had left behind in favor of the different adventure of continuing the human race, Jillian Shard was the first to ask T'Pinnok, "What did you dream?"

"This was different than any that I've experienced before: a wizard STEPPED INTO what had been an ordinary-type dream. He knew who I was, and introduced himself as Felipe Catalano of Gromstark."

Shenzil's eyes widened. "Have D'Kovo and the others made it THAT far already?" She said "others," plural, because the family had previously received the news of D'Kovo and Ronald being joined by the boy who was descended from the legendary Sir Edgar Pallendin.

"No, Mother Pril, they are in Tablanor; but Felipe was magically aware of them being there. He said that what Sir Ronald is investigating is a hidden threat whose effects may extend as far west as Gromstark..... and also in our direction."

"So what KIND of threat is Ronald hunting for?" D'Vargut demanded.

"Felipe was able to tell me three things. First, there are undead beings on the prowl -- ghouls or liches. It appears that wards against evil can slow them down, but do not entirely stop them. Second, for unknown reasons, the creatures appear to be fixing all their attention on disrupting travel. Third, Felipe and unnamed friends of his are starting to investigate the situation from their end."

"Did he advise you about whether WE ought to investigate from OUR end?" asked Jillian's farmer husband.

"He had not spoken of that possibility as of the moment the dream ended. I think he simply lost concentration: like a telephone line being cut. But I can't imagine that he would have urged us NOT to investigate also."

Jillian had been watching her husband for most of this conversation. Suddenly she went to him and hugged him closely. "Oh, Howard, my darling, you try so hard NOT to limit me or disrespect me! I can't go on asking endless concessions from you. So no, I won't ask you to accept my running off to far lands. I'm already serving the cause by training Razibi...."

D'Vargut interjected: "And if the evil about which this man in Gromstark spoke is designed to extend over many borders, Hukshem and Reslagor both will need to be fortified against it anyway."

"If Reslagor isn't CREATING the threat," muttered Shenzil, "meaning no offense to Jillian and Howard."

"Even if Reslagor as a nation is no help," said Razibi, "there must be someone else in our part of the continent who COULD go to Tablanor."
 
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Not long after sunrise, D'Vargut Pril rode to the neighborhood telegraph office, where he paid for a longer-than-usual telegram, addressed to Thane Jared of Malgriff, or his son Lawrence. It said:

Hope you are in continued good health. Ronald of Goliad now has two apprentices. They have traveled as far as Tablanor, where they found new trouble afoot. Undead beings are alarming railway travelers. Origin of the creatures is unknown. Purpose of their actions also unknown. But a reliable source advises me that evil sorcery involved has designs on wide extent of land. Evil may reach as far east as Gromstark. Cannot say how far west, but advise you be alert. I am sending same report to Klistra and Shebgrod. Will tell more when more is known.

D'Vargut followed this telegram with similar ones to Thane Victor of Klistra and Thane Fredrick of Shebgrod. The latter thanedom occupied the southwest corner of Bamulica, and Thane Fredrick currently enjoyed a dignity which any thane might at some time receive. Two years ago, other thanes had voted to appoint Fredrick as "Thane-Speaker," the closest thing the nation ever had to a king. No one was allowed to serve consecutive terms in this office. Jared of Malgriff had served two terms as Thane-Speaker, separated by six years. The Speaker title, usually in effect for three years, gave its holder the right to control diplomatic negotiations with outside governments, to direct strategy if Bamulica as a whole was at war with anyone, and to arbitrate jurisdiction or boundary disputes between other thanes. He was, of course, prohibited from using his temporary rank to decide in his own favor on issues affecting his own domain.

Returning from the telegraph office, D'Vargut spoke further with the Shards. Howard and Jillian did have a farm to get back to, and enjoyed considerable prestige in their neighborhood. If anything connected with Ronald's situation was going on in Reslagor, it might come to the couple's attention.

T'Pinnok suddenly interjected: "With respect to this mystery, if I were with the Shards, any helpful dreams I received while there would be an immediate source of information for them. And it would be the most natural thing in the world for me to be in Reslagor if Razibi were to continue her training with Jillian, AND her wedding to me were moved up to accommodate this."

The Pril and Zur families were on the friendliest of terms, and Jillian Shard still enjoyed a good reputation from her past as an active Smoke Maiden. Accordingly, T'Pinnok's suggestion met with no opposition.
 
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Back in northern Tablanor, Sir Ronald the gunslinger-knight and his party rode into the town of Guvaro's Crossing: so named because it stood where the due-north railway to Felruda crossed a river. Its train station was the last platform before the one just this side of the border. At the Guvaro station, a smartly-dressed gentleman with bodyguards was waiting to meet them.

"You are the last Towerman; I'm honored to meet you. My name is Torin Pell; I'm an in-house inspector for Compass Railways, and merely saying this much ought to convince you that you and I are logical allies. If you require more persuasion, ask Mister Grath;" and he nodded toward Lester the war veteran.

Lester smiled. "Good to see you again, Mister Pell. How's Brellin doing lately?"

"His wife just gave birth to their second son, and is recovering well, thanks to her Loi-Hukshem physician and midwife." Looking back at Ronald: "My son Brellin, to whom Lester just referred, is named for his uncle, who still is living. But Brellin the elder WOULDN'T be living if Lester there hadn't saved his life during the war. And my first grandson is named Lester Pell."

Lester turned to face Ronald. "Yep, he's a good man. Let's work with him."

"Very good! Mister Pell, permit me to introduce the young men whose training will make me NO LONGER the last Towerman. The younger of the two is D'Kovo Pril, son of a Loi-Hukshem textile merchant. Joining us more recently was Otto Kergoff, born in Pathamel on Wellvernia. He was orphaned in a shipwreck, then adopted by a Nizozuan family. D'Kovo and I met Otto during our early travels, and learned that he is a descendant of the great Sir Edgar."

Torin Pell shook hands with the two apprentices, then turned toward Ronald again. "Shall we have lunch at the hotel, and start exchanging information?"
 
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When D'Vargut's telegram was brought to Thane Jared, his daughter Dorothy, an early riser, was first to read it. She brought it to her brother Lawrence, also an early riser. The siblings agreed to advise their father that taking some action to support Sir Ronald would enhance Jared's prestige, without other thanes being provoked by anything disturbing Bamulica's internal stability.

Once Jared was awakened, and perused the telegram, his wife yawned, "Does the Loi-Hukshem gentleman say anything about Mistress Shard?" Lady Priscilla mentioned Jillian the veteran Smoke Maiden because Jillian was a cousin to the prominent Zaptrim brothers, David and Roger, who respectively were a cavalry major and the Commander of Hussars.

"No, dearest; this is a minimal preamble to further information. But we can ask about Jillian as communication continues. Lawrence, please find the Colonel--" (meaning Roger Zaptrim) "--and tell him I'll want his opinion about actions we, or Bamulica as a whole, might undertake."

The ensuing brainstorm session of Thane Jared, Lord Lawrence and Colonel Zaptrim resulted in a unanimous agreement that they should talk to the other thanes who had heard from D'Vargut Pril; and that John Telbroc should be sent to meet with the Pril family. Captain Telbroc was well known and liked among the Loi-Hukshem people; and having become good friends with Ronald the gunslinger, Telbroc would be willing to do something that might help his friend.
 
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On "Federal Earth":

Major-General Teresa Granger had hastened to introduce Thorpe, Mopey-One and their party to all senior Human Federation leaders who HADN'T been suckered into visiting the Snarkonnen mothership. At all these interviews, as a redundant precaution in combination with Earl Pufferton's telepathy, Mopey-One Kanoli had Fuss-probed the politicians, commissioned officers and scientists, to discern if they were Face Twisters already planted in advance. Fortunately, all of these leaders were in fact themselves. Accordingly, all of these personages had been confidentially briefed about who the friendly off-worlders actually were. (But the secret of Earl's mind-reading power still was kept from them.)

There was a strong consensus that they had no time to waste; and that the arrival of new allies with superior space capability should make a vital difference.

Soon afterwards, Brentler (actually Admiral Blender of Planet Spacebull), Carpsie (actually Blender's lover Quarkie from Filthopolis on Greedy Crime), and the minimally-mutated Naughtygator Tupragon showed up at a government building for a scheduled conference. Once they were indoors, a platoon of special-forces men under Brigadier Pufferton's command instantly seized them and injected them with a fast-acting sleep drug, so they could not warn Zingdash on the mothership. Major-General Granger, smart enough not to underestimate an adversary, chose not to assume that Zingdash could not still figure out something was wrong. Hastily meeting with all of Thorpe's party, she assigned a large team of Starship Grunts and Space Force astronauts, with pressure suits, to assist them in boarding the enemy mothership.

Yoga-Rug had previously shared with Mopey-One what he, Yoga-Rug, had learned about starships in the Dune-parody sub-universe. They carried no hull armament, because it was unnecessary. Their exterior surface was so hard that it could easily survive a fusion-bomb explosion ten feet away, emerging with crew and passengers unhurt. No boarding party (as far as the Naughtygators knew) could break into the interior; and the big jump-ship could vanish out of normal space at any time.

But the Naughtygators were not familiar with Hallpasscardian techno-magic.

The ships which had brought the good-guy visitors to Federal Earth were joined in orbit by two Human Federation space frigates carrying the Earthling component of the attack force. When all was in readiness, Thorpe commanded his magic motorboat to do a close-range hyper-jump, carrying the other good-guy ships with it..... and reappearing directly IN CONTACT with the Naughtygator mothership's hull.

Thorpe swiftly vaulted over the rail of his vessel. Hallpasscardians needed oxygen just like humans, but could survive a brief exposure to vacuum. Well within a safe time interval, the Thunder-Master wielded Stormcracker to hack a wide entryway through the supposedly-impenetrable outer hull. Before the hull's memory molecules could repair and close the breach, all of the good guys' ships had passed inside.

The dimly-lit interior proved to possess its own artificial gravity field, no stronger than the gravity of Earth's Moon. For much of the ship's length, it was hollow, apart from shed-like structures on the "floor," and ledges on the "sides" where smaller ships were securely placed. But there was also solid construction amidships, crossing the whole diameter of the great ship.

And out of this, what appeared to be human soldiers were swarming out. They carried what appeared to be swords and bullet-pistols; and each one seemed to be gleaming with a faint, unsteady light.

Mopey-One Kanoli urgently warned everybody: "No energy weapons! No lasers, no particle beams! Thorpe, no lightning! They have the shields which will explode if hit by energy attacks!" This also meant, no lightsabers; but the up-sider could still use telekinesis.
 
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The Snarkonnens, for this was what they were, did not lack discipline or courage. Though blindsided by their foes breaking inside the ship's hull, their counterattack was efficient and organized.

For once, it was fortunate that the Movable Infantry made little use of energy weapons. There were just two lasers and three particle beams, brought along just in case of an occasion to use them safely. No nuclear explosions filled the cavernous interior of the carrier starship. Also very fortunately, Major-General Granger had made sure that the army and space-force personnel on this mission had been told as much as Mopey-One could tell of what Yoga-Rug had learned about the technology in the Dune-based sub-reality. The troops had been issued rifles which could mount bayonets, and all bayonets were fixed.

There had not, however, been any chance to train anyone in the "slow attack" method required when these shields were part of a battle. Because of this, the front of the good guys' charge consisted of those who HAD had some time to prepare for this combat scenario: Thorpe, Sniff, Hoodunnit, Fratbro, Vastbulk, Mopey-One, and Pro Dashalong with his crew.

Thorpe took the point. Accustomed to fighting in an all-out, hard-charging fashion, Thorpe judged it best not to slow himself down trying to change his style after so many centuries. The power of those personal shields was impressive; even Stormcracker failed to penetrate any of them on the first blow, though a well-aimed second stroke in quick succession would break through. Thorpe deemed it good enough that every opponent saved by his shield was sent flying backwards, putting the enemy force in disorder. Vastbulk, similar in fighting style to Thorpe, emulated Thorpe's tactical choice. The other three Hallpasscardians did a credible job of adopting the "slow attack" style. Each of them, and Vastbulk as well, received a few superficial cuts from swordstrokes which would have gutted an Earthling; but they pressed the defenders hard enough so that their Earthling allies suffered only four fatalities, These deaths occurred when Snarkonnen soldiers extended a pistol outside their shield and fired.

Pro Dashalong and all of his crewmembers received serious blade-wounds, but none fatal; the boarding party had two medics along, who expertly stabilized their patients. Mopey-One relied on his Fuss powers; he found that anything like a Fuss choke was weakened by their shields, but he could successfully pull the Snarkonnens' weapons out of their hands. Toward the end he found that with concentration, he could DETACH their shield generators from their belts. This trick, when added to Thorpe's bulldozer onslaught, was the last straw to break the morale of the defenders.

The Earthlings, and their extraterrestrial friends, shared the principle of mercy for the vanquished. (The only reason why Starship Grunts always killed Creepycrawlids without mercy was because those monsters themselves never gave OR asked mercy.) As soon as the Snarkonnens began begging for mercy, the mercy was granted-- on the condition that the whole ship and everything in it was turned over to the victors.

Thus was it revealed that the worst had happened to the Federal Earth dignitaries who had accepted the "friendly" invitation from the Snarkonnens. Every one of them had been murdered, as soon as enough information had been extracted from them to equip Face Twisters posing as the victims. Face Twisters were already wearing the likeness of the victims; indeed, they might have succeeded in passing as the actual captives, if Mopey-One had not been able to sense the evil in their hearts.

Now it was the turn of Zingdash the fully-mutated Naughtygator to answer for his crimes. Trapped in his airtight chamber, he tried to jump the ship home to Planet Greedy Crime; even with his enemies on board, he would have hoped to bargain for his freedom when he could tell them that Snarkonnen reinforcements were coming. But too many of the ship's mechanisms had been damaged for Zingdash to succeed in crinkling space.

Lady Sniff took it on herself now to put the Naughtygator in his place. "Listen well, you slug-ugly thing. We promised not to kill our captives..... but we do not owe it to YOU to look for a way to replenish the gaseous nourishment which keeps you alive. How many days do you have left with your onboard supply? The burden is on you to convince us that saving your life is a good idea." Coming up alongside her, Thorpe slid an arm around her waist, and added: "The good news for you is that your scientific knowledge could impart huge benefits to this less-advanced world, which would be some compensation."
,
Zingdash took a deep breath, and replied, "Have you heard of the Goulash process?"

Even Mopey-One had not heard about this from Yoga-Rug.

Even in his desperate situation, Zingdash could not resist being snide. Looking straight at Thorpe, he sneered, "Even your overrated culture has not evolved so far! But the Goulash process is the biggest gift anyone could offer to the backward planet you are helping. Our Lazytaxie associates devised an improvement upon cloning; it is no less than raising the dead! All of the slain officials whom our Face Twisters would have supplanted, can be brought back as their own actual selves!"

Thorpe and Mopey-One looked at each other, sharing a common thought: What will this do to the human world we are guarding? What would happen when EVERYONE wants their departed loved ones resurrected?

 
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At this point, God in the form of AsaLion took notice of where Copperfox's story was heading. So He told Copperfox:

"My child, it is not wrong to speculate how a society would react to such a double-edged offer. But in this case, you're writing your serial for a readership which is expecting humor. So do a bit of retconning here."

"Lord," replied Copperfox, "do You mean just rewrite the previous installment, so the cloning offer never even comes up?"

"No, here's a better idea. Leave that post unchanged, so your readers will realize what you made a change FROM. Write in this post that I wanted you to retcon the previous, in order to avoid the very dilemma which disturbed Thorpe and Mopey-One. This will give your readers an edifying look into the process of storytelling. Then use the next post to make things turn out more positively."

"All right, Lord, how about if I say in the corrective entry that those captured people from Federal Earth weren't killed in the first place?"

"That works. Go with it."
 
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Ahem! The fifty-five entrapped Earthling dignitaries had NOT been killed. Instead, they had been placed in cryosleep, in case their treacherous captors might have use for them later. As for the fifty-five Face Twisters who would have used their masquerade as the captives to take over the government of the Human Federation, they were all arrested.

Mopey-One, resorting to the partial mind-reading enabled by The Fuss, picked out seven of these Lazytaxie infiltrators who seemed to be the smartest, and commanded them to STAY in the guises they had assumed. "Each of you will have six Starship Grunts watching you closely, from now until you are arraigned for trial on this Earth. If you change out of your infiltration appearance before then, your watchers will give you a non-fatal flesh wound in your left shoulder. If you attempt to escape, or attack anyone, you will be summarily executed. This iteration of the human race will be informed of exactly what was going on."

As for Zingdash, he privately used his power of time-space clairvoyance to see what would happen if he did, or didn't, obey the demands of his captors. He saw that he would be kept alive if he complied, and that he would be allowed to starve to death if he disobeyed. Therefore, while making it clear that a ship like his could not operate without a Naughtygator to steer it, he truthfully informed the Federal Earth personnel that studying the ship would still help them to plan improvements for their own starships.

Besides being able to make Zingdash operate the captured ship for them.

Meanwhile, Thorpe and Sniff got married at last. This may be an off-hand mention, but THEY still had joy of it. And all the way back on Hallpasscard, Bridgekeeper Timekall saw the wedding being performed on Federal Earth. When he reported this to King Garryowen and Queen Sprigga, there was great rejoicing; and several hundred long-standing bets on the subject of Thorpe and Sniff were paid off.
 
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>>>>> Change of scene

Far away from any place Thorpe and his Warriors Four had ever visited, up-sider Nonsmoka Tiptoe was piloting an A-Frame fighter-bomber like the one Master Kanoli was using, because it could accommodate a second person.

The second person for Nonsmoka was named Samladel Fripp: a Tryyurluck woman like Noherra Synthmusica, only with yellow skin. Samladel had once been a household slave, kept in bondage by one of the space officers who had supported the villainous Porkandbeen. Unlike the would-be emperor, Samladel's former oppressor still was alive-- and had gathered Porkandbeen's Popquizzitors as like-minded allies. Though lacking Fuss powers himself, this villain had gained the loyalty and confidence of the Fuss-powered Popquizzitors because he respected them, and because they understood that his talent for organizing and planning would be a major advantage for the forces of badness.

It was the great Master Plow Korn who had liberated Samladel a year ago...... from Grand Admiral Thuglyfe Skrawn. Unfortunately, Skrawn had escaped from Plow Korn, sacrificing fifty battle-droids to cover his retreat.

Nonsmoka had studied the subspace message recently sent by Fizzra Teenybopper, the up-and-coming Fuss adept who had been trained by the valiant Master Klayman Jitters. Though not yet having been able to meet with Fizzra, Nonsmoka and Samladel were bent upon verifying the young man's report, and adding to his information. Nonsmoka's latest pattycake-awan learner, a fair-haired human girl named Benzine Tancur, was taking part in this quest; she was assisting a male Greedork named Ziprukken, the only currently-living member of his race who was an up-side Fuss adept. Ziprukken and Benzine, in a similar ship to Nonsmoka's, were circling one way around the fringe of a remote galactic sector, while Nonsmoka and Samladel circled the other way to meet them eventually opposite from the starting point.

Samladel had never met or heard of Noherra, but at one point Nonsmoka decided to tell her about the bereaved green-skinned space captain. She began by recounting what she knew of Noherra's adventures before the tragic romance with Klayman.

When she first mentioned Klayman as having been Fizzra's teacher, Samladel perked up. "I've certainly heard of Klayman! The Grand Admiral used to curse that man as a troublemaker; and after it was revealed that Klayman had died, the Admiral was so elated that he actually TREATED ME KINDLY for two whole days!"

Pausing to sigh pensively, the former slave then asked, "Did they love each other?"

Without looking behind her, the Tugboata woman replied, "Yes, they did. You may be certain that, if Klayman had lived, he and Noherra would have emulated Mister Spock's parents: getting married, and using available medical technology to enable having viable children."

"Love must be wonderful. I never got to experience love, except the love of my parents and relatives before I was kidnaped into slavery. Do you love anyone, Master Nonsmoka?"

"Not like to marry. For the present, I'm too preoccupied with duty. But I have nothing against love, marriage and children. There are pitfalls to avoid, however."

"Yes, I believe I know some of those pitfalls. While I was in bondage among the Admiral's people, I saw and heard WAY too much of destructive behaviors PRETENDING to be 'love'."

Eventually, the two women reverted to impersonal discussion of their current business. The only interesting thing they observed between then and their sleeptimes was a school of Burpgills: enormous vacuum-dwelling creatures, copycatted from Star Wars Legends books. They survived by carrying their own atmosphere inside their vast, airtight bodies, and periodically replenished it by skimming through the upper atmospheres of gas-giant planets. Watching these mile-long space animals prompted the Tryyurluck woman to make the first joke the Tugboata woman had ever heard from her: saying that Thuglyfe Skrawn was even MORE full of gas than the Burpgills.

Being able to make any joke was a good sign of recovery, coming from someone who had survived years of abuse on Skrawn's homeworld of Chisskurd and on board evil starships. ,
 
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Meanwhile, Master Yoga-Rug, upon receiving Fizzra's message, had used his long-distance communication ability to reach Plow Korn, who was still on Planet Directvideo helping King Lowbrain to clear up the harm done by the Face Twister Fooldemall. Master Plow had not gotten Fizzra's message; but once Yoga-Rug told him about it, he took off to conduct his own search for information about Admiral Skrawn.

Plow Korn was more than capable of running his own missions; Yoga-Rug, therefore, proceeded to fly back to Toofah-Roff, where he would meet with fellow up-siders Moose Windchime and the bird-like Zubdookree. While still hours out from his native planet, the ancient hero reached out mentally to his great-great-niece Bestbaya. Sensing that she was asleep, he chose not to disturb her; conferring could wait until he made planetfall. Next he reached out to Moose, with the same result. Zubdookree was awake, though, so Yoga-Rug asked her for news.

All safe here, Master, I am now completely recovered from past injuries, and am in regular training. Master Moose has taught me some new lightsaber moves.

"Excellent. And what about Melodica?"

Your niece and Master Moose are both working with her. His blues-guitar music actually caused a breakthrough. Four days ago, he was playing softly while Bestbaya put her through the standard can-you-make-a-stone-move exercise, and just as he came to her favorite part of the song, she DID move the stone, more than eight inches toward her!

It was a tossup which of the three was most delighted by this. But the next delight was all for Master Moose, when Melodica ran to him and KISSED him for the first time ever! It was only on the cheek that time, but it was a "shatterplace" of sorts all the same.

"That's most promising, in both ways. Remind me, has Melodica been given a Fuss ring yet?"

Yes, she has one. And an interesting detail: since the moment when she kissed Master Moose, her ring has acquired the feature of glowing in the dark.

"The up-side is with her, all right. We definitely must include Melodica when we start hunting for Admiral Skrawn."
 
In a relatively good-smelling field of (almost) thorn-free vegetation, with not very many stinging insects around, in a relatively pleasant climate zone on the conquered/liberated world of Awkwardlisp, four women lay on their backs relaxing, after hours of work assisting in various reconstruction projects.

Jasmine Waterford, who was currently in her original body, had in the past watched movies and TV shows in which groups of women, in some open space, would lie on their backs with their feet thrust outward in all directions, bringing their heads close together for conversation. Just today, Jasmine had described this gesture to Irina Beriya, Tapidri Drifla and Tapidri's younger sister Tarvili. None of them saw any harm in it; so here they all were now, talking about whatever came to mind.

Irina, the only one of the four friends who had extensive experience of leadership and administration, had begun by commenting about how Stony Stork and other good guys were managing at the re-inventing of a world. The two blue-skinned women, and the sometimes green-skinned one, were themselves all involved in the same process; but soon Tarvili, the youngest, wanted to talk about easier subjects. Irina, Tapidri and Jasmine went along with it -- and Jasmine opened by chattering for fifteen minutes about what a darling the Unfindable Man Jimmy Strum was. Tapidri and Irina had no men in their lives at this time; but Tarvili, to whom freedom was utterly new, filled in plenty of time simply speculating about what having a social life MIGHT be like.

"Irina, Jasmine: as Earthlings, you can easily meet men of your own species; I understand that you, Jasmine, found your true love DURING the defense of your planet. And Irina, although you say that your duties keep you from looking into marriage and family, now that you're famous, you can probably take your pick of prospective mates. But what are my sister and I to do if we want to become wives and mothers? All four of us here can and do feel affection all around, because our exact race doesn't affect the love among us. But what about starting biological families?"

Tapidri rolled over, kissed her sister, and replied to Tarvili's last question. "The training Granny Rudeness put you through excluded any mission- irrelevant information in the life sciences. But I know, at least in a general way, that races as closely similar as ours is to Earthlings, CAN produce viable children by intermarriage, provided that the right medical resources are there to overcome chromosome incompatibility."

"There's also adoption," put in Jasmine, clasping the Russian colonel's hand. "Irina befriending me when I was new to Russia-- and barely beginning to assimilate my new She-Hunk personality-- FELT like being adopted."

Tapidri was in a position to clasp Irina's other hand, and did so. "The warmth you've shown me gave a similar feeling. I love you and Jasmine both, but your being sweet to me shows that humans WITHOUT super-powers can give emotional comfort. So yes, if Tarvili and I never get back to Chisskurd, we can still find friendship, romantic love, and even motherhood, among humans."

"As for adoption," Irina sighed, "although our alien-invasion story is nowhere near as gruesome as 'Independence Day' or 'The Fifth Wave,' there still are newly orphaned children in every country that was attacked by Trippenwonk and Twerpseid."

Jasmine sat up and shifted around, the better to look at both of the blue women. "And both of you sisters are good-natured enough --since being freed from evil influences-- that I'm confident you could gain the trust of lonely children."

While everyone was hugging, shoulder-patting and hair-stroking everyone else, the spirit kookaburra descended into the scene, and spoke directly to the readers of this story: "Hello! I don't mean to insult your intelligence; but just in case you HAVEN'T connected the dots, yes, 'Chisskurd' is the birth planet of the evil Admiral Skrawn. The Drifla sisters ARE of the same race as he, hence their blue skin, and their being physically a bit stronger than Earthlings, though a few exceptional plain-humans like Doc Slippage would always be able to best them. Copperfox was not planning this connection when he first created the character of Tapidri; but when he turned his thoughts to creating a parody of Admiral Thrawn from Star Wars Legends, he did a facepalm as he realized that this was another opportunity to interweave separate plot threads."

 
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Some two hundred miles away from where the oddly-assorted foursome were sharing their thoughts, Preston "Truthside" Vincent stood on a seashore with Unfindable Man, and with Uberkwack the four-handed Awkwardlispian surgeon. Life could not have endured on this accursed planet without water, but there was much LESS water here than on any version of Earth. The water-versus-land ratio on Awkwardlisp was roughly the reverse of Earth, and the four major seas here were about twenty percent shallower than Earth's oceans.

This, of course, did not mean that the Awkwardlispian seas did not have room for impressive sea monsters. One had just now lurched onto the beach in an attempt to devour the two men and the nonhuman sophont. Jimmy had saved the monster's life by using his invisible energy to shove it back into the water, so that Preston would not have to kill it. And the now ultra-powerful Preston would have killed it otherwise, for he could not allow anything to threaten harm to his baby son.

Eric Vincent was less than three weeks old by actual passage of time, but AsaLion had created him as biologically two months old to begin with. Preston's living link to his departed Erica remained asleep in the carry-harness which hung from Jimmy's shoulders. By knowing that Jimmy's formidable defensive power was ready to shield the baby at any instant, Preston could focus on his ongoing study of the planetary ecology.

He asked Uberkwack, "Is the flesh of those monsters edible for people?"

"My lord, I cannot answer for the metabolisms of your own species, but most of the behemoths are nutritious for the races that live on Awkwardlisp."

Truthside nodded. "Very well. Next question: are your four big seas-- I understand that you call them the Watery Tetrahedron-- similar enough as habitats that creatures from one sea could live in another sea?"

"They are, my lord, with the exception of the Kibralo Sea, opposite side of the planet. The Kibralo is thoroughly nasty, even by our standards. Twerpseid used to have Greensodd breed uncommonly hideous monsters and release them into the Kibralo, all so he could watch them fighting each other. "

"Sounds like him. All right, leave the Kibralo as it is. For the other seas, I want you to select eight or ten scientists and have them produce a feasibility study for transferring monsters out of one wholesome sea into the other two wholesome seas. Maybe using your dimensional tunnels. My thought is that one sea could be harnessed for oceanic agriculture, improving food production on your planet. Preparing this assessment doesn't guarantee that we will ever actually attempt such a big change to your environment, but I want to figure if it could be done without causing more harm than good."

"The big guy means that there's no wrong answer," Jimmy added for Uberkwack's benefit. "On Earth, persons in high office have been known to command researchers to draw conclusions that the officeholders want to hear; but the majestic Truthside wants you to look for the actual truth about the sea-exploitation idea, not something made up to please the boss."

Uberkwack looked back and forth between the two heroes. "You certainly ARE making changes on Awkwardisp."

Truthside, in common with most of the superheroes now on the conquered/liberated planet, was confident that the nonhuman doctor's gratitude for merciful treatment was genuine. Still, Preston was not prepared to discuss one important subject with Uberkwack: the subject of superhero vulnerability.

Except for female stars in the most politically-correct fantasy movies, NO superhero could be completely omnipotent or indestructible. Preston/ Truthside already knew his mobility limitations: he could not run or fly nearly as fast as a Tonkrypian, and his organic wormhole-creation could only transport himself individually-- at least, so far. Then there was a vulnerability: he still needed oxygen. He could not be harmed by explosive decompression, he could store plenty of air compressed inside his lungs, and with an easy adjustment he could even breathe water; but it was POSSIBLE for him to die from suffocation, and spending enough time at a high altitude where the air was thin would slow him down. Also, if this counted as a weakness, he now had a different sleep cycle. It had become normal for Preston to sleep for fifteen or sixteen hours, then be fully active and alert for about twenty-five hours. The sleep cycle would be nearly impossible to conceal from people.

If he spoke to any medical professional about clarifying his power-versus-vulnerability situation, it would be Doc Slippage. Not only would his fellow hero be discreet, but Slippage had a magic-using fiancee who could possibly help.
 
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ON BUBBLEWRAP FIVE :

Security Chief Snack Salad, third in command of the diplomatic space station, was coming off of an uneventful command shift. Of course, anything milder than enemies breaching and boarding the station would seem uneventful after the scare-followed-by-relief when Corin Webber turned up alive AND captaining a Shadything warship.

Frank Stevia, Director of Medical Services, joined Snack to eat in the set-apart officers' mess, and shared some news.

"While you were on bridge watch, we wrapped up therapy for Sneekor Snoopicon" --meaning the Snitsnobbie telepath. "What the little rascal did to Sneekor inflicted no permanent injury; so I'm in favor of giving the same protection to J'Unkycar and other trustworthy persons."

Snack chortled. "Saying J'Unkycar's name and the word 'trustworthy' in the same sentence! It's true now, but three years ago--!"

"Don't forget," said Steve, "that when he was first posted here as an ambassador, he had no confidence that other star-nations would not side with Safari Prime against Planet Goldarnit. All Goldarns had cause to feel resentful and suspicious. But J'Unkycar's contributions to the war against the Shadythings earned plenty of respect for him, from five or six races which had never been very chummy with Goldarns before that. Now he is a purely positive influence here."

"So in short, you will recommend that Gross-Goo do his procedure to barricade J'Unkycar's brain against organic probing?"

"I've already filed my endorsement with Captain Broccoli and Lieutenant-Commander Cordwood."

The security chief's face turned harder and colder than Frank had ever seen it, even in wartime. "Then how about you endorse ME to receive the same upgrade?"

After ten or twelve seconds of silence, Frank asked, "Is it because of Brita Alkaselzer?"

"Yes. She's had plenty of time out among remote planets to finish her business. She might decide to show up here, demanding to be reinstated in her old position. You remember how she changed after the Shadything War: talking as if nobody but her had ever suffered any injustice or hardship. I want Gross-Goo to immunize not only me, but Josh, Elizabeth, Noherra, and YOU; even rank-and-file security personnel. If Brita comes back still choosing to think she's better than everybody else, we really need to make it so she CAN'T control the minds of people who carry plasma guns. For that matter, we should ask Gross-Goo also to protect everyone who works in the spacecraft docks, or on the station's power plants, or hull-integrity maintenance, or the communications systems. Drool should be immune to her already."

Snack's vehemence took Frank aback. "Whoa! Are you that bitter against Brita for spurning you?"

"No, I'm not. When Safari Prime sends a replacement for Sneekor Snoopicus, you can ask HIM to read MY mind before I get shielded. He'll verify that I still love Brita to this day-- against my will, but I don't wish her any harm. If this were the whole story, I could just forgive her and move on; and you know that I potentially have a highly satisfying direction to move in. But my sentiments don't change the fact that Brita gave in to arrogance and self-pity; and someone SO POWERFUL, acting like a surly teenager, is inherently a hazard to Bubblewrap Five. If we disarm the threat she represents, it will be SAFE to let her come back."

After another silent pause, Frank Stevia murmured, "I think everyone has been underestimating you, my friend."
 
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J'Unkycar of Goldarnit had once traveled with Brita Alkaselzer, looking for a liveable planet where telepaths could create their own society, with no "deaf people" (as they sometimes called non-psychics) to be afraid of them or "hate them for being different." When an acceptable vacant planet was claimed, and J'Unkycar parted company with the self-exiled mutants, colonists had programmed his ship to take him safely back to Goldarnit, without storing the coordinates of the newly colonized world.

They called their colonized planet Think Tank. Based on Earth paleontology, Think Tank was at a stage preceding the Age of Amphibians. The only land animals were invertebrates-- too mindless to be controlled by telepaths, but none of them were seriously dangerous. Native land vegetation was not digestible, but the soil would nourish the grain and vegetable seeds the colonists planted. Aquatic vegetation WAS edible, even containing vitamins A and C; and the native equivalents of Earth fish were nourishing and palatable. Think Tank had four small moons, and at least one was in the sky on any night, which reduced the need for artificial lighting.

Brita, as the most gifted psychic here, was naturally a leader, but not a tyrant. Whenever the community had important business to discuss, they did it wordlessly. Being telepaths did not exempt them from the need for hard manual labor, but it was all for the sake of a secure future. They defined Think Tank's "months" by the phases of the largest moon, which came to nineteen local days. Scarcely two Thinktanker months had passed before the pioneers forgot to keep reminding each other of how icky "deaf people" were for "hating everyone that was different."

Brita so far had not taken a husband or even a boyfriend. She could not forget that her complaints of bigotry had always been exaggerated and self-serving. Captain (President now) Bruce Loxbagel and his officer corps had never been that way. Least of all had Snack Salad been remotely like a hatemonger.

She knew she had never shown Snack the respect and appreciation he deserved. But the only compensation she could give him now was to stay away. Never complicate his life by returning to Bubblewrap Five, or even to any part of its general vicinity. And hope that the brave man who had loved her could find a woman who would value him in return as he had a right to be valued.

Heck, maybe even some woman who had green skin and tails on her head instead of hair, but was otherwise adequately human-like to enable a relationship.
 
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A Little Incident, Somewhere off to One Side......

Above the plains of an alternate Africa towered the Lion-Poop Rock. At the peak of the rock stood an old mandrill, who enjoyed a privileged position in return for being a shill for the apex carnivores. The mandrill held up to view a two-week-old male lion cub, and shouted to the assembled beasts:

"Behold the new king! He will carry on the regime when his father spins away in the great circle of life! The harmony of the oneness of the everything-ness will be maintained by lions continuing to EAT YOU! Isn't that wonderful?"

Below, an eland antelope muttered to a zebra: "What's wrong with this picture?"

The muttering spread.

As soon as the complacent lions descended from Lion-Poop Rock, a gigantic army of elephants, rhinoceri, hippopotami, giraffes, wart hogs, gorillas and Cape buffalo charged into them and killed every last lion, cubs included.

Leopards, cheetahs, crocodiles, pythons and wild dogs were next.

In the ensuing months, because herbivorous animals in THIS world had human intelligence and could speak with each other, they set about discussing how they could avoid disastrous over-population WITHOUT resigning themselves to being eaten by predators.
 
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More Changes Of Scene.......

On Planet Freesoil, Slick "Dark Headgear" Mudpackis, pirate Zoot Booter and their associates had gained so much acceptance from Boone Crockett's people, that they had almost forgotten that they had set out to do evil stuff.

Slick himself could always find a way that his Fuss powers would help the colony, such as levitating felled trees to the sawmill where they would be turned into beams and boards for construction. Perry Kusshun helped interested colonists to create acoustic musical instruments, so that this pioneer society would not forget the gift of music. And every member of the gang had scientific knowledge which could be helpful to their new neighbors. Even the nonhuman Greedorks in the group had been welcomed and given a place.

Only two of the interstellar criminals were not being useful: the young women Lylah and Krayzee, who both wanted to marry Dark Headgear. Lylah had never acquired any Fuss powers; consequently, she and Krayzee had remained equally matched in their conflict. Week after week, they had fought and fought and fought, and neither woman had ever conclusively won a fight. Right now, they were both bedridden in the colony's infirmary.

They were both so badly hurt that they couldn't even sit up without assistance. But by their mutually agreed-upon request, their beds had been placed close together, so each woman could extend a bandaged arm to conduct index-finger swordfights. Hating each other, and trying to imagine that they were accomplishing something by fighting, had become their only amusement.
 
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