The Adventures of the LFF Catlition (spin-off of my books)

[Mozart the Meerkitten]

My newest attempt at writing something called, "The Adventures of the LFF Catlition". It is a spin-off of my three books (The Tale of Mozart the Meerkitten, The Fire Kitten and Catlition) and contains silly stories about the LFF(Little furry friend) Catlition and basically what happens to them when they can afford to be "normal" kittens. My parents thought it sounded funny so I thought maybe you guys would get a few laughs out of it too. I think I might stick with this because its low-key and I can write some whenever I want. It seems like a bunch of short stories at first but they connect after awhile.

Anyway this is the life of the young LFF Catlition-ers on a "normal" day.

Now *ahem*......

The Adventures of the LFF Catlition​

Chapter one
Kit’s games​

Fireheart peered into the open kitchen window with her two brothers. They could smell the tantalizing scent of baking pies coming from within and were determined to steal one.
Fireheart was the leader. She was more trouble than any other kitten living at Reandalawo said some, and indeed it may very well have been true- for Fireheart had quite a reputation for being a mischief maker.

“Okay boys,” she whispered to her cohorts- Creamy and Jako, “Who’s goin’ in?”
“Its Jak’s turn, I’m sure it is.” Said Creamy.
“No its Cream’s turn, don’t let ‘im fool ya!” insisted Jako.
“Shh!!” hissed Fireheart, “D’ya want them to know we’re here? Dopes. I’ll go.”

The small orange kitten crept quietly into the kitchen and over to the counter where the pies were cooling. It took longer this way but the cooks had found that it was harder for them to be stolen if they weren’t in the windowsill. Indeed, this would’ve stopped most kittens from trying, but not Fireheart! Fireheart was a determined and troublesome little cat and she was not easily deterred.

After dragging a stool over so she could climb onto the counter Fireheart inspected the dozen or so little pies on the large metal sheet they were set on to be cooked. This was left under the pies as they cooled so that even if a kitten did get this far if they place their paws wrong they would be burnt by the hot surface. This didn’t bother Fireheart though- hotness never hurt her and she could never be burnt.

Stepping delicately onto the pie sheet she took her time selecting three for her and her brothers. She eventually settled on three mincemeat apple ones (mincemeat apple was Fireheart, Jako and Creamy’s favorite) and headed out with them- one stacked atop another in a neat little tower.

When she rejoined her partners in crime outside they were delighted. The three kittens then scurried off to find a place to eat their prizes.

****​

So what'cha think?

 

[Copperfox]

Cute! I was barely a paragraph into it when I unavoidably thought of "The three little kittens put on their mittens, and soon ate up the pie."

After that, I had to wonder: are Fireheart and her brothers larger than average housecat-kittens in our world? Or were the pies in question smaller than we are accustomed to seeing? If the answer to both questions is no, how WAS Fireheart able to move three pies physically from where they were cooling to where the other kittens were waiting? Didn't they have to be brought down from the counter and then raised up to the windowsill?

 

[MissReepicheep]

I was wondering the same thing. But it's a cute story.

 

[Zella]

They really are adorable. It's handy when you can't get burned.

 

[MissReepicheep]

They really are adorable. It's handy when you can't get burned.

Yeah, I was jealous of that cat for a little while. I get burned whenever I try to cook or pick up a pan!

 

[Mozart the Meerkitten]

Okay, sorry I didn't get back to this sooner but I was sick.

Anyway, in answer to your questions: Fireheart, her brothers and all the animals in this story are completely normal sized but they live in a world with no humans whatsoever so there is never any comparison of size between them.
Therefore everything is cat-sized; the buildings, the food, the fortress, ect...
(the fortress Reandalawo [Ren-da-law-o] though is about the height of a one-storey house and probably about the same length.)


So anyway...
(and these switch characters after each set of ***'s, the characters will eventually meet because they are all in the LFF Catlition but for now its just stating their mischievious ways and such)

And now for all you duffers out there:



“Okay now, one… two… THREE! FIRE!”

Caspian watched as the small red object flew gracefully through the air.
“C’mon, c’mon, that’s it, that’s it…” he willed it on.

“MRRRRROWWWW! CAAAAAAASPIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!”

Caspian hid a smug smile. His invention had worked.
He hurriedly hid himself inside the bushes near his test sight, pulling his contraption in with him. A moment later fluffy brown Dora the schoolmaster stomped over to where he had stood just moments before. On her face was splattered the plumpest tomato Caspian had been able to find.

“Caspian get out here this very moment! Or else I’ll tell your mother what you’ve been doing and she’ll… she’ll… well…” Dora paused. Everyone knew that Rita never punished her kittens more than a “You naughty little thing! Apologize this moment!” or if she was really “angry” she would make the troublemaker wash dishes.
“Alright well then, I’ll tell your father! When your mother isn’t around!”
Caspian cringed. Now that was a serious threat. This mother might be a softy but his father was a different matter. His father had grown up under a tough rule and he thought his kits ought to as well.

Yet which was worse? Dora or his father? At least his father might appreciate his invention, Dora on the other paw...
Dora definitly wouldn’t appreciate it.

So Caspian decided to appeal to a higher power than either Dora or his father.
Ribbony. Ribbony was Dora’s brother, his father’s mentor and the leader of Catlition. If anyone could help Caspian it was him.

Willing the wheels on his invention to not squeak Caspian crept off quietly to find Ribbony.


As it was Ribbony was already looking for him.
“Ah Caspian, Caspian, what’ve you done this time kit?” he asked when Caspian found him in the orchard.
“How’d you know I was in trouble?”
“I heard Dora scream your name. A pretty good indicator you’re in trouble. She has a scream just like her mentor Minna.” He chuckled, “And Minna screamed ALOT. So what was it this time?”
“I shot ‘er with this,” said Caspian throwing the old blanket he used as a cover off his contraption.
“Ah ha ha! You’re been listenin’ to Myrrh’s sea-tales haven’t you?” Ribbony chuckled.
“Well…” said Caspian sheepishly.
“A cannon, eh? I haven’t seen one in years!” Ribbony marveled as he inspected Caspian’s tomato cannon.

It was made from a hollowed out stone set atop stout boughs of oakwood. On one side there was a lever that was connected to a firing mechanism that one would pull to shoot projectiles. Caspian never told anyone save his sister Mozart how it actually worked so no one is completely sure how it was made and so it was the only kind of that cannon ever made in that time, and perhaps in all times.

“Well sis is gonna go crazy when she sees this! You say you shot her with a tomato? Ha! I’m gonna have to try that sometime… Oh look! Here comes old cranky fur herself! Ahem Dora! We were just talkin’ about you, what a quinky dink, eh? Quick hide the cannon kit!” hissed Ribbony.

Caspian got the cannon covered up again just as Dora arrived. She looked very annoyed and her ears were a bright red. She had wiped the tomato off her face for the most part but some was still sticking out of her fluffy brown fur, giving her an almost squirrel-ish look.
Caspian tried not to giggle at the sight of her.

“Ribbony I demand custody of this ruffian at once! This very moment I say!”
“Why sis? What’s ‘e done that’s so bad?”
“What’s he done? WHAT’S HE DONE?!? LOOK AT MY FUR YOU UNDERGROWN EXCUSE FOR A TREE-STUMP! IMBECILE!”
“Now sis that’s a little ‘arsh don’t ya think?” Ribbony said.
“NO I DO NOT! IM-BE-CI-LE!” screamed Dora.
“Looks like she’s ‘avin a temper-tantrum Casp, better run while you can! I’ll handle squirrelly here…” Ribbony whispered to his young protégé.
“DID I JUST HEAR YOU CALL ME SQUIRELLY?!?” demanded Dora as Caspian hurried off with his tomato cannon, confident that Ribbony would sort everything out and that if his parents found out he wouldn’t be punished too severely.

“Sometimes,” Caspian said to himself, “Its nice having a grown-up brother as your friend.”

****

 

[MissReepicheep]

That's sooo cute! I love it!

 

[Mozart the Meerkitten]

haha, glad you're enjoying these!




“I AM NOT WEARING A DRESS MOTHER!”

Dorthy stood staring at her mother with a shocked but determined look on her face. For her mother had just suggested the unthinkable.

Her mother wanted her to wear a dress!

It was crazy! Completely crazy! Dorthy, wear a dress? Dorthy?!? It would ruin her reputation as the scourge of Reandalawo if she did that! For of course anybody who was anybody knew about Dorthy’s reputation for being tomcatish. Mothers and old wives said it was outlandish, fathers were either impressed at her stamina or annoyed that their boys could be beaten by a girl.
Either way Dorthy tended to get into trouble more than even the average tomkitten and her mother had decided it was time for her to become a lady.
Unfortunately Dorthy’s mother did not seem to realize this was impossible and that it was folly to even try.

Rita- that is, Dorthy’s mother- had pulled out a beautiful pink dress with little blue flowers on it that she wanted Dorthy to wear for the winter festival.
“You’ll look simply lovely in it darling.” Rita told her reluctant daughter.
“Make Mozart wear it. Mozart’ll do anything.” Dorthy said defiantly.
“Mozart already has a dress dear, remember the little purple one tinged with gray? Besides this will go great with your light fur! Its such a pretty pale golden and the dress is such a bright pink…”
“Nope. I’m not gonna do it.” Announced Dorthy stubbornly.
“Oh yes you are!” said Rita with a sudden flash of spirit, “Even if I have to tie your paws behind your back and have your father carry you in like a sack, you will wear this dress! So you’d better start to like it!” and that was the end of it. For even Dorthy knew not to mess with one’s mother when one’s mother is angry.

Secretly though the little she cat said to herself, ‘That’s what you think.’

****

 

[MissReepicheep]

Ooh, I love it!!!! Dorthy's awesome!

 

[Mozart the Meerkitten]

Yes, crazy little tomcat girl Dorthy.




SPLASH!

Toto leapt out of the water- showering his two small companions in cool water. The two little she-cats leapt out of the way not quite in time and squeaked in mock-terror as they were covered in the not-quite-frozen stream water.

“Toto that’s cold! Why d’you have to do that?!?” demanded Pumpkin, a small fluffy orange kit.
“Aw a liddle water never hurt anyone Pumpkin!” insisted Toto, “And its just a joke you know.”
“Not a very funny joke iffin youse the one bein’ covered in freezin’ water!” retorted Tansy, the other kit who was a small tortoiseshell.
“Humph! Girls! Can’t take a joke.” Grumbled Toto as he shook himself free of the water still clinging to him.

Toto was a sleek golden-furred tomcat who was not quite seven months old. Much to the surprise of his parents he was extremely athletic and strong for his age and loved to swim and race. He was sleek and fast on both land and water and had a unique set of semiretractable claws that allowed him to grip the ground as he was running and not loose his balance easily- much like a legendary cheetah.

Toto was supposed to be catching fish for the winter celebration that night but had gotten caught up with playing with Tansy and Pumpkin. Eventually though they had become so chatty (and rather annoying) that Toto had run to the stream and leapt in.
This was rather alarming to Tansy and Pumpkin who waited anxiously by the bank to see when Toto would reemerge. So naturally they had been somewhat surprised to see him leap out of the water as if it were completely normal.

“So I suppose you two girls ought to be letting me get on with my job now, eh?” said Toto.
“Oh, well can’t you catch us a fish and we’ll take it back to the kitchen for you?” suggested Pumpkin, flashing her brown eyes at him innocently.

Toto laughed.
“With you two it’d never get there!”

****

 

[Copperfox]

I see that the famous tomato cannon has been retrieved from the hole at the bottom of the sea!

 

[Mozart the Meerkitten]

Frodo crept silently from his hiding place behind the great pillar; then he swiftly tuck-rolled underneath the enormous table.

This would be his greatest prank yet! It would be astounding, amazing and most hilarious!
Frodo and his two sisters Shadow and Smokey were the most famous pranksters in Reandalawo, along with their friend Caspian of course.

Frodo motioned for his sisters to follow him. Smokey was carrying a sheathed carving knife and Shadow had two files. Frodo had been carrying a blanket and some rope.

The two small cats slipped in beside him. They crawled over to the great chair at the head of the table where Jako- the leader of the creatures who lived there- would sit that evening at the winter feast.
“Smokes you carve, Shadow and I will slice the legs.” Ordered Frodo.
Smokey got to work. Smokey was great at carving nice round holes in things as well as little enough to crawl under the chair and lay upside-down to do her work.

They would pull a prank on Jako and nobody would know!
Jako often acted as a father to the kits by playing with them and joking with them but unfortunately he also had a tendency to punish them when they were bad- just like a father. For you see Frodo, Shadow and Smokey (or FSS as they had been nicknamed) had no known father, only their “crazy” mother, Tori.

So since nobody pulled a prank on their mother and Jako was the closest thing to a father FSS had it made sense to pull a prank on him… or so they thought.

Frodo chiseled away at the front legs of the chair while Shadow hung the blanket around the back end of the chair so no one would see their handiwork.
‘This will be fun.’ He thought, ‘Very, very fun.’

****

 

[Copperfox]

Have you ever heard of "The Katzenjammer Kids"? That was one of the _earliest_ popular comic strips, featuring two little German boys named Hans and Fritz, who constantly played nasty practical jokes. That last name, in which the J is pronounced like Y, literally meant "Cats Yammering."

 

[Mozart the Meerkitten]

Have you ever heard of "The Katzenjammer Kids"? That was one of the _earliest_ popular comic strips, featuring two little German boys named Hans and Fritz, who constantly played nasty practical jokes. That last name, in which the J is pronounced like Y, literally meant "Cats Yammering."

No, I haven't, but thats really funny anyway. xD

 

[Zella]

Awesome. I'm interested to see how Dorthy's going to get out of wearing the dress and how Frodo's prank is going to turn out.

 

[Mozart the Meerkitten]

Mozart was curled up in the uppermost branches of the tallest tree in the orchard of Reandalawo. Her eyes were closed, feigning sleep, though she really was listening and thinking.

Young and old voices alike chattered, yelled and catcalled(literally) to one another below her. She could discern some- Dora’s yelling, Fire’s giggles, Pumpkin and Tansy’s frightened squeals, Ribbony’s loud cheerful voice, Dorthy’s annoyed cries…
Ah yes, what a purrfectly wonderful day for a doze in the orchard.

She had just settled down to really sleep when she remembered something; her little journal she always kept had been neglected that day and the day before.
“Ahh… Oh does time fly.” She muttered as she stood, daintily placing tiny paws on her thin branch.

Mozart opened her journal, took out her charcoal-pencil and began to write:

‘Date-the twelfth month, the year 4050 by Myrrh the elder’s count;

Ah today! All are busy and merry today! For tonight is the night of the great Winter’s Feast and Festival. Not even Myrrh can remember when the tradition of having a great feast on winter’s first day started it is so old. I believe we shall have some snow today… I hope so! Myrrh says it always snows on the first day of winter.
My little LFF Catlition is doing well… I think… I heard Dora shouting for Caspian a moment ago though and Dorthy yelling not long after… Hmm, crazy siblings. Toto is fishing, with Tansy and Pumpkin I do think. Frodo, Shadow and Smokey are somewhere causing trouble… I heard they are going to pull a big prank on my father tonight! Silly kits. Fire, Creamy and Jako (the second of course) are probably also doing mischief… ah I know my friends too well! “Secrets” is not a word to me it seems.
Aha! Even as I write a tiny snowflake settles on my nose. I smile at it as it melts, for I know there will be many more to follow it.

I hear my mother calling for me, so I’d best be off! Tata my journal! Until tomorrow!

-Mozart the Meerkitten, 6 ½ months’

****

 

[Zella]

Snow would be fitting for a winter feast.

 

[Mozart the Meerkitten]

Night found Reandalawo in such an uproar as it had not been in for years. For some things were running too slow, for others too fast. Kits* ran about under everyone’s feet, causing trouble, surprisingly with the absence of FSS and Caspian. This had everyone feeling that something particularly eventful was going to happen that night.
And indeed the night was going to be even more interesting than most thought.

Caspian was hiding from Dora and had disguised himself by pulling the hood of his cloak over his head and had hidden his tomato cannon in a little shed behind the Main Building. He intended to bring it out later after the grown-ups had gone off to talk or sleep and then start a food-fight with the younger members.

Ribbony was trying to keep Dora from finding Caspian and murdering him. The she-cat was well-learned and a decent teacher, but she was hot-tempered and had little patience.
“She didn’t used to be like that,” Ribbony had tried to convince the young creatures in Reandalawo, “She used to be sweet and nice an’ tenderhearted. Loved me as much as any sister ever loved a brother she did.” But the youngsters would only nod their heads respectively and then snicker when his back was turned.

Frodo and his sisters had locked themselves in their room, waiting for the feast to begin and for their plan to be put into action.
Unfortunately for them somebody else knew about their plan too.

Mozart was running around helping everyone get ready for the feast and the festivities to follow. There was by now a generous portion of snow on the ground outside and it was most likely that a snowball fight would ensue later.



*Kits refer to all the young creatures- mice, cats, squirrels, ect.

 

[Mozart the Meerkitten]

Chapter two
The Ensuing Insanity​

At last everything was ready; every last detail taken care of, every last thing in place. All the creatures from Reandalawo and the surrounding land of Freedom Forest were there for the great Winter Feast and Festival.
The fish Toto had caught earlier were a main dish, along with a kind of stuffing and mashed potatoes. There were also cranberries and pies (both meat and fruit filled) and the predominant drink was sparkling grape juice.

To the disappointment of FSS though Jako had not yet sit in his chair so their handiwork could not yet be seen. Instead Reandalawo’s leader was proposing a toast.

“My good friends, fellow creatures, we are gathered here today to witness and enjoy an age-old tradition of the Winter’s Feast. In light of this I would like to propose a toast: a toast to the Great White Cat! Who protects us and guides us! He is our true leader this day!”
There were resounding ‘Aye’s!’ from the animals.

Then everyone went to sit down. Jako plopped down into his at the head of the table. Frodo and his sisters waited but nothing happened. The chair did not collapse, those around did not gasp or yell, everything went on normally.
“What went wrong?” Smokey whispered to him.
“I dunno. Maybe we didn’t file all the way through?”
“The seat’d still have collapsed in the center. I sawed through it real well, remember?” insisted the little gray cat.

At that moment Frodo heard a cracking noise and the chair he was sitting in promptly collapsed, with him falling into the middle of it. He let out a squeak of surprise and heard a giggle from somewhere. Turning his head rather awkwardly to one side he could make out his little siblings, Fireheart, Jako II and Creamy, laughing at him.

“Why you liddle ‘alf siblins! I oughta…”
“Oh what’cha gonna do Frodo? You’re all stuck up, ain’t ya?” laughed Fire.
“Or rather stuck down!” sniggered Creamy.
“Silly big bro’ter, never let your liddle siblings see the pranks your plannin’!” added Jako II.
Smokey and Shadow helped Frodo out of his chair and Shadow went to get him another one as Smokey inspected it.
“Yup it’s the one we worked on it is.” She confirmed, “They sawed the top off, or burnt it off- you know them, liddle pyromaniacs- and then took the furnishings off an’ set it up as a normal chair. Imps.”

 

[Zella]

Ha, ha! So much for FSS's prank!