Write a note to the person above you II

Freckles and Glen,

I might have eaten the search feature.

Deepest apologies (from the bottom of my stomach),
GG
 
GG,

You have to go to therapy. And sit down and listen to the therapist. Don't eat them, it's not how therapy works. Please. There are other verbs which are fun to execute: 'execute', for instance, and 'play footsies', and 'cliffsplat'. Try these for a change. I beg you.

Sincerely
Freckles
 
Dear GG,

Freckles did not volunteer to be your therapist (for obvious reasons). You should not have eaten her. Haven't you ever thought about the morality of all this eating? Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins, after all.

In your best interest,
Glen
 
Dear Freckles,

Of course you would. And then you would tell them that they owed you their firstborn child in exchange. You see, I know how this works.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Freckles,

Or, maybe, I will steal things from your garden, because I don't like my children and want you to be the one to tell them to brush their teeth for the one hundred forty-fourth time.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Freckles,

Or, maybe, I will steal things from your garden, because I don't like my children and want you to be the one to tell them to brush their teeth for the one hundred forty-fourth time.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glenburne,

Is that what British teeth mean? Their mommies didn't love them enough? Oh, that is so sad.

Excuse me while I ring up 64,000,000 people and tell them that I love them & to brush their teeth right now.

Sincerely,
Freckles
 
Dear Freckles,

And how exactly are you going to pay for all these calls? Also, aren't you worried that you'll accidentally call a policeman, and that he might consider you a stalker?

Granted, being a stalker is better than being an impaler. But still.

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glenburne,

Firstly, I have a flat rate (if that's what it's called in English).

Secondly, I sincerely hope there are a few policemen among a population of 64,000,000!

Thirdly, people as deprived of love as they seem to be would not attach to stalkers the negative attributes which sadly have come to be associated with them in other parts of the world. Needless to say, the DLF is having the time of his (life) over there.

Sincerely,
Freckles
 
Dear Freckles,

Is impaling stalkers your way of announcing that you aren't one? Or are you trying to start an inter-stalker war?

Sincerely,
Glen
 
Dear Glenburne,

I don't know. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing; we will only be able to tell in hindsight and with professional help why I did what I did. And don't call in the literary critics. Their professional opinion isn't very helpful to me.

Pointedly,
Freckles
 
Dear Freckles,

Sorry, too late. One of the literary critics says he can see how your impaling serves the interests of the bourgeois and is intended to prevent the workers from attempting revolution. Another says that you have been trapped in a metanarrative of impalation, and that if you can deconstruct it, you will be able to take back the power that has been stolen from you.

Sincerely,
Glen

P. S. I just realized that postmodernist literary theories sound a lot like fantasy novels....
 
Dear Glen,

Yes it does.

On another note, I just touched my screen in order to post on this thread because my computer is a touchscreen. I'm now thinking about how almost 10 years ago when I joined this forum the idea of a touchscreen computer would have been so fascinating.

Now it mostly reminds me of working at fast food restaurants.

GG
 
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